Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Uncommon Law

By Random1377

Chapter 4

Shinji peered cautiously around the corner, looking up and down the corridor for any sign of Misato or Ritsuko. In the two days since bumping his head, the Third had seen more cleavage, and been pulled into more impromptu hugs, than at any time in his life. He could tell you the molecular composition of Misato's lavender perfume, and while he did not know the name of Ritsuko's fragrance, if he closed his eyes he could accurately describe the lilting, dewy scent which, for some reason, made his mouth water.

They've gone nuts, he thought, finding his path to the elevators unobstructed, both of them. Off their rockers, out of their minds, loony, coo-coo, bye-bye.

The idea that he had knocked himself unconscious, and was still in some type of dream of a dating simulator gone bad, had occurred to Shinji at least five times in the proceeding forty-eight hours, though the smacks that Asuka gave him every time she found his face planted (unwillingly, but not complainingly) between Misato's breasts told him that he was definitely conscious.

When asked why he was the one being hit, Asuka simply sniffed and turned away, mumbling that it had to be his fault somehow.

Shinji was starting to think that maybe he should ask Mister Kaji if he had room in his apartment for one more.

"Why are you hiding in the shadows?"

Squeaking like a trodden on mouse, Shinji whirled around. "Oh, Asuka," he gasped, covering his heart with one hand, "it's only you."

Does it need to be stated that this was the wrong thing to say?

"Only me?" Asuka grumbled, her brows drawing down in a rather dangerous manner as she folded her arms over her chest. "God, I'm glad it's Misato that's stuck with you. I would have – Kaji!"

"You would have Kaji?" Shinji wondered, feeling very confused.

Pushing him out of the way, Asuka stepped out of the side hall. "Hello, Kaji," she called warmly, drawing Shinji's attention to the man that had appeared at the far side of the corridor. "How are you?"

The perpetually unshaven man stared down at Asuka as if unsure of who she was. "Oh, hey," he said belatedly, "how am I? Oh, fine… fine…"

Kaji, Shinji decided, looked as if he had not slept for a couple days. His eyes were tired and glassy, and his beard was longer than usual. Come to think of it, Shinji mused, I don't even know what he does. Maybe he's had a hard day.

Unfortunately for Kaji, Asuka also sensed that he was not feeling like himself, and pounced with all the speed of a jungle cat. "So you're taking me to dinner on Sunday, right?" she said quickly, "Remember? You said if I got an A on my Kanji test, you'd buy me dinner."

"I… when did I say that?" Kaji wondered, his brow wrinkling in confusion as Shinji shook his head. "I can't remem-"

"Three weeks ago," Asuka said succinctly. "You're not… going back on your word, are you?"

Shinji had to admit that he was impressed. Asuka's pout was so perfectly presented that he almost believed her himself… only he knew that she had gotten a D+ on the Kanji test, and Kaji would be as likely to promise her dinner as promise to repair Unit 02 for her by hand.

"No, no," Kaji said, looking very off balance, "if I said I'd… treat, then, er… yeah, I'll… yeah…"

"Great!" Asuka grinned triumphantly. "Pick me up at seven."

"…right."

Kaji moved past her, looking for all the world as if he had just been run over by a bus, but as he passed the side hall where Shinji was still standing, he came up short.

"Hello Mister Kaji."

Shinji offered a hesitant wave as the man turned towards him, looking down at him with a rather disturbingly blank expression before blinking several times – as if realizing who, exactly, he was looking at.

"You know," he said slowly, "when I asked if she was still wild in bed… I was kidding."

Before Shinji could get his tongue unstuck, Kaji turned away and slunk off down the hall, muttering to himself as he went.

"Defeated by a fourteen year old… an emotionally challenged fourteen year old! Father… I've failed. I've dishonored you, and our family name… God I need some sleep…"

Shinji watched the man go, but any further commentary was lost in the distance.

What's his deal?

"Shin-ji…"

Drawn by the happy, playful tone of Asuka's voice, Shinji turned his head, his eyes nearly bugging out as the redhead kissed him on the cheek. "Wh-what was that for?" he stammered, putting his hand wonderingly on his cheek.

"It was a thank you," Asuka said impishly. "Kaji's practically mine. Bye, bye."

Shinji watched her practically skip down the hall, going in the general direction Kaji had gone – undoubtedly with the intent of making sure he remembered their date and see if she could arrange a couple more while she was at it, Shinji (correctly) guessed.

Huh… go figure.

Shrugging it off, Shinji headed home, wondering if he should tell Misato about Asuka's nefarious plans. The second he stepped into the apartment, however, he was accosted by the purple-haired woman – and not in the pleasant face-in-the-cleavage way he had grown used to in the past few days.

"Get changed," she said, meeting him in the hall and pointing impatiently to his room. "We have to go somewhere."

