A/N : Woah, eleven reviews in 24 hours? You guys rock so much! Thanx bunches to; spuffy-monica, ember 91, Lifes-Slayer, Spuffy 2008, kargrif, Brunettepet, u2fan2005, spiked-gurl, KelleyTheSelfToastablePopTart, Spikez-babe91, and Baby Girl Geller-Green. For your dedication to the cause of reading and reviewing, you and everybody else gets the chapter you've all been waiting for. Strap yourselves in and prepare for take off on a super Spuffy chapter... and then please review and let me know what you think!
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 20 - The Night (Part II)
Every time another customer caught her attention and Lydi was forced to go and serve them, Buffy tried in vain to make conversation with Spike, but talking about things wasn't exactly the blonde's strong point, she was much more action girl than word girl. Still, she tried her best, but nothing she did could properly take Spike's attention from his old friend with the new look. He was actually oblivious to the fact that Buffy was desperate to be taken notice of and for once in her life didn't know how to go about it without making matters worse.
"So, you and Giles had another talk, huh?" she tried next chance she got, "Was it about you staying at the House again?" she asked.
Spike had told her, albeit begrudgingly that his Uncle had offered him the chance to live at Giles House full time in order to get away from his father. It'd mean making some changes in his life of course but mostly only for the better, and since he'd already begun with the changing of his life already William jumped at the chance to escape the house he shared with his Dad.
"Er, yeah" Spike answered her vaguely, "Just finalising details, money stuff, y'know"
"Oh, that's cool" Buffy nodded, suddenly realising she had nothing more to say and that Lydi was trying to work her way back down the bar to Spike as fast as possible.
"I'm just gonna..." Buffy gestured towards the ladies' room and promptly disappeared, terribly disappointed that Spike barely noticed, at least he seemed not to.
In truth it was all Spike could do not to pay attention to the girl that sat beside him, talking at him all night. Not once had she got up and danced despite several men asking her. She'd remained relatively sober and been desperately trying to make conversation, but despite appearances Spike was still hurting on the inside. Behind all the leather and bleach and new attitude, he was still William, and his heart was still bruised from Buffy's assault on it in London. He still loved her, of course he did, and he prayed against all the odds that she might feel something for him too, hoped that it was only her being afraid that held her back.
He found it easier to ignore her much of the time, not really to hurt her like she'd hurt him, though it was partly that, he knew if he looked at her too much, spent too much time alone with her, he'd do something stupid again, like to try to kiss her or tell her he loved her. That would end badly as it did before, so he tried to keep it platonic between them, erring on the side of impolite.
"Finally, I get my break" Lydi smiled as she flipped up the end of the bar and walked through, "Did your friend leave?" she asked absently as she stole Buffy's seat.
"Er, no, I don't think so" Spike told her, "Just powdering her nose"
"Oh" Lydi sounded almost disappointed, "Well, I suppose I ought to make good use of the time I have alone with you" she smirked, "There's something I've been wanting to say to you all night" she confessed.
"What's that then, luv?" Spike asked her, completely oblivious to her want for him til her hands went to his face and she pulled him into a passionate kiss.
He was too stunned to fight at first and too caught up in the moment to bother in the seconds that followed. It was about a minute later, when thoughts of Buffy flooded his mind that he realised this was no good. This woman was beautiful and she liked him and my God could she kiss, but she wasn't Buffy and so something was missing, something he wanted but seemed he'd never have.
"Lydi" he gasped as he pushed her away, "I never thought..." the words died on his tongue as he saw Buffy over the other girls' shoulder. The expression she wore was somewhere between anger and utter devastation, or so it seemed to Spike. He rationalised that these were the things he almost hoped she would feel at the sight of him in the arms of another, it couldn't be true that she actually cared what he did, he was sure.
"Buffy..." he began, not knowing where to go with the sentence beyond that point.
"I wanna go home" she told him more shakily than she meant to. He opened his mouth to say he'd take her but she shook her head and interrupted him, "Don't worry, I'll find a ride"
"I'm sorry, Lydi" Spike said quickly hurrying after Buffy as she stormed through the crowds of people. He called her name but whether she heard him or not over the thumping music she didn't answer.
"Will... er, Spike!" Wes called as he went past, "Is something wrong?"
"I'm taking Buffy home" he yelled back, as he continued to hurry after her. He caught up to her in the parking lot and grabbed her arm to slow her down.
"Get off of me!" she told him, ripping her wrist from his grasp.
"Fine!" Spike yelled back, confused and annoyed by her attitude, "But you are going to get in my soddin' car if you're going home" he ordered her, "Not havin' you be driven off by any of these thugs" he muttered as he spotted a few dodgy looking sorts with their vehicles.
"Whatever!" Buffy snapped back getting into the passenger seat of the Viper Giles' had leant them again. Willow and Wesley had come on the bike so it wouldn't matter that they were leaving the club separately.
Both Spike and Buffy were too angry to talk much in the car, and as soon as the Viper was in the garage the blonde girl scrambled out of it when the wheels had barely stopped turning.
