Peyton sped the entire way home.
Her mind was torn between 'right' and 'wrong'. "Who the fuck decides
what's right or wrong, good or bad" she yelled as she pulled into her
driveway. Maybe avoiding Lucas was the right thing to do. It would
probably just hurt him more is she let him in. She didn't want to hurt
him. Peyton slammed her car door and raced into her house and up to her
room. She couldn't banish the thoughts of Lucas that flooded her mind.
She sat down in front of her desk and flipped over her unfinished
drawing. She stared down on it captivated by the undisclosed meaning.
Peyton felt the moist warmth behind her eyes that was threatening to escape once again. She flung her head over the back of her chair and gazed up at her plain ceiling. She spun slightly as her eyes wondered around the images on her walls. The drawings that she had put so much into, the drawing that no one would ever understand. The held their own encrypted message that she would never share with anyone. Be it out of fear or security she didn't know, and she didn't care, all she knew is that they were her journal. If any one ever took that time to examine her pictures, they would know her most private and intimate thoughts. She remained spinning slowly around in her chair. It was almost as though she was watching a still frame movie of her life. Just before completing her little life story she stopped at one of her last drawings of Brooke.
Brooke. Peyton was supposed to be her best friend but if any one really paid attention to the particular piece she was lingering on, they question the validity of that statement. The main focus of the piece was of course a crying Brooke, sitting on a bench in the mall. Above Brooke, the words 'He said he just wants to be friends' are floating. However, the picture portrayed more then anyone ever seemed to notice. In the background Peyton had drawn one of the jewelry stores with the glass windows. In the window stood the light reflection of a thing curly blonde kissing a slightly taller dirty blonde guy, each with their arms wrapped around the other. You would never notice the 'couple' unless you knew what you were looking for and where to look. Peyton was oblivious to the tears that had formed in her eyes. She had betrayed Brooke in one of the worst possible ways and yet yesterday she had still been there. Brooke still stayed the night like she had every other year. The guilt began to make it self apparent once again inside of her. Everything was hurting again. She got up and slumped over to her bed. She collapsed into the warm, soft comforter and allowed the energy to drain from her body. She took one last look around her room before watching everything fade to black, much like it had the day before.
Peyton awoke feeling very relaxed, but much to her dismay all the previous emotions came flooding back into her, and reality hit her hard. She lifted herself from the bed and walked over to sit in her computer chair. She felt the need for and escape and drawing was her open door. She grabbed a nearby pencil and continued her task from that morning, the image of her mother. Peyton drew everything with such accurate detail that when she was finished she was taken back by the resemblance. She quickly started on her next figure. 'My victims' she thought as she continued creating Lucas on the paper between Nathan and her mother. She sat there so absorbed in her work that the hours few by. When Peyton had finished Lucas image as laid the picture down on her desk and admired her work. She dropped her pencil as the guilt almost tripled in force. She not only felt bad about Brooke anymore, but know her mother's guilt had come back, as well as Nathan's, and now Lucas added to the horrible emotions.
Nathan had treated her so badly when hey were together. All they did was argue. She was his sex toy throughout the whole year and a half of their miserable relationship. Peyton was sure that Nathan was just a bad guy, that he was incapable of showing any type of human emotion other than anger. He was so into his basketball and they were just in it for image. The head of the basketball team had to have the tall bimbo cheerleader on his arm at his beck and call. He was always such an ass. But, then they broke up and he met Haley. His whole attitude changed. He was so caring and understanding of Haley and her wishes. Peyton never had that with him. He and her mother were the first ones to really make her realize that she seemed to cause either pain in people, or she brought out the bad in them.
Now there was Lucas. She was already causing him pain and she had just recently really entered his life. She leaned over her desk and ran her finger over the image of Lucas. She traced his face and roamed down to his body. "He's better off without me" she said quietly. Peyton's heart jumped as a message appeared on the screen in front of her.
-Isn't that for me to decide?- Her eyes grew wide as she finally noticed the blinking light of her web cam. She quickly put the cap over the lens and groaned as she laid back in her chair. She looked at the message from Lucas. He wanted to be part of her life, but she knew all she would do was ruin his. He didn't deserve the distress she introduced to people's lives. It would have been better if they never met.
