Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Uncommon Law

By Random1377

Chapter 5

"You nail her yet?"

Shinji sighed, deeply, and kept his eyes on his homework. "No, Touji," he said patiently, "I haven't nailed her yet."

"But Katsuragi," Asuka's voice chipped in, "how are you going to impregnate your blushing bride if you don't, as your stooge friend put it, 'nail' her, hmm?"

Refusing to rise to the bait, Shinji continued to attack his homework, wondering how, exactly, Misato had been stupid enough to actually tell the redhead about their visit to the courthouse.

Asuka, of course, had found the judge's parting comments screamingly funny, and had spent the next few days leaving baby bottles and diapers lying around the house, as well as slipping 'your new baby' pamphlets (secured from the family planning center up the street) into Shinji's school bag – and arranging them in such a way as to fall out as soon as the bag was opened.

At school.

In front of everyone.

Shinji was sure, after only a week and a half of marriage… that he was in hell.

"So what'cha gonna name it?" Touji wondered. "You got names picked out, or you gonna let her do that?"

Maintaining his calm, Shinji gritted, "I am not having a baby with Misato, ok?"

"Mind if I try?"

"Ok, that does it!"

Everyone in class turned as Shinji slammed his hands down on his desk and shot to his feet, trembling all over as he glared at Touji.

"No more jokes about sleeping with my wife!"

There was a long, heavy pause… before Asuka, Touji, and Kensuke all broke into uproarious laughter, leaning on each other for support as Shinji's cheeks glowed a furious red.

"What?" he demanded. "What's so damn funny?"

"D-don't push him," Asuka gasped, holding her stomach as tears ran from her eyes, "he might… s-snap!"

"S-sorry, Katsuragi," Touji managed, "didn't know you… were the jealous type."

"Ah sc-rew you guys!"

Though he had meant to make it sound disgusted, Shinji hiccupped in the middle… and his friends doubled over, going purple in the face from lack of oxygen as they laughed themselves nearly apoplectic.

Frustrated and enraged, Shinji stalked out of the classroom, leaving the school entirely and wandering aimlessly through the city until he had gotten himself under control. Can't blame them for laughing, he thought tiredly, I acted like an idiot. What WAS that all about? Getting all defensive and flipping out like that… it's not like we're REALLY married or anything, and it's just…

His thought trailed off as he realized that he was being followed.

Glancing over his shoulder, he found Rei trailing him at a respectful distance. She made no move to hide her presence or act as if she was not following him, but when he stopped and turned to face her, she did not approach him, waiting, it seemed, for an invitation before initiating a conversation.

"Is there something you need, Ayanami?" Shinji asked tiredly, wondering if someone at school had duped the First into asking him some asinine question about his marriage.

Asuka he thought darkly, if anyone would put Ayanami up to something, it would be Asuka.

Slowly, Rei approached him, her face revealing no trace of her thoughts as she fell in at his side. "You seem… upset," she mused as they started to walk. "May I ask why?"

Shinji pursed his lips. "They were being mean," he said, feeling rather stupid as the words left his mouth, "I didn't like it… that's all."

"Ah."

"Why do you care?"

Shinji's cheeks flushed as Rei looked at him, but he did not retract the question.

It was, he felt, perfectly justified.

"Curiosity."

This, Shinji had to admit, was the last thing he had expected to hear. "Curiosity?" he echoed. "You're curious?"

Rei nodded. "Is that not allowed?"

"Er, I… it's fine," Shinji mumbled, "just… surprised me, that's all."

"Why?"

Scratching the back of his neck, Shinji wondered how he could lie himself out of this situation. Saying, 'Because I wasn't sure you had feelings,' really didn't seem like it would be too appropriate.

"Because I didn't think you cared about anything besides EVA."

Oh yeah, he thought self-loathingly, that's SO much better.

To his surprise, Rei nodded. "I can see your logic," she admitted. She waited for him to speak for a moment before prompting, "May I ask you about your relationship with the Major?"

"…long as you don't ask if I'm nailing her."

Did I really just say that out loud? Shinji wondered, avoiding Rei's eyes as they reached a corner and waited for the light to change. I must be out of my mind.

"The Commander said that your marriage is none of his concern," Rei began, ignoring Shinji's look of utter shock, "so I would like to ask if it is something that brings you happiness, or if it is an inconvenience, as many television programs suggest."

