Disclaimer: The world of Neon Genesis Evangelion and the characters contained within do not belong to me. I am only borrowing them for my own twisted purposes. This story is for entertainment purposes only and not for profit because no one in their right mind would buy a fanfic from me. :)

AN: This is my first serious NGE fic and I hope to do well. Any comments would be helpful. This story has no official pairings though it may seem like it at times, but Wishes of the Children is not about that. It is about delving into the minds of three 14-year-old children who never had a chance to be normal and giving them a taste of what it might be like.

Anyway, Funvince Fanfic Enterprises presents:

WISHES OF THE CHILDREN

-By Vincent "Funvince" Nguyen

-Arc I: Rei's Wish-

Rei Ayanami woke up at exactly 6 AM. She methodically rubbed the grit out of her eyes then stretched to loosen her muscles and get her blood moving. Then she got out of bed and headed into the bathroom. She took care of her plumbing needs making a mental note that she would soon need to order more toilet paper from NERV.

She took off the long-sleeved shirt she wore for sleeping then dropped it along with her panties onto the floor before stepping in the shower. Her body shivered a bit as the cold water hit her. She had the brief urge to turn the knob further to the left, but knew that would be pointless since the building had no working water heaters. She grabbed the soap and began to scrub her arms.

Rei calmly separated her mind from her physical discomfort, but had another brief thought about how nice it would be if she didn't have to do that. Once, as an experiment, she had taken a few warm showers at NERV after synch tests and discovered that showering was more comfortable when the water wasn't ice cold. She had considered asking the Commander to have her water heater looked at, but she knew that she shouldn't bother him with such trivial concerns. Hot water would not increase her effectiveness for her purpose.

Upon finishing her shower, she dried herself with a towel then allowed it to drop carelessly to the floor. She made another mental note to order more towels. She was not averse to using the same towels or wearing the same clothing until they wore out, but Doctor Akagi had explained that it would be unhealthy to do so and that it would be disastrous if she were unable to fulfill her purpose because of poor hygiene. For this reason, she took five minutes to carefully brush her teeth and ensure that every tooth received the same amount of attention.

Rei caught sight of herself in the mirror. She stared at herself for a few seconds. I think you should smile... Even after so many months, those words still haunted her. It was the first time that she had smiled for anyone other than Commander Ikari and he had never smiled back at her the way Ikari-kun had. For some reason, that had pleased her. Perhaps she should try smiling more... No, such shows of emotion were irrelevant.

She dressed then walked to the kitchen where she withdrew her nutritional supplement. Regular food could not completely fulfill all of her dietary needs so her breakfasts consisted of thick, murky gruels. Not for the first time she thought it didn't taste very good. Her mind flashed to images of Ikari-kun handing her some vegetarian bentos. He did so after every Angel attack. He said it was his way of saying thank you to her. That thought made it easier for her to finish her breakfast.

After picking up her satchel, she left the apartment. The clatter of the broken lock against the closing door jogged another memory. Ikari-kun had told her more than once that she should buy a new lock for her door. Why did he not understand that there was no point to that? She was the only tenant in the building and she had nothing worth stealing. It was true that her apartment was open to any fanatic intent on killing her since Section 2 was under orders to keep a light watch on her, but even that didn't matter because... she was replaceable.

Rei walked to school, her pace never varying and her gaze never wavering from her path. She soon made it out of her desolate neighborhood onto the main streets, which were filled with people going to work. Though the sidewalk was crowded, Rei had no trouble continuing her forward motion. The mass of people seemed to flow around her creating an open path for her to walk on. Rei ignored them having long ago decided that their uneasiness at her appearance was incomprehensible. Their irrational behavior did make it easier for her to get to school so she didn't mind it too much. But if she truly did not mind, why was there an ache inside her every morning?

The bell rang and all the students took their seats. From her seat in the back of the classroom, she could observe the entire class without being noticed. There was only one individual she was interested in looking at though. Rei took fifteen seconds to gaze at the Third Child's face. She ascertained that the bags that had been under his eyes for the last two days were gone and that his color had returned to normal. He had been suffering insomnia since he came out of the Twelfth Angel, but he seemed to have recovered.