The tears came on stronger she thought about how she had already screwed up his life. She destroyed his life in destroying her former best friends. He didn't need her in his life. She looked down at the picture and examined herself. She was a shadow in the picture because that's what she was in life. She was this nasty cloud hanging over people. In some case she was this Angel of Death, while in others she was an Angel of Anguish, but with way she brought on pain. Just then, Peyton knew that she was right, Lucas Scott would be better off with out her. In fact, the whole world would be better if Peyton Sawyer wasn't around.
Peyton felt the moist warmth behind her eyes that was threatening to escape once again. She flung her head over the back of her chair and gazed up at her plain ceiling. She spun slightly as her eyes wondered around the images on her walls. The drawings that she had put so much into, the drawing that no one would ever understand. The held their own encrypted message that she would never share with anyone. Be it out of fear or security she didn't know, and she didn't care, all she knew is that they were her journal. If any one ever took that time to examine her pictures, they would know her most private and intimate thoughts. She remained spinning slowly around in her chair. It was almost as though she was watching a still frame movie of her life. Just before completing her little life story she stopped at one of her last drawings of Brooke.
Brooke. Peyton was supposed to be her best friend but if any one really paid attention to the particular piece she was lingering on, they question the validity of that statement. The main focus of the piece was of course a crying Brooke, sitting on a bench in the mall. Above Brooke, the words 'He said he just wants to be friends' are floating. However, the picture portrayed more then anyone ever seemed to notice. In the background Peyton had drawn one of the jewelry stores with the glass windows. In the window stood the light reflection of a thing curly blonde kissing a slightly taller dirty blonde guy, each with their arms wrapped around the other. You would never notice the 'couple' unless you knew what you were looking for and where to look. Peyton was oblivious to the tears that had formed in her eyes. She had betrayed Brooke in one of the worst possible ways and yet yesterday she had still been there. Brooke still stayed the night like she had every other year. The guilt began to make it self apparent once again inside of her. Everything was hurting again. She got up and slumped over to her bed. She collapsed into the warm, soft comforter and allowed the energy to drain from her body. She took one last look around her room before watching everything fade to black, much like it had the day before.
Peyton awoke feeling very relaxed, but much to her dismay all the previous emotions came flooding back into her, and reality hit her hard. She lifted herself from the bed and walked over to sit in her computer chair. She felt the need for and escape and drawing was her open door. She grabbed a nearby pencil and continued her task from that morning, the image of her mother. Peyton drew everything with such accurate detail that when she was finished she was taken back by the resemblance. She quickly started on her next figure. 'My victims' she thought as she continued creating Lucas on the paper between Nathan and her mother. She sat there so absorbed in her work that the hours few by. When Peyton had finished Lucas image as laid the picture down on her desk and admired her work. She dropped her pencil as the guilt almost tripled in force. She not only felt bad about Brooke anymore, but know her mother's guilt had come back, as well as Nathan's, and now Lucas added to the horrible emotions.
Nathan had treated her so badly when hey were together. All they did was argue. She was his sex toy throughout the whole year and a half of their miserable relationship. Peyton was sure that Nathan was just a bad guy, that he was incapable of showing any type of human emotion other than anger. He was so into his basketball and they were just in it for image. The head of the basketball team had to have the tall bimbo cheerleader on his arm at his beck and call. He was always such an ass. But, then they broke up and he met Haley. His whole attitude changed. He was so caring and understanding of Haley and her wishes. Peyton never had that with him. He and her mother were the first ones to really make her realize that she seemed to cause either pain in people, or she brought out the bad in them.
Now there was Lucas. She was already causing him pain and she had just recently really entered his life. She leaned over her desk and ran her finger over the image of Lucas. She traced his face and roamed down to his body. "He's better off without me" she said quietly. Peyton's heart jumped as a message appeared on the screen in front of her.
-Isn't that for me to decide?- Her eyes grew wide as she finally noticed the blinking light of her web cam. She quickly put the cap over the lens and groaned as she laid back in her chair. She looked at the message from Lucas. He wanted to be part of her life, but she knew all she would do was ruin his. He didn't deserve the distress she introduced to people's lives. It would have been better if they never met.
The tears came on stronger she thought about how she had already screwed up his life. She destroyed his life in destroying her former best friends. He didn't need her in his life. She looked down at the picture and examined herself. She was a shadow in the picture because that's what she was in life. She was this nasty cloud hanging over people. In some case she was this Angel of Death, while in others she was an Angel of Anguish, but with way she brought on pain. Just then, Peyton knew that she was right, Lucas Scott would be better off with out her. In fact, the whole world would be better if Peyton Sawyer wasn't around.