Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion. The series belongs to Gainax, ADV Films, and Hideaki Anno. Should they ask, I will remove this story from public view. I also do not own Rammstein or their songs, whose lyrics inspired this story. Should they ask, I'm sure we can work something out.
Translations are property of Jeremy Williams of Herzeleid (dot) com.Check the site out if you're a Rammstein fan; it's good stuff.
This story is rated Mature for dark sexual overtones, language, and other such weirdness. You have been warned.
"Feuer und Wasser"
Or "Fire and Water"
By CenturyChild533
Water shimmered under the dim lights of NERV's indoor pool, the heating of the swimming area causing a thick layer of vapor to hang in the air like a cloud. Mist radiated off of the pool's surface, creating an atmosphere that most would find disconcerting, even foreboding. Rei Ayanami, however, felt none of these things as she entered the doors of the building and headed toward the locker room within. The pool had always been one of her favorite places in the vast space of the Geofront and one of the few that she frequented. She had always felt at home in the water, an inexplicable feeling that the blue-haired girl had possessed as far back as her memory would reach. And at night, the indoor pool of NERV was much more enjoyable than it was in the daytime – enveloped by the blanket of darkness, the warm water made Ayanami feel at peace.
Peace – something so rare in these times of chaos.
Rei undid the buttons on her school uniform, allowing the garment to pool at her feet as she changed into her swimsuit, the dark-blue fabric hugging to the curves of her body reminding her of a plug suit in its design. Unlike most, the girl felt more comfortable in a swimsuit or plug suit than in the clunky school uniforms or other various garments. Humans were brought into this world without clothing, she reasoned. I do not understand this concept of embarrassment.
Truly, Rei simply could not comprehend the notion of modesty. It was a meaningless thing, trivial in almost every sense of the word. To spend so much time and attention to clothing was a distraction from much more important things. What those more important things were, she was not sure, but the girl knew that they existed.
Rei took a moment to pause and reflect as she often did, her memory trekking back to this afternoon. The Fifteenth Angel's attack had been stressful for all and had put everyone in a more somber, miserable disposition. Rei was no exception – despite her evident lack of emotion, such events were still troubling. She had been on the battlefield when her fellow pilot Asuka Langley Sohryu had screamed in pain as the Angel had penetrated her mind, dredging her most painful memories to the surface. While the Angel had been defeated in the end, the events had left everyone shaken, Rei included. For some unfathomable reason, it had caused the blue-haired pilot to reflect upon her own memories, reminding her of things she had not consciously taken the time to think about in quite some time. Her memories, however, were muddled, like blurred photographs – a most distressing thing indeed. Why did these gaps, these periods when she had only fragments of recollections, exist? How did they come to be in such an incomplete state? The answers eluded Rei, and she did not like the feeling of being confused at all.
They will come in due time, Rei assured herself, hoping that she was correct in assuming that it would be so.
As she folded her clothes and inserted them into the locker, Rei's mind wandered to a confrontation that she had been involved in mere hours ago, before the Angel's attack. Rei unconsciously ran a hand over her left cheek where Asuka had struck her, the redhead's words filling her ears for the second time.
( 0 0 0 )
"I am not a doll," Rei had said.
"You'd die if Commander Ikari told you to, wouldn't you!" Asuka had fumed, her anger building.
"That's right." It was the only response Rei had had to the inquiry.
Asuka had growled ferociously, her hand lashing out and connecting with Rei's face. Though she had been surprised, the blue-haired girl did not flinch, determined not to give her fellow pilot any satisfaction from such an infantile display.
"You really ARE a doll!" Asuka had shouted as she stepped backward through the elevator's opening doors. "I've always hated you, because you're so much like a doll!
"Everyone! I hate everyone!"
( 0 0 0 )
Rei sighed, a gesture that she rarely exhibited. She had since put the incident out of mind, and only now was it returning to the forefront of her thoughts. There was a deep-seated resentment within the Second Child that Rei did not fully comprehend; it must have been brought on early in life to have become this strong by now. Rei shook her head, putting it out of mind. Such interaction mattered little, especially where Asuka was concerned. I do not need to trouble myself over this. It is of no consequence whether the Second hates me or not; it will not affect the outcome.
As she exited the locker room, Rei heard a splash coming from the poolroom beyond. Rei looked from behind the door to see what the source of the noise was and saw ripples radiating outward from the previously pristine surface of the water. Rei sighed again; it seemed that her solitude was now compromised. As she turned to enter the locker room again to collect her belongings and return home, Rei noticed a flash of orange pass through the darkened water. She turned her attention toward the bright color, contrasting with its surroundings and catching the minimal light of the room, and Rei got a glimpse of the face.
Sohryu?
