What I should Have Said
She has to be okay. She has to be okay," those five words had become John Sheppards mantra since he had been informed of Teyla's disappearance.
"Teyla's an amazing and strong woman John, don't lose hope." Dr. Weirs words of comfort echoed in the back of his mind as he boarded the wraith dart. Hope? What hope do I have, wraith are beaming all over the base, I'm on a suicide mission, and the woman I .. No can't think about that now. Just concentrate on the mission. If I don't stop the wraith, there won't be anything left for Teyla to come back to anyway.
As John piloted the ship through the onslaught of enemy craft attacking the place he was beginning to look at as home he couldn't not think. And his thoughts kept drifting back to Teyla.
Five hours earlier
"Major Sheppard, may I speak with you?"
John forced a smile despite their grim situation, "I'm on my way to help Dr. McKay, but I've always got a few minutes for you." Her warm smile took him out of the nightmare they were all living right now.
'Thank you, Major. I just realized that with everything that's been going on I've never thanked you," she said while nervously wringing her fingers.
Now she really had his attention. He stepped closer to her and raised and eyebrow. "For what?"
She took a deep breath and blurted, "I'm just worried, I have a bad feeling that something might happen. I just wanted you to know how much it means to me that you've been such a good friend and that you never…never lost faith in me. When others felt I couldn't be trusted you always stood by me. Thank you for that. I hope you know if you ever need me, I will be there for you as well." As she finished speaking she looked as thought a great weight had been lifted.
John stared in stunned silence. Finally he blinked and replied, "Uhhh, your welcome."
Weirs voice broke through his radio, "Major Rodney needs you immediately, he's very eager to begin again."
"Understood, I'll be right there," he said as he rolled his eyes.
"Good luck Major."
"Yeah you too.'
He watched her turn and start down the corridor. "Teyla wait!"
She stopped and turned. "Yes Major."
Her eyes seemed to ask a million questions. "I just wanted to tell you how much….," he swallowed and then coughed. He ran a hand through his hair, 'Thanks for what you said, and well be careful."
She walked up to him and pulled his forehead to hers just like she had not long after they had first met. He closed his eyes and savored the moment. Then she pulled away and practically ran down the corridor.
Present time
God I was such an idiot. Why didn't I tell her how I feel? Now I'll never get the chance to tell her how much she means to me. I'm going to blow up on this damn wraith ship and never get the chance.
John looked up and told the ceiling what he should have said, "Wherever you are Teyla, I love you."