Disclaimer: see chapter 1.
Uncommon Law
By Random1377
Chapter 7
Asuka stayed in her room for the rest of the weekend… which made Shinji very, very nervous. Misato kept telling him not to worry about what his other wife was doing (taking great pleasure in pointing out the irony that Asuka was the Second Child and the Second Wife) and to just enjoy the quiet, but Shinji knew that quiet often meant trouble – and trouble seemed to have a soft spot for him, finding him wherever he went and whatever he did.
Polygamy, he mused as he prepared breakfast on Monday, was not all it was cracked up to be.
"I'm leaving," Misato announced, breezing into the kitchen and grabbing a beer from the fridge. "Is your Second up yet?"
Shinji winced. "Please don't let her hear you call her that," he pleaded, "it'll just get me in trouble, you know."
"But darling," the purple-haired woman fake-pouted, "I'm your first wife, so she has to be the second. That's why she's missus Katsuragi, after all."
"Not so loud!" Shinji groaned. "Come on, Misato, she'll-"
"Call me darling."
"Huh?"
"Darling or honey, or something like that," Misato said brightly. "Misato is so formal – you should use something cute for me."
Shinji just scowled. Clearly, the feelings of regret she had exhibited after the trip to the court had evaporated, leaving only the urge to tease behind.
…at least he'd gotten some good ice cream out of the deal.
Well, he reminded himself as he mumbled that he would work on it, ice cream and a nice evening with a gorgeous woman. Wait, why am I complaining about this?
"Thiiiiiiiiiiiiird!"
Oh… right.
Misato vanished so quickly that Shinji was sure Harry Houdini would have been proud, and seconds later, Asuka came storming into the kitchen.
"Umm… good morning."
Glaring around, Asuka demanded, "Where is she?"
"Huh?"
"Your wife – where is she?"
Shinji resisted the urge to say, 'I'm looking at one of them right now,' and instead replied, "She went to work. Why?"
Asuka lifted a finger – and at first, Shinji thought she was lifting that finger, until he noticed the gold band twinkling merrily just past her second knuckle.
"Is that a wedding r-"
"Yes, it's a wedding ring," Asuka snapped, thrusting it closer to Shinji's face.
Squinting, Shinji read, "As…uka and Shin… chan… 4…ever…"
"Oooo, I'll kill her!"
"So that's where she went yesterday," Shinji mused, snapping the burner on the stove off and scooping scrambled eggs onto two plates. "She said she had to go out for a while, and she looked pretty happy when she got back… but I thought she was at Kaji's or something." His eyes widened suddenly. "Your date," he exclaimed, "you didn't-"
"I called him," Asuka cut in impatiently, "we're going out tonight instead. I needed some time to figure out how I can get out of this mess… and then I woke up this morning and this," she jabbed the ring back under Shinji's nose, "is on my damn finger!"
Confused, Shinji asked, "Why don't you just take it off?"
Asuka ground her teeth. "It's a size too small," she growled, making Shinji cringe against the fridge for fear of being murdered, "I don't know if she did it that way on purpose, but the damn thing won't come off!"
"O-oh…"
"Don't you 'oh' me – get some dish soap or something. Get this damn thing off of me, or I swear to God you won't be able to have children with Misato… or anyone else!"
One hour, one breakfast, and lots of pulling, pushing, sweating, and groaning (none of the pleasurable kind) later, Shinji and Asuka were on their way to school, with Asuka's left ring finger swollen and red from the force the two had – unsuccessfully – applied in trying to get the wedding ring off. A large Band-Aid concealed the band itself, but Asuka kept poking at it, cursing under her breath and shooting Shinji heart-stopping looks of malice, though for the life of him, he could not figure out how this was his fault.
Once they had arrived at school, Asuka stowed her bags and raised a hand high into the air. "I have something to say," she announced boldly, looking at the clock and finding that she still had about ten minutes before class started. "Everyone pay attention, because I won't repeat this."
Did I ever think she wouldn't do something like this? Shinji wondered, trying to disappear into his seat as Asuka began to speak. Maybe I should have pretended to be sick…
"Due to the stupid, screwed up common law rules in this bass ackwards country, the annulment that should have been mine for the asking has been denied, meaning that until I can hire a good lawyer, I am legally married to this loser behind me." Giving a minute to let the whispers die down – most of them killed by her glare of death – Asuka continued, "Since he's already married, and don't even get me started on that, I've got his wife's name on all my paperwork… but I won't answer to it, and I'll be talking to the teacher to let him know not to even bother calling it during role when they finally get around to changing the school records."
There was a moment of awestruck silence.
"First person that calls me Katsuragi," Asuka warned, still commanding the entire class's attention, "will be hurt. Badly."
