Author's Notes:

I apologize for the delay in updating this story. The break was never meant to go on for so long.

WOTC was my first serious fanfiction in years and I didn't have the confidence in my skills or the desire to be a fanfic writer that I have now. Now, many stories later (including my new Evangelion fic, "Life Goes On" wink, wink), I feel I can get on with it.

So chapter 6 is posted today and chapter 7, which is already half-written, should be up after Thanksgiving. Thank you for your patience.

Perhaps no one is even reading this story any longer, but I've decided I don't care. This story may not have any real action or romance. It's just about a girl who's trying to find herself. But this is the type of story I always wanted to read about Rei Ayanami and I have to write it because no one else will!

WISHES OF THE CHILDREN

-By funvince

-Arc I: Going Shopping-

The train that the two Children ended up taking was nearly empty. That would have been unimaginable in pre-Second Impact days when white-gloved 'packers' were required to stuff passengers into the cars until they were near bursting. But due to the lower population densities of the present and because Angel attacks tended to drive people away from living in Tokyo-3, that was no longer the case.

Rei was extremely glad for this. She knew that she would eventually have to face large groups of people since that was rather unavoidable in big cities, but she appreciated the time to steel herself for the experience. She didn't have anything against people, but she had no idea what to make of them either.

She hadn't asked Ikari-kun where they were going since she trusted his judgment and if he had wanted to tell her, he would have. She found herself watching him stare out the window. Out of all the people she knew, she thought that he was the one most like her, and that intrigued her. She wanted to know what motivated him. What was it that kept him from giving up on life? And was it something she could learn?

He did not pilot Evangelion simply because he was ordered to do, and unlike the Second, he did not do it for glory and praise. His father's approval was important to him, but she didn't think this alone would have kept him around for so long. She had once told him that Eva was her link to humanity. In her own vague way, she had been trying to connect to others.

Ikari-kun, on the other hand, would probably be happier if he could sever all his social ties, relieving him of feelings of obligation and guilt. And she couldn't help feeling a twinge of resentment toward him for that. To watch someone squander everything she would never have made her want to shake the boy.

This line of thinking wasn't productive. The Third Child was going out of his way to help her and she hadn't even thanked him. She was grateful to him and it was his very aloofness that made it possible for him to be the only real friend she had. And friends shouldn't think negative thoughts about their friends, right?

Her new knowledge only pertained to feelings that she already had a faint familiarity with and friendship was outside her experience. And she had somehow wandered off her original train of thought. Rei gave out a frustrated sigh. There were definite disadvantages to her wish.

"Ayanami, are you okay?" Ikari asked, turning to look at her.

"I am a little nervous," Rei replied. After a momentary hesitation, she added, "I am also uncertain of my change in status. What are my obligations to you as your friend?"

Ikari looked taken back. "Forgive me, but you make it sound like I just hired you as an employee."

Rei turned the concept around in her mind then chose her words carefully. She said, "I do not mean to give offense, but perhaps it is best if you thought of it that way. I am new to this 'occupation' and am in need of training. I do not know what expectations and responsibilities I am supposed to live up to in relation to you."

"That's an... interesting way to look at it," Ikari replied. "But I guess it's fair to ask. Well, friendship is pretty simple. It's... it's..."

Ikari leaned his head back against the neck rest. He said morosely, "It's funny. I know what it is, but I never had to explain it before. Maybe I'm not the right person to be asking. I'm sorry."

Rei began to wonder if the Third Child had some type of mood disorder. Low self-esteem alone would not explain such rapid changes in his emotional states. But she was hardly one to talk about erratic moods at the moment.

Dealing with it was relatively straightforward though since it involved gentle repetition, which she was quite good at. And if reassurance failed, there was always slapping to fall back upon.

Rei said patiently, "Again, you are the only person I trust with this and any help you can give me is appreciated. I do not believe an incomplete answer will adversely affect me."

"Okay, I'll try," Ikari said, looking relieved. He leaned forward and said, "When you're friends with someone, you listen to them. You help them with their problems, you share personal information. I guess you could do nice things for them if you wanted. You go out and share fun experiences. Things like that."

"Basically, everything we are doing right now," Rei said.

