A/N: Hi, everyone. ::ducks from the volley of thrown objects:: I know, I know. This update is kind of a little on the late side. But I have been really, really, REALLY busy. If any of you are familiar with the International Baccalaureate program, you'll know what kind of busy I'm talking about. For those who don't, just take my word for it. I'm studying my ass off, doing five hours of homework a night, and not getting any sleep. And the worst part is, I actually want to write. I have all these awesome ideas, but no time! Damn, damn, damn, damn! I swear, I'll try my best to keep all future updates within a month of the last one. I swear! And I've gotta say, all of you are the world's bestest readers for putting up with my tardiness. You rock.

Disclaimers: I forgot to put one up last chapter, and I haven't been nailed by the Copyright Police yet, so I'm starting to question the useful nature of these disclaimer things.

Chapter 8: Gandalf is Not Dead

Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli whirled around, their weapons at ready for anything. Well, almost anything. Not quite this, though.

"GANDALF?!?!?!" they all gasped.

Gandalf the Wizard, looking resplendent in his glowing white robes, smiled benignly, and nodded.

"But...but...you're dead!" Gimli said in a voice hushed with awe.

"I am very much alive," Gandalf assured him.

"No, you are most definitely dead," Legolas said.

Gandalf frowned. "No, I am not."

"Yes you are," Aragorn said.

"I am not dead."

"Yes you are!"

"I am not!"

"Yes you---"

Guys? Guys. I'm inclined to think that the dude is not dead.

"Alfonso!" Gandalf said to me. "You're not dead either!"

Whoa, hey. Before we get all excited and throw a 'yay, we're not dead' party, there are some things you and I have to discuss. Aside from dead, you know what I'm also not? Free. Happy. Unthreatened by imminent death. Away from Sam. And do you know whose fault it is that I'm not any of those things? Yours.

Gandalf coughed. "Spare an old man, dear Al. I've been through hell and back. I had to fight the Balrog, and then claw my way back up to the light, kicking and gasping for breath. And then I had to don the awesome responsibility of being a White Wizard, because Saruman is obviously unfit for the task..."

Yeah, no sympathy points from me, geezer. Although, I do wonder...why is it that you can go through all that, wear all white, walk through the forest, and stay spotlessly clean, while Aragorn looks like crap?

"I do not look like crap...the rugged look is sexy," Aragorn informed me tartly. Legolas agreed fervently.

"Now, gentlemen, this is not a time to fool around. We have urgent matters to attend to," Gandalf said gravely.

Ooh, ooh, ooh! You're gonna rescue me?

"Uh...no. These are dark times we live in. War is about to break out across the land. It will start in Rohan. We must get to Edoras with haste."

And what about me?

"Well..." Gandalf looked embarrassed.

"It's okay, we know that the Ring is not evil," Aragorn said.

"Really?" Gandalf raised an eyebrow. "Then why did you send him off to Mount Doom?"

"It was getting really messy, with nine people and all that. We were getting attacked left and right. Plus, the Fellowship was pretty evenly split about the Ring; some thought it was evil, some did not. So Frodo figured that the best thing to do was just to take it himself, pretend to be going to Mount Doom as expected, and then think of a plan on the way. But then Sam took it upon himself to follow them, and now he's pushing for the Ring to be killed." Aragorn summarized.

"Oh. Huh. You've managed to make an even bigger mess of this whole thing than I thought was possible," Gandalf said, sounding impressed.

And to think, it all started because a certain somebody told a complete LIE about me, and then wasn't responsible enough to deal with the consequences and fix everything he broke.

"Oh, Alfonso, I really am sorry. I promise, I will try my best to come up with something in the near future. I give you my word that---"

Oh, stuff it. I've had enough from all of you, swearing to help me and then never following through with it. I won't be deceived again!

"Oh, lovely," Legolas muttered to himself. "A temper tantrum."

Go fight your stupid little war, I told them petulantly.

They tramped their way out of the forest in awkward silence. Gandalf whistled, and three horses magically appeared out of nowhere. They got on, and rode off in what was presumably the direction of Edoras. Gandalf tried to talk to me a few times, and make pathetic excuses for his unpardonable behaviour. I got reeeeeally tired of it, though, and so I zoned back in to my own present reality.

Which was a really, really bad idea.

Because the very first thing that greeted me was the sight of the Black Gate.

TBC

ps- Again, I apologise if this chapter was sucky. I'm at school, and someone was wheedling me to hurry up so he could use the computer. Plus, I'm had like four hours of sleep. I promise you the next one will be better if you'll just give me a chance. And review.