A/N: Sorry guys, I meant to update waaaaay before this, but I got horribly sick and could barely drag myself out of bed, and then I was blindsided by tests and homework the second I got better. The last few weeks have just been hellish. I wrote a lot in my notebook, but it's all in messy short-hand, which I shall have to decipher and type up for future chapters.

Disclaimers: The shortness of my author's note was a complete and unexpected anomaly, breaking every rule of physics known to man! As a result, the Earth has been plunged into a different dimension, and in this new universe of untold possibility, I DO own "Lord of the Rings"! Mwahahahahaha!

Chapter 11: Things that Happened at Edoras -

"What the hell was that?" The King demanded, looking around every which way. (Wormtongue took quick advantage of this momentary distraction and quickly scrambled off with his head intact.) (The peasants all spat on him as he crawled past.)

Well, this is gonna be an awkward one to explain... Your Majesty, I am, shall we say...a, um, supernatural being of sorts, and I'm here...that is to say, I'm not here here, I'm just kind of here. I'm-okay, how do I say this without you killing me? Help me out here, Gandalf.

"That is the voice of the One Ring," he offered helpfully.

Great, Gandalf, that's how you get him to not kill me. You know how these people are! Mention the 'R' word, and they start frothing at the mouth.

"The Ring?" Theoden questioned with a gasp. "The One Ring with powers of evil so immense, they threaten to engulf us all and fling us into perpetual doom and terror?"

See!

"No," Gandalf corrected him gently, using his well-practiced 'Look at my tattered robes and long beard-I must be very old and wise!' voice. "The Ring has switched sides, for even it could not withstand the powers of good. It now fights with us, against its previous master Sauron."

Theoden looked doubtful, so Gandalf upped it a notch. Using his wisest, most venerable voice, a kind light twinkling in his eyes whilst he stroked his ancient beard, he said, "Surely you, King Theoden, must know that good invariably prevails."

Theoden cast a suspicious look around. "Well, Voice of the Ring, if what Gandalf says is true, then I welcome you as a friend...but if I found out that there has been any treachery on your part, then you are as surely dead as...as..."

As your son?

"What!"

"About that," Gandalf coughed. "I am sorry to tell you that Theodred died valiantly, while you were still under Saruman's spell. Come, I shall take you to his final resting place." With that, Gandalf led the grieving King away by the arm.

There was a pregnant pause.

"That was kind of in poor taste, Ring," Aragorn said with disapproval.

What?

"Dropping the news like that on the poor old man. Theodred was his only son. You could've at least been a little tactful."

Hey, whatever man. His son is dead, and I was just reporting the fact. Besides, it's not like I owe him anything. He was threatening me!

Legolas rolled his eyes and changed the subject. "Do you bear any news from your journey, Ring?"

Don't even ask. Frodo is a no-good, backstabbing, heartless, cruel, self-serving, spineless, monstrous little piece of shit, and I don't wanna talk about it. It'd be really, really nice if you guys could just defeat Sauron before we get to Mount Doom. That way, you can prove to the people that destroying evil doesn't necessarily involve destroying me.

Before anyone could reply to my suggestion, the King's yummy little hot toddy of a niece, Eowyn, rushed past, looking very motherly and concerned and holding onto the hands of two young children. Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli followed them into the castle.

Eowyn sat the children down and fed them. Eventually, the King appeared, looking more composed now that he had time to mourn properly. "What is the meaning of this?" he questioned.

"The children were driven from their village by hordes of barbarians. The Wild Men are making their way across the Westfold, spreading terror and mayhem," Eowyn told him.

Oh, yeah, I remember seeing something like that for a few seconds. I was making a sort of wide, mental sweep of the general area, trying to find you guys, and I saw these huge flocks of pretty rough-looking people, burning and looting and plundering and pillaging and obliterating and raping...not necessarily in that order.

Theoden looked understandably alarmed by this revelation.

"This is only the beginning of the terror that Saruman will unleash upon your people. And now that he and Sauron have joined forces, you can expect much, much worse," Gandalf told him, because the dude wasn't stressed enough.

"What will you have me do?" he asked with a sigh.

"You have two thousand good men riding north as we speak," Gandalf hinted. Okay, I personally saw, like, fifty horsemen the last time I checked. Aragorn will verify this for me. There were only around fifty, right?

Everyone ignored me. Same old, same old.

"I will not risk open war," Theoden said firmly.

Oh, man, then you have really met up with the wrong group of people. There is nothing that Aragorn and company love more than fighting. Don't even try to deny them their favourite sport.

