Disclaimer- I do not own grey's anatomy and this is a purely fictional story

Derek POV

I should have told her, but I couldn't. I was afraid I would lose her and now I probably have anyway. I can't explain to her how I feel, the way that she brings out the best in me. I could only compete with Addison, with Meredith, we work together.

To watch the pain and hurt in her eyes as Addison stood there was part of my worst nightmare. I would never intentionally hurt the woman I care about, but I have.

I watched her run like she would never come back. It was never just "the intern screwing the attending". No, it was more than that. I was going to ask her to move in with me tonight, to make it official and then Addison showed up. This is the one person I want to spend my life with and start a family one day and Addi messes it all up.

Addison was just the affair during my internship that went to far. Too many expectations from parents and her luring ways. When she wanted something she manipulated people to get it, and I was the one manipulated. The hospital staff named us the super-surgical-duo. I should have realised long before I found her with my best mate in bed that she wasn't the one for me. Work absorbed too much of our time and it could never have worked. We were both so demanding of each other. Meredith is different though, we have to compromise a little but it still works out. Webber told me Addison was not the woman for me all those years ago and I didn't listen….the biggest mistake of my life.

From the moment I met Meredith I couldn't deny those sparks flying, were not just sex (though the sex is good!). I have to go after her and make her understand but she isn't going to want to see me anytime soon I'd say, let alone listen to what I have to say. I want the world to know I love Meredith, but I just don't know how to prove it to her, words are useless at this point.

Derek finished his near midnight vigil of putting his thoughts on paper. Usually it made his head clearer, but today if anything he was more confused as to how to explain everything to Meredith than ever. He turned to get his stuff out his locker and the note pad fell without him noticing into the locker below. Without so much as a backwards glance a very tired and emotionally exhausted Derek headed for home.

Izzy POV

"I'm exhausted George, hurry up and finish those charts; I'm going to change out of my scrubs. Meet me in the locker room in 10 minutes okay?" said Izzy

"Lucky for some," muttered George "Why do I always get charts? What am I, a nurse?"

Izzy opened her locker and was grabbing oodles of stuff she had stored for weeks. Damn, she thought, I should really clean this out more often! Hey wait a minute….there's something not mine in here. I might know there is a lot of junk in my locker but I know exactly what is in there and this was not put there by me….

It was a notebook, a black leather bound book that fell open as she took it out the locker. It had a rather familiar scrawl on it and for a moment Izzy thought "no, it couldn't be…"

Izzy read the page it was opened to… " I want the world to know I love Meredith…."

Good grief it was Derek's diary or notebook, or whatever!

Izzy heard a door slam, so she quickly stuffed the book into her bag.

"Finally," George said, "Only half an hour until I can sleep. This has been the day from hell! I am so sick of charts."

"Yeh, don't worry Bambi, we know you're the best at 'em that why we give them to you," replied Izzy playfully.

"Ha, just because you never have to do charts," retorted George

"Come on, let's go home. My pillow is calling!" said Izzy

Izzy decided against telling George or anyone else about the book she had found just yet. She wanted to keep it a secret for now at least.

The two interns headed home and collapsed- well at least George did! Izzy went to her room and took out the book. She couldn't believe Derek wrote this. It was his writing for sure, she had seen it on that many charts and on the OR board, and from the sound of things he was head over heels for Meredith. She began to skim the book, skipping parts about sex, deciding that was to much information! (After all she heard it all anyway they were so loud). She got to the last entry. Wait a minute? He has a wife? No make that had a wife? They're separated and she won't sign the divorce papers. Okay, Izzy thought, well this is….wait a minute does Meredith know? Was this why she was so upset today? From what she just read it sounded like Meredith found out this afternoon. Uh oh…trouble in paradise. Derek loved Meredith like a fairytale prince, but his past had come back to haunt him. Meredith had to know the truth!

Back at the House

Meredith was sound asleep. Izzy knew she must have had a pretty rough day from Derek's entry but this warranted waking her up.

"Mer…." Izzy shook her friend's shoulders

"Izzy…what do you want? It's my sleep time, you know that precious little amount we get during the 72 hour working week?" mumbled Meredith

"No I really have to show you something Mer…I found Derek's diary!" said Izzy

Meredith sat bolt upright in bed. "What?" she exclaimed

"Yes" said Izzy impatiently, "It fell though his locker underneath to mine! I found it at the end of my shift."