"Uh, yeah," Ikari replied.

Rei thought this over. Finally, she said in a worried tone, "There seems to be an inequity. You have performed all these services for me yet I have done nothing for you."

"Uh, that's not necessary," Ikari said quickly.

"Do not Major Katsuragi and Pilot Soryu perform nice actions for you?"

"Well, Misato does..." Ikari replied slowly. He shook his head. "If at some point in the future you want to do something nice for me because you want to then that's okay. You shouldn't do it because you feel that you owe me something."

Rei felt relieved. She had always hated not knowing what she was supposed to do. "That is acceptable. Your explanation of my duties was satisfactory."

Ikari gave her a look of discomfort. "I wouldn't call them duties. They're more like... suggestions. And Ayanami? I'm not your boss. You don't have to do what I say or feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do. If there's anything you're uncomfortable with today, I want you to tell me."

"So it is acceptable for me to disagree with you?" Rei asked hesitantly.

"Oh, definitely," Ikari said with enthusiasm. "If I agreed with half of what Touji and Kensuke come up with and acted on any of it, I'd be slapped by most of the girls in our class."

"Th- Thank you, Ikari-kun," Rei said, looking at the ground. She could feel her face turning red again. Terms of gratitude were still new for her, but she needed him to know.

"You're welcome... Um, there is one thing... if you want to… No, never mind..."

"What is it?" Rei asked gently.

Ikari looked like he wanted to burrow into the seat and disappear. He took a deep breath and babbled, "YoucancallmeShinjiifyouwant."

Rei blinked then her eyes widened. The use of first names without invitation among the Japanese people was very common these days, which was why strangers and acquaintances alike addressed her so familiarly. But she had been raised in a more traditional manner and felt that she could not reciprocate.

She had never expected to receive such a request from anyone. Rei replied, "I would like that... Shinji. But only if you respond in kind."

Ikari, no, Shinji gave a sigh of relief then nodded at her in confirmation.

Rei stared at the Tokyo-3 mall. She had often heard other students speak of this place, but she had never been there. It was in no way as imposing as a typical skyscraper, yet she couldn't help but feel a sense of unease.

There were so many people. Men, women, and children of all ages either wandered the parking lot looking for their vehicles or were heading toward the front entrance. Rei couldn't understand why she felt so tense and jumpy when she walked through crowds of people every day.

The feeling grew worse when she and Shinji actually entered through the doors. She was immediately overwhelmed by how noisy it was. People were talking and laughing and even yelling at each other. The din was made worse by the ringing and rumbling of arcade games and soda dispensers.

The fluorescent lights made her feel slightly ill and the rapid blinking of various neon signs scattered her thoughts before they could fully form. Rei could feel the weight of a dozen eyes watching her and she felt the intense urge to flee. But she couldn't move and she couldn't breathe...

A far-away, distorted voice asked, "Rei... is... every... thing... okay...?"

Rei wrenched her focus away from the overabundance of stimuli to concentrate on Shinji's words. The scene in front of her seemed to stretch and warp for an instant then everything snapped into coherency. The anxiety subsided and Rei suddenly felt in control again. She felt very weary, but she was no longer in danger of panicking.

She looked over at Shinji's worried face and managed a faint smile. "I just need some time to adjust. Could we sit down for a little bit?"

Rei didn't elaborate on the cause for her request. It would only agitate Shinji and send him into making profuse apologies. After sitting down on a bench, Rei stared down at a blue-green tile on the floor, waiting for her mind to settle down. She examined the glimmering, wavy patterns etched onto the square for a few minutes, allowing the noise around her to wash through her body.

At last, she asked, "Shinji, why are we here?"

"You said that you wanted to see what regular people did and you wanted to see the city, and well, a mall is kind of a small city in itself. You got different types of people just walking around and you have businesses and coffee shops... It's an exaggerated version of a city. You have all the hustle and bustle but none of the crime and poverty. Does that make any sense?"

Rei nodded. It was an intriguing metaphor.

"I didn't think that it would be so crowded today," Shinji murmured. "This was a stupid idea. I should have known better. I'm sorry."