Indeed, it was Asuka swimming in the pool. Rei saw the German girl break the surface, treading lightly in the deep end, her breathing somewhat labored and strained. Asuka whipped her head from side to side, allowing her mane of red hair to find its way out of her face and cascade behind her once more. Rei watched with a mute interest, not moving from her hiding place. If Sohryu sees me, it will likely provoke her again. I would do well to remain hidden. Moving as stealthily as she could, Rei walked behind one of the palm tree clusters that had been put in the room, the plants providing her with ample camouflage from the redhead's view. Rei surveyed Asuka silently, like a predator watching its prey in the darkness of the jungle – silent and completely invisible.
As she watched from her hiding place, Rei began wondering why she was taking the time to spy on Asuka. This is not something I would usually do, the girl thought bemusedly, confused by her own actions. Perhaps I simply seek to understand her. Why? What do I hope to gain by doing so? There was little profit in seeking a friendship with one such as the Second Child; it would only lead to a string of insults and eventual rejection, neither one of which Rei felt were worth the effort. But she remained in place nonetheless, a million questions swirling around in her mind, analyzing her reasoning and other such complexities of the psyche.
In all of her examination, it took Rei a long time to notice that Asuka was swimming naked.
Apparently, Rei thought, Sohryu shares my views on clothing. But it still left the girl to wonder why Asuka would swim without a suit of some kind. Perhaps it is simply because there is no need for it, the blue-haired girl mused as Asuka swam from one end of the pool to the other.
And then… Rei felt it.
It's beautiful when she swims the breaststroke
Then I can see into her core
What… was that? Rei wondered, pressing a hand to her abdomen. A kind of odd heat was radiating from her stomach; warmth that, while pleasant, left Rei wondering why it had appeared so suddenly. What am I feeling? I have never experienced this sensation before. Bewildered, Rei could feel the warmth continuing to grow.
Not that the breast is what's beautiful
I just swim after her
Ignoring the odd feeling, Rei turned her thoughts back to Asuka. I did not feel this until I began observing her, and I have never experienced this before. What is it? Asuka turned about, exposing her bare chest. Rei felt the feeling intensify suddenly, a hot spike rising within her for a split second.
It was only then that she understood.
Oh… oh my…
Sparking dust flows from the center
A firework shoots from her crotch
Rei's eyes wandered to the floor for a moment, the growing warmth beginning to override her brain, making it difficult to think. What am I feeling? It feels… odd, but… it is not unpleasant, just strange. The girl found her thoughts wandering again, wanting to walk, but her feet felt glued in place by some invisible force. It was probably a good thing that she felt incapable of movement. Otherwise, Rei feared what she might do. She felt a blush rising in her cheeks as the confusion overwhelmed her, and she lowered herself to the floor, her shaking legs no longer able to keep her upright.
Fire and water don't come together
Can't be bound, aren't related
Sunken in sparks, I am aflame
and am burned in the water
Burned in the water
Rei glanced outward to the pool again, where Asuka was floating leisurely in the water, the surface of the liquid beginning to calm and return to its relatively stagnant state. Asuka's eyes were closed, her chest rising slowly with each breath she took, her hair fanning out and drifting, fiery wisps against a near-black backdrop. After a few moments of this stagnant floating, Asuka's arm came up in a graceful arc, followed by the other, propelling the girl through the water slowly. Rei tried to ignore the girl in the water, but it was no use. She felt captivated by the sight, her eyes acting against her will. It frightened her; the total loss of control was a disconcerting and even terrifying thing. Rei forced herself to think clearly
Why am I feeling this? Is it her? The sensation in her stomach was subsiding – or maybe she was simply becoming used to it – and her mind was beginning to regain its hold. Could it be that I have some measure of feeling for her? All of these questions were not doing anything for Rei's psyche. If anything, they were making matters worse.
It's beautiful when she swims naked
then I want to see her from behind
In an odd instant, Rei imagined what it would be like to have a friend. This feeling that she was experiencing now was being brought on by Asuka, and while not associated with friendship, the blue-haired pilot wondered what other kinds of feelings she would experience if she had Asuka as a friend. I have never had anyone to call a friend before, except Ikari, and now I begin to wonder if that will last. He rarely speaks to me. This thought filled Rei with a feeling of regret; she had hoped that she and Shinji could become friends, but now she saw that it was impossible.
This… this could be an opportunity. A start of a friendship.
But the feeling that was continuing to well up within Rei spoke of something other than friendship. This feeling was something deeper, more primal. It was an urge that Rei had never experienced, and she was now being overwhelmed by the sudden force of the emotion.
Not that the breasts are attractive
Her legs open like scissors
Then from its hiding place, the flame
glows hotly from her thigh-angle
Asuka came to a stop, leaning against one of the corners of the shallow end, not more than twenty feet from where Rei was seated. Rei's arms were wrapped around her legs, trying to keep from making too much noise. Asuka sighed, and while Rei could not see the other girl's face, she could tell that her expression was one of frustration by the sound the redhead made.