Seeing that she was not kidding, Shinji slowly lowered his book bag to the floor. "What's wrong?" he asked, trying to puzzle out what would require him to change clothes.

He wasn't wearing cutoffs and a tank top, after all.

"This," Misato said grimly, holding up a slip of paper, "is a subpoena. Do you know what that is?"

"Er, yeah," Shinji said, still confused, "it's a court summons, right? Is it for a speeding ticket, or-"

He cut himself off as Misato glowered at him.

"The government's accusing me of fraud," she said flatly. "I need you to come with me to city hall and prove that you're aware of our 'marriage' and that you consent."

Shinji paled. "Fraud?" he echoed, horrified. "Maybe… maybe we should just get the divorce now."

"No!" Misato nearly exploded. "That would look even more suspicious! Just… come in with me and tell them I didn't force you into it or anything like that, ok? Then we'll give it a couple weeks to cool off, and then we'll do the divorce, that way it looks like things just fell apart, ok?"

Quickly agreeing, Shinji went to change clothes.

( 0 0 0 )

Forty-five minutes later, the bailiff at the Tokyo-3 city hall called Shinji and Missus Katsuragi to stand before the judge – a rather wrinkled old man who Shinji guessed to be somewhere around the age of 113. He and Misato had agreed that he would do most of the talking, so as to avoid the appearance of coercion… though they needn't have worried.

The judge barely spared Misato a second glance before focusing all of his attention on the Third.

"Now, Mister Katsuragi," he mumbled, gazing intently at the marriage paperwork in front of him, "it says here that you're fourteen."

Shinji, who had never felt so small in his life, nodded. "Yes sir," he said, forcing his voice to stay level. "My birthday was three weeks ago."

Peering at him over the top of the paper in his hand, the judge said, "And you're fully aware that the charge of fraud applies to you as well?"

"N-no sir," Shinji stammered, turning a bit green, "I wasn't."

"Well, it does," the judge mused. "The word in this case is culpable, young man – as in 'you are as culpable in the crime as your accomplice.'"

Though his face was now dead white, Shinji somehow managed to say, "We haven't committed a crime, sir."

"Mm," the judge hummed. "Then what you're saying," he clarified, "is that you consent to this marriage with all of your heart, you have not been coerced in any way, and you are willing to swear, in front of this court, that you were aware of the marriage before the fact, and that you don't contend it in any way. Correct?"

Shinji could not even imagine the consequences of lying to a judge of this high a level, yet he still heard the words, "Yes sir," coming out of his mouth.

Abruptly, the judge smiled. "Ok then," he said jovially, "then this court is willing to drop the charges against both of you, and you are free to be on your way. God, every case should be this easy."

Nearly swooning with relief, Shinji thanked the man profusely.

But the judge had one last thing to say.

"You will, of course, be having children in the near future, correct?"

"Ch-children?" Shinji stammered, noting that Misato's face was suddenly set in a stiff mask of barely contained panic.

"Well of course," the judge boomed, "the law was altered to allow for a speedy replenishing of Earth's most precious resource – our youth. You're a healthy young man, your wife is attractive and, based on her job description, quite responsible. Your children should be in good hands. I look forward to meeting them someday."

Banging his gavel sharply on the desk, the judge rose to his feet.

"We are adjourned. Best of luck to you both, Mister and Missus Katsuragi."

As soon as the man had left, Misato sagged against the defendant's table. "Oh thank god," she gasped, resting her head in both hands, "thank… god…!"

"Yeah," Shinji agreed, "I don't even want to think about how much the fine for fraud is."

"You don't get it, do you?" Misato said wonderingly. "You really don't get it."

"Huh?"

"Well, for one thing," she explained, "it wouldn't be a fine – it would be jail time." Nodding as Shinji's jaw dropped, she said, "Oh yeah, and not like, a week or two. Marital fraud is a serious charge these days." She snorted. "You can't imagine how many people take advantage of the system to make a buck or two."

"You mean like we are?"

Misato scowled. "There's something else."

Shinji tried to imagine what could be worse than being fined and jailed, but came up empty.

"Children."

"What about them?"

Misato leaned closer, putting her mouth next to Shinji's ear to whisper, "He asked if we were having any… but what if he had ordered us to?"

Goggling at her, Shinji sputtered, "That's… he can't do that… can he?"

"I don't know for sure," Misato admitted, "but I think maybe we should leave before he comes back, sees us hanging around, and tells us for sure. The laws have changed so much, there might be a law about the government having the power to 'encourage' childrearing, I really don't know."

The last part of her sentence went unheard, as Shinji was already running for the door.

Continued…

Notes: it can't all be fun and games, right? Just mostly. Heh.

Hawk pre-read this chapter – so write him and tell him thanks! If he's reading e-mail all day, it'll keep him from writing, which is part of my master plan for world-fic-domination! hahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAH.