Disclaimer: POT doesn't and will never belong to me.
Chapter 5: don't give up, Kuni-chan, I am coming back.
How I wish I could turn back time
To the days when he was mine.
To the days when our hearts were one,
When our clocks of love had just begun.
How I wish I could turn back time
To when his love seemed like a crime,
When he held me tight for o' so long,
When his voice was my favorite song.
But the hands of time cannot go back,
And I must learn to face the fact.
His new life has no room for me;
Yet, still I love him... secretly.
Two months had passed, and Fuji had settled comfortably into his new life in Paris. His only goal now was to forget his past, forget everything about Tezuka. Every time he heard someone talking with the hard and unbending voice, he would race out. He was sure Tezuka had found him and now he was here to bring him home. But it was never him.
No matter how much his mind prayed that Tezuka would never find him, no matter how his logical brain pleaded that he would just remain out of sight forever, his silly heart would dream of the day Tezuka would find him and bring back his soul and heart again.
There was a saying, it took one second to spot him, one minute to know him, one hour to love him and forever to forget him. He laughed mirthlessly. Was he going to be condemned to an eternity of heartsickness and longing? Was that his reward for not being selfish? Was that the result of his love for Tezuka?
He switched channels listlessly, the French was deeply accented, but he managed to catch it.
He stopped and stared at the flashing picture on the screen. He couldn't believe his eyes.
The heir to the Tezuka Incorporation is now standing at the top of the cliff. He is going to attempt the climb down the cliff with no safety gear. Just one slip and his life would be put in dire jeopardy! This was the fifth stunt the young heir had pulled; people are questioning the soundness of his mind. All the live-threatening acts he had committed struck fear even in the professional stunt men! Why would anyone with billions of heritance want to risk a visit to the God of Death? There he goes…
The door slammed shut as the TV set droned on.
Why Tezuka, why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to yourself? I cannot lose you, why are you risking your life like this? Please, oh God, please keep him safe.
Looking the pictures from the TV set had struck such fear in Fuji's heart. When they captured Tezuka's face, he saw his eyes and he knew that he would lose Tezuka if he didn't go to him now.
The dullness of his eyes, as if he had given up all will to live. The darkness lurking within them was as if he didn't care if he survived the stunt or not. For all means, Tezuka had given up life, he didn't care about his life anymore, no, he had wanted to die.
Fuji was sobbing by the time he reached the airport. He bought the last ticket to Japan. He had to hurry. He didn't even know whether Tezuka had survived his current stun. Fuji wasn't a religious man by nature, but he was praying, praying that he wasn't too late, praying that Tezuka was still alive, praying that he would be able to tell Tezuka the truth.
The flight was too long. Please, wait for me, do not give up yet, I don't allow you to give up…please, stay strong for me!
One step, two steps…he reached for the next ragged edge of cliff with his feet.
Everyone gasped in painful anticipation whenever he missed a step and hung precariously by a hand. He didn't care.
Death had seemed so tempting lately.
The blissful oblivious he had gotten from drinking was wearing thin. He could still feel the pain in his heart, he could still see the day when Fuji walked away. Thank you for taking care of me, but your lifestyle was getting stale to me. Bye-bye.
The words haunted him day and night. There were no respite from them, there were no merciful escape from reality and he no longer wants to live.
His first attempt to end his life was rope-walking. He survived that with the luck reserved for little children.
Next he breached the Great Wall of China. He survived that with the luck reserved for fools.
Bungee jumping and racing car had spared his life with the luck reserved for the kind and the pitiable.
He raged silently at all the unfairness of life. He wanted to live, but He had taken away Fuji, when he wanted to die, He gave him all the luck.
Slowly and almost carelessly, he tripped over the serrated wall of the cliff. He wanted to just let go and fall. He wanted to end everything with just a push from the wall. But his pride didn't allow it. He would never allow people to think that he killed himself.
Praying hard that he would die now, he got even more careless, slipping down several meters, before grabbing hold of a sharp rock and hung swaying in the wind. Blood coated the rocks he had gripped with inhuman strength. Perhaps the blood would make the rocks slippery and I would lose my hold and fall.
When he finally reached the ground, everyone heaved a relieved sigh. But he was staring angrily into the clouds, he couldn't believe that fifty seven feet and he was still alive. It wasn't fair; it just wasn't fair that he had to suffer when all he wanted was the total relief from life.
He strode away, disregarding all the gushing people and his badly torn hands. The admiration and the questions from the damn reporters were not important, the pain he was in was not important, but the fact he wasn't dead was important. Mayhap he should just step in front of a speeding car and let it end there and then.
Fuji, since you didn't want me anymore, I no longer want myself as well. Please God, just let me die, let me die! I don't want to hurt like this anymore. My heart and soul was numbed and I can no longer feel anything but pain. Doesn't that give me the right to seek death? DAMN YOU GOD…damn you…DAMN YOU FUJI SYUUSUKE!
He broke into cold sweat, he had felt the pain, it wasn't his, but it was there, as if, as if Tezuka had died and on his last breath, he had cursed Fuji for all the pain and sorrow he had caused him.
Please…don't give up yet, Kuni-chan, I am coming back.