Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Uncommon Law

By Random1377

Chapter 10

Asuka and Misato stole down the hallway in Rei's apartment building with all the stealth and skill of a small heard of elephants. "Oh my God, would you shut up?" Asuka hissed as the older woman kicked a can halfway down the hall. "We're trying to be quiet, remember?"

"Shut up," Misato hissed, "you'll tip them off!"

"I'll tip them- GAH!" Asuka threw her hands up in disgust. "Just hurry up, we're almost there."

Apartment 409 passed by, giving Asuka warm thoughts of spraying cleaning solution in Misato's eyes. It was bad enough that she had to endure her guardian's (and she used that term very loosely) driving, but now the old cow was going to give them away before they could get the drop on Wondergirl and Shinji doing…

Doing THAT? she thought, making a face as she realized that it was possible. Ew… I need to have a shower now – just thinking about that makes me feel icky all over.

She glanced at Misato, worried that she might be thinking about kicking the door down and going in with guns blazing – literally. The purple-haired woman certainly seemed serious about getting 'her husband' out of the clutches of 'that little hussy.'

Asuka shook her head. Unreal, she thought. She's acting like a jealous wife! God, there's some irony for you… a marriage of convenience turned into the real thing by one little kiss. She frowned as they passed 403. Maybe he's just… really good at it, or something? She stole another look at Misato. Hmm… might not be a bad idea to check into that. I'm his wife too! …God, I can't believe I just thought that.

The door to 402 was ajar, and as Misato and Asuka edged closer to it, they could hear Shinji's voice coming from inside. "I don't mind," the Third was saying, "I just… if you want me to come back later – you know, after you're dressed…"

"That sl-"

Asuka clamped her hand over Misato's mouth as the woman started forward, clearly intent on beating Rei to a pulp… a sight Asuka, freely admitted, she would not mind seeing. "Hang on," she said quickly, "it doesn't sound like they're doing anything yet… if you bust in now, they can say they were just talking."

"Mpm!" Misato protested, trying to pull Asuka's hand away from her mouth. "Mpmml mpmm MPMHM!"

Sighing, Asuka replied, "Yes I know she's naked in there, but if he's not, you can't castrate him!"

"MPHMLMH!"

"Do you want to kill him, or screw him?" Asuka demanded. "And no, you can't do both!"

Lord, she thought as Misato glared at her, why am I trying to reason with a boozehound? Please, God, please, please, PLEASE let her be normal when she sobers up! I think I can handle her acting like a horny teenager if it's just the liquor talking, but if she's serious about being with Shinji… I might just need to call in a shrink.

Rei's reply must have either been too quiet to carry through the door, or obscured by Misato's muffled ranting, because the next thing Asuka heard was Shinji saying, "On the bed?"

"MPMMPH!"

"Ow!" Asuka hissed. "Don't bite!"

Maneuvering the older woman closer to the door while keeping a hand over her mouth proved quite tricky for Asuka as Misato was struggling and cursing through her palm… though her drunkenness allowed the redhead the edge she needed to get to a better eavesdropping spot.

"Oh my god shut up!"

Misato gave Asuka's palm one last attempted bite, and did as she was told, turning her attention instead to the almost-closed door to Rei's apartment.

"So," they could hear Shinji saying, "what did you need to talk to me about?"

Frowning, the two women in the hallway listened as hard as they could, finally picking out Rei's voice from the hum of the faulty overhead fluorescent lights. "We have a history final tomorrow," the blue haired girl said, "I am unprepared."

"HA!" Misato exploded, her voice loud enough to get past Asuka's fingers.

"Did you hear something?" Shinji wondered.

"I have loud neighbors," Rei replied dismissively.

"…I didn't think you had any neighbors."

Asuka gave Misato a warning glare, whispering, "Shut… up!"

They listened for several minutes as Shinji and Rei went over some very boring homework, making Asuka curse herself for actually believing that anything could be going on between these two losers.

Never trust a drunken slut, she thought, finally pulling her hand away from Misato's mouth and wiping it disgustedly on her skirt. Or a drooler… God, that's so gross!