"You must make a stand," Aragorn said equally firmly.

See? What'd I tell you?

"You must stand and fight for your people, or else all will be lost."

Actually, I agree with you, Strider. Saruman's forces are getting way too confident, because everywhere they go, they get victory. You need to give them some resistance, win a few small battles, give them a few good blows to their egos. If you let them keep believing they're invincible, they'll start to get too strong, and then they really will be infallible.

The thing Aragorn and I forgot to consider was that Theoden had just spent the last few months being told what to do by Saruman. He only recently regained power over himself. He really, really didn't feel like being told what to do again. "When last I looked, Theoden, not Aragorn nor some little Ring, was the King of Rohan."

Whoa there, no need to get all testy. It was just a friendly suggestion from a guy who's seen more wars and knows more about Sauron than you could even begin to imagine.

Theoden sniffed condescendingly. "We will evacuate the city and head for the safe fortress of Helm's Deep," he decided.

Orders to start packing were immediately sent out, and the King left Gandalf, Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli to their own devices.

"This is a mistake," Aragorn said ominously. Legolas, of course, agreed with his man. Gimli didn't have much of an opinion, because, y'know, you need some minimal intelligence in order to develop an opinion.

"He is only doing what he thinks is best for his people," Gandalf said, trying to be reasonable.

They're screwed, aren't they? It's either fight or die.

"Yeah." Gandalf paused. "I shall have to find Eomer's men and rally the troops myself." He sighed. "An old man's work is never done." He made his way to the royal stables, with Aragorn following close behind.

"You mean we will fight anyway? Against the King's word?" he asked excitedly.

"I'm sure it will come to that very shortly. Saruman will not relent, and neither will you, I expect; with such pressure from both sides, Theoden will give in and declare war." Gandalf fixed Aragorn with a serious look. "The war will not be pretty. King Theoden will need all the man-power he can get, and he will need your help most of all."

Aragorn nodded heroically.

Gandalf climbed onto his horse and said, "I shall find the Riders of Rohan, have no doubt."

I swear, man, there are only 50 of them.

Gandalf ignored me and rode out.

Hey, whatever, you're the magician.

Aragorn exited the stables and reconvened with the King. They talked strategy for a while, and then Aragorn said, "Ring, do you suppose you could locate Saruman for us, and tell us what he's planning next?"

For sure. It might take a while, because he's probably hiding out in some Super Secret Lair. I'll get back to you in a few hours, okay?

"Are you sure the Ring's information will be...trustworthy?" Theoden asked, his voice laced with implication.

Dude, why the hell would I lie? Didn't you hear? I'm not on Saruman's side, because I have a lesser chance of being killed if I'm on your side. I'm not gonna screw my own self over.

"Well. We shall see," Theoden said haughtily.

Legolas rolled his eyes (he knew he could do haughty so much better) and bid me farewell.

It actually didn't take me very long to find Saruman. My powers of deduction are so sharp that I quickly figured out that Grima Wormtongue had probably gone crawling to his boss right away. I just had to find him, and he'd lead me right to Saruman. My plan worked out perfectly. I was right there, listening to Saruman dictate his plan.

"Send out the Warg-riders!" Saruman commanded.

Oh. Shit. They have Warg-riders! This could get ugly.

"What could?" Frodo-the-Heartless-Rat asked, breaking my concentration. My mind snapped back to our current situation. We were now in some bushes.

Why are we in bushes?

"We heard a noise and went to investigate. Look below; another large army is advancing. Now answer my question. What could get ugly?"

Rohan'sbeing evacuated, and Saruman's sending out Warg-riders to attack the people when-what the fuck was that?

More arrows flew over our heads and into the army below us. Frodo whipped around to face the forest behind us. A small group of what looked like Robin Hood's Merry Men were shooting vigorously, if pathetically, at the giant army.

Hey, I think they're resistance fighters. Maybe we should get out of here, before-never mind.

Even as I spoke, we were captured by the Merry Men.

Dude, I really, really don't have time for this. I've gotta go warn Aragorn before the Wargs get them!

The leader of the Merry Men ignored me, and said "Bind their hands."

No! You don't understand! I have to warn them!

-TBC

ps- Just a little heads up as to the future of the story. It's gonna get a whole lot more dramatic. Everybody's characters get a little more emotional, as they get more and more stressed out. And Al's character gets to develop more, with the introduction of Faramir. Al gets to exhibit more emotions, too, other than snarky and angry. There'll be even more Aragorn/Legolas/Al interaction, and just general all-around drama, for those of you who like that sort of thing. :)