Chapter 6 - Come Home, I Need Help

For once I feel rested. Judging by the light I've been asleep for at least 10 hours. I slowly get up, gently moving out of Mimi's embrace. I'm still half asleep, but I know I need to get up to take my pills. I pad across the floor into the kitchen and grab a glass of water, and I take my AZT. I go into my room and grab some clothes, I might as well shower while I have the time. It isn't until I'm standing in the shower, with the cold water streaming down onto my head that I fully awake and realize that Mimi isn't here.

I stand still for a moment, stuck with this concept in my head, mentally wondering What the hell. I mean, I could have sworn, sworn that Mimi was there, that we fell asleep on the couch together. I jump out of the shower, not even bothering to wash the shampoo off of myself, and only as a second thought do I grab a towel to wrap around myself. I quietly leave the bathroom and cross to the couch. Nervous of looking over the side and seeing whose there. Part of me just wants to run and hide and pretend it never happened. The other part of me wants to just pretend that it was simply a wonderful dream. But alas, me being one for always picking at scabs I go ahead and lean look onto the couch.

It was Collins.

But... Oh no...

I feel rather light headed, but I don't want to wake him. I run back to the bathroom, almost killing myself on the wet floor, and I jump back in the shower. I turn on the water as high as it goes, and though its freezing I sit under the spray, drawing my knees to my chest. Its like that that I stay, and sob in confussion. Did I betray Mimi? I love her, I never want to betray her. But how can I say that? I never wanted to betray April. Well fuck April, she betrayed me first by killing herself. Once betrayed all promises become null and void. But Mimi never betrayed me. Or did she? She died. She promised she wouldn't leave me, she said we would be together and die together. No. Mimi didn't betray me. Those scumbags betrayed her. They betrayed her by raping and killing her. I need to talk to someone. I need someone to help me figure this out...

Collins? No, not him. I don't want him to know. Maybe he slept through it all, and wont remember. That would be best. But who? Mark.

I gotta go see Mark. No time but the present, and he'll forgive me for the god awful hour. I haven't seen him since Mimi's funeral anyway. I'll take his cane with, though its not finished. I just want to show it to him.

Even though I've decided to go see Mark, it takes me another 10 minutes to bring my self to turn off the water and get out of the shower. I realize I havent' done laundry in a long time, probably since Mimi, so I just grab the cleanest looking pair of pants and shirt I can find. I climb out through the window and jump down the fire escape, I don't really want Collins to know whats going on.

When I reach the street level I look around, I haven't been outside of the apartment in months. Wow. But none the less I start down the street, heading towards where Joanne lives. Its only about 20 blocks away, but by time I get there I'm starting to get tired. Guess I haven't been exersicing much. But not matter, I'm at her building. I'm trying to decide the best way to get in. I really don't want to wake them, so I just climb their fire escape and look in the windows until I find Mark's room. I gently push the window open, when its open I close it just as carefully and let out the breath I was holding.

I see Marks face turned towards the window, he looks so peaceful, hard to imagine he was hurt and now HIV+. Poor guy. As I walk closer I notice his leg that doesn't quite look normal under the sheet. Almost as if were broken and though set as well as possible, would never be normal. Oh yeah, thats exactly what happened. I stare at the film maker for several minutes, glad that he at least is still here. I gently touch his shoulder, trying to wake him, and he groggily looks at me as he automatically gropes for his glasses on the table next to his bed. I watch him as his eyes focus on my face he registers that I'm here.

"Roger? What are you doing here?" I'm surprised a bit by his voice, especially since I haven't heard any voices besides mine and Collins in months. I just stare at him for a few more moments, before realizing that I've yet to answer his inquiry.

"Oh, um. I haven't seen you in a while. And I wanted to show you this..." I hold out the cane and he looks at it carefully, he sees every detail in it and rubs his hands down it. He seems about to speak but I rush on with my words "Its not done yet, but it will be. Its taking me longer then I thought to do it. Sorry" He just looks at me and nods, I think he understands that the 'Sorry' wasn't just for the cane, but for every thing.

He speaks so quietly its hard to hear, I'm not sure if its because he doesn't want anyone to wake up or if he's just emotional "I've missed you and the loft. I'm almost well enough to come home." I look at him and slowly give him a hug. Its kind of an awkward hug, but it works well enough. When I let him go he looks down at the cane again, tracing the curves of the wood gently. "Its a work of art"

I'll admit I blushed, but it true. I've spent almost every moment since I got the wood 3 weeks ago carving it. Its about halfway done, with at the top being a round knob he can hold on too. The knob is shaped like a camera, modeled after his own. Below the camera is a series of faces carved into the wood, Angel's and Collin's, and then Maurreen and Joanne, Theres one of Mimi lovingly carved with mine about half a distiance down, and then Mark and yes, even Benny, though he's at the very bottom. Each face carved and sanded smooth, each detail as perfect as possible. As he's turning it around in his hands he stops on Angel's face and gently traces it, his breath catches for a moment, and he tries not to get emotional. Below Benny's face is where its unfinished. He looks closely and can see the outlines of my Fender, and a reel of film, a drum, and a cow, the rest is still blank though. A symbol for each of us, I have it envisioned in my mind.

We both fall slient for a long time, just enjoying being back together. He looks up at me and gives a half smile. He suddenly throws the blankets off and grasps the cane. He braces the cane on the floor and swings his legs off the bed. He grimaces as he sets the hurt one on the ground but shakes his head and stands up. He crosses to the closet and tries to pull out a giant suitcase, he doesn't seem to be able to do it so I stand and pick it up for him, he points to the bed where I set it down and open it up for him. He goes to the dresser and starts throwing clothes into the case, I watch and then start to help, taking stacks of his t-shirts and putting them in. It isn't long until the suitcase is full and I zip it close. He motions to it and we go towards the window, I climb out first and take the suitcase, I take it down to the street level and lean it against the wall before running back up. I see him trying to climb out the window, but I'm not having any of that. I grab him by the waist and simply lift him up. Poor guy, he's lost so much weight, he's like a feather.

I carry Mark to the street level where I put him down. I look around and flag down a cab, Mark nods and pulls out his wallet. I help the filmmaker into the cab and put the case in the trunk before sitting in the backseat next to him.

We ride home in silence. Mark will help me figure things out.

A/n: And thats chapter 6. I own naught.