Satisfied that all was well, she turned her head to look out the window again. Looking at the scenery outside her window was one of the few indulgences she allowed herself to partake in. She saw no need to pay attention to her teachers as they rarely divulged information that was not already covered in her assigned textbooks. The teachers quickly learned not to call on her when they realized she knew the material better than they did. So since Rei could not find any readily identifiable purpose for her being here, she looked out the window.

For some reason she had never been able to understand, looking at the blue sky and the green trees in the schoolyard was soothing. Perhaps it was an effect of spending most of her life in the cold, utilitarian facilities of NERV, but the sight of the chaotic, natural world did something to her internal equilibrium that was... pleasing.

"She looks out that window every day! Do you think she's actually looking at something?"

"Nah, that would mean that she was interested in something. Hey, I bet that if that window was boarded up she wouldn't even notice!"

"Yeah, that would be kinda funny."

The two whispering students snickered.

Rei ignored them. She was aware that her classmates found her to be a popular subject for making jokes about, but she didn't know why. She didn't understand humor very well, but she had the sense that even if she did she still wouldn't find their comments funny.

Her left hand twitched momentarily before she quickly forced it to relax. Such a lapse in control was unacceptable. She turned her thoughts in a more favorable direction. Ikari-kun. She didn't understand him. Why did he treat her so kindly? His psychological profile indicated that he would be greatly adverse to initiating contact with anyone.

Her observations showed this to be true. Ikari-kun almost never started a conversation with anyone. He would speak with anyone who spoke to him, but he would rarely try to speak with them first. Except for her. Why? At first, she suspected that the Commander had ordered him to, but that theory had been rendered invalid when Ikari-kun revealed his dislike of and lack of respect for Commander Ikari.

That had been the first time she had slapped someone. She was still ashamed that she allowed her anger to escape her control, but... the sensation of his skin against her palm had been pleasant. A part of her wanted to experience that feeling again and that thought caused her cheeks to warm slightly. This brought up another question about human interaction that she could not answer. If physical contact was such a desirable state, then why did people go to such great lengths to avoid it? Why did they take for granted a freedom that she would never have?

Rei wished she could allow herself to sigh. Why did she continue to ask herself such pointless questions? Why did she hurt herself like this?

Rei found her regular spot beneath a tree and looked around curiously. The school was having a barbecue. She wrinkled her nose as the odor of cooking meat wafted over to where she sat. She had no moral or religious reasons against the consumption of animal flesh, but experience told her that eating it would make her violently ill. She decided that she would buy her lunch later. She was not hungry and she had no orders to eat at designated times. Eating when the body didn't require fuel was a social convention she saw no need to partake in.

She pondered what she should do instead. Her homework was done for the week and she had already finished her assigned readings in homeroom. That meant she could do something she wanted. Feeling a little guilty, Rei withdrew a worn book from her bag. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley.

A literature class had required the book a few years before and a strange impulse had prevented her from discarding the book when the class was finished with it. Rei stared at the picture of a grotesque man imprinted on the cover. Frankenstein's monster. A creation of Man constructed from pieces of the dead for a specific purpose. A creature that was fated to never be accepted by his creator's race. He would never be understood or loved because he was not entirely human and he never would be.

Would Ikari-kun accept me for what I am if he knew the truth? Her gaze turned to another spot in the clearing where the Third Child was having lunch and obviously being embarrassed by the comments of his two friends. It was strange that while Ikari-kun felt anxiety talking to Suzuhara and Aida, he also seemed... happier. The presence of his friends appeared to animate him and draw him out of his quiet demeanor. Was this what friends could do for a person? She brushed the thought aside and turned back to her book. She did not need friends. Her hand trembled slightly as she turned the page.

Two classes later, it was time for swimming class. Rei slipped quietly into the locker room without notice. Most of the girls had been in the same classes as her since the seventh grade and had adjusted to her appearance. They took no more notice of her than they would a towel rack.

"Hey, who's that scary-looking girl over there? The one with the blue hair?"

"You're new, right? That's just Ayanami. Yeah, she's kinda freaky. We call her the Ice Queen."

"That's kinda mean..."

"Nah, the cold-hearted bitch couldn't care less."

This disturbed Rei though it was nothing she had not heard before. She changed into her white swimsuit and left the changing room still trying to restore her equilibrium. But it wasn't until she saw the pool did her mind finally calm. Swimming was one of the few activities in her life that she enjoyed. Perhaps it was its similarity with LCL and its association with the memories of simpler times in the tank that comforted her.

