Chapter 10 – Dealing with the Devil! The Secret of Facility 12!
When Itadari finally came to, the first thing he saw was his sword in the corner of Facility 11, guarded by Jiraiya.
"YOU DAMN BASTARDS!"
"Alright, who wants to interrogate him," asked Kakashi.
"Ugh…I'm not dealing with the devil, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura answered.
"Yeah, my stomach isn't feeling too well either…"
"Alright. Lee and Sakura, please wait outside and secure the warehouse entrance."
"Yes sir."
"Okay, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura and Lee left the room.
"Now then." Kakashi turned back to Itadari. "How about you answer some questions?"
"HELL NO, ONE-EYED MAGGOT!"
"If you don't Idatari-san, we will break your sword into pieces."
"NO ONE POSSESSES THAT MIGHT!"
"I will ask Kiba and Akamaru here to tear it up."
"Grrrrr!"
"THOSE PUPPIES CAN'T DO JACKSHIT!"
"I'll force Naruto to make more boy-clones."
"DONE, WHAT DO YOU WANNA KNOW."
"First off…and I hope you're noting this down, Jiraiya-sannin-"
"You know I'm not, Kakashi-san."
" -who hired you?"
"A NINJA WHO WOULD NOT GIVE HIS NAME. HE WAS TALL, WORE LOOSE CLOTHS AND HAD A SUSPICIOUSLY IMMATURE VOICE."
"Hmmm…okay, that's not very helpful. Where did your meeting occur?"
"HE CONTACTED ME IN THE HIDDEN VALLEY OF SAND DURING THE KAZEKAGE'S RETURN."
"And you went along with this?"
"OF COURSE. HE GAVE ME AN OFFER I COULDN'T REFUSE."
"Gee, I wonder what that was."
"Quiet, Naruto!" Kakashi continued. "What was this offer?"
"ALL THE NAKED PHOTOGRAPHS OF LEAF SHINOBI I WANT."
Kiba grimaced. "I think I'm gonna join those two outside, Kakashi-san…"
"Go ahead, Kiba. Where are these photographs, Itadari?"
"IN THE OTHER FACILITY."
Kakashi turned to Neji, who nodded immediately and turned to the wall dividing the two warehouses.
"ByakkugAHHHHOHMYGOD!" Neji grabbed his eyes as if they were on fire.
"What did you do to him!" demanded Kakashi.
"I DID NOTHING, KAKASHI-SAN."
"Jiraiya, Naruto, go take a look."
"Sure thing. Let's go, Naruto!"
"OK, dattebayo!"
The two ninja smashed through the dividing wall and found…boxes? Hundreds and hundreds of wooden boxes, stacked one on top of the other. All were labeled with a name of a leaf shinobi.
"Careful, Naruto!"
They took down one of them – on it was written Usumakki Naruto.
"Ready?"
"Yep, Ero-sennin."
Slowly, they removed the cover…
Still clutching his stomach, Kiba wandered outside the warehouse, looking for Lee and Sakura. Akamaru popped out above his shirt and gave a low bark.
"What's that Akamaru?" he whispered back. "Something I don't want to see or hear!" Suddenly, he heard two familiar voices…
"Come on Sakura-chan, just this once…I won't get messy, I promise…"
"I already told you Lee-san, get away from me!"
"But I can't restrain myself…PLEASE, JUST ONE TIME!"
"For the love of-"
"I promise it'll be quick and painless…my springtime of youth DEMANDS it!"
"Dammit, I told you, I'm not letting you use my lipstick!"
Kiba cleared his throat.
"So what are you guys up-" He was cut off by Jiraiya's voice from inside.
"PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS NARUTO!"
Jiraiya was holding up a naked photo of a certain snoring leaf ninja.
"I…that's…what…"
Jiraiya dropped the picture. He focused on the box right next to Naruto's, labeled The Fat Guy w/ White Hair.
"Ooo, I hope a lady took these pics," he mused, rifling through an assortment of naked photos of himself. Neji got to his feet shakily.
"I saw mine…my name…but I didn't want to…damn Byakkugan…I can't believe this…" he stuttered.
Kiba, Lee and Sakura ran through the gaping hole in the warehouse wall.
"Aren't ninja supposed to operate QUIETLY!" barked Sakura.
Naruto whimpered.
"What's wrong with you!"
He pointed to the various boxes in the room.
"HEY! These boxes have our names on them, cool!" said Kiba. "Let's take a looksie inside-"
An hour later, the shinobi of leaf looked like petrified statues of agony.
"All I can say is," quaked Naruto. "We need to find the loser ninja behind this…and tell him to print kunoichi photos only."
END OF PART I
Ero-sennin – "Perverted Hermit" in Japanese
From the writer:
What did you think? There is no way in hell you'd know who the Pervert Ninja is by now, although once he/she is revealed, you'll certainly rip out your hair (or scalp if you're bald). Part II begins when I can get enough positive reviews for whatever I just wrote.
-goes back to drinking sake and red bull-
In the meantime, please enjoy what Naruto fans have come to expect when watching the anime: POINTLESS FILLERS!
Next Chapter: Sidechapter A - Blood and Clay! Akatsuki's True Talent!