It was a half hour later when O'Shaughnessy parked his car in front of the Bitterman International Building. As with the theme of the downtown business district, it and all the buildings around it had almost twelve extra floors on top of it that served no useful purpose except to make the buildings look exceptionally tall. "Come on Sam, we might as get this over with," the lieutenant said, helping him up to the curb.
Sam nodded blankly. From behind the building he could here the sounds of raucous singing and other strange noises coming from Muppetville, which had been laid out at the very heart of the city. He hoped they wouldn't have to go into there.
The first thing he noticed when he stepped into the building's lobby was the GIGANTIC anvil in the middle of the room. Coroner's office personnel were loaded up a sheeted body onto a stretcher nearby. Also conspicuous were several muddy flipper prints leading over to the corner. "OK Norman, tell us what you've got?" O'Shaughnessy asked the coroner.
"Well, it looks like the frog overrode the building's security code," the coroner said, munching away on a ham sandwich, "He dragged the anvil in and waited for Bitterman to come back. When she did, he let her have it."
"Any fingerprints?" Sam inquired. It just didn't seem like Kermit to do something like this.
"No, but we've got glove paint that I'm told matches a pair Kermit bought last week," the coroner swallowed the rest of the sandwich, "And we've got the prints here. As far as I can see, we've got an airtight case here. All we need to do is bring him in."
"Oh Mr. Samuel Klubb," came a strict voice behind him. Sam turned and bent down to find himself looking at Miss Piggy. "I've got an early Christmas present for you, tough guy," she said, and with a loud, "HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYAAAAAAAAA!" gave him a brutal karate chop to the chest. Sam toppled backwards to the floor. "Why don't you lay there till Tuesday?" Piggy snorted as she stormed out, "That's when they take out the trash in this neighborhood!"
"Well, I guess the little porker told you a thing or two," one of the nearby cops sniggered at Sam.
"I heard that, bud!" Piggy yelled back at him, "Don't think I don't know where you live!"
"All right, let's get this body out of here," the coroner told his crew, who started wheeling the gurney with Bitterman's body toward the door. As they made a wide right turn to avoid another clump of police, Bitterman's arm slumped out and dropped a piece of paper to the floor. Seeing that no one else had noticed, Sam strolled over and bent down to get it…
Only to have his hand crushed by a heavy black boot. He slowly glanced up the leg of the person now standing over him to find himself staring into a pale, sallow face and a wild shock of hair. "Just what do we think we're doing here, removing evidence from this crime scene?" he asked in a cold voice.
"No, Lord Jareth, Detective Klubb was just about to give you that paper…weren't you Sam?" O'Shaughnessy raised his eyebrows at his associate. "Uh, no, not really," Sam said defiantly, "I found…"
Jareth made a pulling gesture with his hand. Instantly the paper was jerked out of Sam's hand into the Goblin King's. "We'll just put this down in my castle for forensics," he said.
"And what makes you think you have the authority to do that?" Sam protested.
"Actually Sam he's well within his rights," O'Shaughnessy told him, "Lord Jareth is now High Judge of the Muppetville Circuit Court of Appeals."
"Oh, so I guess you run a kangaroo court in Muppetville, don't you?" Sam asked Jareth sarcastically.
"As a matter of fact I do," another wave of Jareth's hand caused a black briefcase to appear. The Goblin King opened it, and out popped a grandstand in which twelve ugly kangaroos were seated. "Hello, hello, hello!" they all called out like a barbershop quartet at Sam. "Tell me Mr. Klubb, where did the frog go after you confronted him at Mr. Golderman's office last night?" Jareth grilled Sam.
"Who do I look like, the Amazing Kreskin?" Sam protested, "Look, don't pulled me into this; it's not my fault if he did this!"
"It disappoints me you're not going to be more cooperative in this matter, Mr. Klubb," Jareth leaned right into Sam's face, "A Muppet has killed a human here, which in today's trouble times constitutes a grave crime. Well, no matter. The frog won't be able to get far; my deputies should be able to catch him."
