Chapter 14 – Meeting Old Acquaintances! The Kyuubi's True Form!
Kakashi turned around and walked over to them, one hand in his pockets and another fingering through Come-Come Paradise. In the midst of chaos, he always looked to be in control of the situation, and his collected demeanormollified whatever floating worries nearby.
"Naruto, go with Jiraiya-sannin to the village entrance and scout the opponent."
"Can Temari-san and her amazing legs come with us, Kakashi-san?"
"Naruto, this is serious…stop thinking with your dick and get down there now!"
"Uh, Naruto didn't say that."
Kakashi looked up at Jiraiya.
"For the love of…just go!"
A few minutes later, at the village entrance…"They're coming!" Baki shouted. "Open the gates and meet the enemy head on!"
"I can barely see their outlines," Naruto quipped, running out to face the intruders. "Can you see them Ero-sennin…Ero-sennin?"
He looked around for Jiraiya, but all he found were Sand shinobi charging the enemy with him.
"Fine…I'll just do this myself!"
The enemy ninja answered him in high-pitched voices.
"Ooo, a man in control…I like that, sweetcheeks."
"Ewww, an out-of-place leg hair!"
"After this is over, wanna pick some forget-me-nots?"
Naruto turned around just in time to see Jiraiya a mile behind, back at the village. It looked like he was cradling himself in a shaking ball. Naruto grinned and adjusted his forehead protector, throwing up a big thumbs up to no one in particular.
"Looks like it's up to the future Hokage once again, dattebayo!"
"Hey Jeremy, isn't that the same…"
"Oh no boys, cover your eyelashes!"
"Quick someone, get him before he tells on us!"
"SEXY NO-"
"Botox no Jutsu!"
Naruto grabbed his face in agony. His mouth and cheeks felt like they had been cut open with knives. The chakra inside him felt not only like it wouldn't circulate properly, but it would dissipate in seconds as well and leave him in a...well, he couldn't think about being in that state, the pain was too unbearable to form cohesive thoughts. All around him, the sand shinobi were in the same situation.
"Well well, you big bad wolf…do you still want to play with us little piggies?" asked one of the mascu-nin teasingly.
Dammit!
Naruto gritted his teeth as he lost balance and collapsed on the dirty sand, entering his subconscious.
"Because we really want to play with you…"
Ugh…I have no choice……
…
WAKE UP YOU DAMN FOX AND GIVE ME YOUR POWER!…
…
Nah.
…What! Give me your power, dickhead!
Ooo, I'm so hurt. What am I, your bitch?
Dammit, we're both gonna die then!
Meh…I've had a good run...
Jeez...Fine! I'll do anything you want! ANYTHING!
Anything, Naruto?
YES! Hurry the hell up!
Even shag a lady fox?
I already DID that, remember? I did it five times for crying out-
Oh whoops, my memory's a bit fuzzy…okay, here's some chakra…
Suddenly, Naruto's body felt like it would explode with power.
"Oh no boys, he's getting velvety-smooth!" one of the mascu-nin squealed.
"SEXY…NO JUTSU!"
"AAAAHHHHHHH!"
30 minutes later…
Baki finished tying up the sobbing mascu-nin.
"I think that's the last of them…"
"Wait," Naruto cut in. "What about that one over there?"
"WHAT! I just tied him up!"
With a POOF!, the mascu-nin's appearance changed into a giant swordsman as the rope around him split into pieces.
Naruto groaned.
"Oh, for the love of Caps Lock-"
"THAT'S RIGHT…I'M BACK MY HUNNIES!"
Next Chapter – Fighting Without Chakra! Will I Really Defeat the Monster?
Come-Come Paradise – Kakashi's ubiquitous choice of adult reading material
Baki – A sand Jounin who participated in the attack on Konoha 3 years ago. He seems to have been reformed