Phhhwooaaarrr. Look whos updating. Well here it goes. This is in Paiges POV too. If you dont like this, you gotta review and say you dont or else how am i supposed to know? Not that Im complaining. I lurve all of you who review dearly. Thanks a billio and continue to review cuz it makes me happy.
Paige's POV
When I wake up the next morning, I forget I am safe. My dreams were nightmares of things that actually happened to me, and although I don't initially remember it, I had woken up several times screaming and shaking, covered in sweat. Every time though, one of my sisters were there to catch me and lull me back to sleep with the reality of their presence. So when my eyes first open, I am petrified and shoot up immediatly, unaware of my safety. Phoebes arms grab hold of me and carefully pull me into her, so that her head is on top of mine, chin resting on its crown, and I am lying ontop of her. I struggle to get up, still unsure, and she soothes me with reassuring words, that i am indeed home. Its strange, but the beat of her chin against my skull as she speaks, makes me feel quite calm, and I fall back against her with a sigh. Looking at the loveseat in the room, I see Prue napping there, and realize she mustve been up all night worrying. I forget another bit of what is my life and try to ask Phoebe if thats what happened, but all that comes out are a few noises. Its not at all fun to be helpless. I dont want my sisters to think I am anymore.
I try to rise from my position and be on my own, now that i'm okay, but Phoebe is too fast and instinctively keeps me with her by wrapping her arms around my frame. Knowing, Im too weak to fight her, so I just give up and sulk, even though she cant see my face.
" I thought you'd realize by now, sweetie that there is zero harm in letting us take care of you and be here for you like sisters should. We won't hold it against you or anything, we love you so much, our baby sister. I can't even begin to imagine what happened to you, but when you are ready to tell me i'll be listening. There's nothing you could possibly say to me that would make me go away."
I want to be mean to Phoebe and I am annoyed because ive heard similar speeches since I found my sisters. Things are a little different now I guess, but the reality is, my sisters said they wouldnt let anything bad happen, and that I could trust them, but now Im here. So obviously things didnt really work out so peachy keen. I feel guilty thinking this way, but right now I have to trust my heart, not my brain. In time, hopefully, what they tell me wont be so different. I lean over to the night table, in close proximity and grab my pad and pen. I scrawl down bathroom, and as Phoebe uses her arms to read it, I jump up, and leave to my destination. I shut the door, of this one alone place, and do what I have to do. I study myself in the mirror, so disgusted with how I look, and in dismay walk out of the bathroom upset. Im so mad when I find Phoebe waiting outside the door for me, but I just scowl at her and dont yell. Im saving my vocals, just in case I get my voice back. But I hate the fact she doesnt even think I can go to the bathroom myself. In the hall, I smell fumes wafting from the kitchen and realize Piper must be cooking breakfast. For me. I havent eaten a real meal in so long, but Im not hungry. Instead Im so nauseous i barf all over the floor, literally steps away from the toilet. Great another reason to look upon me as a broken little baby.
Phoebe, seeing my face paled and just gross, she calls for Prue, which is possibly the worst thing she could do. Yeah so sometimes im a wreck, mostly at night and when I have to accept whats happened to me. That Im now just a teenager who is screwed up. At those times I act so pathetic I even hate myself when I think about my behaviour. Looking back on the glass incident I can't believe I was so vulnerable over something so stupid. I cant believe last night I let Prue and Piper carry me and so on. Well, I cant really hold it against myself because it felt good last night and I needed the support, wanted it. but today Im feeling better and I will not tolerate being babied, even if i give a hundred reasons to be treated that way. Prue is the butt of these problems. She wants me to break down for her and to tell her everything, but I dont want to do that to myself. Im so sick of being the baby of this family who needs her three big sisters to come and make it all better. I shouldn't have been such a loser last night when she treated me like an adult, getting all sobbie, and weepie. God thinking back on it now I cant actually believe I wanted her to come and cradle me and tell me it would all be okay. Why do I always get myself into such shit? Maybe Im schitzophrenic as well. That would explain alot.
