A/N: I couldn't get the Internet to work on my computer until now, which is why this chapter's so late. But dammit! I broke my thus-far perfect record of an update every week. Better late than never, though, right? Oh, hey, some of you may be interested to know that I've come up with an ending for the whole Al trilogy. I know that it won't come for months (probably years), but I just wanted to tell you that the ending in the works is =awesome=. Y'all are in for something special if you stick with me 'til the end.

Disclaimers: Fanfiction. From the root words 'fan' and 'fiction'. I am but a lowly fan with no money, and this is merely a harmless work of fiction. Simple.

Chapter 5: The Riders of Rohan - - -

The Riders expertly steered their horses to surround Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli. A man, apparently their leader, rode forward. He had on multi layers of protective gear, a really dirty helmet over his equally dirty face, and he was equipped with more weapons than he could ever possibly use at one time. He exuded a rough masculinity that (almost) rivalled Aragorn's own.

"What business do a Man, an Elf, and a Dwarf have in the Riddermark?" he asked commandingly.

"Gimme yer name, an' I shal gi' ye mine," Gimli said in a suddenly pronounced Irish accent.(1)

Dude, he said =dwarf=, not leprechaun.

"Screw you." I assume Gimli was directing that remark to me, but the leader of the Riders didn't know that. Boy, was he mad.

"I would cleave your head from your shoulders if you stood but a little higher," he said with a growl.

"Yea? An' ye'll miss it if ya try!" Gimli the Leprechaun returned.

"I doubt I could miss something that large and grotesque!" the manly leader shot back.

"Hey, nobody but I am allowed to insult the Dwarf thus!" Legolas jumped in.

The manly leader turned his attention to Legolas. "You wanna go, bitch?" he sneered.

Legolas whipped his arrows out and levelled at the offending man. Oh yeah, that's great. You do know that they have like fifty spears, right?

Aragorn thought that the hormone-driven macho posing had gone too far. Concerned for Legolas's sanity---er, safety, he decided to defuse the situation. "I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn. This is Legolas, a prince of Mirkwood. The Dwarf is Gimli, son of Glóin. We are friends of Rohan and your king, Théoden."

"Théoden no longer recognizes friend from foe," the man replied with a manly sigh. "Not even his own kin." He signalled his men to relax their spears, then took off his helmet.

All three of our pals gave a quiet gasp of amazement.

Okay, I'm lost. I assume they're not gasping at the stringiness of his hair or the dirtiness of his face. But if not that, then what?

"Eomer, the king's nephew!" Aragorn exclaimed, mostly for my benefit.

Thank you.

Eomer nodded solemnly. "All those who are loyal to Rohan and its people have been banished under pain of death. Saruman's eyebrowless, spineless, =heartless= slave-puppet, Grima, has control now. He takes advantage of our once-strong king and drives our people to destruction," he took a moment to tone down his anger before he burst a capillary. "Soon, Rohan will fall completely and irrevocably into the hands of Saruman."

The White Wizard is cunning, I commented.

"Yes, he---wait, what the hell was that?"

The spears all pointed at Aragorn & Legolas & Gimli again.

Aragorn explained the situation calmly. "What you have just heard was the voice of Sauron's One Ring. A Fellowship of nine set out from Rivendell to destroy the Ring, but we found out that the legends of old have been mistaken. Sauron's powers do not lie in the Ring. In fact, the Ring is not evil at all, and possesses no powers except the ability to speak and see all. It is on our side now, helping us gather valuable information through the use of its Sight."

Eomer nodded in understanding.

Hey, wait, what the fuck? It took me months---MONTHS---to convince Frodo of my innocence. Months, you hear me? And I lived with him for twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. This guy here, he just believes you like that?! You don't even =look= trustworthy!

"Sometimes, it is best to ignore it," Aragorn advised quietly, as though I wouldn't hear that.

"Right. Well, I apologize for our over-cautiousness. There are spies everywhere in these lands."

"We are no spies," Aragorn assured him. "We're simply in search of a large band of Orcs and Uruk-Hai."

Eomer cleared his throat. "We were very frustrated and angered last night, for we still had not come to terms with our exile...we drowned our sorrows in the only way true men would."

"You killed every last one of the Uruks?" Aragorn asked. Eomer affirmed it.

I find it very sad that Strider knew exactly what he was talking about.

"There were two hobbits there," Gimli said, bringing us back to the actual point. "Did you see two hobbits?"

"We left none alive. We piled all the carcasses and burned them."

Aragorn and Legolas exchanged a knowing look. "Therein is the reason we were so randy last night!" Legolas muttered. "The smell of burning monster flesh always turns me on," Aragorn agreed.

Ahem. Ooooooooooooooooookay. So not gonna go there.

"The hobbits are most likely dead. I am so sorry for your loss," Eomer continued, having the good fortune of missing that exchange entirely. He actually looked like he meant it, too. The thought of having killed two lovable hobbits wracked him with guilt...which multiplied tenfold when Legolas started to pout.

"Merry. Pippin." Legolas's bottom lip trembled.

Eomer snapped his fingers hastily. His Riders brought forth two of the most beautiful horses ever bred for nobility. "May you accept our condolences and deep regret," Eomer said, handing over the reigns.

Dude, those horses in exchange for the Dynamic Duo? That's a really fucking great deal. Those horses are better, cleaner, smarter, stronger, and more useful than the hobbits ever were.

The Riders, satisfied that they had sufficiently atoned for their hobbitcide, rode off northwards.

Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli stood alone in the countryside once again. Legolas still looked like he might cry. Gimli looked pretty bummed, too.

C'mon guys, cheer up. I've got an inkling that Merry and Pippin aren't dead. It can't be =that= easy to shut them up forever. I'll try to locate them, and then contact you gentlemen later, okay?

"Fine," Aragorn agreed, swinging up onto one of the horses.

I quickly stopped looking in on that part of the world. They were going to investigate the dead Orc pile. God knows I really don't need to see Legolas and Aragorn having freak-deaky sex next to a pile of corpses.

"Are you sure they might still be alive?" Frodo asked me, eyes going wide(r) at the thought of his little hobbit friends dying.

Trust me. I don't even need to concentrate to find them. I can hear them squealing and being annoying all the way from here.

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