It was all chaos inside the restaurant when Sam reentered it. Everyone was standing around the band's platform, on which Fozzie was strutting back and forth, looking like he was having a grand old time. "So the two aardvarks walk into the bar," he was telling several derelicts, "They take one look at the stage, and the tall aardvark says to the short one…"

He pointed toward a very uncomfortable-looking Kermit. "Good grief! The comedian's a bear!" the frog said without much emphasis. Despite the weakness of the joke, just about everybody burst into laughter. There was a crash on the opposite side of the stage. Gonzo was juggling drinking glasses for the amusement of patrons. "Not enough you say?" the whatever told his viewers, "Seven glasses isn't enough? Let's try TEN!"

He grabbed three more off the counter…as well as Rizzo. "Hey, do I look like a glass?" the rat protested as he was flung into the air to a multitude of laughs.

"Here's another one," Fozzie strolled over to the Sesame table, "What's the difference between a piano and a fish?"

He pointed his microphone at Luis. "I really don't know," Luis admitted.

"You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish; wokka wokka wokka!" Fozzie broke up himself at this one, as did everyone at the Sesame table, except for Oscar.

"But both can drive their REO Speedwagons," Kermit quipped. He noticed the detective standing behind them looking rather livid. "Uh, Fozzie," he tapped the bear on the shoulder.

"In a minute, Kermit," Fozzie told him without looking back.

"Fozzie, Detective Klubb's…"

"Detective Klubb, good source," Fozzie still wasn't paying attention, "Detective Sam Klubb is so strict, his…"

Sam grabbed the bear by his necktie before he could finish the joke. "He's so strict, that I think he just cancelled the rest of the show," Fozzie said with a weak voice, "Thanks you, you've been a great audience."

Dragging Fozzie along by his tie, and with Kermit under his arm, Sam stormed over to the stage and collected Gonzo and Rizzo roughly, letting all the glasses fall to the ground and break. Then he strode toward the secret opening and tossed them all down the stairs. "Was that trip really necessary?" Gonzo complained.

"You stupid Muppets!" Sam seethed, sealing the entrance closed again, "I'm out there risking my own career for Kermit, and you're practically screaming for the cops to come out there!"

"It was his idea," Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo and Rizzo all pointed at each other.

Sam took a hard, threatening step towards them, forcing them back into the main hiding room. "Show's over already?" Red asked from the bank of camera monitors, where apparently she and the other Fraggles had been watching the performance upstairs, "Darn, and it was just getting good, too!"

"It shouldn't have started to begin with!" Sam glared down at the fugitives.

"But those people up there are so unhappy!" Fozzie protested, "We could just see it in their eyes on those monitors! We had to do something to cheer them up!"

"They'll be cheered up all right once they call the police!" Sam thundered, "Everybody up there would turn Kermit in for a penny! How'd you get up there, anyway? We locked the door tight when we left!"

"We used the air vents," Gonzo explained, "Look, Detective Klubb, we were just trying to make people feel better."

"I didn't really want to blow the cover," Kermit tried to rationalize with the detective, "But Fozzie's right, most of them clearly needed some joy in their life. And Jim always said that joy and laughter are the best gifts you can give someone. I'd even go so far to say…"

Just then an alarm started ringing throughout the room. "The Wild Doozers are coming!" Boober cried from the monitor bank, "Superstition always said they'd come with loud cries to pillage all in their path!"

"That's an alarm, you fool, not Wild Doozers!" Sam retorted, "Moke, show me some more angles up there."

"Right," Mokey, who was closest to the cameras' switching button, jumped on it repeatedly. "Stop there," Sam instructed her after the third time.

"Oh no!" Kermit groaned. For Jareth was striding into the restaurant above. "I'm looking for a murderer," he informed the patrons, who'd gone stark silent with his arrival.

"Let me see that," Sam pushed Mokey aside and pressed the button himself several more times. The Riverbottom Gang was blocking the exit, and a reflection from the window hinted that at least a dozen goblins lined the street outside. Escape seemed a huge risk. Upstairs on the screen, Jareth strolled casually around the diner, causing people he passed to shrivel in fear at him. "More specifically, I'm looking for a frog about the height of this…thing," he pointed at an offended Cookie Monster.

