As I look back over my life, I realised, that in one way, renting the shuttle on Serenity was one of the most liberating experiences of my life.
Life in House Madrassa was, well, mostly it was wonderful, it still is wonderful if I'm being completely honest about things. But at that stage in my life, it wasn't what I needed.
Part of the problem was that I was so... successful, I suppose, as a Companion. It seemed sometimes that I didn't have a moment to call my own. Most of the time I was with Clients, of whom it seemed there was a long line of people just waiting, wanting to spend time with me. But then of course there was time to be set aside for music practice, tea ceremony practice, and all the other little things that you have to constantly practice if the skills are to be kept fresh.
Success has it's drawbacks, though, and in the world in which I live, one of those is that the most successful are constantly sought after by those who are younger, those who are wanting advice. It seemed to be a well known fact that I was likely to be the next House Priestess in House Madrassa, and girls seemed to take this as a sign that my door was always open to help them through their troubles.
When a girl first starts at the Academy, she's assigned a Jie-Jie, an older sister, if you will, one of the older students, to help her through those first years. But once a girl reaches the age at which she can take a Mei-Mei of her own, she can apply to the Guild to change Jie-Jie, although this is only granted in cases of the original Jie-Jie no longer being a practicing Companion, or if there is a massive clash of personalities.
That year, before I left, it seemed that every girl who had been given permission from the Guild to come under the mentorship of another Jie-Jie applied to me. I literally had no time to myself, and as a result, my mental wellbeing suffered.
The Guild places a high emphasis on maintaining a healthy body and mind. Meditation and Yoga are practised widely by Companions. But for around six months I had simply no time to carry out these disciplines. I didn't feel like myself. I felt trapped, constantly trying to live up to what all the clients, and all the younger girls expected of me.
I was browsing the cortex for something completely different that day. Oddly I can't remember what exactly now. But the alert caught my eye. Shuttle to rent. I decided to have a look.
That first meeting with Malcolm Reynolds was so refreshing. For the first time in a long while I felt that I could actually be myself. He expected nothing of me. All he wanted was someone to pay him money and keep out of the way of his legitimate business, although I must admit I doubted that line from the very start.
I decided there and then that I wanted, no, I needed to get away. Of course I managed to get what I wanted, as I've often been told that there aren't many men who can resist my charms.
I had a tear in my eye as we took off for the first time, looking out on Sihnon as it receded into the distance. But it wasn't unhappiness, more a feeling of relief. Maybe now I could be free to be what I wanted to be.