It was Touji, of course, who felt the need to test this threat.
"Eh, don't be such a stiff, Katsu-"
A collective gasp rose as Asuka (anticipating Touji's stupidity) spun on her heel and flung out her arm, catching him across the throat in an elegant clothesline and dropping him in a choking heap on the floor.
"Now," the redhead said briskly, "does anyone have any questions?"
Eyes everywhere bugged out as Rei lifted her hand.
"What is it, Wondergirl?" Asuka demanded crossly, unprepared for turbulence from this quarter.
Rei drew a short breath… and asked the one question Asuka never would have imagined coming from the quiet girl's mouth.
"Since Major Katsuragi will not engage in sexual intercourse with your mutual husband, will that be your duty?"
Shinji was sure he could hear crickets chirping in the ensuing silence.
Stealing a look at Asuka, he found the girl frozen in a state of open-mouthed, red-faced, all-out shock. He wondered briefly if he should recommend closing her mouth before attracting flies, but felt that this would be tantamount to signing his own death certificate.
"Oh, look at the time," he said, seeing that Asuka was regaining her composure, "Ayanami, don't we have that… thing at NERV? With the stuff? At the place, with the guy? You know – important, gotta go!"
Before the Second could murder her (and him, since he would be held accountable too), Shinji grabbed Rei's hand and hauled her out of the class, barely catching Kensuke's wry comment of, "Aren't two enough?" as he escaped the massacre that was inevitable with Asuka's now-unleashed fury.
He pitied those remaining in the classroom, and hoped Asuka would make their deaths quick and painless.
…though secretly, he doubted that she would.
"Ikari?"
Finally slowing down, Shinji glanced over his shoulder at Rei. "Hmm?"
"You are… hurting my hand."
With a start, Shinji realized that he was still holding Rei firmly by the hand. "Ah, sorry!"
Releasing her, he took a step back, leaning against the hallway wall and taking a deep, calming breath. Why, he thought tiredly, why do things like this keep happening to me? It's not ENOUGH that I pilot EVA? I need this kind of stress to go with it? I'm married – I'm married to two women! I wonder-
"Ikari."
Shinji blinked at the soft hailing. He had almost forgotten that Rei was there at all. "Oh, umm, what is it, Ayanami?"
Rei opened and closed her hand a few times, as if trying to remember what it had felt like to have it held. After a moment of quiet thought, she flatly asked, "Does being wed to Souryu and the Major please you?"
Remembering what the girl had asked Asuka, Shinji paled. "P-please me?" he croaked, clearing his throat awkwardly. "I don't know… what you mean…"
"What I am asking," Rei clarified carefully, "is if you are happy. I know that you are married to the Major for the benefits it brings her, and Souryu has made it clear that she tried to dissolve your marriage, but was not successful… but I have not heard your opinion on the subject of matrimony."
"Didn't we talk about this the other day?" Shinji wondered.
Rei shook her head. "No," she said smoothly, "then I was asking, generally, if there was any benefit to being wed. Today, I am interested in knowing if you, personally, are happy with your situation."
Shinji shuffled his feet. "I um… yeah, I'm doing ok I guess," he said uncomfortably.
"That was not my question," Rei pointed out, "I asked if you are happy."
Laughing weakly, Shinji said, "Well, I guess… yeah, sure, I am…"
"Mm…"
Looking at his watch, the Third said, "We should get out of here before Asuka comes to find us."
"I agree," Rei said, starting for the front exit of the school, "she does seem somewhat… volatile. I would like a more direct answer to my question, though."
"Why are you doing this, Ayanami?" Shinji asked bluntly. "I don't… really understand."
"Mm," Rei hummed, "neither do I, but for reasons I cannot explain, seeing you unhappy… makes me unhappy as well."
"Huh…"
Slowly, they continued to walk, but as they neared the exit to the school, Shinji suddenly thought of a question he had been dying to ask.
"Have you… ever wanted to be married, Ayanami?"
Rei kept her eyes straight ahead. "Only if I was to be wed to someone like yourself or Commander Ikari."
Shinji stopped dead in his tracks. "…my father?" he whispered. "You think… you think I'm like my father?"
Turning to face him, Rei replied, "Yes, I do."
"How can you even say that?" Shinji wondered. "We're nothing alike! He's… he's all hard and strong and tough – I'm not any of those things, Ayanami… how can you say we're alike?"
Rei's reply was simple and straightforward.
"The traits that you have described in your father are the traits I see in you."
Shinji was so dazed by this that he found himself speechless.
Continued…
Author's notes: I don't like notes right now, so I'm not gonna write any! So THERE!
Hawk pre-read again, but muttered something under his breath about me being a jerk… which I can't deny. Sigh.