"No, I would like to stay. This is something that I need to experience. Perhaps if we had more time we could go more slowly, but we do not."

Shinji had a thoughtful look. "Well, there's still no real hurry. Why don't we just sit here for awhile?"

Rei had never taken the time to examine people before. Scenery was the only thing she had ever taken interest in looking at before, but it seemed that people were equally as fascinating. There was so much variety yet just as much similarity.

There was a harried-looking woman surrounded by screaming children. A few stores further down, there was another woman with just as many children, but they followed her more quietly. A group of leather-clad teenagers (with strange hair styles and metal ornaments on their faces) walked by their bench. They seemed aggressive but not significantly different from the group of teenagers wearing more conventional attire standing in front of a clothing store.

Rei didn't know what to make of these observations. At school and at NERV, she had been constantly surrounded by people wearing uniforms. This was supposed to produce conformity and an adherence to the established rules. The actions going on around her were frighteningly chaotic yet the people were obviously following some form of rules that she wasn't familiar with. There weren't any hierarchies or set roles, but there wasn't the anarchy she had expected either.

The Commander had taught her the importance of following regulations and procedures. To do otherwise was to create unhappiness and confusion. These people didn't seem to be severely unhappy or confused. They moved with vigor and purpose.

She could almost literally feel the energy in the area from the constant motion, sound, and laughter. But what struck her most of all about these people regardless of whether they were strolling at a leisurely pace or seemed to be in some anxious hurry, they were unafraid.

With the possibility of an Angel attack at any moment, this seemed odd, so she asked Shinji for his thoughts.

"You can't let fear keep you from living," Shinji replied. Then he looked startled and gave a weak smile. "Strange words to be coming out of my mouth, I know. But I always thought you were like that. You don't let things get to you."

Rei pondered that. Fear was an instinctive response of the body to danger that was in many ways counterproductive to survival, so she had never paid much attention to it. Did that make her brave or simply repressed?

"I think I have recovered. I would like to continue," Rei said.

They got up and started walking nowhere in particular. Some of the shoppers stared at Rei strangely, which she did not like. Without thinking, Rei grabbed Shinji's arm for comfort.

Shinji's face grew red. He stammered, "Um, what looks interesting to you? There's the arcade or the food court. Girls apparently like to try on clothes. Asuka and Misato dragged me here a few times. We could just walk around..." He trailed off then shrugged.

"You know more than I do. I leave the decision to you," Rei replied. Then she watched in fascination as Shinji's face went from surprised to anxious then to thoughtful. He said, "I have an idea you might like."

They ended up walking to a bookstore. Rei felt both excited and overwhelmed as she saw row after row of bulging bookshelves. There were so many choices! And she could now make one without being paralyzed by doctrine. She tried to focus on something inconsequential to fight off her sudden dizziness.

"Shinji? Why are there sofas in the middle of the store?"

"Those are for people to sit in and read."

"After they buy the books?" Rei asked.

"Not necessarily," Shinji replied. "Many people just like to come in and read. They don't have to buy the books they look at. Some people even sit all day to read entire books."

"Why does the store encourage such behavior? Does that not defeat the purpose of making money?" Rei asked. The subject had just been a distraction tactic, but now she was truly interested in understanding this oddity.

Shinji's brow furrowed in thought. "Well, I suppose. I never thought about it, but it is kinda strange. But all bookstores do that. I guess they have their reasons. Maybe making money isn't the most important thing to them."

Rei could feel the beginnings of a headache coming. She said, "That doesn't make sense! How can the reason for their existence not be the most important thing?" She knew she was being a little irrational about this matter, but she couldn't let go of it. There was something important that she was missing and she had to know what it was.

Shinji seemed taken back by her outburst. He spread his hands and shrugged. "Maybe they had more than one purpose when they opened. Or maybe they came up with another one at some point. I don't know... I'm sorry..."

"Came up with another purpose..." Rei whispered. Was that possible? Evidently, it was. Wasn't that what she was doing with her wish? No, she was not seeking to change her life. This was merely a sidetrack created in a moment of weakness. Tomorrow she would return to normal and she would be fully committed to her purpose again. But despite this assertion, she couldn't help wondering if it was possible to do both...

