Y helo thar everyone! I'm back for the silly ongoing adventures of Nergal and Co. as they prepare for their part in Fire Emble. Watch as Ephidel fries minions to a fiery crisp! See Lloyd be brutally accused! Witness Nergal get a mysterious package! It's all here! So watch and learn of the untold adventures of the evil crew! You'll have fun! You'll laugh! You'll cry! BE PREPARED!
Ephidel paced down the hallway, looking very pissed off. Of course, he was always kind of pissed off, but right then he was really angry.
"Sweet Elmine!" he yelled. "This is never going to work in time… where are those slackers!"
Barging into the door he was looking for, he saw a group of brigands, mercenaries, and archers playing cards on the floor of the meeting room, scripts and papers on the floor, completely disregarded. The minions looked up from their game to see a red-faced morph, eyes burning with hate.
"WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU FOOLS DOING!" Ephidel screamed in fury. "WE ONLY HAVE 18 HOURS! WHO IS IN CHARGE HERE!"
Everyone was still, until a fighter stood up, knees shaking.
"Are you responsible for this?" Ephidel asked in a low, menacing voice.
"Uh… yes." The bandit began, trembling. "But, if you… let me explain… I…. AHHHHH!"
In a flash of lightning, the bandit was thrown into a wall by a searing bolt of electricity that collided into his chest with grim lethality.
Putting the copy of Bolting back into his robes, Ephidel muttered something about "crappy magic resistance", and then continued. "All of you will get back to work, or I bring out the S ranked spells. Is that UNDERSTOOD!"
The minions quickly nodded, and Ephidel picked up a copy of "Nergal's Big Book of Minion Quotes", and smiled wickedly.
"I will now give a quick quiz to make sure you are prepared. First up will be… Dimitri! Recite your battle quote."
A ragged looking brigand stood up, his knees on the verge of buckling in fear. "Um… uhh… 'What are you doing….' No wait that's not right. 'How dare you de…' No, that ain't right neither. Uh… can I have a minute to stud…. AHHHHH!"
A bolt of electricity also hit the bandit, this time flying through the roof, creating a human shaped hole in the ceiling. In disgust, Ephidel put his book away again.
"Insolence!" Ephidel yelled. "And look! My Bolting only has 3 uses left! 3 USES! All because of you FOOLS! Migal, recite your death quote NOW!"
Migal closed his eyes, muttering something to himself. After a long time of preparing himself, he began. "Ugh... You'll live to regret this... My brothers... The Ganelon bandits will not let this stand..." Finishing, he put his hands together and desperately started praying.
Ephidel flipped through his book, looking in "Lyn Bosses" section.
"Good, you are correct. You will be the boss of Chapter 3- Band of Mercenaries." Ephidel said, a bit disappointed he wouldn't be able to destroy the bandit.
Migal sighed in relief, getting enthusiastic high- 5's from Generic Archer 67 and Generic Brigand 49.
"Now! You will all be studying your scripts. Unless you would like to end up like that fool." Ephidel sneered, pointing to the pile of ash and bones that was their old leader.
"Sir, yes sir!" The bandits replied, smartly saluting to the disgruntled sage.
Ephidel walked out of the room, satisfied with the work that he had just done.
"It's good to be the king." He said to himself, smirking.
Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock tick, tock…
Linus impatiently paced the room in which he, Legault, Lloyd, and Ursula were waiting. Continually watching the large grandfather clock, he ground his teeth and was muttering something to himself.
"Linus, will you PLEASE stop doing that?" Ursula said annoyed.
"What am I supposed to do? We've been here for 5 freakin' hours! Aren't you getting a little bit frustrated."
"Yes, but you don't see me running around like a big idiot." Ursula snapped.
"I swear, girl." Linus said, gritting his teeth and putting his hand on the handle of his broadsword. "Give me more sass and I'll cut you where you stand."
"Linus. Stop overreacting. We'll all get through this. The Fang won't be defeated by boredom." Linus said calmly, in the middle of sharpening his beloved Light Brand.
"You could always play poker with me, Linus." Legault said, taking out his pack of cards from his satchel.