"Come on," she muttered, "watching paint dry would be more exciting than this crap."

"Not yet," Misato mumbled stubbornly, "not until I know she's not trying to put the moves on him."

Asuka threw her hands up in the air. "I say let her," she grumbled, "I'm not staying married to him any longer than I need to, and you shouldn't even want to be married to him in the first place – the only reason I'm here is to get out of this faster, got it?"

"Oh," Misato shot back, "so you don't care about him at all? You heartless little bitch!"

Wincing at the honest rage in the older woman's voice, Asuka said, "I didn't say I don't care about him, just… you're taking this out of context, goddamn it! I never said I didn't like him, I just don't want to be-"

"Missus Katsuragi."

Asuka's face went a very interesting shade of off-white.

"Missus Katsuragi," the voice behind the redhead repeated, "is there something you need?"

It took Asuka a moment to realize that the double 'missus' was deliberate.

Only Wondergirl, she thought angrily, turning to face the blue-haired pilot, time to give her a peice of… my… hey, what the hell? Did I miss the memo on it being Underdressed Thursday, or something?

Rei, drool-worthy in a white button up shirt and underclothes, looked from one of Shinji's wives to the other, clearly expecting a response that did not involve gaping – as Asuka was – or making threatening, finger-across-the-throat gestures, which, needless to say, Misato was in the process of doing.

"What?" Asuka muttered. "Can't a couple girls go out on the town anymore? Is it so unusual that we might have happened to be on our way to an underground rave and happened to be passing by your door at one o'clock in the morning? Well?"

No waaaayyyy is she going to buy this, Asuka thought, plan B… what's plan B in this situation? Run? Pretend to faint? Punch her in the nose? I'm liking that last one a lot, but-

"I see," Rei finally replied, "enjoy your party, then."

Asuka and Misato's jaws fell open at the exact same moment.

"Wait," Misato said suddenly, "where's my husband?"

Rei looked at her as if this should be obvious. "Inside," she replied. "He left a note indicating where he went."

"He… huh?"

"On the table," Rei clarified. "He said he wrote you a note and left it on your kitchen table so you would not worry. He is… very thoughtful sometimes."

Misato turned an accusing eye on Asuka. "Is there a note on the table?"

"I dunno," the redhead muttered, "I didn't look."

But Misato was already refocusing on something else Rei had said. "How thoughtful is he?" she asked flatly. "And why the little pause, Rei? You sound a little too… familiar with his habits."

"Well when I told him I liked him, he was very polite to me," Rei observed, seemingly unaware that Misato and Asuka had suddenly fallen on their faces. "He said that he liked me as well, but not romantically, and-"

"Whoa!" Misato nearly screamed. "He… what are you talking about?"

Unfazed, Rei repeated, "He said that he likes me as well, but not romantically, and when I-"

"He doesn't?" Asuka cut in. "Wow… all that time he spends looking at you, I thought for sure he had a thing for you."

"Perhaps in the past, he-"

"You like him?" Misato suddenly growled. "He's married you know – twice! So-"

"Major Katsuragi."

"Huh?"

"…if you are not interested in hearing my explanation, why did you ask me for it?"

Asuka hid a laugh behind her palm as Misato glared at the First Child. It was such a simple, unassailable question that the purple-haired woman fell absolutely silent, giving Rei the chance to finish her thought.

"I let Shinji know that I like him," she said quietly, "and before I could elaborate, he said that he could not return my feelings in a romantic way, because he was romantically interested in one of his wives."

"Which one?" Asuka suddenly inquired.

Rei, however, simply continued to speak. "I informed him that I was not saying that I liked him romantically," she said levelly, "though I must admit, there is something I find magnetic about him, and given enough time – were he single – something more may come of it. At this time, however, it is simple affection, and nothing more. It would be inappropriate to involve myself with a man with one spouse, let alone two."

There was a moment of silence.

"Particularly when Shinji is sexually involved with the Second Child."

"Well of course that's an excellent – wait, what?"

Asuka gritted her teeth. "It's a misunderstanding," she said archly, "I'm not sleeping with my husband! Er, your husband… our husband – argh! Whatever the hell he is, I don't even know anymore! God, I think I have a migraine."