"I haven't seen a frog all day," Connie was back behind the counter, trying to look normal, "So you're wasting your time in here, sir."

"I think not," Jareth told her, "All evidence says the frog came this way, and if any of you know anything," he addressed the entire restaurant, "which I think you do, anyone willing to step forward with information on his whereabouts will receive ten bags of gold with at least a billion dollars."

"Well, he sure loves skimming with bankruptcy," Gonzo commented.

"Shhhh!" Kermit hissed at him, "We're only a little below the floor, remember!"

"Anyone?" Jareth announced to the crowd, "One frog for one billion dollars."

"Hey," came a voice, "I think I saw a frog lately."

Kermit gulped nervously. "Where?" Jareth asked, approaching the Sesame table.

There was a long pause. "Aw shucks!" the person said in a clear Texas accent, "I can't remember!"

Kermit breathed a big sigh of relief. "Good old Forgetful Jones, for once I'm glad his memory's so bad," he whispered.

In a sudden move, Jareth grabbed the cowboy by the throat. "Think, you cowardly cowpoke, where was he?" he demanded.

"Hey!" Gordon rose up, looking steamed, "That's no way to treat anyone!"

Jareth tossed Forgetful Jones toward him. "He's not worth it anyway, worthless bonefish," he grumbled.

"Lord Jareth, look what band's been playing," Chuck had seized the music sheet from the podium in front of Zoot. Jareth strode over and took a look at it. "Ah, the Muppet Show theme," he cackled darkly, "Rather strange selection for an uncouth crowd like this."

"It was a special request," Zoot said innocently.

Jareth waved toward the open window. One of his crystals floated in. "Ah, I see," the Goblin King smiled as he looked into it, "Our frog is here after all!"

"Uh oh," Kermit gulped again, "I forgot he could do that!"

"We've got to hide you again, Kermit; quick, everybody, look for a hidden closet or something!" Fozzie picked up his friend and ran around the room looking for an exit. Unfortunately all he ended up doing was trip and knock over a stack of boxes. Upstairs, Jareth whirled at the sound from below. "And what might that have been, I wonder?" he inquired to Connie, who strained hard to maintain an innocent look.

"Oh, I can't get along, little donkey," Rowlf began playing his piano and singing hard to try and cover up any more noise, "I can't even get one that's small. I can't get along, little donkey…"

Jareth fired blasts of flames from his fingers that set the piano on fire. Coughing, Rowlf staggered away from it. "There'll be no further delays in this matter," the Goblin King announced, "The frog is going to come right to me now."

"I'll get the bulldozer," Chuck nodded.

"No sergeant, we won't need to go to that extent," Jareth told him, "I have something simpler in mind."

He held out his palm level with the ground and jerked it upwards. Down below, Kermit abruptly was jerked up into the air. "Hey, what's going on?" he asked in shock.

"Quick, grab hold of him!" Rizzo jumped for Kermit, but it was too late; Kermit smashed through the floor and flew up into Jareth's grasp. "Hello frog," the judge of Muppetville greeted his quarry, "Enjoy your brief run from justice?"

The Riverbottom Gang surrounded the large hole in the floor with guns cocked. "There's more down there, Lord Jareth," Chuck told him, "What we do with them?"

"Bring them up here," Jareth told him, "We'll deal with them in due time. Right now, though, we've got a sentence to carry out."

"Uh, I believe I get one telephone call?" Kermit pleaded to no avail. The Riverbottom Gang, with the exception of the Pop-Eyed Catfish, who obviously couldn't go anywhere, jumped down the hole. "All you move!" Chuck ordered, "You too, you Fraggles! You're all guilty of harboring fugitive!"

"Please don't kill us for that!" Fozzie pleaded as they were forced back up the stairs, the Snake dragging the Fraggles along in its coils, "We'll be perfectly happy with a hundred years to life!"

"We don't do plea bargains," the Weasel said.

"I know," Gobo commented, "You lied to Convincing John about that before you saunaed him."

"Convincing John guilty of grave civic crime," Chuck reprimanded the Fraggle.

"And what was that?" Sam had to know.