"I can't stand it," Asuka muttered, her voice subdued to the point of being no more than a whisper. "I can't stand this feeling of being useless."
Rei watched with a mixture of pity and interest, hoping that hearing the girl speak would bring some kind of insight.
"Damn her… Damn that doll," Asuka said, her tone rising only slightly. It seemed she no longer had the energy to put real hatred behind her words.
She swims past and doesn't notice me
I am her shadow, she stands in the light
There is no hope and no confidence
Rei's eyes widened, knowing that Asuka was speaking about her.
"She's so high and mighty, just because she's the Commander's favorite. Not like it really matters… She's just a stupid toy in the end, anyway. I hate her… I hate her… Just a damned doll. What good is she, anyway?"
Rei lowered her gaze to the floor, no longer able to even look in Asuka's direction. She had hoped that Asuka's resentment of her was something that could change. Apparently… it was not.
Fire and water don't come together
Can't be bound, aren't related
Sunken in sparks, I am aflame
and am burned in the water
Burned in the water
We are opposites, Rei thought, the defeat making itself evident as her hopes were crushed brutally. We can never be anything but opposites. The thought pained her, and she regretted that there was no possibility, however remote, of a bond between them. Is there no way to change her mind? I am not a doll… I am not a doll…
A tear slid from Rei's cheek, landing in her lap silently.
Is this a tear? Why am I crying over this?
Rei looked to Asuka once more, her red eyes boring holes into the back of the redhead's skull. For some unknown reason, Rei felt anger replacing the feeling she had been having earlier. Now, she felt as though she wanted to stand and attack Asuka, verbally or physically – a desperate attempt to prove the other girl wrong.
Instead, she merely remained still, allowing another few tears to slide down her cheeks before the flow stopped altogether. Now there was no feeling within her. No satisfying warmth, no smoldering anger.
There was only a void where her heart should have been.
Like this, the blood boils in my loins
I grab her with wet hands
Smooth as a fish and cold as ice
She won't waste herself on me
I know
Rei forced herself to her feet, steeling her resolve and heading for the locker room door. She thrust the door open, no longer caring whether Asuka saw her or not. Luckily, the girl sat in the pool stoically; if she noticed Rei, she made no indication of it.
Fire… she has always been passionate about things until now. It seems that she has simply burned out.
Rei gathered her belongings from the locker, changing into her normal clothing slowly, contemplating her emotions and only half concentrating on the task at hand. She paused for a moment. If she is fire… I must be water. Water… cold, shapeless, and suffocating. Is that why she resents me?
Fire and water never together
Can't be bound, aren't related
Sunken in sparks, I am aflame
and am burned in the water
Burned in the water
Perhaps I really am a doll…
Despite her determination to maintain her composure, Rei fell to the floor, another few tears falling from her crimson eyes despite her best efforts to hold them back. I cannot stand this feeling, the girl thought as she battled to regain her dignity, bringing herself shakily to her feet and once more picking up her belongings. I am not my own person, am I? Only created to serve, never meant to have friends… or to be loved…
As she exited the locker room, Rei took one more fleeting glimpse at the pool area and, much to her astonishment, found Asuka's blue eyes boring into her own. Rei stared for a moment, her eyes once again an emotionless mask, betraying nothing. She could tell, though, that Asuka saw past it – saw into the depths of her soul. How or why the redhead was doing this, Rei was not sure. She merely stood there, allowing herself to be analyzed.
After a few moments that seemed like an eternity, Rei turned to leave. She opened the door and stepped out into the night and headed toward the train station. The other girl, however, remained where she was, merely staring at the place where Rei had once been.
"Just a doll…"
Fire and water never together
Can't be bound, aren't related
Sunken in sparks, I am aflame
and am burned in the water
Burned in the water
But was she really?
How did Asuka really know anything about Rei? Was she really as doll-like as Asuka believed, or was there more beneath the icy façade that the First Child always showed? Were they really as different as Asuka thought?
"Fire and water…" the girl whispered to the darkness.
Fire and water. The traditional polar opposites, never to join or even come close to one another. Opposite ends of the spectrum, the extremes that were never to coexist. Where one was, the other could not be.
Despite the warmth of the water, Asuka shivered, the thought sending an icy chill down her spine. Damn me… Damn me… "Now what do I do?" she said, the word slipping past her lips inadvertently.
The darkness offered no response, as unyielding as it had always been.
Author's Notes: That Other Guy originally planned this fic, but he stepped down from doing it… for obvious reasons. He also has prereading credit for this story. Check his stuff out; it's great.
Story is also preread by Scout. Thanks a bunch, you guys!