"Mm," Rei hummed. "From your hesitance at school the other day, I was under the impression that you did not want it openly discussed, so I assumed that you and he-"

"If anyone's having sex with Shinji it's going to be me," Misato proclaimed, "and speaking of my husband, where is he? You've been at the door an awfully long time."

"He is working on a particularly difficult history question," Rei said smoothly. "I asked for his assistance while I went to talk to my loud neighbors."

When Misato stared, Asuka muttered, "She means us, dumbass – she's craftier than she looks."

"And you don't think he'd suspect something was funny about that idea when you left in just a shirt?" Misato wondered.

"Shinji is very thoughtful," Rei said tactfully, "but he is not always very observant."

Misato looked at Asuka, speaking from the corner of her mouth as she murmured, "I think you're right about her being crafty."

Asuka slapped her forehead, dragging her hand down her face in a show of absolute disgust. "Gee," she said icily, "ya think?"

Stepping back into the apartment, Rei said, "I believe I should be getting back to him, however. May I assume that you do not want him to know of you visit…?"

"Fair assumption," Asuka mumbled. "See ya, First."

"Major?"

Misato, who had been rubbing her temples rather hard, looked up. "Huh?"

"May I say something a bit… personal?"

The two other women exchanged a glance. "Sure, Rei," Misato said tiredly, "can't be any more personal than what we've already said."

Rei, once again, proved this assumption wrong.

"I would like to suggest avoiding intercourse for a time," she said calmly, her voice as even as if she was discussing the weather. "I have read that people who rush into sexual relationships before properly knowing one another are often unhappy after a while with their partner, and it would… sadden me to see Shinji unhappy. Good night, Missus Katsuragi," she nodded to Misato, then Asuka, "Missus Katsuragi."

For well over a minute, Misato and Asuka stared at the door, neither one breaking the silence as Rei's final comments hung heavy in the air – a warning so deftly veiled that anyone not knowing the First would not have even noticed the minute delay or infinitesimal narrowing of the girl's eyes as she spoke.

Having known Rei for some time, of course, Misato was able to pick up on the subtlety.

"Did she just… threaten me?"

Staring at the numbers on Rei's door Asuka immediately replied, "Yes… yes she did…"

"…ah."

They considered the door for some time before Misato finally yawned and stretched, gazing at her watch in thoughtful silence before turning away from the apartment.

"Where are you going?" Asuka wondered, following the woman towards the stairs.

"Back to the bar," Misato shrugged. "My buzz is gone, and it's not even one thirty… plenty of time left to drown my sorrows and tell myself that wanting Shinji isn't such a bad thing."

"So you're sober?" Asuka asked hopefully.

Misato shook her head. "Nope," she said succinctly, "but I'm getting there – and before you ask, no, I won't want to nail Shinji any less when I sober up. This is a permanent feeling… and yes, you're still an idiot for not wanting to be with him too."

With a long, deep sigh, Asuka said, "Give me your keys… I'll drive – hell, I'll even buy, if you promise to never, ever mention the words 'nail' and 'Shinji' in the same breath. I've been traumatized enough in my life without having that image in my head."

Turning round innocent eyes on Asuka, the older woman said, "Can I talk about going d-"

"That's it," Asuka cut in angrily, "we're going home for coffee! Any more booze and you'll be humping my leg… God you're a freak."

Ignoring the woman's arguments, Asuka drove them home, grinding the gears only fifteen times and effectively turning Misato's buzz into a raging headache… though when the morning came, the redhead insisted that it was a complete accident, repeatedly pointing out that she had only been driving a few times.

As soon as the older woman had gone in search of aspirin, Asuka quickly grabbed her purse and moved her German driver's license to the back of her wallet.

So Wondergirl's not a threat, she thought, now it's just a matter of time.

To be concluded…

Author's notes: only one more to go! Hawk said he'll give it a thorough read-through and make sure it doesn't suck too badly.

Hawk pre-read this chapter and chapter 11 at the same time, so when this one comes out, you'll know that 11 is only a couple days behind.