"Izzy this better not be a fictitious diary you have made up to try to make peace with me and him. It not going to work, trying to get us back together for your sanity's sake!"

"Mer, firstly you never told me about this afternoon, so how would I have known if I didn't find this? George and I assumed you got a lift home with McDreamy early so that why we couldn't find you! And secondly, look it's his writing…" Replied Izzy

The page stared up at Meredith in black and white and sure enough it was Derek's doctor scrawl. Meredith was mesmerised…Izzy decided it was best to leave her to decide what to do with the book and headed back to bed.

Meredith POV

"What am I to do with this?" thought Meredith She started at page one and decided to read from there. Maybe it would tell her about why Derek was a lying, cheating rat, she thought unfavourably

It told her the tale of Derek coming to Seattle Grace- his wife had cheated on him- with his best friend no less! He met Meredith and he loved her more than Addison ("What?" thought Meredith "They are separated?") and he wanted to spend all his time with her. It was clearly written in black and white doctor's scrawl on the page. Meredith could not deny that. She didn't even have time to think, her alarm sounded. "Ugh time to get up" she thought.

Meredith padded downstairs to find food. "Has Izzy read this?" she wondered.

She needed girl talk. Her head was spinning from the nights events.

She walked into the kitchen and did a double take! What the hell was going on here? Flowers of every kind in every conceivable place in the room! There was a note on the table.

"I can't tell you how much I love you, you won't believe me at this point. So my only option is to show you how much you mean to me. I'm sorry for the shock of yesterday; I should never have kept that from you. Please meet me at the coffeehouse on 3rd Avenue for breakfast at 7, we need to talk. Love, Derek"

"Damn! I forgot he still had a spare key" muttered Meredith

Izzy wandered into the kitchen "Good lord Mer! I think he has it bad for you" she exclaimed at the sight of all the flowers. "Maybe you should go give him a second chance?"

"Should I go? But…" trailed Meredith

"Meredith! Go! Save your McDreamy! Cried Izzy

Meredith ran out the door, Izzy was right

When she arrived at the coffeehouse Derek was not to be seen. Meredith looked around. "That rat, he stood me…Oh wait there he is!" she thought. He was sitting in the corner looking very nervous muttering something to himself and tearing a napkin into tiny pieces.

He looked up and spotted her. A tentative smile crossed his face, and then hers. She went over and sat down. Neither knew what to say and it was a rather awkward moment. Finally she spoke. "Derek I have to be at the hospital in an hour…"

"I know, so do I. Who cares, we can be late. Come on we aren't eating here anyway. What coffee do you want?" he replied.

They got coffee and Derek took her to the harbour with the Ferry boats. "Derek is there somewhere I can eat here because you told me to come out for breakfast and I cant starve for a 48 hour shift you know" Meredith said sounding slightly pissed off

With that he pulled a picnic basket and rug out from the backseat of the car. "Breakfast Mer?" you think I'd let you starve?" He said playfully

"I was beginning to wonder!" she said sarcastically

They set up the picnic rug to watch the ferry boats

"Mer…" started Derek

"Yes…." Meredith said

"I love you…." whispered Derek

"I know" whispered Meredith "I know about Addison and that you love me more than her. I know you want to announce to the whole world you love me" She grinned and poked her tongue out at him.

"You read my diary?" Derek went white

Meredith explained how Izzy had found it. "I read it this morning because she thought I should. I love you too Derek, oh and the sex isn't bad either!"

Derek playfully tickled her

"So" he said, becoming very nervous all of a sudden, "Look up at the stars, they are fading and it looks like a nice day…"

Meredith looked up and then back at Derek. By the time she did look around he was grinning and kneeling on one knee in front of her. Meredith laughed at him. "Derek what are you doing?" she smiled.

"Will you marry me Meredith Grey? Let's do this right, because you're the only one I want," declared Derek

Meredith couldn't believe this was happening. She was getting married to Derek! "Yes!" she exclaimed, as Derek slipped the ring he was holding onto her finger

"I was afraid you would say no," he said. "I don't think I could've handled that!"

"You know you're irresistible", she murmured and they collapsed into each others arms on the blanket. Yep, they were going to be late for work!