"No way. You cheat like a dirty rat." Linus said sharply.
"Suit yourself." Legault said as he set up to play solitaire.
Minutes went by like hours as the Fang continued to wait for the supposed leader of the group that mysteriously hired the group of famed assassins. Lloyd and Ursula talked pleasantly to one another, Legault ended up falling asleep on his cards, slightly drooling, and Linus shiftily looked around the room, talking to himself quickly and quietly.
"Linus sure is acting crazier than usual, Lloyd." Ursula said with some concern as she looked at Linus grabbing at his hair and chanting something to himself.
"Oh, he gets like this when he's away from violence for long periods of time. As soon as we get out of here, I'll probably let him chop a beaver in half, or something. That'll make him feel like himself." Lloyd replied, sounding like this has happened many times beforehand.
"That's probably a good idea. It's not healthy to… OHMYGOSH IT'S SONIA!" Ursula exclaimed as the bitter sage entered the room.
"Oh no. Not her again." Lloyd muttered, putting his hands on his face.
"Well if it isn't the insolent twerp who tried to take advantage of me, and your insolent brother who looks on the verge of a breakdown. And who might this girl be?" Sonia said looking at the excited Ursula, who was quickly rummaging through her handbag, grabbing a pad of paper and a pen.
"SONIA! I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN!" Ursula screamed like a little schoolgirl, jumping up and down and putting the paper at her face. "CAN YOU SIGN THIS PLEASE?"
"Uhh…" Sonia said, very confused. "Who are you?"
Trying to calm down, Ursula began, "My names Ursula and I think you're the coolest ever! Ever since I saw you on the cover of Dominatrix Weekly, I wanted to be JUST LIKE YOU!"
"Oh, that is so… sweet." Sonia said in half confusion, half satisfaction, grabbing the quill and quickly sketching her name in fancy lettering in the small piece of parchment and throwing it back to the hyperventilating fangirl.
"Oh… my… god…" Ursula whispered as she clutched the paper with shaking hands. "IGOTSONIA'SSIGNATURETHISISTHEBESTDAYOFMYLIFE!" She exclaimed suddenly in one long word, running around and finally leaving out of the door Sonia came from, screeching in victory.
"Anyway…" Sonia began, still confused. "I have your mission list from Lord Nergal. You BETTER read every INCH of it, or I'll have you fed to the dragons."
"Wait a second… DRAGONS" Linus yelled, seemingly awakening from his psychotic slumber. "No one told me about stinkin' DRAGONS!"
"Did I say "dragons"?" Sonia said, nervously chuckling and furiously shifting her eyes around the room. "I meant… Dra….goons. Yes! Dragoons. From Final Fantasy Tactics. Yeah."
"Dragoons? They're not in Fire Emblem." Lloyd said skeptically. "No one can do that super jump thing with our physics."
"Uh… well… with Nergal's magic, anything is possible. Now let's end this conversation and talk about how you're going to have to be taking care of my daughter from now on."
"WHAT!" Lloyd and Linus screamed in fear at the same exact moment.
"You can't be serious!" Linus shouted.
" You've already MADE us work for you, now you're MAKING us take care of your daughter?" Lloyd asked with some anger.
"Of course I am! Come on out Nino! See your new brothers!"
"BROTHERS!" The siblings screamed, clutching each other in fear.
Before anything else could be said, a young girl with short green hair scampered in the room, clearly very excited.
"Nino, say hello to your new playmates.' Sonia said with a wicked grin.
"Mommy! Oh thank you so much for my new brothers! We're going to have SOOOOO much FUN!" Nino exclaimed, hugging the dismal brothers, who were eying each other with dread laced in their expressions.
"Oh… yes." Lloyd said weakly. "Lot's of…fun."
"Fun...fun…fun…" Linus murmured.
"Well, I'll leave you all alone for a while, let you get to know each other." Sonia said wickedly, walking out of the door. "Have fun."
The door slammed, and the 4 of them (in case you haven't noticed, Legault's been asleep) were left staring at each other in stony silence.
"You know…" Legault said, waking up from his slumber, "I'm pretty good with kids..."