I cant stop throwing up and before I know Phoebe has pushed me over to the toilet to avoid further mess and is holding my hair back, its a sweet gesture, but Im dizzy and want to lie down and cant register such conflicts of emotions at the time. I slump down on the floor, and dont notice Im crying. I do it often enough to seem like the norm.
Oh look here's comes Prue now here to rescue her pitiable baby sister again. She tells Phoebe she has done a good job and that she'll take it from here. This is code for hey Pheebs, go clean up the mess your lovely little sister has made outside this door, and I can see Phoebes upset immediatly. I hate hurting people, and even when I dont try to, I do. Stupid worthless bitch you are I tell myself, not realizing these are the very words I had repeated to me so many times over the "years" . Prue looks at me with a look I want to wipe off her face with a good hard punch, but I know I can't. Have you ever loved some one so much that you wanted to hug them forever and never let go, yet want to kill them at the same time? Yeah thats what I feel towards Prue. She bends down to pick me up, and I writhe and scream and flail out against it. I realize it must be immature of me, to do so, and without words to explain my actions, I cant do much about that impression. Prue, damn her patience, takes every meaningless blow I land on her, which mustve been quite a few and just waits for me to calm down. I also hate that she knows I will calm down long before I do something Ill regret. I wish I had the power to such unadulterated emotions. If I did, my brain wouldnt have to store every feeling Ive ever had. Just now it occurs to me that I can escape this by talking to my sisters, and wow theyve brainwashed me. but maybe itll work. God I AM schitzo. I slowly calm down and hold my tired arms up to Prue, which is an equally immature gesture, but hell this girl changed my diapers, and she gingerly carries me to my bed, which is now made and sets me down on the covers. She props my head up with some extra pillows, and plops down next to me with the remote. She doesnt have to say she forgives me, I know she does. Just when I feel as though i could tell her everything, how does she do that to me anyway, she gets up and leaves. I dont object, because I know im safe now at home where I am loved and even if I screw up and make a scene my family will still love me.
Phoebe skips in and starts talking to me and flipping channels all in the short while until Prue gets back with a thermometer and a warm washcloth. She gently wipes off the excess stuff on my face like im two , and then plops the thermometer under my tongue. She cant be serious. I obviously dont have a fever. I pulll it out and shake my head, but Prue grabs it right back from me and replaces it. Phoebe laughs as I pout and take it out again. I never liked these things and now it reminds me of ugh. No more bad memories at the moment. Deal with it when I have to. As Prue tries to yank it away I send it in a cloud of orbs under the couch. I win this time. Prue looks mad and I suddenly regret being stubborn. Even though I know deep down she wont hurt me, I still flinch against the smack that wont come. She can read the fear in my eyes and simply says " You dont have to be such a baby about it" Which pisses me off, and then she bends down and kisses my head lingering her lips on it so she can determine if I have a fever.
" Cool as a cucumber" is the verdict and well duh. A girl can be nauseous without being sick. Suddenly I see Prue put on the Ive just realized something look and I let out a chuckle as I realize she must think Im pregnant. Its funny for me to think about because Ive never even gotten my period. I mean hello, my ribs stick out. Definately not healthy enough for a period. To relieve her concern I think about taking my paper and letting her know this, but just as I go to, Piper walks in with some sick day food. How can they all just sit there and pretend Im just sick and Its all okay? I cant believe they are treating me this way its ridiculous.
Suddenly, I feel a tingling in my throat and before I know it I hear my own voice scream " STOPPPPP!" All three of my protectors look up at me agape and I cover m,y mouth. Ive got my voice back again. Score. OoOO. But now I have to answer their questions. Damn it.
They encircle me in hugs and kisses and ask me to say their names one by one. I oblige and they are all so cheerful.
" You cannot believe how happy I am to hear that Paigey!" Phoebe squeals and I roll my eyes. yeah yeah. I get it. Im so cute its sickening.