Chapter 12 – Cold Porcelain and Drinks

The season change had crept up on them, the boys had gotten into such a routine of day to day business, angst, and ignoring their problems that they didn't notice the leaves changing, and the temperature dropping.

Roger slowly crawled out of bed, freezing, and looked out his window to realize it was snowing. "Great" he mumbled, before wrapping his blankets around himself as he shuffled across the hall toward the bath room. Once in he didn't even bother closing the door, he just shuffled over to the toilet and dropped his sweat pants. And then his jeans. And then his other pair of sweat pants. And his long johns. And then he sat down on the cold porcelain, doing an admirable job of not shrieking like a little girl at the cold, though the temptation was there.

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God damn its cold! I hope there's cereal, because I'm starved. As I step into the kitchen area I see Mark and Collins sitting on the table eating, there's a third bowl on the counter and I hop up next to Mark. I notice on the clock its around noon.

"So..." Mark tries to start a conversation. It falls flat. None of us have spoken much in the past month or so since the incident that I'm stubbornly refusing to admit happened. If no one admits it, it didn't happen, right? Mark tries again. "How about we go get drunk?"

I stare at Mark, thoughts racing. The only thought I can really truly hold on to is that getting drunk will ruin myself control. But then again...

I found myself saying "Sure" and I saw Collins nod.

"Good, lets go" I heard Mark say. Me and Collins nod with locked eyes.

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"Omph. What time is it?" I slur as I hit my head on the door jam. Me and Rog are carrying Mark between us.

We're all trashed, but none of us are willing to admit it. We quickly discover that the loft is freezing, so I nod my head in the direction of my room, and me and Roger make a bee line. Once there we drop Mark on the bed, Roger runs for more blankets and I turn the space heater up on high.

When Roger comes back in there's a moment of hesitation before we both let the alcohol to take over briefly. We collapse on the bed, huddling together with Mark under the blankets.

I don't know about them, but I'm quickly sobering up the longer we lay next to each other. It soon became apparent that the same effect wasn't being had on Mark, because he suddenly decided he was too warm and stripped down to his boxers. He then decided that it should be declared "No-Pants Sunday". I debated whether or not to inform him that it was Wednesday. Roger, being just as trashed as Mark decided that Mark was "Fucking Brilliant!" and quickly stripped down to just his boxer-briefs.

So here I am, a gay man, laying in between a bi-sexual and a sexually-confused man, in bed, both of whom are incredibly attractive, and near nude. And there is nothing I can do, because I'm too scared to mess anything up further.

Fuck; life isn't fair. I'm just drunk enough that I decide that I'm going to blame my current predicament on Angel. I lie back and try to sleep; I stack my hands on my chest. I don't know what Roger and Mark are thinking, but they try to copy me.

We lay like that; three sticks in a row; until Mark giggles and curls up on his side with his head on my shoulder. Roger soon decides to copy.

Oh life is really sucking at this moment.

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"Collins... Tommy honey" My eyes snap open. The only person I've even known to call me that was Angel. I know I'm dreaming, but I'm comforted to hear her voice and see her standing at the foot of the bed. Its been so long since she left. Too long.

"Angel love!" I greet her, trying to rise but unable, though I'm alone in the bed, oddly enough.

"Tommy, your being a fucking idiot."

"What?" I sputter surprised at her frank statement.

"You know Roger well enough to know you have to force the issue, or nothing will ever be resolved. Go for it. Mimi says she feels the same." Angel waved good bye as she faded away and my last glimpse was of her impish smile that I adored so much.

- + - + - + - + - +

I woke with Mark laying on top of me, and Roger curled up against my side still. I didn't question it. I knew it was foolish to believe that Angel had visited me, but my heart also told me that figment of imagination or no, its what Angel would have wanted. So instead of pushing them off and getting up, I wrapped my arms tighter around them and slept.

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Mm mm. Sleep is good. Like sleep. Collins comfy. Wait... WHAT! Ah geeze, not again. I'm now officially awake, and loathing it. Damn it. Mark is laying on top of Collins, breathing into my face, his breath smells like alcohol still. Oh man, my head hurts. I need Tylenol. Aha! Good ol' Collins, left it on the nightstand with a glass of water. Good. Two Tylenol coming right up. Ah, that's better. Thank goodness for that.

I have two choices now, as I can see them. I can get up, go to my room and freeze my ass off for the rest of the night. Or my other option is to stay here, be warm, and keep sleeping. Or I can lay here, be warm, and figure this out. I guess ignoring what Collins and Mark did isn't really helping, but damn, it just hurt so much. How the hell could they betray me? Well… Its not like I have much of a claim on either of them

Ugh. I can picture it now, Mimi would laugh, throwing her head back slapping my shoulder. Then she'd say "Don't be a fool! I'm with Angel. So if we're together, why shouldn't you and Collins be? And hell, even Mark needs love. Go for it hun! Life in the moment" and then she'd shrug and laugh it off. Heh. Yeah, she'd defiantly get a kick out of this predicament.

I don't know. But this feels right. This being everything, being here with Mark and Collins. I'm living as well as I can with the time I have left. I'm going to live life to the fullest right now. And right now means sleep. But later means talking.

Ugh. I'm going to regret this later, but I'll deal with it.

Remember! No day but today. We should have killed who ever thought that up. Such a pain in the ass…

A/n: Okay, so the inspiration fairy really really touched me today. Or maybe it was just the caffeen. But either way, hope you enjoy! Two in one day! Go me. Does this buy me a ton of time before my next chapter? hm... Read and review.