Shinji, who was standing stock still when the light changed, had to hurry to reach Rei's side. "Er, I… it's not bad," he said uncertainly. "Is that all you wanted to ask?"

Rei nodded. "You are the only married person I have regular interaction with," she pointed out. "The Commander is widowed, Doctor Akagi and the Second Child are unwed, Major Katsuragi does not speak with me outside of NERV, and the other people I interact with are single or if they are married, conceal their marital status quite well."

"Oh," Shinji said slowly, "so… you asked because I'm the only married person you know."

"Partially," Rei replied immediately, "though it would be more appropriate to say that you are the only person I feel comfortable enough to ask, so had any of the others been married, I do not think I would be able to discuss it with them."

Shinji felt a headache coming on.

"…oh," was all he could think to say.

Rei collected her thought for a moment before saying, "Aside of marital relations, which you have clearly stated you are not engaging in, what other benefits does one gain from being married?"

But Shinji's mind was going back over something she had said a few moments back.

"My father knows about this?"

"Yes," Rei replied, "you are a pilot, your… wife is a high-ranking officer within NERV."

Of course, Shinji thought, why – in God's name – did I think this would sail under the radar?

Blinking, he turned to face her. "Why did you hesitate before calling her my wife?"

Rei met his gaze unwaveringly. "It is… difficult for me to think of you as being married," she said quietly. "I have the strangest urge to speak with Major Katsuragi and ask her if she is treating you well."

"Huh," Shinji mused, "that is weird."

And the angels wept.

( 0 0 0 )

Misato rubbed her temples, making a final note on her weekly report before slamming the cover and going in search of a beer. "Ah, my faithful husband," she yawned as she came into the kitchen, "barefoot and cooking. Too bad you can't be pregnant too, or this would be the perfect picture."

Shinji spared her a brief, baleful glare before turning his attention back to dinner.

"According the judge," he pointed out, "I'm supposed to be working on that with you, you know."

"Mm," Misato hummed, pulling a can out of the fridge, "old coot was a perv – I'm surprised he didn't comment on my 'childbearing hips' or something like that. I know tons of people who wait for kids." She grinned, slyly adding, "Though they sure did practice a lot in the meantime."

"Do you… want children someday, Misato?"

"What, with you?"

Shinji snapped the stove off. "Dinner's almost done," he said quietly, "let it sit for about ten minutes, and it should be fine."

Setting her can on the table, Misato barely caught his arm before he could march out of the room. "Wait," she said quickly, "sorry, I umm… I don't… I'm not like, disgusted by the idea," she said awkwardly, "I mean, it's not like you sicken me or anything – you're actually pretty cute… I just, you know… no, I don't want kids right now, but someday? Yeah, probably." She gave him a weak smile. "Hey, let's eat, ok? I won't tease you anymore, promise."

Reluctantly, Shinji let himself be guided to the table, taking a seat and staring at his hands as Misato dished a helping of food onto a plate and put it in front of him.

"I talked to Rei today."

Misato arched an eyebrow. "Rei talks?" she asked dryly. "Could have fooled me… I've tried to get her to hold a conversation at least two dozen times since I started working at NERV."

Shrugging as he dug his chopsticks into his meal, Shinji whispered, "She asked what it was like to be married to you."

"Oh? And what did you say?"

"I told her-"

"What the hell is this schisse?"

Both of them looked up as the front door banged open and Asuka stomped into the apartment.

"You're gonna break the door one of these days," Misato pointed out, mildly disappointed that Shinji did not get to finish his train of thought.

He looked pretty serious.

Her attention was redirected, however, as Asuka thrust a piece of paper in front of her. "Missus Katsuragi!" the redhead shouted, splotches of red dotting her otherwise pretty face. "It says Missus Katsuragi!"

"Well, that is my name," Misato observed, trying to read the note in Asuka's hand, but finding it impossible, as the redhead's hand was shaking too violently for her eyes to focus.

Looks like another subpoena, she thought, what did I do n-

Her train of thought was blown to smithereens as Asuka slammed the paper down onto the table and screamed five, simple words.

"It's not addressed to you!"

Continued…

Notes: none this time, except that Hawk pre-read.