Review Responses:

PJ Zatken: Thanks for being my first reviewer, hun -smiles- I'm so glad you like the story so far -smiles-

The Invisible Fan: Firstly: your pen name is awesome. Second: Thank you for the review. And Third: Thank you for pinpointing parts you really liked… that helps me out immensely and I really appreciate it -smiles-

Rev: Why thank you! -smiles-. And yes, as you can see by this update, I plan to continue this -smiles-

Rhea Logan: Thanks for the encouraging review -smiles-. (I actually started writing this because I accidentally read one of those YnM Mary Sues… This story is my shot at a cure to the Mary Sue epidemic that's going around)

Ine-capa: Thank you! I had so much fun writing about the way she smelt o.O and I was actually afraid my brand of funny wasn't going to match anyone else's, so I'm glad to hear you approve -smiles-

TheLoneChicken13: Thanks for reviewing and telling me what parts struck you as funny! -smiles- I really enjoyed writing this, and it's great to know people enjoy reading it -smiles-

Yaoi-Hunter: -blush- I'm very happy that you liked it so much -smiles- -blush- What an enthusiastic review… Something like that really lets me know I should continue. Thank you much. (btw, like The Invisible Fan, your pen name is also awesome.) Without further ado, here's that update…

Death To Ms. Sue

Angel of the Eclipse

Warnings: This chapter contains mentions of other stories on fanfiction .net… but even if you've never read these particular stories, it should make sense for the most part. In any event, the authors are excellent writers and the stories are worth a read if you haven't already -smiles-

Chapter 2: Two Beds, Two Blokes and a Sheila

Mary Sue was not only gorgeous, talented, popular and envied by all, but she was also (apparently) infinitely rich. After a rather sizeable donation to the Shokan, Tatsumi warmly welcomed her into the Shinigami family and let her tag along with Tsuzuki and Hisoka on their latest case.

Therefore, the first case with the trio was under way.

Mary proclaimed righteously that she had done the Shokan a great favor by joining up with them and breaking the Shinigami Work In Pairs Rule, because now everyone had two accountability buddies… And since Hisoka had learned on several occasions that it was never a good idea to argue with a crazy person, he and Tsuzuki just prayed that the fieldwork might be a great way for someone to get herself accidentally blown up by a demon or kidnapped by a psycho.

However, much to Hisoka's displeasure, the first day passed with no such luck.

Already in the hotel room for the night, the boy sighed deeply as he secured the last button on his pajama top. He plopped down heavily onto the bed, but was careful not to jostle the mint fox sleeping peacefully on one of the soft pink pillows near the boy's head. He sighed deeply, thinking back on their day and how the girl's constant flirting with Tsuzuki throughout the day had done nothing to alleviate the mounting anger Hisoka was holding against his partner for falling in love with her the day before. However, that didn't mean he would take it out on the green-dyed fox that preferred the boy's company to its master's. Softly stroking behind a fluffy, mint-colored ear, Hisoka hid his content smile in a soft pillow, happy to have someone on his side.

Walking over to the bed Hisoka occupied, Tsuzuki internally whimpered at the mountains of velvety pink cheetah-print pillows that adorned the beds. He knew it was something Mary had requested and he also knew that Tatsumi would find a way to make Tsuzuki cover the wasteful bill out of his own paycheck. He sighed, just wanting to sleep off the exhaustion of the day as he tiredly nudged his younger partner on the shoulder. "Move over."

"Why don't you sleep with Mary? We all know that's what you really want," Hisoka aggressively snapped back with a malicious pout. He turned his back on Tsuzuki, squeezing the fluff out of a pillow with a vice-like hug. The outburst had woken Gloria and the vulpine creature gave Tsuzuki a little growling hiss. The fox padded over to Hisoka and nuzzled the boy's forehead comfortingly in understanding of how infuriating the girl could make any situation.

Unaware at how serious his partner was, Tsuzuki smiled sleepily, "Giving me a better view isn't the best way to get rid of me." He gave the boy's backside a teasingly impish smack.

Hisoka wrathfully grabbed one of the numerous pink pillows and chucked it hard over his back in the direction of Tsuzuki's voice. "Go away!"

"You two shouldn't be fighting," Mary chimed in with a maternal tone, waving a disapproving finger at the pair. Though, said finger wagged ever so slightly more disapprovingly in Hisoka's direction. She smiled like a chimp on crack as she swung her arms around Tsuzuki's neck, only hugging him tighter when he showed signs of a struggle. "Asato just likes me because I'm so popular," She told the small quarrelsome lump on the bed.

Hisoka shook with anger at the first name basis Mary Sue had mysteriously acquired with his partner and snapped back at her as he sat up in bed, "What makes you think you're so popular? I sure as hell don't like you!"

Mary's eyes widened with shock at the crass comment, but she quickly composed herself and proudly raised her freshly smirking head, crossing her arms elegantly across her chest. "I'm known throughout the entire world for my beauty, brains, exaggerated talents, and vomit-inducing perfection. People are always writing about me." She flicked her hair triumphantly with a self-righteous expression.

"Prove it," Hisoka commanded mockingly, calling her ridiculous bluff.

"Fine…" She let go of Tsuzuki and trotted over to her side of the room, taking out her cinema-screen laptop as Tsuzuki sat down on the mattress with Hisoka. Running back to their bed, she forcefully squeezed in between them, giggling at Hisoka's protests.

She set the large laptop down on her perfectly toned thighs. The computer looked amazingly stylish for its size, and was also incredibly light. "It was specially made for me. You see, my father is a--"

"Yeah, whatever, you're stalling." Hisoka threw her several sneers, annoyed that his twin bed now held three people, and that Mary had yet to retract her boisterous comment about her popularity and just tell everyone that she was really an idiot.

Mary gave the boy a disapproving gaze while saying in a babying voice, "Okay, Mr. Grumpy-Puss, here it is." Sitting on the edge of the bed, Tsuzuki and Hisoka wiggled over closer to the screen to read the heading of the website she had just brought up.

"Fanfiction dot net?" Hisoka's mood actually brightened a little at the prospect of mounds of potentially good reading material that he'd never come across before, while Tsuzuki frowned at the prospect of mounds of potentially good reading material that he would now have to read. Tsuzuki pouted at the lack of pictures.

Cheerfully typing out a search, Mary smiled as the results came up on the screen. "See, I told you. 'Mary Sue' shows up in almost every category… You guys aren't very popular, you only show up in one category."

"What? Really?" Tsuzuki suddenly seemed interested and Hisoka scowled at how the man leaned closer into Mary to have a better look at the screen. "Hey you're right!" Tsuzuki chirped as he read the summaries. "What do they say?"

"Lets find out." Mary smiled happily at having the brunet's full attention and cheerfully obeyed.

"Here! Click on this one… it's me and Hisoka." Tsuzuki smudged her flat screen with his excited fingertips and the girl gave an affronted pout that had no affect on the preoccupied man. Mary saw a small smirk on Hisoka's face and she growled as she realized the man's attention to her computer was strictly for Hisoka-related purposes. The boy triumphantly stuck his tongue out at her.

She just smiled and snuggled closer to Tsuzuki "As you wish, Asato." Under the now heavy pile of finger smudges on her monitor, she clicked the link to 'When Death Comes A'Knocking: Book 1 Of Revelations' by 'Under the Oak Tree'.

Taking the mouse from the girl, Tsuzuki started randomly clicking chapters to find places where he and Hisoka were interacting. He suddenly stopped and his mouth fell open stupidly as he read the screen with attentive amazement "Wow… look at this," the man said, suddenly hoarse. Hisoka raised his boyish eyebrows in surprise at Tsuzuki actually liking something with no pictures, and was instantly curious as to what mere text could hold his partner's attention. "Look at all the great sex we're having!" Tsuzuki bellowed loudly with childlike excitement. "And we're married! Hisoka will you marry me?" He asked as he continued to enthusiastically read the screen.

Blushing to the point of imminent nosebleed, Hisoka was mortified to have the smirking Mary Sue sitting in between them and currently reading the story with the same zeal as his partner. Trying to act nonchalant and steer the topic off the suffocating sex-vibe/marriage proposal that was rising in the room, Hisoka clicked through the chapters. He saw Tsuzuki frown as the boy looked resolutely through the story for something else to bring up, like plot development, grammar usage, or-- "Who the heck are Kyo and Takashi?" Hisoka asked as he quirked an inquisitive eyebrow, happy to have found his non-sex topic.

"I don't know." Tsuzuki answered with an uninterested, bland tone, but as he started to read the paragraph, he suddenly perked back up to his normal excited and horny self. "Oh! But it looks like you and me could get some pointers from them…" Tsuzuki said elatedly, as he continued to avidly read the story.

Too mortified by the presence of the third wheel, Hisoka grabbed the mouse and searched for his own story to read on his side of the gargantuan widescreen monitor. He curiously right clicked and hit the 'Open in new Window' command on a fic called 'Blossoms and Blood' by 'lyrebird.' Hisoka stared blankly at the screen, in a state of shock.

"What amazing technique!" Tsuzuki continued, voyeuristically taking mental notes on Kyo and Takashi's sex life. "Look at what they're doing here, I bet we could--" Tsuzuki turned to Hisoka and the man's smile suddenly faded when he saw his partner shaking with rage, reading the story the boy had pulled up for himself. His little lips were twitching in a tight, irrational snarl.

"Hisoka?" Worry claimed Tsuzuki's features as he quickly leaned closer to his partner, accidentally smacking Mary in the jaw with his head. "What's wrong?" Tsuzuki quickly glanced at what the boy was reading.

Cupping her jaw, Mary was eyeing them both fearfully and was intelligent enough to know that her plan of sitting between them wasn't such a good idea after all because her perfectly shaped ear was suddenly screamed in.

"I can't believe you!"Hisoka shrieked furiously at his partner. "You did that with him and you enjoyed it!" His childlike features were twisted in a murderous glare.

"What? I would never-!" he said, affronted "Let me see that." Tsuzuki grabbed the mouse back and clicked a few times and found the story 'Umbral Embrace' by the same author.

"Humph! You shouldn't worry about me and Muraki!" Tsuzuki took the offensive. "Looks like you are Tatsumi are doing just fine all by yourselves." He filled the screen with more finger print marks as he pointed with a heated, betrayed pout at his new find.

"What are you talking about?" Hisoka read a particularly incriminating paragraph Tsuzuki had found and blushed violently. 'Can his shadows really do that? … That actually looks fun.' "That's just ridiculous!" Hisoka ground out to cover his mortification (and interest) of the new story as he raised a fist in warning to his partner.

"Oops!" Mary suddenly interjected. "I forgot! Um, I have to, uh, take a shower now… Here you go." She got up and quickly left them with the computer and their argument.

Tsuzuki and Hisoka glared at each other, watching Mary run into the bathroom out of the corner of their eyes. They waited for the water to start running before they let their expressions turn peaceful.

"What an idiot." Hisoka mumbled unaffectedly toward the bathroom door. Happy to be alone with his partner, Hisoka let slide the anger he stilled harbored toward Tsuzuki for temporarily falling in love with Mary. "You know, we could make her stay in there all night if we just keep pretending to fight loud enough for her to hear over the water."

"No, lets just enjoy the peace while it lasts." Tsuzuki filled the gap between them and snuggled closer to Hisoka, laying them both down on the bed with the lemon-filled computer set out in front of them.

Gloria knew enough to give the lovebirds some alone time, so he hopped down and crossed the floor to where Mary's bag was and proceeded to devour the girl's entire supply of strawberry, green tea, and banana Pocky.

Sticking Post-It notes all over his long-term memory regarding the numerous lemons they had open in different windows on the screen, Tsuzuki gleefully noticed something that would surely prolong their enjoyment. "Hey, 'Under the Oak Tree' has a Yahoo! group that has even more stories that are too racy to be posted. Wanna join?" He gave his partner a suggestive stroke with his elbow along the boy's flank.

Hisoka shrugged, trying to cover his curiosity with indifference. "Sure… but I'm still mad at you."

In the amount of time it took them both to join the group, Mary had been convinced that they were no longer fighting. Therefore, the shower in the bathroom turned off and she came out into the bedroom with nothing but an itsy-bitsy purple towel on that fell just above mid thigh. Both Shinigami were dumbstruck and gawked rudely at the way the (lack of) wet terrycloth clung tight to her perfectly curved feminine body.

"Now, now," she started with mock dignity, smiling at the attention she was receiving. "I know that I'm a very attractive young woman, but I expect you two to be gentlemen, and not to ravish me against my will." She gave little pout as she fell dramatically onto her bed.

Hisoka and Tsuzuki looked at each, and communicating via Hisoka's empathy, the boy mentally muttered under his mental breath, 'Is she honestly this oblivious? Does she think we're into chicks?' Tsuzuki sent a message 'Maybe she's really a man?'

Hisoka snuck a peek at the girl, in the see-everything-because-it's-so-wet-and-falling-off towel, twisting around playfully in her sheets and cuddling her pink cheetah pillows, trying to capture her roommates' attention. Hisoka shivered from the visual scaring the image had caused. The boy was now certain: definitely not a dude.

