Peyton opened her eyes slightly, allowing the beaming sun to entice her eyes. She was tempted to smile at the warmth beneath her as she took in the scenery, but was overcome with fear. She suddenly felt trapped and her mind and bode were both yearning for an escape. Peyton carefully slipped from Lucas's grasp and made her way to the bathroom. She turned on the light, but quickly flicked it off as her head began pounding. Peyton held onto the counter for supports, her grip so strong that her knuckles began to turn white. She could feel her chest burning as well as her parched skin. She jumped as she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Peyton, are you alright." She turned around to see Karen standing behind her, concern written on her face. Peyton merely nodded before her legs gave out and she collapsed onto the bathroom floor. She looked up to Karen with a weary smile.

"Maybe not." Her eyes scanned the floor with a new found interest.

"You had us worried last night." Karen bent down to help Peyton up. The two slowly made there way to the kitchen table, fear radiating from Peyton's body.

"I'm sorry about that. I should probably go" Peyton tried to pick herself up from the chair Karen sat he in but found herself unable to find the energy. She tried again, only to once again to fail. Tears of frustration escaped her eyes.

"Peyton," Karen placed her hand on Peyton's. "why are you always running away from people. Lucas is worried sick about you and he would do anything he could to help you and then some, but you won't let him near you. When you do let him in, like last night, you push him away again like your trying to do now." Peyton found a new interest on the kitchen floor.

"I just hurt people and I'm tiered of it. It's not fair to them, it wouldn't be fair to Lucas," Her voice was low and clear, but grew mumbled as she ended her statement. "it's not fair to me." Karen caught the last part of Peyton's comment.

"Why isn't it fair to you?" Karen wanted this troubled girl to talk, and she was willing to wait till she was ready, but Peyton opened up much faster then she expected.

"Because, when everyone else gets hurt so do I. Every time I get something good in my life it get taken away from me and most the time I'm the reason I lost it and that makes it hurt so much more." Peyton was shocked by her own words. She didn't know where they came from, but she knew they were true. Her emotions were so mixed up that she didn't know what to hold in and what to release. So she just said what came to mind and that happened to be the one feeling she buried so deep that she didn't even know it existed.

"Peyton, sweetie aren't you hurting yourself now. You care for Lucas, you always have and so has he. I can see it in the way you two look at each other and it hurts to know that you guys might pass up the chance to experience your first love." Peyton knew that Karen's thought were valid, but she couldn't admit it to herself.

"I can't stand the pain anymore, I won't expose myself to it. I always get hurt and I don't know how much more I can handle." Peyton couldn't understand why she was opening up to a women she barley knew. She felt Karen's hand tighten around hers and she felt a sudden surge of comfort. But, it was not enough to suppress her fears.

"I have to go" Peyton could not stop the tears that were dancing down her pale cheeks.

"Peyton please don't just leave like this." Karen started into the tear stricken eyes before her. She watched the frail figure build the energy and determination as she removed herself from the table. Peyton walked over to the door and gave one last look at the worried mother sitting at the table. The image gave her the strength she need to walk out the door.

Lucas rushed from his room at the sight of his empty hands and sound of a closing door. He reached the back door just on time to see a curly blonde rounding the corner. HE opened the door but stopped at his mother's voice.

"Let her go Luke. She needs to sort things out for herself. She's scared and confused."

"Mom, that's all the more reason to go after her. She isn't rational." Lucas voice was on edge as was his mind and racing heart.

"I know that Luke, but give her an hour of two. Let her get some things under control before finding her. You never know she might come to you." Karen looked at her desperate son. She took in the hurt on his face wishing she could make it her own.

"Give it time" He took a deep breath as he shut the door and dropped into the chair Peyton had occupied moments ago.

Peyton entered her room with tears still streaming down her face. She didn't know what was going on anymore. She wanted to be with Lucas, but she was petrified of him. He brought out emotions in her that she hadn't felt since her mother died and that was what frightened her. She was still being tormented by the pain brought on by her mother's death. She was almost positive that her mind wouldn't be able to handle another devastation like that, or any wear near to that. She knew that is she let Lucas in and she ever lost him she would lose it, it would push her over the edge.

Peyton threw her body onto her bed and buried her face into her pillow because she didn't know what else to do. She was walking on a thin sheet of ice and one wrong step would cause her to drown. With this thought in her head she always thought it was in her best interest to just stay where she was. However, Peyton was coming to the realization that if she stood in once place to long she was bound to fall through eventually. She fell asleep trying to sort though all her emotions and decide what the best thing for her to do would be.

After waking up and showering, Peyton made her way to Karen's Café for lunch. She wasn't used to going out for lunch but she wanted to thank Karen for everything she had done and for listening understanding. She knew she needed to do the same for Lucas but she wasn't ready to face him. She walked into the café and headed straight to the table Karen was cleaning.