"What's your name, mister?" Nino said sweetly.
"Legault." The thief said coolly, swishing his hair back and striking a rather dramatic pose, which Lloyd and Linus rolled their eyes at.
"OK! Then you can be my Uncle Legault!" Nino said, clapping her hands and hugging her new uncle figure.
"Wait a second! I can't be your Uncle. I'm in my twenties! If I was your Uncle, that would be kind of… weird…"
"It's no stranger than a lot of the stuff you do, Legault." Lloyd said with a smirk.
"Yeah, like spying on Lloyd's…"
"I TOLD YOU TO NOT BRING THAT UP!" Lloyd bellowed as he threw himself at his brother, attacking the bigger surprised man.
"I bet 10 bucks that Linus wins." Nino whispered to Legault regarding the fight that had broken out between them.
"Oh, no way. I bet 10 that Lloyd wins. You should see him when he gets all riled up about his private life." Legault replied, slapping a handful of gold pieces onto the floor.
As Lloyd repentantly wailed on his brother, and the gamblers watched in amusement, hoping that their man would emerge victorious, Sonia suddenly entered the room.
"Oh yeah, one more thing. Nergal wants you to… oh geez! This is just like the last time I interrupted you boys." Sonia said with glee as she saw Lloyd lying on top of his brother (Why must I keep doing this! I'm really sorry for all of this. Again).
Lloyd and Linus, like opposite magnets, flew of each other at an incredibly high velocity and immediately began rattling off excuses.
"Oh no, don't apologize boys." Sonia said giggling. "It's just that… if you're not trying to get in bed with me, your doing it with your brother…"
"Or the fangirls." Linus added, smiling.
Lloyd clutched is blond hair and fell onto his knees. "WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO MEEEEEEE!"
Denning quickly walked down the dimly lit hallways of the Dragon's Gate in complete silence. Reaching a large door, he knocked rapidly on the oak entrance.
"Come in." A voice from within commanded.
"The door opened wide, and Denning scurried in, shuffling to a large throne turned away from him, with a mysterious figure sitting out of sight.
'This is a message from your optometrist. Your prosthetic eye has arrived." Denning said in a dulled monotone.
"Ah! Excellent!" A voice exclaimed as the chair spun around, reveling a very excited Nergal. "Please! Let me see it!"
Denning put the box on the desk, and Nergal ripped it apart like a wild dog in his enthusiasm. When it was finally opened, he gasped, taking the eye of the box, and starting gazing at it. The hideous, bloodshot thing must have greatly appealed to the dark wizard.
"I can't wait to see how it looks…" he murmured as he put the fake eyeball over the real one, pasting it on with a wad of glue. Taking out his mirror, he grinned from ear to ear.
"Why, I even look more evil than before! It really looks like my eye was horribly disfigured in some accident. But how would I say it got there… Oh I know! I can say it's Athos' fault. Yeah, that sounds like a good theory…Now Denning!" Nergal suddenly said, snapping the morph to attention. "Your next assignment is to get me a nice, black turban. Not too fancy. With a long piece of cloth at the end."
Denning bowed and teleported out of the room to do his master's strange errands.
Nergal sat back in his chair and closed his eyes.
"Ah, yes." He muttered to himself. "All my plans are going exactly according to…" Nergal's thoughts were immediately interrupted by a sound of cracking thunder, horrific screams, and a malicious laugh that seemed like Ephidel's/
"FOOLS! I TOLD YOU TO READ YOUR LINES!" Ephidel's voice bellowed, accompanied by more horrific cracking sounds.
Nergal slumped down in his chair and sighed.
"I think I'll take that back…" he muttered as he began to bang his head against the desk.
I'd like to thank all my reviewers: you're the greatest, guys (and girls). I'm going to use this new little "Reply" tool to see it that your reviews are answered. And if you have any requests, use that other new tool, the "User talk" thingamajig. Oh yeah. I'm sorry about the yaoi content. It's just that… I thought it would be funny, you know? Anyway, read and review! I hope to here from all of you!
In case you didn't know, what Ursula said is roughly translated to "I got Sonia's signature this is the best day of my life." Just so you know...