When Mary got no further response, she sat up with a coy smile as her towel fell lower on her bust line. "I know I turn you both on, but try and restrain yourselves." Her expression was strong and dignified, but it didn't mask the growing exasperation in her voice at the lack of attention.

At a loss, Tsuzuki did the only thing he could think of that would make her leave them alone, and save his relationship with Hisoka: he rammed his tongue down the boy's throat, to which Hisoka only protested to at first because he had been using said throat to breathe with. After switching his respiratory functions to his nose, Hisoka gladly gave into the fervent snog-fest as he happily felt the girl's heartbreak vibing across his empathy.

However, Hisoka's victory was short-lived as his wrist was suddenly snatched up and forced onto something warm, bulbous, and pliant… and rather large. His eyes shot open mid tongue-down-the-throat kiss since he didn't recognized the feel of the flesh as being anything he'd ever felt on Tsuzuki.

"My word, Hisoka! Please stop molesting my breasts!" Mary Sue said in mock anger, shooting the boy sultry looks, as she held firm to his little wrist.

Hisoka shot straight up in mortified frustration, ripping his freshly violated hand away from the she-devil. "You stop molesting my hand with your stupid boob!"

Mary turned her attention to Tsuzuki. "You saw it, Asato. You caught him in the act," she said righteously. "And still he denies it. Once a cheater, always a cheater." She shook her head disapprovingly at the boy.

Unable to handle all the stupidity flying around the room, Hisoka exploded "We're gay, you idiot!" He turned murderous eyes on the girl and pointed to Tsuzuki. "He's a guy, and I find that to be one of his most attractive attributes!"

"That's okay. Didn't I tell you? My strongest magic is my power of seduction; I can effortlessly turn gay men straight and straight women gay!" An insanely pompous glint lit her hideously self-loving eyes as she clenched her fist in triumph. "However, since it is difficult for one as beautiful as me to control such an ability, I have inadvertently used my powers to make you both fall in love with me." She smiled narcissistically. "You will have to fight over me, and vie for my attention in a passionate threesome." She ran her fingers through her long wet hair.

Hisoka's mouth hung open mindlessly in disbelief. Shaking his head slightly to relieve the shock that had settled there, he furrowed his brow and continued in a composed, contemplative tone, "That sounds like a good idea…" His calm tone was at odds with the vein on his forehead pumping aggressively as he continued with a murderous hiss, "On the condition that you stay out of it!" His little fists shook at his sides with the venomous power of his words.

Trying to suppress an excited grin, Tsuzuki was simply sitting back and joyfully watching his partner fight so passionately for him.

Dimwittedly unaffected by the boy's tone, Mary placed a contemplative, French-manicured fingernail to her lips. "…But that's just a twosome," she said slowly with a crease in her brow, as though she was just beginning to understand some very bad news.

"That's right!" Hisoka said in mock enthusiasm, though it just made him look insane when mixed with his current state of fury.

She pouted at all the rejection she was receiving. "Well, can I at least watch?"

"Sure!" Tsuzuki chimed in with genuine enthusiasm. However, looking over at his partner who was currently so shocked at the man's affirmative response that the only thing the boy could do was gawk at him in silent outrage, Tsuzuki quickly sobered. Adopting a more fatherly, authoritative tone, he turned his attention to the girl. "Uh, I mean no. Most certainly not…" He crossed his arms over his chest, and Mary's pout deepened as she sat back down on her bed. "Because that would be wrong." Tsuzuki watched for Hisoka's approval out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm still mad at you," he said shortly as he plopped back down on his bed.

Forgetting about the girl, Tsuzuki laid down next to his partner again. "I didn't do anything, but be mad if you want to." Immune to Hisoka's moods, Tsuzuki was unaffected by the harsh tone and hugged the boy tightly from behind, snuggling into the soft blonde hair of his partner's nape.

Hisoka sighed, defeated by the warmly affectionate cuddling, and was about to turn around and make sure that he and Tsuzuki didn't go to bed mad at each other, when he noticed Mary watching them with one voyeuristic eye over her pillow. "Go to bed, you pervert!" He chucked another pillow at her.

By the time he got to bed that night, he had no pillows left to sleep with.

To Be Continued…

Well... Did you like it? Drop me a review and let me know what I'm doing right and/or wrong -smiles-