Lock - "Did you hear that?"
Shock - "Hey everybody, Santa's here!"
Barrel - "Aw, there ain't no Santa Claus."
Shock - "There is, too!"
SFX - knock on door
Lock/Shock/Barrel - "He's here!"
SFX - door bursts open
Santa - "Ho, ho, ho... Merry Christmas, kids!"
Lock - "Aw, shit, it's Red Peters..."
Lock/Shock/Barrel - "Awww..." (grumbling in unison)
Santa - "Come on, kids, get over here. We're gonna sing us a happy Christmas song."
Lock - "Oh no, not another corny, stupid song."
Shock - "Yeah, no way Red."
Lock/Shock/Barrel - "Yeah, yeah..."
Santa- "Get over here and sing or I'll wring your little necks!"
Lock/Shock/Barrel - "OK, OK!...jeesh!"
Santa-
Grab your nuts hamsters, gather round with me
forget about out all that teasin'
we're breakin' out the holly and aluminum tree
cuz it's that jolly season
I know you been naughty, but have you been nice
that's only Santa's business
he's makin' his list and he's checkin' it twice
Lock/Shock/Barrel- Holy Shit, It's Christmas!
Lock/Shock/Barrel-
Santa comes just once a year
just like you, Red, that's what we hear
he's got a soft spot for reindeer
especially Rudolph's derriere
knock it off fellas it's a holiday
go on give santa a big kiss
you can play hide the hamster on a one horse sleigh
Holy Shit, It's Christmas!
(instrumental)
Santa - "Hey, what happened to my lyric sheet? Anyone seen my lyric sheet?"
Lock - "Heck, we don't need no lyric sheets, Red.
We know our parts by heart. Right fellas?" (giggles)
Shock - "Yeah, sure, I know my part, Lock." (giggles)
Barrel - "Yah, me too!" (giggles)
Santa- "Well that's great guys, I love Christmas songs."
SUNG
(Lock) - Santa tried reaching up the neighbors blouse
after drinking all the eggnog
(Shock) - camped out in the bathroom for an hour or two
squashing off a yule log
Barrel - he wandered in his undies all over the house
but we minded our own business
Lock/Shock/Barrel - til we caught him stuffing hamsters up a gift wrap tube
(All) - Holy Shit, It's Christmas!
Shock-Santa comes just once a year
up the chimney he'll disappear
Lock/Shock/Barrel- keep on the look out for Mr. Gear
hamster deliveries in the rear
Santa - (grabbing the lyric sheet, speaking...) "Gimme those lyrics!"
Lock/Shock/Barrel-
roastnuts chestin' on an open fire
santas tongue stuck to the doorknob
his balls got fondled by a carolin' choir
while the parson gave him a hand... what?
the sleigh came down and took him away
that whole damn crowd was dismissed
it was time to be jolly, a time to be gay
Holy Shit, It's Christmas!
Holy Shit, It's Christmas! Holy Shit, It's Christmas!
(end)