The Coldest of Hearts - Part Thirteen
"NO!" Cassie grabbed her Mom's hands, slicking the blood that covered them over her. Her strength startled Janet as she forced them back into place over Jack's heart.
Janet felt the tears running down her own face and Cassie's features began to blur. She turned back to the prone figure of the Colonel.
"Again!" she ordered the doctor who sat waiting for her call. God help her, but she knew if she didn't try again, her daughter would never forgive her.
As soon as the SF's were sure the room was safe, they permitted more staff in. Their soft whispers as they watched a hopeless battle were muted to Janet ... only her harsh breathing and Cassie's sobs were real.
"Christ!" exclaimed the doctor trying to force air into the Colonel's lungs with the ambu bag that had been passed to him. "I've got a pulse."
There was a sudden flurry of action and the machines that had stood silent and been deemed unnecessary were rapidly put to use.
Janet's ears buzzed and as her vision began to tunnel and gray she reached out blindly for assistance. Strong arms pulled her back from the body and another took her place ... as Janet sank into oblivion.
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Janet felt oddly calm as she resurfaced. Her eyes flickered open to find the pale face of her daughter regarding her with something akin to panic.
"Oh hon," whispered Janet and raised a weak hand to her.
Cassie grasped it in a fierce grip. "Mom," she whispered tearfully.
The last thing Janet remembered before sliding into oblivion was the bloodied body of the Colonel beneath her ... "Cassie?" she murmured questioningly, not sure what to expect from her daughter's expression.
"Jack's ..." Cassie's voice cracked and she began again. "Jack's ... oh Mom ... he's ..." she broke down, her breath racked with sobs.
Janet felt the tears begin to well in her own eyes, some for her daughter's sorrow certainly, but most of her tears were for the Colonel.
"Cassie, I am sorry, really, I tried."
"He's alive Mom, they won't tell us anything else yet, but he's ..." Cassie took a gulped breath. "He's really sick Mom."
Janet couldn't respond, she merely hugged her daughter tightly, trying to comfort her, trying to steal some comfort herself.
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Draper was pacing the small room. Next to him, Teal'c was standing unmoving, his face unreadable. One of the doctors had seen to the wound Teal'c had sustained in his brief fight with Mayer, but surprisingly the huge man was back on his feet, dismissing the injury as nothing in a remarkably short space of time. The sound of the door opening caused them to face it expectantly for the news they dreaded, only to find Sam and Daniel entering, their faces clearly showing their distress and puzzlement.
"We got here as fast as we could," panted Daniel slightly. "How's Jack?"
"O'Neill is in the theatre, Daniel Jackson. They are operating," Teal'c replied, his voice worried. The rare show of emotion had his two team mates casting concerned glances at each other.
"What happened? Are Cassie and Janet here as well? Are they hurt too?" asked Sam, her eyes admitting a slightly panicked expression. They had been told very few details – only that the missing fugitive had attacked the Colonel in his hospital room.
"Mayer did it? Where the hell were security?" admonished Daniel.
Draper shook his head. He felt so guilty that he hadn't stopped Mayer from carrying out the attack on his friend that he was unable to speak.
Teal'c inclined his head towards Draper, as if sensing his discomfort.
"Mayer will be of no further trouble to anyone now. It is with great sorrow that I failed in my duty to protect O'Neill and he was shot. They are operating as we speak, but I must warn you that it does not look well for him."
Draper watched the sadness that passed over the man's face as he spoke. It seemed he was not the only one with the huge attack of guilt. He put a hand out to the big man's shoulder, quite unsure if the man would shake it off or not.
Teal'c however, did nothing; he merely bowed his head slightly, acknowledging Draper's touch.
"I'm just as much to blame, Teal'c. I should have insisted on more security." Draper let his hand drop from the shoulder of the man he had stood beside on that staircase, and had watched, with something akin to gloating, as the huge dark man slowly choked the life out of Mayer.
"What happened?" asked Sam, her eyes flitting from one man to the other, as if trying to gleam some knowledge from their faces.
