"Are you nearly done?" Boone asked, looking up from trying to calm Noah.
"Yep," Jack replied, picking up the bottle and heading towards the pair of them. "Give him here."
Boone looked a little annoyed. He looked as though he were about to say something but then thought better of it. "That's okay, I'll do it," he said, shifting Noah slightly in his arms and sticking his hand out for the bottle.
Hmm, something was clearly wrong here but Jack wasn't entirely sure what it was. He silently passed the bottle to Boone who placed it down at Noah's mouth.
"There you go," Boone cooed. "What was all that fuss about, huh?"
Noah calmed down and suckled the bottle while Boone rocked him soothingly. Jack found himself feeling sated too, like things were falling into place.
"You wanna go sit down?" Jack suggested.
Boone looked up from Noah. "Yeah, okay."
They headed through to the living room and sat down on the sofa. Jack leaned over and stroked the side of Noah's face, smiling down at him.
"Hey, Jack?" Boone asked in a tone of voice that let Jack know he was going to ask something ridiculously insecure and more than likely out of left field. He wasn't sure he had the energy for this right now.
"Yeah?" Jack answered, leaning away from Noah to look at Boone.
Boone bit his lip a little. "You, erm..." He stopped for a second and thought about his words. "You're really good with him."
"Thanks," Jack said but he was sure that he sounded more than a little suspicious. Mainly because he was. But he had reason to be because he knew that wasn't exactly what Boone was working up to. That was just the set-up. "You too," he added for good measure. And because it was true of course.
Boone gave a little nod. "You look tired."
Okay, Boone was apparently going with the random mode of conversation. "I'm okay," Jack replied.
"No, I know," Boone stated. "Superheroes don't need much sleep I guess," he added with a smile.
Jack gave him a look. "I'm not a superhero, Boone," he pointed out. He knew Boone was being cute but he hated any mention of 'hero' or 'god complex' or 'leader', he was sick of all that. "I'm not even a regular hero."
Boone gave Jack a look that suggested otherwise but thankfully dropped the subject. "Do you watch him sleep every night?" Boone asked and Jack suddenly realised how he was tying all those threads together. "You'll forgive me for not knowing but I tend to fall asleep when he does."
"I know, I feel like I'm putting both of you to bed sometimes," Jack smiled.
Boone looked at him. "You didn't answer my question," he pointed out.
"No, guess I didn't," Jack admitted. Boone looked at him like he was rather serious and Jack sighed, feeling a little cornered if he was honest. "So I like to watch him sleep, why is that such an issue?"
"It's not an issue, I didn't mean it like that," Boone explained. "I don't want you to get all defensive on me okay, I thought we were getting pretty good at that whole talking and sharing thing."
"We are," Jack agreed.
"So, I thought, maybe, you might wanna talk," Boone said carefully. And rather vaguely, Jack thought.
"About what?" Jack asked.
Boone looked a little irritated, which Jack couldn't help but find sweet. He was careful not to let on though or Boone would probably go from irritated to pissed off which was less fun.
"I know some of this baby stuff's hard for you," Boone commented. "And if you ever want to talk about any of it then I'm willing to listen. Even if it's like three in the morning or something. I get up for Noah, I'm more than willing to get up for you."
Jack smiled. He couldn't help it. But he also didn't really have anything he wanted to talk about. So sometimes he watched Noah sleep instead of catching some shuteye himself but he was no stranger to insomnia so there was no reason that should really bother him. And he perhaps had a slightly obsessive style of parenting and sometimes checked Noah a little over cautiously but better safe than sorry, right? But he wouldn't class any of that under 'something to talk about'.
"Do you trust me with him?" Boone asked.
Okay, Boone could do random but that was so far out that Jack wasn't quite sure what to make of it. "What?" he asked, almost laughing at the complete absurdity of the question. "Of course I do, why would you ask that?"
"Huh," was all Boone said, turning his attention back to feeding Noah.
