Part 14
"In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in an clearer light,
and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness.
Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth."
– Mahatma Gandhi
Garfield Logan sighed in pain as he made his way to the kitchen. He felt like garbage, and hurt a whole lot worse, but at least he was out of bed now, out of the medical bay. The room was starting to get to him after awhile. His animal instincts wanted to be free, have the ability to roam around, being confined was wearing on him, so even though he hurt now he was glad he was out of bed.
He poured himself a glass of soymilk and made his way over to the couch. He laid his milk down on the table in front of him and fell into the couch. He let out a long yawn and stretched as best he could. He leaned forward took another sip of his milk and laid his head back and closed his eyes.
"Beast Boy," Garfield opened his eyes to see Starfire staring at him. He wiped his upper lip, "Do I have a milk mustache?"
Starfire shook her head and sat down on the opposing couch to the right of him, "I wish to have a talk with you."
He raised his brow, "Upon a star?"
She blinked at him and cocked her head, "What?"
Beast Boy looked down, "Nothing."
Starfire shook her head, "Listen I wish to ask of you how you are feeling?"
He let out another yawn, "I have felt better."
"Then another question I ask, why did us saying Raven change you back?"
Beast Boy stared at her eyes wide, he then looked down and said nothing.
"Do you not know why you changed?" Starfire inquired.
Garfield kept his head low and continued not to utter a sound.
"Beast Boy?"
"What?"
"I just wanted to make sure you were listening."
"I've been listening."
Then there was nothing but long awkward silence, Starfire twiddled her thumbs and Beast Boy simply stared at the floor, then to his milk, and then back to the floor.
"Why did you change in the first place?" Starfire broke the silence.
Garfield shook his head, "I don't know."
"Then you and Raven have made no progress in solving your condition?" Starfire questioned.
"It's not a condition Star!" He looked up at her and pointed to his chest, "It's something I feel, something that dwells inside me and takes pleasure in pain and destruction!"
Starfire shook her head, "I do not believe that. I don't believe there is anything inside that is making you want to hurt others. I believe that your brain and heart are in turmoil with each other. You are feeling something that your brain doesn't think is right, you are confused, and being a teenager and being different already does not help the situation. It is much like how I feel normally not being from this planet. Things don't always make sense and sometimes I make mistakes not knowing what I am doing, but I always consciously feel that I am doing the right thing. I think at the moment you are just making bad choices, not because you want to, but because you aren't truly cognizant of what is happening to you, what is happening to your feelings."
Garfield sighed, "I can't control how I feel."
"Then maybe you should stop fighting it," Starfire responded.
Garfield was taken back and thought about it. He then picked up his glass and took a sip, "Maybe you're right. Maybe I am trying too hard."
"Life tends to be much more simple then we wish it to be, but the ability to experience it," she smiled, "is a blessing few ever take advantage of."
He whispered, "Carpe diem."
Starfire leaned closer, "What?"
"Carpe diem, it means seize the day."
She nodded at him, "Carpe diem!"
He nodded back and took his glass and finished it off, "Carpe diem!" He nodded back standing up. He then fell back down on the couch, "Carpe couch!"
Starfire sighed, "You are still not well."
"People have been saying that about me for years."
She giggled, "I see your sense of humor is not ill."
"If it was it would be on this couch and not me," He stood up again and kept his balance this time.
"What are you going to do now?" She asked him.
He turned his head back towards her as he put his glass into some water in the kitchen, "Carpe bed!"
--
Raven watched as her teammates were thrown aside. The giant hideous green beast approached her slowly; his bent knees and crooked body pacing back and forth. His claws seemed as though they were growing longer and he licked his fangs, and in a harsh raspy voice he spoke to her, "Do you know how many times I've envisioned tearing you apart?" He then raised his claw and struck at her.
Raven sat up quickly, a cold sweat pouring down her face. She felt a cold rush of wind hit her and looked behind her at her open window. She then heard a caw of a crow staring at her as it perched itself on her windowsill.
She took several deep breaths and wiped her face with her hand. She stood up to fight the chance of quickly falling back to sleep. Her trembling figure made its way to the kitchen and she began to boil some water.
She looked up at the clock in the kitchen – it was three am.
You look beautiful for three in the morning
She looked around, Beast Boy was nowhere in sight. It was just her mind, remembering what he had said. He had called her beautiful and yet she just saw him as a beast that took pleasure in killing others.
The agonizing part was that she could in some way relate to him. When anger took control of her she felt almost the same way and that is why he scared her so much. She wanted to think that she had nothing in common with the little green joker but in truth they had a lot in common. Everything he had told her the previous night was things that she had thought of about herself. She had felt herself weak unable to fight the inner demons that were inside of her.
She now actually felt scared about him – like she felt about herself. She didn't have an answer for her own problems. She tried to contain anger as best she could but she wasn't always successful at it, how was she to stop Beast Boy's feelings if she had trouble with her own at times.
Her thoughts were cut off at the sound of her teakettle. She poured herself a glass and leaned against the cabinets staring up at the clock. She may not always be able to control herself but she had better control then Beast Boy had. She had enough control to now show anger in battle – most of the time. She had to find a way for Beast Boy to keep control and yet she knew that mediation wouldn't do it for him.
Maybe there was a way for both of them to learn control – through each other? Her little experiment with their date seemed to prove fruitful until he decided during a fight to leave, but the date went well. Their emotions could be free and nothing bad had happened. Why couldn't they always be like that? Why couldn't they always be content?
--
Garfield's eyes drifted back and forth across his room. He lay in his bed, tired but unable to sleep. His sensitive hearing seemed to be picking up every small sound throughout the tower. His head was pounding. He was sweating profusely. He kicked his blanket off of himself and sat up. He took several deep breaths trying to calm him self. He grabbed a book that was on the floor and began to fan him self.
He felt agitation was throughout his body. His hands balling into fists several times, he stretched again and again, uncomfortable in his own skin. He needed some air, he needed something… He got up quickly and ran to his door and opened it swiftly he then rushed his way out of the tower.
He bent over outside feeling as though he was going to throw up. He took large breaths of the sea air and tried to calm himself down. He was almost ready to throw himself into the water – he felt so hot.
"Garfield," he turned around to see a graceful figure holding a cup, dressed in a long elegant purple gown, her face shimmering in the moonlight. He quickly turned away and fell to his knees his breathing becoming harder, he felt as though air wasn't getting into his body.
She dropped her cup and rushed over to him. She placed her arms around his shoulders, "Garfield, Beast Boy, what's wrong?"
She felt his body lean into her. She felt him trying to calm himself down. She felt his breathing lighten as his face lay against her shoulder and neck. She could feel his sweat, his body felt hot. Over time his body began to quiet and he became more peaceful.
"Thank you," he told her lightly.
"What happened?" She asked him, now soothingly rubbing his back.
He shook his head, "I don't know Rae. I just don't know anymore…"
-end of part 14