"Jaywalking," the bear told him. They reentered the restaurant, where Jareth just opening the briefcase containing his "kangaroo court." "Kermit T. Frog, you have been accused of the brutal and cold blooded murder of Rachel Bitterman," the Goblin King announced, "Will the jury please pass sentence?"

"Guilty, guilty, guilty! YOU'RE GUILTY!" the kangaroos sang out at Kermit.

"Wait, I'd like to take the stand!" Kermit protested. Jareth closed the briefcase up again without listening. "Sergeant, bring me some sauna," he told Chuck.

Chuck nodded and strolled out the door. Minutes later he returned carrying a barrel of sauna. Jareth opened the lid. "Any last words before you meet your fate?" he asked the frog.

"Yes: Don't do it!" Kermit pleaded. "Hey buddy!" he looked at the Lizard, "I know your brother Lenny personally; we practically started in show biz together! Put a word in with your boss here for his sake, please!"

"I hate Lenny," the Lizard said, "He hogged all the glory in the family."

The bathroom door abruptly slammed open. "Do not fear, little froggie!" came a high voice from a figure in a red cape and metal helmet, "Super Grover will save you! Take this, you knave!"

He flew straight at Jareth, shrieking at the top of his lungs as he did. Bored, Jareth held out his hand and waved it to the side as Super Grover came near. The would-be superhero was deflected to the left and kept going, crashing through the wall out into the street. "And now without any further interruptions, we will proceed with the execution," he said, carrying a shaking Kermit toward the barrel.

"Poor Kermit," Fozzie lamented, removing his hat, "This is no way to go out! And I'll never get to test my new Funny Water gag on him, either!"

"Funny Water?" it was then that Sam noticed the bottle sticking out of Fozzie's back pocket. He grabbed it and read the directions. A smile lit up his face. "Hey Jareth!" he called out seconds before Kermit hit the sauna, "Shouldn't you give a condemned frog a last meal?"

"What sort of meal?" Jareth inquired.

"I think Kermit would like one last drink," Sam walked forward with the bottle, 'Wouldn't you, Kermit?"

"Do I have a choice?" Kermit asked.

"No."

"Then it's OK by me," Kermit took a swig from the bottle. Immediately, he tensed up and started inflating like a balloon. "What's going on?" an anonymous customer asked.

"What's going on is we need to hit the deck!" Bob had apparently seen what was about to happen happen before. He grabbed hold of Big Bird and covered him—no small task with a bird that was eight feet big. Seconds later, Kermit burst from Jareth's grasp with enough force that the Goblin King was sent collapsing backwards to the floor and bounced crazily all around the room while letting out a peanut-whistle shriek. "Funny Water, I love it, "Sam commended Fozzie. "Catch him when he falls; I've got business to take care of."

He saw the Riverbottom Gang coming right at them. He rushed forward toward them. In a flash he flattened the Weasel with a left hook and slugged the Lizard into Jareth with a right cross. Then he kicked the Snake into the wall, freeing the Fraggles. "Good thinking, Detective Klubb," Gobo lauded him.

Sam didn't have time to respond. A squirt of water was coming from the Pop-Eyed Catfish on the table. He picked up a chair and whacked it out of its bucket. Before he could make his next move, though, Chuck was upon him. The bear connected with the detective's face on three consecutive punches. He reared his claw back to slash him, but Sam quickly grabbed a beer keg behind the counter and smashed it over Chuck's head. Meanwhile, Fozzie climbed up on top of an empty table and caught Kermit just as he was running out of gas and spiraling toward the barrel of sauna. "Gotcha you, whoa!" he stumbled and fell off the table, knocking the barrel over. Everyone in its path, Jareth included, jumped for cover.

"All out who wants to leave," Gonzo loudly announced, waving them down the stairs. Sam grabbed up both Kermit and Fozzie and ran after them. There was a huffing sound coming up the stairs. "Don't worry Kermit, I'll save you!" Super Grover was gasping as he staggered back up the steps looking incredibly dazed.

"No need, Grover, I'm already saved," Kermit informed him.

"It's Super Grover, please," the monster told him.

The street was crowded with goblins when they emerged—as well as Wander McMooch. "Hold it right there you…!" the big toad ordered before Sam flattened him with a right jab. Goblins charged at them from all directions, brandishing numerous weapons.