It was at that moment that a beaten-up red jalopy smashed through the front door of the building and swerved wildly all over the lobby before coming to a sudden stop by the elevators. "The Riverbottom Nightmare Gang?" Sam was surprised at Jareth's choice of deputies.
"Yes, I know, they're lazy and incompetent, but the do have a special skill for tracking their quarry, don't ask me how," Jareth admitted. He yelled at his adjutants, "Fall out in order!"
"At attention, Judge Jareth," Chuck the bear popped out of the jalopy's driver's seat and stood at attention. His fellow Riverbottomers—the Weasel, the Snake, the Lizard, and in its special tank on the back of the jalopy, the Pop-Eyed Catfish—fell into rank after him. "Have you found the frog yet?" Jareth inquired.
"Not yet, but informants looking for frog," Chuck reassured him, "Him come to us in time."
"One more time, Mr. Klubb," Jareth rounded on Sam again. "You wouldn't happen to know where the frog went after he committed this heinous crime?"
Before Sam could answer, he was almost thrown to the ground as something burrowed underneath him. A long trail was being dug by something under the floor. Without warning, a Muppet mole popped out of the center of the room. "Monterrey Bay, here I am!" it exclaimed, throwing down several suitcases, 'Sun and sand and…" it stopped abruptly as it noticed that is wasn't at Monterrey Bay, and that Jareth was now glaring over him. "Oh, Judge Jareth," it gulped, "Well, I was just leaving and…"
Jareth sucked the mole up through the air into his grasp. "You're outside the accepted boundaries of Muppetville," he told it darkly, "That constitutes a major violation of the law. It's my duty as a sworn judiciary to place you under arrest and charge you with trespassing. Members of the jury, please pass sentence."
He turned to his "kangaroo court." "Guilty, guilty, guilty!" each row of kangaroos called out in acapella, then as one shouted, "YOU'RE GUILTY!"
"Sergeant, prepare for the passing of sentence," Jareth informed Chuck. The bear and the rest of the Riverbottom Gang lumbered toward their car. Jareth put on a rubber glove and slowly strolled after them. "How'd he get to be a judge?" Sam had to ask O'Shaughnessy, "Isn't he supposed to be in his own dimension?"
"That's the way we thought it," O'Shaughnessy whispered, "Then one day we woke up and he was a judge. We're still try to figure it out how he did it."
"What're they doing now?" Sam pointed at the jalopy. Chuck had rolled out a grayish barrel from the rear trunk and placed it on the floor. The Pop-Eyed Catfish grabbed hold of the lid and pulled it off. Inside was a steaming, bubbling black liquid. "Remember how we thought you couldn't destroy a Muppet?" O'Shaughnessy said, "Jareth somehow found it. Some secret mixture of acids. He calls it 'the sauna.'"
"The sauna?" Sam frowned, "Where'd he come up with that name?"
"I don't know, probably because it sounded unique enough," O'Shaughnessy supposed.
"Regardless of whether you're willing to be cooperative or not, I'll catch the frog, Detective Klubb," Jareth called to him, "And once I do, he will be executed for his crime like so."
He lowered the mole toward the barrel. "MOOTHHERRR!" the mole shrieked and tried to run to safety, but it was too late. Jareth lowered it into the "sauna," which belched heavy smoke. The mole's screams abruptly stopped, prompting disgusting laughter from the Riverbottom Gang. Once the smoke cleared, Sam saw with shock that all that was left of the mole was a sea of gray fur, several wires and rods, and a pair of ping-pong balls. "Dear God," he grimaced, "That's not the way I want to go out. That's almost inhuman punishment."
"True, Detective Klubb, but neither my associates nor I are human, strictly speaking," Jareth advanced toward him, holding his saturated glove high, "And this is how we handle things in Muppetville these days. I would think you'd be pleased to hear that, seeing how a Muppet killed your family."
Sam shuffled around, uncomfortable with the situation. "I, uh, just remembered, my radio's all fixed up by now, better go swing by the shop and pick it up," he said, turning and walking away. If Kermit had indeed killed Bitterman, he was in for a horrific end once he was caught.