This was one of the few sights that heightened the discrepancy between her two sets of memories. The few memories that she retained from the first Rei revealed she had never gone swimming while the original memories of this body was composed of nothing but that.

Her teacher arrived. She said, "Okay, class. Today, we're going to be racing in time-trials. Just a little friendly competition. I've already paired you up so listen for your name. Sato and Kobayashi. Watanabe and Nakamura..."

The teacher was not going by alphabetical order as she usually did. Rei felt her stomach muscles tighten. Was this dread? Why would she feel this way? The chances of being paired with...

"Ayanami and Soryu!"

...were apparently better than she thought. She watched the Second Child walk up to her and sneer. The German girl placed her hands on her hips and said loudly, "Oh, please! I was looking forward to having a challenge today. I'd have more fun going against a life jacket. They probably have more personality!" She stared at Rei expectantly.

Was she expected to respond? Rei saw no reason to do that so she turned her attention back to the pool. She heard Pilot Soryu growl then stomp away. Rei did not understand the Second. What had she done to cause such anger in the girl? Ever since the Second had asked her if she wanted to be friends, the Second seemed to have made it her mission to taunt her at every opportunity. Why?

Rei had answered her question the only way she could. If the Commander ordered her to befriend the girl, then naturally, she would but otherwise she could not risk reducing her effectiveness as a pilot. In retrospect, there may have been a better way of handling the matter. Still, it seemed odd that the Second would care so much.

Rei heard her name called and went to the edge of the pool. The race ended up being a close one. Her body had spent most of its life moving through liquid, but the Second had spent most of her life actively training so it was only by a few seconds that Rei pulled ahead.

With a pang of regret, she pulled herself out of the water. The water was silent and calm; it was everything the world was not. She then saw the Second heading toward her with her face contorted in rage.

"What the hell? Wondergirl beat me! Of all the-" the Second must have noticed she was attracting attention because she forcibly smoothed out her face and shrugged. "Well, I guess even a doll can get lucky once in a while."

A spark of anger blossomed inside Rei. "I am not a doll."

The Second rolled her eyes. "I know that you're not literally a doll, but you might as well be one. I bet if your precious commander told you to jump off a cliff, you'd do it with a smile. Well, maybe not a smile. You'd probably break something if you tried, Rei." The Second smiled nastily. "That's a fitting name for you. Zero. Nada. Zilch. You really are nothing, you know that?"

"I know."

Rei turned and walked away from the surprised girl. There was nothing more to say.

Her face was impassive as usual and there was no indication that she was thinking anything more complex than keeping her feet moving. But on the inside, Rei's mind was in turmoil. She could not focus and the mental exercises Doctor Akagi had taught her to ensure emotional harmony were not working. The Second's words kept running through her head.

...you're not literally a doll, but you might as well be one...

...you really are nothing...

Those words should not bother her. They were true. She had no value beyond her use. She was a tool created for a specific purpose. She was not like other girls and she never would be. She accepted that. She knew what her purpose was. So why was there an emptiness inside her? Rei was brought out of her thoughts by a strange sight.

Mister Tanaka's Magic Shop.

Rei came to an abrupt stop and blinked at the sight of the nondescript brick building. She had been walking home along this route since the seventh grade and she knew this shop should not be here. The work needed to build such a structure over an abandoned lot could not have been done in one day. It was impossible but there the building was.

An ordinary person might have rationalized that they simply hadn't seen the building before, but Rei was not ordinary. Since there was no logical explanation for this shop's existence, Rei concluded that it had to have been created by supernatural means. It might even be Angel-related though it was difficult for her to see what possible benefit an Angel could gain from this.

Still, it was her duty to report this possible threat to NERV. But even as her hand went to grab her cell phone, a bright light appeared in the window. Her arms fell to her side as she looked at it. A feeling of warmth spread across her body. She felt a longing for the light, one so intense that it scared her, but she couldn't turn away. She found herself taking a step forward then another one and before she knew it, she was inside the shop.

She ignored the antique display cases and the dusty bookshelves. Her eyes were focused on the light. When she got close enough to touch it, the light faded to reveal a dark blue, heart-shaped pendant attached to a silver necklace lying on a white pillow. The longing she felt grew stronger and Rei was confused as to why. She never had any desire for a material object before and she could not understand why her heart was beating so rapidly now.