Draper gently informed them of what he knew of Jack's condition, which, he admitted, wasn't much. He carried on explaining about Cassie and Janet, then Janet's collapse after she had resuscitated Jack.
"Oh God, what a ..." Sam's voice dried. She cleared her throat a little, before asking if she could see Janet.
Draper nodded, eager to escape the room. He felt a little awkward standing there, as if intruding on this tight knit team. Their loyalty and affection for their leader and friend was something he understood, if not felt himself towards Jack, but he also knew that he was really an outsider here...
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Sam's heart ached for the two favourite females in her life. Janet waved away her concerned glance and sat up on the bed, while Cassie flung her arms around Sam, the most open display towards her yet since her rescue, and hugged her tightly, demanding to know if there was any more news.
Sam shook her head as she sat down, still holding onto the young girl.
"Mayer's dead," announced Cassie, almost calmly.
Janet felt as if a huge mantle of darkness had lifted from her, yet she had to ask... "Are you sure?"
Cassie nodded. "I heard Teal'c tell where his body was."
Janet felt so relieved tears began to fall, and Cassie at once began to hug her.
"It's okay mom, he can't hurt us anymore."
Janet sniffed and wiped at her eyes with shaking hands. She realised that everything she'd done ... said ... to Jack O'Neill had stemmed from letting her fears overwhelm her. The thought that she had slapped him – not only a sick man, but a superior officer – god, he could have had her court-martialled. But she knew he never would, he was too honorable a man to do that. The remorse she felt at betraying such a man hit her hard, the sudden remembrance of the words accusing him of being incapable of saving his son's life launched in her gut and she began to heave.
Sam calmly grabbed a bowl from the bedside table and held her friend until the heaving subsided.
Cassie sat quietly, waiting and watching.
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Janet eventually joined the others waiting for news after showering and changing. She felt wretched with guilt and shame at how she had treated the Colonel. After Sam had left them, Cassie had sat and talked to her, letting it all out and the actions of Jack, not only back at the abandoned base, but at the shooting, had left no doubt now in her mind that he had done his utmost to protect her, even to the point of dying. She felt too weak to pace the room as she would have normally done and Cassie sat beside her, waiting...
The surgeon that finally dared to greet the mass of people that were waiting for news had done his best. The operation had been long and very difficult and even now he had nothing good to give to those that waited.
"The operation was successful and we've removed all the bullets, including the one in the head, but I'm sorry to say that Colonel O'Neill lapsed into a coma. The prognosis isn't very promising, I'm sorry." The surgeon departed quietly, leaving the stunned people in the room to gather their thoughts.
"Coma?" asked Daniel, somewhat dazed. "Surely that doesn't mean ... I mean he could just wake up?"
"Possibly," responded Janet.
"Why can't they do something?" asked Cassie.
Janet shook her head. "They'll do everything they can, but with a head injury like that it's ..."
"Unlikely! Shot in the head doesn't leave a lot of survivors does it?" finished Daniel bleakly.
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Janet begged first chance to see the Colonel. She needed to say so much and say it quickly. She was never sure if a comatose person could actually hear what was going on around them, but she felt sure that they could sense things.
She took the cold limp hand in hers and gazed down at his pale face. The swathe of bandages, along with the ventilator tubes, hid half his face. Her eyes automatically took in the machines readings and what she saw gave her no glimmer of hope.
"Colonel, I don't know if you can hear me or not, I hope you can and that you can forgive me. I know I must have hurt you with what I said, but please believe me it was because I was frightened and angry. I didn't mean it. I want you to know that I always thought what a brilliant father you must have been and ..." she choked down a sob before continuing, "and are to Cassie. Hurry up and get better Jack, she needs you ... we all need you." The tears were running fast now and she gave his hand a final squeeze before leaving the room.
Sam tried to comfort her outside in the corridor, but Janet shook her off, begging to be alone for just a little while. She turned on her heels and escaped, rapidly exiting the hospital and out into the bright sunshine. She needed to get away, if only for a few minutes – needed to deal with her emotions in private.
