Since I had actually intended to update last week, but no internet access prevented me from that… I decided to post two new chapters at once. Now I am really mad though because I got my internet access back but my stupid laptop won't charge. My computer is being sent away, so I am using my friend's laptop, so hopefully I will still be able to update next week. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter! I know they've been real sad lately, but I promise it will get better soon!

Chapter 7

Confessions

"I have given up," I whisper aloud, as if voicing the statement makes it true. My body feels as if it is on the edge of something, something that I can't quite fathom, but I know it is there, waiting to pull me down into its abyss.

Yami pulls back from our embrace and his hands rest on my shoulders. "What did you just say?" He questions me, looking into my eyes with something new in his own now.

"Nothing." I lie. I step back onto more stable ground, but it's still crumbling underneath me.

"No, I know you said something and I'm hoping that it's not what I thought I heard. Now tell me!" He grips my shoulders harder, to the point that it actually starts to hurt a bit. I finally see it in his eyes, he's angry at me, but why?

As I fall into the darkness, I decide that I don't care what he thinks of me anymore. "I said that I have given up…" I reply as I avert my gaze. Something in me falls apart as I admit this to him. "I have given up on everything. Even my Ring has done the same, I'm sure that's why it hasn't bothered healing me recently. Before when I fell off the building, I had just abandoned my way of life. Now, I have given up hope of retaining anything of what I used to be, my personality, my dignity, everything. But the funny thing is, I don't think that I even care anymore. It's pointless, everything is pointless. I have nothing left and it's all thanks to you, Yami. Though, I should be grateful. Before, I was just an evil menace that showed up every once in a while to annoy all of you and that everyone hated. No real threat ever, just irritating. Now, I can disappear quietly without anyone noticing. Everyone will be happier anyways."

Ra, did that flood of statements just come from me? I feel so detached from my mind at the moment. It's as if all the half-formed thoughts I've had lately have suddenly spilled out all at once, like the barrier that was there has vanished. I stopped crying a while ago, and now, I want to start again, but I can't. I can't react to anything. My body is weighted down once again, but this time to a much larger extent. I feel dead.

"I had no idea that what I did would have such an effect on you. I was only trying to help you and Ryou. I didn't know it would affect you this way. I'm so sorry. I never wanted this to happen." I hear Yami's words, but they seem so distant. He moves around so that he is sitting in my line of sight. The odd thing is that no matter how hard I try, I can't focus my eyes on his face.

"Bakura… Bakura, if you want, I can try to help you through this. I know that it's all my fault, but you have to believe me. I thought I could change your life for the better. Are you listening to me?" He is looking straight at me now, but I can't respond. I can do nothing and I don't even care.

"Bakura… please, say something." He moves his hands to my knees. I can almost feel his touch. Though, it's like an afterthought of a touch rather than a real one.

"Bakura… you're scaring me, please…." His pleas are becoming more desperate. I think he's starting to panic. There is a twinge of the slightest sensation beginning in my chest.

"Bakura…" His head drops down and there is an unexpected feeling of warmth on my cold, almost numb knee. Yami must be crying. I have never seen him cry! This sudden realization brings my tactile senses rushing back, back so fast that I am momentarily dizzy. More importantly, Yami is crying and I have some inexplicable urge to stop him from continuing to do so. My surroundings come back into focus and I reach my hand to the back of his neck and then run my hand along his jaw line while raising his head.

"Don't cry, not for me. It's pointless." He looks back at me with frightened eyes.

"No, no it's not. I know you have some things to work out, but you can still go back to being your old self. It may not seem like it, but there are people who care about you, especially Ryou. Please let me help you, just talk to me, or even fight with me, or anything. I will do anything if it means helping you."

Does he really feel this bad about screwing up my life? Is that why he's doing this? Maybe I should take him up on his offer, there is still Ryou to consider anyways.

"Fine, we can talk. And I promise that I will try to keep myself together for the time being."

"Okay." He looks incredibly relieved and lies back on the floor, rubbing at his face with his hands. "Okay…"

I stand up, but instantly fall back down to the couch. Let's try that again. Made it this time, but in standing up, I realize how odd my entire body feels at the moment. My muscles refuse to hold me upright and I fall to my knees and then continue so that I am lying on my stomach next to Yami.

"Glad you decided to join me." I turn on my side so that I am facing him.