"Ah, I see that you have your eye on the Heart of Desires."

Rei turned her head to look at the bearded man looking at her. He was of average height and wore a white robe. She assumed that he was Mister Tanaka. She asked, "What is its purpose?"

"It grants one wish to whoever holds it."

Rei thought for a moment. "Can it be used to get rid of the Angels?"

"It's not that powerful. The magic inside this pendant is very subtle and lasts for only a day. It can't change reality or affect other people. What it can do is change you according to your heart's desire for yourself."

"I see." Rei turned to leave.

"Wait, don't you want this?" Tanaka asked sounding surprised.

"I do not have any desires concerning myself," Rei replied without slowing down.

"If that was true, Miss Ayanami, then you would never have been tempted to come in here."

Rei stopped unsure of what to do. Her reason for leaving had disappeared, but she knew she had to leave. So why didn't she? Every instinct she had told her to stay, but she could not. The Commander would not approve. Finally, she said, "I am not allowed to use my NERV credit card on items I do not need."

Tanaka sighed. "Look, I don't normally do this, but here, please take it. No charge." He picked up the necklace and held it out to her.

Rei looked at it. "Why?"

"Because I like you, kid. You don't waste my time protesting that magic isn't real and you don't ask stupid questions like how I knew your name. And, you're one of the few people I've met that deserves a genuine wish. Most of my customers don't. They just think they do so I don't feel bad about playing jokes on them or giving them magical trinkets that never work as they should. But you're different. Taking advantage of you would be like kicking a puppy. Letting you leave here empty handed would be even worse."

Tanaka made a strange motion with his hands and the necklace appeared around Rei's neck. Then the man clapped his hands.

Rei's vision blurred for a moment then when it returned to normal, she found herself standing in her apartment. Her first impulse was to seek out the store, but she suspected that she wouldn't be able to find it. She stared down at the pendant wondering what to do. There was no reason for her to make a wish, but it seemed wrong not to take advantage of such a powerful object. Perhaps she should give it to Commander Ikari.

Something inside her rebelled. She couldn't... she didn't want to give away her necklace. That thought shocked her so much that she sagged onto her bed. How could she even think such a thing? The pendant must be affecting her, but she couldn't bring herself to care. It felt a little wrong not caring what the Commander thought, but it also felt nice.

What should she wish for? She immediately thought of death. This was a chance for her soul to be free once and for all. She entertained the idea for a few minutes then reluctantly set it aside. The wish probably wouldn't work and she'd die permanently soon enough anyway. There was no hurry. But now she didn't know what to do. She had never asked for anything before. She had things she secretly wished for like hot water, but they were all so petty. Her shoulders slumped.

"I wish... I wish..."

...I didn't feel so empty...

...I could understand my own feelings...

...I could show people how I feel...

"I wish... I wish..." Rei fell silent. She had gone as far as she could. Rei sat there staring at the floor for a long time before she finally fell asleep, emotionally exhausted. But even as she slumbered away in a dreamless void, her mind continued to churn away at the problem.

A few hours went by before deep inside Rei's mind, below conscious awareness, a deeply held desire worked its way to the surface.

I wish I could be more human.

In the darkness, the blue heart began to glow.

My Portrayal of Rei Ayanami

The Rei Ayanami in me may be different from the Rei Ayanami in you so I thought it best to describe how I see this azure-haired girl. Rei is emotionally stunted because she was raised around other emotional cripples like Gendo Ikari and Ritsuko Akagi and because she knows she is different. She never interacted with anyone her own age until she was placed in school in the seventh grade and by then her standoffish personality had been set too deeply. Rei is detached from her emotions and tends to see them as a hindrance to her duties. She might not even completely understand what it is she feels at times. That does not mean, however, that she is not affected by them or that she doesn't have wants and desires like everyone else. She just does not and cannot show them. She's not allowed to because if Rei was ever to start forming attachments to people then Gendo's plan falls apart. How would she blindly obey his orders to end the world as we know it if she was to care? I believe that if it wasn't for Gendo Rei wouldn't be that different from any of us. Of course without him, she wouldn't exist at all, but I don't feel like giving him a star for that.

Many thanks to my pre-reader Kai Reased aka Rei Ronin. Any mistakes you find are his fault. ;)

Now please review!