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Everyone was allowed in for a short while to see the Colonel and one by one they joined the others in the waiting room. Cassie had gone in with Sam and they had both come out tearful.
The silence that descended on the room was heavy and morbid and Daniel could stand it no longer. "For God's sake he's not dead yet!" he berated them all, including himself.
"The life support is keeping him going at the moment Daniel," said Janet quietly. She had come back, determined to do her best for her friend, and now stood, her arm around her daughter's shoulders. She took a deep breath before continuing. "In forty-eight hours if there is no sign of improvement, it will be turned off."
"Turned off?" asked Daniel incredulously. "They can't just ..."
Sam squeezed Daniel's shoulder warningly. "Daniel, it's the Colonel's orders."
"A living will?" Daniel's voice cracked a little and he turned away from them as Cassie buried her face in her mom's shoulders, the tears racking her body.
"I'll be back later," said Draper quietly. He left giving no-one the chance to say anything else and the door shut behind him.
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The next forty-eight hours were painfully slow ... or incredibly fast... slow as in another hour brought the thought Jack could wake up ... fast as in his time was running out ...
General Hammond had received the news and came to see his 2IC. He was pale and his gait was slow and lacking in spirit, his very being emitting the shroud of hopelessness that he was feeling. Upon his arrival he had been handed the envelope bearing his name that had been found by the hospital staff. After reading the resignation, he'd torn it up and said nothing – the Colonel was going to be buried with full military honors.
He joined them again shortly before the forty-eight hours were up. The faces that greeted him showed that there was no change.
Jack's living will decreed that he wanted no-one to be present while the 'plug was pulled' and his wishes were respected. The time came and only the doctor and two nurses were present, ready to witness the time of death.
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Everyone had bid him their final farewells in their own way and they were now waiting quietly together for the announcement.
General Hammond stood to attention, feeling every one of his birthdays ... feeling remorse at the loss of not only a friend, but a son, a hero ... a brave man who had given literally everything to serve and protect.
The door opened to reveal the doctor and he stepped quietly into the waiting room. It had seemed to take an age and bitterly Daniel wondered at how long it took to 'pull a plug'.
Cassie's wail at the sight of the doctor brought all of them tears, some hidden, some not so hidden and Sam wiped at her face quickly, trying uselessly to stem the flow.
Daniel could barely see the doctor as his glasses misted with his own tears. The emptiness of his life without his good friend ... and sometimes foe, clutched ice fingers around his heart.
Janet held Cassie tightly, her own eyes surprisingly dry, her nerves calm as she waited for the doctor's speech she knew so well...
The doctor looked around the room, clearing his throat, obviously uncomfortable. "The ventilator was switched off as the patient requested, however he is still alive. I honestly don't expect him to continue to survive, but there is now nothing we can or will do to accelerate his demise and we will continue with his care to the best of our abilities."
The resounding silence that greeted the speech was more shocking than the barrage of questions he had expected.
"You can see him whenever you like, but please, I warn you not to expect anything but the inevitable now. It might be only a matter of hours, but it could be days."
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General Hammond was the first to recover. "Thank you doctor."
The doctor nodded and was clearly relieved to leave them.
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"I knew he couldn't leave us," said Cassie as she wiped her face with her sleeve.
"Cassie, honey, it's just a matter of time now. He can't recover from being injured that badly," said Janet quietly. As much as she believed in hope, she didn't want her daughter holding out for a miracle ... they just didn't happen.
"He won't leave us!" declared Cassie firmly. She stood up and looked around at the adults. She saw the pity on their faces for her, their own sorrows laid bare for her to see as well.
"I'm going to talk to him, he won't be alone." With determination she moved to the door and opened it quickly.
"Cassie," called Janet as the door closed behind her.
"It's okay, let her go to him. She just needs a little time, like we all do," said Sam.
Janet nodded. Time ... time was all they all had, just how much nobody knew...
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