This was a Daniel angst that came to me while I was listening to the Spiderman soundtrack. This song is "Bother" by Corey Taylor. Please read and review!
Wish I was too dead to cry
The self affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochist to which I cater
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
And once I'm gone
I won't let go till it bleeds.
It had gone wrong...everything in his life had gone wrong again. Daniel looked up at the sky feeling numb and lifeless. Sha're was gone now and nothing was the way it had been. He didn't hold a grudge against Jack coming back through the gate- he knew how close to Skaara the older man was.
Daniel had been reliving every moment from the time Jack had come back through the Abydos gate until the end of his world as he knew it. He shook his head slowly. He didn't know why he tortured himself like this. The tears on his face were finally drying and Daniel wished that he was emotionally dead so he couldn't feel any of this anymore.
The cold edges of her hair comb, the one thing he still had of her, bit into the tender skin of his palms. He wouldn't let it go until his hands bled, making it impossible to grasp it.
Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you feed me stuff to digest
I wish I had a reason
My flaws are open season
For this I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
And once I'm done
I won't let go till it bleeds
He remembered what his life had been before Abydos, before the stargate program had come calling...He'd been a wunderkind, a genius with languages until he'd fallen from grace with the acadmic world for his far-fetched theories. No one listened to him or even considered what he had to say.
His work was picked apart and everything torn apart by the so-called "scholars" and "experts". Daniel allowed a grim smile to touch his lips for a moment. If some of them had gone through what he had, they would have had a heart attack. He wondered if their silly opinions had ever really mattered to him or if he'd only pretended to care so someone would finally listen to him.
Casting his mind back, Daniel remembered his first lecture and what a disaster it had been. He'd gripped his pencil so tightly it broke, causing great laughter. Hanging on to the pieces, he didn't even know how hard he was squeezing them and ended up having slivers of pencil wood embeded in his hand, which bled onto his notes.
Wish I'd died instead of lived
The zombie has my face
Shelf forgotten with its memories
Tires left with crimson countries
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
And once I'm done
I won't let go till it bleeds
You don't need to bother
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping father
And once I hold on
I won't look down my deceits
Why am I still here? Daniel wondered. He was only going through the motions of living. He felt like the Walking Dead, wandering through day to day things without really noticing what he was doing. He couldn't have told you what he had for breakfast that morning. He'd only eaten because Jack had insisted.
They don't need to bother. he thought. I don't need to be, to exist in this world or any other...
Closing his eyes, he heaved a heavy sigh. The edge was so close and he knew he could slip over it at any moment. I'll hang on...for now. he told himself. There was always hope, even in the darkest of times but Daniel Jackson was walking a fine line and he was well aware of what could happen if that small thread connecting him to the rest of the world broke.