"By the way, on the phone earlier, that was Yugi. He asked me to tell you that he is going to stay the night with Ryou. So you're free to stay here if you want. What happened with Ryou anyway? From what Yugi told me, he was rather upset."

"I told him the truth." Yami looks surprised for a moment and then tones down his expression.

"So how did you tell him?"

"Well, I was trying to tell him gently, but I think I pretty much failed considering his reaction. He ended up locking himself in his room and that's when I decided to leave. I'm not sure why I even told him. I guess I felt bad about lying to him."

"C-Can I ask you why you fell off that building in the first place?" He looks almost ashamed for asking me and also, he cringes slightly as if he is preparing for a violent retaliation from me. But, I can't think of any reason why not to answer him. He has seen me at my absolute worst and I'm sure his opinion of me can't get any lower, so why not?

"I didn't want to live my pointless life any longer. I have no place anymore, no use, and I knew I couldn't go back to the way things were, which was the only way I knew how to live my life."

"But you were hurting Ryou, do you really want to go back to that?" Yes, that's right. I was trying to toughen Ryou up in the manner I thought was best. I know it was wrong now, but it worked, didn't it? He is more confident and will even stand up to me now. I can't change what I did in the past and the only way I can think to make up for it, is to leave altogether.

"No, I don't want to go back to that. But I don't want to live out eternity like this either. I have put Ryou through so much pain and suffering that I don't deserve to be his yami. That's why I should just leave."

"Please, don't even consider that as a solution. It will solve nothing and only serve to create more problems." He sounds so serious, enough that I am inclined not to argue with him. And besides, I don't have to do what he says, I'll just let it go for now.

"What was your nightmare about? It sounded absolutely awful, you even called out Ryou's name in the most heart-breaking tone I've ever heard from someone."
"Ryou killed himself in my dream." I state plainly. Yami tries to hold back his shocked reaction, but I can still see it.

"If I have made Ryou go through what I went through in that dream, then I deserve to be suffering like this."

"You really need to go back and talk to him. I know you mean a lot to him, so before you decide to do anything else, you should go to him, explain your problems. Maybe you will find that he would not be better off if you were to leave. He depends on your strength."

"Oh yeah, that's real dependable. Look at me now, I am a total wreck and I am relieved that he will never see me like this."

"But you can regain the strength you once had. Even if it takes a little time, you should at least try. I know that my opinions don't matter, but at least think of Ryou."

"Okay, but what do I say to him? He always blows everything way out of proportion and acts as if the world is coming to an end."

"Maybe his world is coming to an end, because of what is happening to you. You are a big part of his life and nothing will ever change that, no matter how hard you try." So, maybe I have been looking at this from the wrong perspective. I should at least try to live for Ryou's sake.

"Okay, but you still didn't answer the part about what I am supposed to say to him."

"You know him better than I do, so only you can decide that." Oh, that's a big help. "Just be honest with him and stop trying to put up so many walls. If he does start to overreact, in your opinion, try to calm him down and don't let him shut you out because he doesn't want to hear the truth." That's better.

"So, I'll talk to him tomorrow then. It's already pretty late, anyways."

"You can sleep in the guest room if you like. It's probably more comfortable than the floor."

"Well, you see, I don't think that I can actually get up." He gives me a small smile.

"Neither can I. Do you realize how tired I am? I could fall asleep right here on the floor if I didn't know how absolutely sore I would be in the morning." Dammit, I'm going to have to drag myself off the floor aren't I?

"Fine, I'll get up… or at least try to." I roll over onto my stomach and gradually push myself up into a sitting position. I wait for a moment so my balance can stabilize and then stand upright.

"Come on, you need to sleep in a proper bed too." I offer my hand to him and he reaches out for it. Our hands lock together and I try to pull him up with all the strength I have left. I take a step backwards and lean my weight back to use as leverage against his own. It's not like he is very heavy, but I have practically no strength left at this point. He's almost standing now, but he looks dizzy and he starts to collapse.

"No you don't! If you fall, I'll never be able to get you back up." I quickly wrap my free arm around his waist, supporting him. He puts his hand to my chest and leans his head forward.

"Thanks." He states quietly. I realize that both Yami and I are breathing rather hard. I guess it took a lot out of both of us. But, as I stare down to Yami, who is standing pressed against me, with his head resting on my chest, I get that feeling again. It makes me want to hold him all the more closer. He has done so much for me and tried so hard to make up for what he has done. Maybe I can try just as hard to make up for what I have done to Ryou. Maybe I can live for Yami as well.