"There's the bus; hey, wait for us!" Gonzo yelled at the large blue bus pulling over to the curb across the street. They ran over to it. "Where's this baby going?" Sam asked the driver.

"The suburbs; do you have exact change?" the driver asked.

"Uh look, can we pay you when we get there?" Kermit asked, noticing out of the corner of his eye the goblins charging across the street at them.

"Exact change now or—wait a minute, you're the killer frog," the driver squinted at him, "I'd better call you in and…!"

Sam grabbed him and hurled him out the door. "Sorry to do that, but it's for everyone's good," he said, jumping into the driver's seat and jerking out into traffic just as the goblins reached the stop.

"Uh, attention everyone," Rizzo was instructing the stunned passengers on board, "We'll be driving for a little while now, don't worry, everything's perfectly under control. Please remain in your seats until the bus comes to a…what are you doing, Fozzie?"

The bear was making strange gestures next to him. "I'm giving them the sign language, Rizzo," he told him, "They always give the sign language."

"You never know when to stop, do you?" Sam rolled his eyes, "Well at least we don't have to worry about those goblins."

But it was then that there was the sound of objects being broken underneath the bus. Seconds later a reddish goblin abruptly appeared in the window. "Pop quiz, hotshot!" he taunted Sam, "Your brake line's cut. There's no way you can stop this bus. What do you do? What do you do?"

He let out a cackle and jumped to the street. "Run around in circles screaming at the top of our lungs?" Fozzie suggested. He then did just that. "Come on everybody, it's time to panic!" he called to the passengers, who needed no hint to start screaming themselves. Sam rolled his eyes and drew his gun. He fired a shot into the roof, which stopped everyone's hyperventilation. "Didn't the rat just say remain in your seats?" he asked over the intercom, "Now just stay calm."

"And assume crash positions," Rizzo added.

"Uh oh, I think we've got company!" Gonzo was looking out the rear door. The Riverbottom Gang's jalopy was now hot on their heels. Chuck leaned over the windshield and started firing away at the bus. "Me blow frog's head off!" he roared.

Sam swerved wildly in between cars to avoid the shots. I hate it when we can't stop these things!" he muttered disgustedly, "There's got to be some way we can ditch these clowns and get this thing stopped."

"Uh, Mr. Klubb, see that woman?" Kermit nervously pointed out the window. A woman was pushing a baby carriage across the street ahead. She saw the bus coming and screamed, as did everyone on board the bus…which made no difference whatsoever, as they missed her by a mile. "That was rather pointless," Gonzo commented.

"We're off the route!" an elderly woman demanded to him, "I want my money back!"

"Uh, Mr. Klubb, how do we handle refunds?" Gonzo called to the detective, who was too busy concentrating on the road. Thus, he was unable to see a crystal bat carrying the big black goblin above them. The goblin lit a stick of dynamite and tossed it through the open bus window. "Oh, thanks," Rizzo caught it. Then he realized what he was holding. "YIIIKE! Kermit!" he tossed it to the frog. Kermit retched at the sight of it and threw it to Fozzie. Fozzie, already panicked, tossed it to Gonzo, who threw it back to Rizzo, who tossed it to Kermit, who threw it back to Gonzo.

"Allow me," the elderly woman took it off the whatever and threw it out the window, where it blew up the goblin and crystal bat in midair. "Oh," Gonzo said sheepishly, Didn't think of that…whoa!"

The bus had to make a very wide turn and almost flipped over. Worse, they'd now entered a part of the city that had been rebuilt to look like the North Pole—including instantly slippery roadways even in the heat of summer. The bus slid out of control all over the road, running several other cars off the road. Sam pulled the wheel hard to avoid collisions. "Anyone got any ideas how to slow this thing down?" he asked over the intercom.

"I'll take care of it," Kermit had gone toward the back of the bus. He now reappeared dressed in a S.W.A.T. team uniform and carrying a blowtorch. "Where'd you get that?" Sam asked.

"It was just lying behind the back seat," Kermit explained, "That's one of the perks of being a good guy; you'll always find a convenient items at the right time. Fozzie, pop that floor panel. I'm going to fix that broken brake line."

"Aye aye, Officer Kermit," Fozzie did just that. Kermit hefted an equally convenient sled and slid down underneath the bus. "Keep her steady, Detective Klubb," he called up, "The slightest movement could set everything off down here."

