A/N: I tried to update last week, but ff(dot)net was all wonked-up and wouldn't let me upload anything. So, for once, the lateness was not my fault. On another note, I really need you people to be more supportive. Hear me out here; I'm spending precious study time writing this for the enjoyment of all. I don't wanna feel like no one even cares. The least you could do is let me know you've read the chapter. Like, a pat on the back would be nice, too. Or even bitchy, negative feedback. I just want a response!!! Am I all alone?!?! Are you there??? Hellooooo????? Also, you might notice that this chapter is longer than usual. That's because I feel guilty for not updating more often. See, it's give and take. I did my part, so do yours and review! Oh, and one more thing. This chapter gets a little angst-heavy at the end. Mordor is starting to get to everyone. (By angst-heavy, I mean more angst than the usual amount, which is none. It's not, like, actually sad or anything...)

Disclaimers: Na na, na na na na boo boo! Look, ma, no disclaimer!

Chapter 9: The Black Gate - - -

The infamous Black Gate loomed threateningly, no further than a hundred steps away.

Y'know, it's not really all that Black. It's more of a grey. Silver, in some parts.

Frodo, Sam, and Gollum all gave me a look that was a mixture of staring and glaring.

What? I'm just saying! I make colourful and witty commentary to mask my fear. It's a defence mechanism I hold onto, when all else has either failed or abandoned me.

Frodo eyed the scary, armed Uruk guards lurking on top of the Gate. "Shut. Up," he hissed.

Oh, I'm sorry, Frodo, I should've asked your permission for breathing. Christ, who died and made you my mother?

"That doesn't even make sense, Ring. Just shut up and let me think of a way to solve all our problems."

My brilliant retort was lost forever, as just then a loud rumbling shook the ground. Great. Loud rumbling---always a good sign.

We looked down, and SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THINGS HOLY!

"Shut up!" Frodo said, giving me a smack.

Well, sorry for being surprised that A BILLION ARMED SOLDIERS are storming through!

"You are going to get us all killed," Frodo muttered darkly to himself.

Nonsense. The clanking of their armour is way too loud for them to hear little ol' me from so far away. Give the diva act a rest, Frodo. …Hey, why'd they all stop? What is that, a foghorn?

A loud 'tooooooooooooot' signalled the opening of the Gate. Apparently, these people knew nothing of basic physics, pulley systems, levers, gears, or even lubrication for the hinges. The Gates had to be opened via many strong people shoving at once, and it gave several loud squeals and moans that sounded vaguely like the ones that come from Aragorn and Legolas's sleeping quarters late at night. I guess they shouldn't have spent all the money on the shiny silver siding; should've saved some for WD-40, or something.

The Gate eventually opened with a final groan. Sam saw his opportunity.

"We can sneak in now, Mr. Frodo!" he said excitedly, apparently not seeing the previously mentioned billion armed soldiers.

Frodo tried to stop him, but he was already scrambling over the rocks we were on, trying to find a way down. And, with classic hobbit adroitness, he tripped over his own feet and went tumbling down.

"SAM! NO!"

Oh, so when I say something, it's waaay too loud, but you can scream all you want. I see how it is.

Frodo ignored me and ran down after Sam. Unfortunately, I couldn't just ignore Frodo and let him kill himself, because I was attached to his neck.

Whoa now, no need to get all heroic and risk my life too. Frodo? Frodo, seriously, you're freaking me out. Easy now, steady on. Great, now we're falling too. Steady on. Shit, would it have killed you to show a smidgen of courtesy and take me off before you hurl yourself off a cliff? At the very least, you should've, y'know, warned me.

We finally reached Sam, in a flurry of flying pebbles. Fuck, I think that little plummet took ten years off my life. And…dude. Sam. How in all hell did you manage to get yourself wedged shoulders-deep into tightly packed gravel just by falling? Your stupidity never ceases to amaze.

Frodo worked on digging him out while I took advantage of his inability to move his arms and taunted him. Before we could crawl our way back up to safety, though, two of the guards broke ranks and sauntered over towards us. Frodo, I think we've been spotted!

Frodo, to his credit, acted with more resourcefulness than I thought he possessed. He quickly whipped his cloak over us, covering us up. From the blank looks on the soldiers' faces when their eyes passed right over us, I could guess that the cloak had to be doing some sort of magic.