"Boone, you cannot ask me something like that and then go 'huh'," Jack said, trying not to get wound up but it was a little late for that. "Why did you just ask me that? Don't you think I trust you?"
Boone shrugged. "You're always trying to take charge," he explained quietly. "Which I know is what you do but this is my baby too and you don't seem to understand that I can look after him as well."
Jack shook his head a little. "I don't think you can't."
Boone looked at Jack, confused. "That was a double negative so I don't really know what you said there."
Jack smiled. Trust Boone to turn a serious conversation into a discussion about grammar. "I think you can," Jack corrected. "In fact I know you can."
"Whenever I'm holding him you always try and take him off me," Boone stated. "Like just then, in the kitchen."
"I'm sorry, I didn't realise I did that," Jack replied. He was trying to share the workload but perhaps he took more than his fair share. Which wouldn't be a first, but people didn't normally complain about it. "I guess I thought I was helping."
Boone nodded a little. "I know that you're scared something's going to happen to him," he said. "I'm scared of that too. But you've been putting all your energy into him lately, and I'm not saying he doesn't deserve it, but you're gonna go insane sooner or later."
But Jack wanted to help people, that's what he did best. He may not want to be the leader but he certainly wanted to solve problems in his own way. And if Noah ever needed him he couldn't live with himself if he was somewhere else. And if he was honest, he couldn't quite understand where Boone was coming from. Okay, so maybe watching him sleep was a little crazy and unnecessary but as he couldn't sleep himself he wasn't sure what else to do. And, yeah, he probably was a little overprotective but this was just temporary, just until Noah was a little more able, just until Jack settled into things more. It wasn't a problem to take such good care of a newborn, surely.
Jack looked up and realised Boone was looking at him. "Are you worrying about me?" Jack asked.
"I'm worrying about a lot of things," Boone said, looking back down at Noah.
Well that wasn't good, Jack thought. "Please don't worry about stuff," he pleaded, feeling that stupid helpless feeling that only Boone seemed to give him. "What are you worrying about?"
"I dunno, it doesn't really matter," Boone dismissed.
"Come on, you were the one that wanted to talk," Jack pointed out.
"I just don't want you to shut me out again," Boone explained. "And I don't want you to make yourself ill cos you're so busy trying to look after him all the time. And I don't want you to feel like you're on your own and I don't want to feel like I'm on my own."
"Boone, no one is on their own," Jack assured him. "I don't feel like that, that's not why I'm acting like this. We're a team."
Boone nodded. "I know that really," he said. "It's just when you start acting like this I start to get worried. I just need you to still need me."
Jack couldn't help laughing a little. "You seriously think I'll ever get to a point where I won't need you?" he asked incredulously.
Boone shrugged. "You've pretty much got everything now, right?"
"Yeah, I do," Jack agreed. "But you're part of that everything. I get rid of you I won't have everything anymore. I'll just have an empty feeling that feels like a sucking chest wound."
Boone smiled at him and Jack loved that he could still do that. "It's just that I love you, like really a lot, and I love Noah, but everything feels kind of up in the air right now. I don't like uncertainty."
"I love you too. And I love Noah. So I guess we'll be okay," Jack stated.
Boone nodded a little but didn't look hugely convinced. And then Jack realised that he hadn't corrected Boone's comment about their futures being uncertain. And he also realised that he couldn't. If he could then he wouldn't be watching Noah sleep every night.
"I'm gonna try and put him down for a while," Boone said as he placed the bottle on the table and stood up.
"Okay," Jack replied, leaning back on the sofa.
He watched as Boone left the room and wished he could be relaxed enough to fully enjoy the present. And as much as he was enjoying fatherhood and getting to spend everyday with Boone there was this stupid medical knowledge that was stuck in his head of everything that could possibly go wrong with a baby and he wished he could somehow erase is all from his memory. How anyone could relax around a child when they knew all the dangers was beyond him. But this was preferable to shutting Noah out like he would one of his patients so he was just going to have to get on with it.