Disclaimer: POT and HXH don't and will never belong to me.
Chapter 21: Dreams…they end, don't they?
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She paced the length of her room for the umpteen times. She knew that Tezuka was awake and was more than determined to find out the truth.
Ignoring the calls coming from his room, Ann prayed hard that Kurapica would come soon. She couldn't bear facing this herself.
"Please, oh god, please don't let him remember anything. I need him; I need him more than Fuji does."
The loud knock on her door shocked her out of her musings.
Cautiously opening her door, she wished that it was a servant.
"Mitsu-chan! What are you doing…?"
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"Why did you help Tachibana-san?" Fuji didn't look at Kurapica.
Kurapica knew that Fuji was just trying to lessen his guilt. If Ann Tachibana had initialed this entire plot, in Fuji's mind, his guilt would be minimized.
He mocked himself. How can he ever think to hurt Fuji like this?
"Gomen Fuji" with those two words, Kurapica confirmed his responsibility in this scheme.
Fuji fell silent. Kurapica knew that he had hurt him more, but in a way, this was the only thing he could do, to repay, to atone his sins.
Directing the car through two turns, Ann Tachibana's mansion came into view. Stopping at the gate, they waited for the security guard to open it.
"Kurapica, I won't press charges against you or Tachibana-san."
The tears he fought so hard to keep in check spilled over his cheeks, scaldingly and unrelentingly.
He knew, from all the time he had spent with Fuji since childhood that Fuji would never hurt anyone, even if that person hurt him. But if anyone touch someone he cared, his avenge would be swift and pitiless.
But now, he was willing to let go. Somehow it was enough, for it showed that he was someone of great importance to Fuji as well.
"Arigatoo" he choked out, all his regret and pain mingled within that one word. His shame prevented him from saying more.
If only he realize it earlier, if only he accept that no matter what happen, Fuji would never forget Tezuka. Even if Tezuka had died, even if he had died for a million years, Fuji would still love him and him only.
What a fool he had been, grasping after what he could and would never has.
Finally, the gate swung open on well-greased hinges.
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The moment she gotten news of Kurapica's arrival with another person through the intercom, she knew that he had given up.
Sitting across her in a similar armchair, Tezuka was listening intently to the buzz of the intercom. The moment he heard Kurapica's name, his eyes clashed with Tachibana's. And she knew that he had his suspicions.
Determined not to give up, she struck up an innocent conversation with him. It was a pretty hard thing to do as Tezuka had been glowering at her with his usual coolness and a touch of anger.
The instant she opened the door to admit Tezuka, she knew that the truth would be revealed soon. Never had she seen someone more determined to find out the truth.
But she wasn't ready to give up yet. Even if Kurapica had given up, she won't.
She had nothing to lose. And one with nothing to lose would fight till death.
Somehow, her carefully composed mask cracked, no, it had been crushed since she knew that she was alone in fighting for her love.
Looking up, she saw something that hit her hard. It destroyed her confidence, so thoroughly, where even her worst failures hadn't.
Sympathy
Sympathy for someone who had lost, not only to Fate but also to love.
Clenching her fists tightly, she ignored the pain when her nails dug into her palms. She couldn't lose, no, she refused to lose.
Standing up, with her arms stiff by her sides, she stared resentfully at the carpet. Her sudden movement caused Tezuka to stand as well.
"Don't look at me" she mumbled. And when Tezuka continued to stare at her, completely baffled, she snapped.
"STOP LOOKING AT ME! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!" she screamed, till her voice was hoarse.
"Like what?" he asked, with his usual courtesy.
She laughed, not a happy sound people made when joyous, no, hers was the kind when human was pushed to their limits. She was at hers, walking between the very thin line of sanity and madness.
Tezuka seemed to recognize that, for he fell silent when he was about to speak.
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"Stop looking as if you were looking into me, stop using that judgmental look on me; please stop looking at me as if I have lost! Stop…please, just stop looking at me AS IF I HAVE LOST TO FUJI SYUUSUKE!"
It ended in a scream, it was loud, but it didn't hurt Tezuka's ear, it hurt his heart. He trusted her, as a friend, yet she was lying.
Tezuka knew, from all the little hints he picked up from Ann-chan, that she was lying, about why he was in her house and most importantly, about Fuji betraying him.
His memories were still vague, but there were snatches of them, sudden but vivid.
One thing he was now sure of, Fuji Syuusuke has been and would continue to be his one and only love. He was just too important; Tezuka could feel his heart tremble every time he saw Fuji's face flashed through his mind.
However, whenever he thought about his past with Fuji Syuusuke, his heart would ache. So he wasn't sure if Ann-chan's words were totally false. He prayed that they were, for somehow, he suspected that his heart could not weather another painful storm.
Looking at Ann-chan's wild and dilated pupils, he knew that he must calm her down first.
Slowly approaching her as one would a cornered beast; he put a reassuring hand on her arm. He refused to let go when she flinched.
"Ann-chan, take a seat first." Lowering her gently onto the armchair, he knelt in front of her, his face earnest and his tone mild.
"I wasn't judging you, I wasn't looking at you like you have lost to Fuji Syuusuke…" she flinched again, either due to her earlier words or the mention of Fuji's name, Tezuka couldn't tell.
"I want to know the truth, no, I need to know. It's only fair, it's my right. It's… so scary to have periods of blurred memories." It was the first time he let known of his fear.
"I knew that I have lost something dear, someone dear. I want to remember that someone, that something. I need to be sure of my past. Please Ann-chan, you are my friend, please help me remember again."
"I… I felt flawed." He ended, with a grimace.
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Those words were like a slap.
They hurt because she knew she was the cause of them.
Tezuka Kunimitsu wasn't a man of many words. Even in his darkest hour, he had kept silent, keeping his pain in firm control.
Now, he was willing to tell her about his fears.
Perhaps in the past, Tezuka never doubt his memories, even when Fuji had left him and later betrayed him, he was sure of his past.
But now, his memories were flawed.
Her heart was in conflict. She wanted to lie to him, she wanted him.
But a tiny voice laughed at her.
No matter how you bluff and cheat, he would never be yours.
See, even when thinking about his past pained him, he still sought that one person who he loved and now forgotten.
You never meant to have him…
Let go Ann Tachibana, let go now gracefully, before you find yourself hurting all of them, hurting yourself.
Her lips quaked up in a bitter smile.
"Gomen nasai, Tezuka Kunimitsu…but I am not giving up yet!" Picking up a fruit knife from her coffee-table, she stared at Tezuka resentfully.
If only he hadn't make me fall in love with him…
If only he wasn't in love with Fuji Syuusuke…
If only he were mine…
If only I haven't lost…NO…I HAVEN'T LOST! NOOOO…
"No…Tezuka, watch out!"
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One year later:
The day was bright and clear, looking up into the sky, one could only see the white clouds misting the otherwise blue sky. It would be a perfect day to visit someone you love.
Apparently someone thought so too.
With a bunch of champagne-colored roses in his hand, Fuji walked quietly through all the tombstones.
Finally coming to one shiny marble tombstone, he stopped. Kneeling down, he brushed the dry leaves adorning the top of the marble away with his handkerchief.
Gently putting the flowers by the side, he wiped away the dust covering the stone, blurring the image of the one he loved and lost.
He smiled at the picture. Then his lips trembled.
All he could see now was a picture of him, locked within the smiling photo. Dead and unmoving, there was no life; no more…he's gone.
"Gomen ne…I was always too late"
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Author's note: Who said dreams could last forever? Sometimes, no matter how unwillingly, you must wake up. They do end, don't they? The dreams...