See, I've always loved those Elves and their marvellous inventions.

"No you haven't," Sam whispered back.

"Does no one know how to keep quiet in the face of danger," Frodo ground out between his teeth.

Despite Frodo's fears that we would be discovered, the soldiers went away. We clawed back up the rocks and hid in relative safety. When the last of the soldiers made their way through the Gate, Frodo piped up.

"I think we should go for it."

What?!

"We do not know when the Black Gate shall open next," he mused. "We should go while we have the chance."

Sam made some celebratory noises while I tried to regain my composure.

Frodo, there is no way in hell I'm letting you do this to me. You fucking promised that you'd take care of me. You can't just go back on your word and take me to Mount Doom!

I looked around desperately for some sort of leverage, and my eyes lit on Gollum. Gollum was more on my side than the other two, because he still harboured secret hopes of getting back together with me. Maybe if I could convince him to help me out…without being too obvious about it, of course.

Frodo, if you take me there, there is a ninety-eight, no, ninety-nine percent chance I'll die. I don't want to die! Think of all the people I'll never see again! You can't kill me!!!

Well, that got Gollum's attention. He got pretty worked up over the 'people I'll never see again' bit, and started getting a little agitated.

"Master! We shouldn't go through the Black Gate! The Black Gate is evil!"

Yes! God, I'm good.

"I know of a different way. A better way. Please, let me take you!"

Frodo looked unsure.

Gollum flung himself onto Frodo, clinging onto his arm and giving him huge puppy eyes. Ew! I didn't know those eyes could actually get bigger!

"Pleeeeeease, Master!"

Frodo watched the Black Gate begin to close. "Oh, alright, I guess. But you had better not be lying about the other route, or you will live to regret it."

Gollum nodded earnestly. We all trailed after him as he took the lead again, taking us on a hopefully long, roundabout path that would lead us to nowhere. Sam muttered to himself, sounding pissed off that Mr. Frodo's mind was being eaten alive by the Ring. Whatever. I had more important things to deal with.

Fucking Christ, Frodo, I can't believe you. 'We should go for it'?!?!?! What the hell is wrong with you, Frodo? Have you lost what little mind you had?

Frodo sighed. "Look, Ring, I've been thinking---" he ignored my snort at that claim, "and I've come to the conclusion that it might be best for everybody involved if we just pitched you into Mount Doom."

WHAT?!?! It would not be best for everybody involved, because it most certainly would not be best for me. Jesus, Frodo.

"No, just think about it! You---"

I can't believe you're asking me to think about letting you toss me into a fire. What happened to that sweet boy from the Shire, the one who would never have even considered murdering an innocent???

"That boy is gone, okay?" he said hotly. "That boy is sick and tired of this stupid journey. That boy does not want to go through five more near-death experiences in the next hour. That boy is tired, and he's calling it quits."

Oh, that's real fair, Frodo. Kill me because you're tired.

"It's not just that. In these past few months, I have seen people kill each other in the hopes of gaining power. That army back there? A man who was once a good wizard is now helping to amass it, in order to launch a world war. Maybe killing you will finally put a stop to all the senseless slaughtering."

Okay, that's it. You're not allowed to hang out with Sam anymore. That boy is getting to you, Frodo. He claims I am, but it's definitely him who's putting ideas into your head. Listen to yourself! You're honestly considering killing me.

Frodo got defensive. "Well, it's not like you would feel it, much. I'm sure the death is practically instantaneous."

And those words will be a great comfort to me, my dear hobbit, in my last moments, consumed by fire, unloved and alone, forsaken by those whom I thought were my friends.

"Ring…"

No, you know what? This is stupid. You think you're sick and tired of all this bullshit? That's nothing compared to how crappy I'm feeling right now. I refuse to continue talking about this, because I don't want to catch your stupidity. I know it must be contagious, because you didn't have it before. Sam must have breathed his stupid onto you.

"Ring, come on."

No. Fuck you, Frodo. I'm gonna take my mind far, far away now, because I can't deal with your treachery right now. While I'm gone, I want you to search your heart, and think long and hard about whether you really want to commit the ultimate betrayal.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -TBC

Oh, the melodrama! Al and Frodo just needed to get that out of their systems, y'know, have a little freak-out. They'll be alright…I think.