Disclaimer: I don't own A Series of Unfortunate Events. Nor do I own light-sabres.

Chapter 4

In the next few weeks, Klaus uncovered the clothes (the ones Fiona wore when she killed Duncan), the mushroom book and the chainsaw. Slowly he piled up the evidence against Fiona. She didn't suspect a thing; she thought Klaus kept coming round her house because he was finally falling back in love with her. Soon Klaus had enough evidence to confront Fiona. He could've gone to the police but with his past dealings with them, he decided not to.

He confronted Fiona when he next saw her in Violet's shed. Fiona was looking for Violet's children's old baby clothes when she heard a noise. She turned around to see Klaus.

"I know what you did," whispered Klaus.

"What on Earth do you mean?" Fiona asked, her eyes darting round the room, looking for a means of escape.

"YOU KILLED DUNCAN!" Klaus screamed triumphantly.

"Klaus, how could you think I could have done that terrible thing to my one true love? My little Dunkey wunkey."

"I found the chainsaw, the blood stained clothes and the mushroom book. I found Duncan's finger in my stewed pate!" Klaus retaliated.

"But Isadora Killed Duncan. The policeman said so," Fiona replied, gritting her teeth.

"GO ON! ADMIT IT.YOU KILLED DUNCAN AND FRAMED ISADORA FOR IT!" bellowed Klaus, going red in the face.

"OK!" ranted Fiona. "Oh yes, I KILLED HIM and I enjoyed it! I considered several different ways of killing him. I thought about planting a bomb in the toilet and blowing him into a million pieces, but there would be too much evidence. I thought about running him over with a pram with spiky wheels, but where would I get a pram with spiky wheels from? Now you know my secret I have to kill you too!"

And with that Fiona grabbed a chainsaw, turned it on and started swinging it at Klaus. The rusty blade just scraped his ear. Fiona lifted the chainsaw over her head and brought in down on Klaus' trembling left hand. Klaus screamed as the blade severed his little and ring finger. Blood gushed out coving him from head to foot.

"NOOOO! My little pinkie gone forever! Along with my wedding ring!" sobbed Klaus, clutching his bleeding hand. "Isadora's going to kill me!"

"Not if I kill you first!" Fiona cackled, lifting the chainsaw to deliver the final blow.

Suddenly splinters flew everywhere and a large hole appeared in the shed wall! Violet stepped through it, wielding a chainsaw of her own.

"I heard everything!" cried Violet over the roar of the chainsaws. "This is the last time you mess with my family!"

"Looks like it's time for a hair cut Violet!" Fiona snarled, lunging forward.

Fiona slashed at Violet with her chainsaw. Violet dodged and backed into the garden. She slashed at Fiona's clothes, ripping them into shreds. Fiona screamed something about them being designer and tried to cut Violet's head off but Violet ducked in time.

After five minutes of slashing, shredding, ducking and dodging, Fiona lunged forward. Violet's chainsaw went flying through the air and landed with a sickening crack on the patio.

"Say your prayers, purple girl!" shrieked Fiona.

"That's what you think Triangle-eyes!" cried Violet, pulling a small metal tube from her pocket.

"What're you going to do? Scare me to death with the nasty little tube! Oh do put it away, it's so scary," scoffed Fiona.

"Who said it was just a little tube?" grinned Violet, pressing a little red button on the tube which turned it into a blue light-sabre.

"Oh! Well two can play at that game!" Fiona shouted, pressing a red button on her chainsaw; turning it into a two-sided red light-sabre. The light-sabres clashed together, sparks flew everywhere! Klaus hated the sound. Shee-oh! Shee-oh!

Fiona had the clear advantage with the dual light-sabre but Violet was fuelled with love. Love for her brother and Duncan. She wouldn't give up. Violet knew she would need something special to beat Fiona but what? Then she knew it!

While still protecting herself, Violet pressed a small green button on the light-sabre turning it into…

A BAZOOKA!