Deciding that it was too confusing to continue with this issue, Rei walked through the aisles to consider her reading options. She decided to start out in the children's section, which didn't seem as threatening as the other ones. She looked over the classics shelf and after some thought, she selected a book entitled, Ella Enchanted.

Rei read the back cover silently. At her birth, Ella of Frell was the unfortunate recipient of a foolish fairy's gift – the "gift" of obedience. Ella must obey any order given to her, whether it's hopping on one foot for a day and a half, or chopping off her own head! But strong-willed Ella does not tamely accept her fate...

The girl's situation only superficially resembled her own. Rei herself would never dream of trying to defy her fate, but yet she felt a strange kinship with the girl. She too had been 'cursed' from birth to be subject to the will of others. Perhaps it wasn't the best reason for choosing a book, but she felt satisfied with her decision nonetheless.

Rei looked at her book then at Shinji who was smiling encouragingly at her. She wanted to explore the book she had chosen of her own free will and not because a teacher had assigned it, but she also wanted to spend time with her friend. Then she spotted a middle-aged woman reading aloud to a young girl in the corner of the store and she had an idea.

"Would you read this to me?" Rei asked holding out her book.

Shinji scratched the back of his head in evident confusion. "Why?"

"You have a nice voice," she informed him then wondered why he blushed. It seemed that her new understanding of emotions didn't cover everything.

Some hours later, Rei and Shinji walked around the mall exploring various stores. Rei had never known that there were so many varieties of objects and she began to understand a little as to why people like to own such things. She knew that if she had been here in her original state she would have thought that looking at objects that she did not intend to buy was a complete waste of time. She would have missed the big picture that this was not about merchandise, but about spending time with a friend.

That was an unfortunate fact to discover about herself. Would she still feel that way when she changed back? Would even an inkling of her new understanding remain with her or would she have to start again from absolute scratch? Then she realized that there would be no starting over. She would be a doll again and while she would be somewhat sad, she wouldn't take a single step to go beyond her defined boundaries.

"Rei... you're crying," Shinji said softly.

Rei touched her cheek and felt the moisture. Odd, she hadn't even noticed that she had started producing tears. She didn't want to worry Shinji with her problems, so she said the first thing that came to mind. "What are they doing?"

Shinji looked like he wanted to press the matter, but without protest he looked over at a play area where a large group of children were gathered around a booth. "That's just a puppet show."

Rei watched the children yell and clap their hands as two cloth dolls jabbered at each other. She paid no attention to the show itself. Her entire attention was focused on the happiness on the children's small faces and the sounds coming out of their mouths. It must be nice to be so carefree, she thought.

"Please tell me what's wrong," Shinji said.

"You do not need to be concerned," Rei replied, looking away from him.

Shinji sighed. "Do you always avoid answering a question directly?"

"What do you mean?"

"Ayanami!" Shinji looked both amused and irritated.

Rei looked down. "Forgive me. There is a saying... old habits die hard? No one ever truly wanted to know my thoughts before. I am not used to it."

"But I've been asking you what you think for the last year!" Shinji protested. "About piloting EVA, about my father, about why you live the way you do..."

"I know. And I am grateful. But like I said, I am not used to it." Rei looked back at the children again then she looked back at the boy next to her. It would be nice to share her thoughts with someone who was truly interested in them and he was one of the few people she knew that she trusted completely. So she said, "I want to laugh. It seems... enjoyable."

Shinji looked startled. "Haven't you ever laughed?"

Rei thought over the question. She knew from her readings that infants started laughing at four months of age so it stood to reason that she had to have done it at some point. She had the vague notion that the first Rei had laughed, but the residual memories were too indistinct to be certain. Finally, she replied, "Not that I can recall."

Shinji looked sad at that. "I don't know how much help I can be. I don't laugh much either."

"Please disregard my last request. It is not necessary..." Rei began.

Shinji sighed again. "You know, compared to you I'm the most selfish person on Earth. Rei, I want to help you be happy and I will."

Rei wanted to thank him, but the words died on her lips when she saw three people heading toward them. They were Touji Suzuhara, Kensuke Aida, and Hikari Horaki. It appeared that her day was about to get more interesting.