"Hey Mrs. Roe." Peyton's voice was quiet and unsure. Karen looked up from her work and smiled.

"Hi Peyton, how are you feeling?"

"I'm doing a little better, thanks."

"That's good" Karen was hoping that Peyton would talk to Lucas, he was in the back with Keith.

"Umm…I just wanted to say thank you for everything you did for me last night and this morning." Peyton was babbling and she decided it was best to just shut her mouth. Karen laughed lightly.

"It's okay, but you should be thanking Lucas too." She watched the worry cross Peyton's face and then quickly disappear.

"I know…it's just that I'm not really ready to and…" Peyton looked at Karen who was listening intently to what she was saying.

"I understand." She offered the teen a warm smile. "Well go hang out with Haley for a bit. Get some food in you, you're thin as a rail, it's on the house."

"Thanks again." Peyton returned the smile the best she could before heading over to the counter where Haley was busy writing something and crossing it out.

"Hey Hales" Peyton greeted with her best of efforts. It seemed to work because Haley looked at her and smiled.

"Hey Peyton, I haven't talked to you in a while. How are things?" Her voice was cheery and it irritated Peyton's tortured mine, but she erased the thought as soon as it appeared.

"Pretty good. What are you up to?" Peyton leaned over Haley's shoulder.

"We're having another open mike night and as usual I'm showing off my wonderful artistic skills." Haley rolled her eyes and frowned. "Hey, you wouldn't be interested in…"

"It would be my pleasure Haley" Peyton sat down in the nearby stool and grabbed a piece of blank paper and the pen from Haley's hand. She began to draw the advertisement and for the first time in a while, she forgot about her problems. As she finished the sketch she was shocked by the huge hug she received from Haley.

"Thank you thank you thank you! I owe you big time Peyton." Peyton gave a genuine laugh at the energized girl before her. She shook her head and in the process caught a smiling Lucas staring at her from the back doorway. She forced herself to keep smiling.

"It's not a problem Hales, but I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow for the show." Peyton gave her a wink before walking out the door. Lucas's heart once again began to shatter as he watched Peyton walk away from him, again. He moved hurriedly after her.

"Peyton." He called after her as he stepped out of the café.

"What Lucas?" She turned around, forcing herself to face him.

"Why did you just walk out like that this morning?" Peyton could see the hurt in his eyes as well as the hope. She was torn apart by the fact that she was only going to add to his pain.

"Luke I shouldn't have come to you last night. I took advantage of you. I can't give you what you need, I can't' be there for you of support you. All I know how to do I cause you pain and sleep with you, and sex doesn't always make things right. Besides I don't know if I would even be able to do that for you." Peyton could feel the tears swelling in her eyes as she began chipping a piece of her iceberg.

"Peyton I don't care what you can give me, I only want you to give me you, that's all I need." Lucas raised his hands to his head. "God, why can't you understand that." He removed his hands sharply from his head and halted them in front of his face in frustration and hurt. He watched the blonde before him tense her entire body, closing her eyes and tilting back. Lucas gasped at the fact that she had flinched because of him. Peyton jolted her eyes open and looked at Lucas with fear once again radiating from her body.

"Peyton, I would never hit you" Lucas exclaimed pulling her into and awkward embrace. Peyton used all her strength to tear herself away from him. She knew Lucas could never dream of hitting her but she couldn't shake the fear. She let her hands remain in his. She looked down at their intertwined fingers. The tears broke free from her eye's barrier.

"Lucas, I'm sorry. I just…I can't do this." She slowly backed away from him. "I'm sorry" she whispered breaking the connection between their hands. Peyton's eyes lingered on him for a second, allowing herself to get lost in his mystical blue eyes. She turned and walked across the street, refusing to look back on the possible life she was forcing herself to leave behind.

Peyton sat in her bed that night, drawing in order to release her pain. She recreated the scene between her and Lucas with astonishing accuracy. She was able to show the hurt and confusion in his eyes as she turned and walked away. Peyton was almost willing to try and take a chance on trusting her heart, but when she remembered the torment she underwent when she was with Ricky she rapidly closed her heart again, reluctant to let someone in, especially someone like Lucas who had a way of tossing her emotions into the air.

As Peyton finished her piece, she added a comment. However, unlike the usual one's it wasn't a quote from the scene. Instead she wrote "Nothing hurts and nothing bleeds with covers tucked in tight." Peyton was weak and she knew it. She was scared and she let her fear control her life. She knew that she was going to live a life of artificial happiness. She was the lead in her play and she was unable to quit.

Peyton watched as a lone tear fell onto her drawing. She absentmindedly placed the picture on her night stand and sank down under her covers, closing herself out from the world for the night. At that same moment Lucas was huddled under his own covers trying to escape the bitter truth that he could have the only thing he really wanted. He couldn't have Peyton no matter what he did. The both wanted peace and love, something that neither of them were able to experience.

…The quote is from Vanessa Carlton's Paradise.