"What!" cried Fiona. "How can a light-sabre turn into a bazooka?"

"I invented it! That's why!"

"Well it's good I nicked this from your shed!" shouted Fiona pulling a mini bazooka from her pocket.

"Not my mini bazooka!"

"And look what happens if I press this pretty little yellow button." Fiona grinned madly, pressing the button. The mini bazooka turned into a full sized one!

"Now let me show you how to use a bazooka," cried Fiona, pulling back the trigger.

BOOM! Gunpowder flew every where and an explosion engulfed Violet and Fiona. Quigley came running out of the house, shouting: "Violet! Fiona! what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to kill this scumbag! She killed Duncan!" raged Violet.

"And tried to kill me!" added Klaus.

"But Violet you can't go round having bazooka fights when you're 8½ months pregnant!" cried Quigley.

"I can and I am!"

"But you might hurt yourself and the baby and what if you lose?"

"You're about to find out!" Fiona cried, kicking Violets bazooka out of her hands and then kicking Violet's legs so she sunk to her knees.

"Please, Fiona I didn't mean it, when I said I was trying to kill you. I was just trying to disarm you," said Violet, terrified.

"Get ready to be blown into infinity," smiled Fiona, a mad glint in her eyes as she pointed her bazooka at Violet's head.

"Please Fiona think of my unborn child. Your niece or nephew!" Violet pleaded.

"I don't care!" shouted Fiona. Violet stared into Fiona's eyes and Fiona stared back into Violet's eyes. She dropped her bazooka, sobbing: "I can't do it. You look too much like Klaus, my one true love! I did it all for you, Klaus!"

"Quick! Sunny get out here!" shouted Klaus. Sunny and Rainbow came running out the house.

"Rainbow's here because of strange noises in the area. What is it?" gabbled Sunny.

"Fiona killed Duncan and tried to kill Klaus and Violet!"

"Oh my God!" cried Sunny. "Are you OK? Klaus you're bleeding!"

"We're OK. Rainbow, you're a policeman and you're on duty! Arrest her!" cried Klaus.

"Fiona Quagmire, I'm arresting on suspicion of murder and two cases of attempted murder and all that jazz."

"Um… Oh! Quigley, my waters have broken! The baby's coming!" cried Violet.

"Wow! What a day, the "real" murder of my brother was caught and my wife's going to give birth," sighed Quigley.

Rainbow took Fiona to the police station while Quigley, Sunny and Klaus (who had to go there anyway for his hand) took Violet to the hospital. After a few painful hours, in which Klaus had to come to terms with the fact he would only ever have three fingers on his left hand, they heard the sound they had been waiting for "WAAAA! WAAAA!"

"It's a girl!" cried Quigley, running out of the delivery room. "We're going to call her Zuanna Quagmire!"

A long time afterwards

"Klaus!Oh, I'm so happy to see you!" cried Isadora running into Klaus' arms.

"I thought they were never going to release you!" replied Klaus, relieved.

"Mummy!" shouted the triplets.

"Oh my babies! My little babies!" sobbed Isadora.

"Guess what! Fiona's been put on death row with her brother, The Hook Handed Man a.k.a Fernald. So we never have to see her again!" smiled Klaus.

In death row

Fiona and Fernald are in the same cell.

"Time to start planning our great escape!" whispered Fiona. They smiled but Fiona's eyes had a mad glint.

"You will marry me Klaus even if I have to kill you!" Fiona thought. "I will return. You will be mine Klaus Baudelaire. I will be Mrs Klaus Baudelaire, one day."

THE END

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews.

Here are some Fiona one-liners I wanted to use but couldn't fit in:

"Research this, Triangle-eyes!" (Actually this is Violet's line, but who cares!)

"Eat lead, Klaus-y boy!"

"Say hello to my new friend, Bruce!" Fiona said, pulling out a chainsaw.

"Let's see how you feel being in ribbons, as you love them so much!"

"Looks like I have two more portions of stewed pâté on the way!"