"Train, train!" Rizzo pointed in terror. A large tanker train was lumbering across the road ahead. Sam had no choice but to make a wild U-turn at the last minute. "DID I NOT JUST SAY HOLD HER STEADY?" Kermit yelled in protest.

"Uh guys, now there's legitimate cops right behind us!" Gonzo groaned. Several squad cars had joined the chase.

"We'll lose them here on Sesame Street," Sam swerved to the right. No cars were allowed on Sesame Street. "WILL YOU QUIT WITH THE WILD TURNING?" Kermit yelled up again from his perch underneath the bus. The frog activated the blowtorch and started fusing the brake line back together.

Meanwhile, things weren't quite going Sam's way. The police had refused to pull off and were now chasing him up the middle of Sesame Street at almost eighty miles an hour. And worse, Mr. Snuffleupagus was in the middle of the road, merrily crossing the street at a leisurely pace. "Why couldn't he be imaginary now!" Sam groaned as he made a wide turn to the right at the last minute to avoid the giant elephantine creature. As a result, a large hole was left in the front window of the Fix-It Shop.

"There, I think I got it," Kermit called up from under the bus, "Try the brakes now."

Sam pressed the pedal—which sank straight to the floor. "Brakes are gone anyway!" he called down, "Get out of there, Kermit!"

There was a thump as they hit a large pothole. "EEEEYYYYIIIIII!" Kermit screamed over the sound of the cable snapping. "Kermit, Kermit are you all right down there?" Fozzie called down worriedly. There was the sound of the sled being crushed by the tires. "Oh poor Kermit!" the bear lamented, "He avoids the sauna, only to get…"

"AAACCCKKKKKKK!" it seemed Rizzo could do little more than panic anymore—but this time his reason was legitimate, as the Riverbottom Gang was directly in front of them and driving straight at them. "Ramming speed!" Chuck chuckled darkly, pressing down on the accelerator.

"Quick, drive up the wall!" came Kermit's voice again.

"Hey, that's rather quick," Gonzo commented, "Kermit's back from the dead already?"

"No!" a very much alive and well Kermit climbed in through the window, covered with brake fluid for some inexplicable reason, as well as motor oil, "Physics don't apply on Sesame Street. We can drive up the wall, Detective Klubb, trust me!"

"If you say so," Sam shrugged. At the last second before the jalopy would have rammed him, he swerved toward the wall. Just as Kermit had predicted, the bus amazingly left the ground and drove sideways along the wall ten feet off the ground. Below them, the Riverbottom Gang was unable to stop and were all sent flying through the air as they collided with the police cars.

"Whew, that was close," Sam breathed as he guided the bus back down to the road, "How'd you survive, Kermit?"

I'm a frog, I know how to leap to safety in a crisis," Kermit told him, "I'll tell you, that brake line was cut pretty bad."

"You can tell us more after the road ends," Rizzo pointed ahead again. The highway was abruptly ending at a ramp approaching the river. Everyone screamed as they smashed through numerous signed labeled STOP…HALT…ROAD ENDS…TURN BACK…HEY…THESE….SIGNS…ARE…EXPENSIVE…SO…STOP…BREAKING…THEM and launched over the chasm. For what seemed an eternity, the bus hung in midair, seemingly unable to make the far side of the river, but with some coaxing from Sam, just managed to land on the opposing ramp.

"OK, time to take matters into my own hands," Fozzie sat down over the open floor and jammed his feet down on the road. Sparks flew everywhere, but Fozzie was able to somehow stop the bus—albeit at the cost of having his legs reduced to mere stumps. "All off for…" Gonzo looked out the window, "…the jungle ward."

There was a mass stampede for the door by everyone on board the bus, all of whom looked much worse for wear; one woman had apparently tried to put on makeup during the rough ride and was now looking like an Indian in war paint. "Well, that was kind of unnecessary," Rizzo commented, "If I didn't know any better, I'd think we just did it to parody those runaway bus films."

"Oh never mind," Sam shook his head, "We've got to find a new place to hide Kermit."

"And fortunately," Kermit glanced out the window at the nearest signpost, "There's a place I know on this block."