Knowing the majority of the household would be asleep, Spike refrained from calling after her as he practically chased her up the stairs. She would've slammed the door of her room if he hadn't been close enough to catch it mid-swing. He let himself into her room and closed the door behind him as she glared daggers at him.
"Get out of my room" she almost growled but Spike shook his head.
"No, we're sorting this out once and for all" he told her angrily, "You've been a pain in the ass to be around the past few days and you're driving me crazy!" he told her.
"It's not all my fault" she shot back, "You won't even talk to me, and then as soon as I leave the room at the club you're sucking face with that bitch!" she gestured emphatically at nothing in particularly, she was just so angry and hurt and she didn't know how to deal with the million different feelings she was having for the guy standing in front of her.
"I don't get what your problem is?" Spike frowned, "First off, Lydi snogged me, not the other way around, and why should it matter to you anyway?" he wanted to know.
"Because..." Buffy began loudly, before realising she couldn't tell him the real reason at all "because we went to that place together" she said more quietly, "you were with me"
"Yeah, well, you were with me in London when you disappeared with all those soddin' gits" he reminded her, bitterness in his voice at the very thought of it.
"That was different" Buffy argued badly, knowing it wasn't really but having no better comeback than that.
"How?" Spike demanded to know, "I wasn't supposed to bloody care then and now you're acting like you and me are bleedin' married or something!" he thought aloud, suddenly wondering if he'd been right all along, if perhaps she was a little jealous just like he had been before.
"Don't be ridiculous" Buffy scoffed already backing away from him, "like I'd ever even want to be near you!"
"Oh, is that right?" Spike nodded, "See, pet, I think that might be just what your problem is" he said, going out on a limb. Internally he cursed himself for being a fool but he couldn't help the glimmer of hope in his heart.
"What are you talking about?" Buffy said, trying to sound angry still but her voice came out more scared than anything else and she hated it.
"You weren't anywhere near me, and another woman was" Spike reminded her "You're jealous" he said simply.
"You're deluded!" Buffy snorted a laugh, knowing he was figuring her out and finding it was even more scary than she'd thought before.
"How else do you explain it?" he wanted to know as he tilted his head and stared at her.
"I am so not jealous" Buffy assured him, "I just... I..." his intense look made her crumble, and not knowing how to handle it, the blonde girl exploded angrily, "Oh for God sake, yes, okay!" she yelled, unable to look at him, "Yes, I was jealous! I'm jealous of any girl that comes within five feet of you and I hate it" she told him angrily, all the fury draining out of her as soon as she'd finished speaking. He knew now, Spike knew that she had feelings for him, even if it wasn't yet clear how deep they ran.
She was looking at the floor as he walked over to her and his boots came into her line of vision. She swallowed hard as his fingers went beneath her chin and lifted her head up til their eyes met. Buffy couldn't think straight, could barely breathe as he looked at her with that intense gaze of his, before he lowered his head and his lips touched hers in a sweet kiss.
"Buffy" he whispered a moment later, his fingers playing with her hair, "the only girl I want within five feet of me is you" he assured her, "don't you get that? I love you"
Spike had promised himself he wasn't going to do this again, not until he was absolutely certain she felt the same about him, but the way she'd reacted to his kissing with Lydi, she had to feel more than she was letting on and somehow he planned on having her admit it tonight.
Though she didn't say the three little words back to him, the way she kissed him then told him what he needed to know. This wasn't like kissing Lydi, or Charlie back in London, it wasn't even like kissing Buffy had been before. He could feel something different, and only hoped she could tell that what he felt for her was so much deeper than the simple animal attraction most other men had felt for her.
"You're not laughing this time?" he noticed as they parted for air.
"This time it's not funny" she admitted softly, "and that doesn't mean I can say back to you what you said to me" she said with a slight shake of her head, her arms around his neck holding onto him in case he ran right now, "it's not easy for me" she told him, "but I know I feel things for you that I never felt for anyone before, and I so want to be close to you. Is that okay?" she asked, looking so young and shy, and like she'd never looked before. All Spike could do was nod dumbly before he moved to kiss her again.
Buffy had never thought for a moment that fairytales could come true. As a kid she'd loved all those Disney cartoons with princesses and brave knights and the like. Her mother had told her she was as good as any princess and that one day she would get her own fairytale with a happily ever after ending. She'd given up on that dream when her parents died, but in this moment the memory of that little pointless conversation came back to her as she was kissed like a prince would kiss his princess. She found herself smiling like an idiot as the moment went on and on. They were sitting on the edge of the bed by now and the mood was suddenly much more serious as their want for each other increased. Hands found their way inside clothing as the passion grew between them and they both realised where this was going if they chose not to stop.
"Buffy" Spike gasped as he pulled away for a moment, "you know I never..." he said awkwardly, glancing away. She put her hand to his face and made him look at her.
"I know" she nodded "and it's okay" she assured him, "but if you don't want to, I mean, if you don't want me to be... y'know" she stammered, and he realised that despite everything she still doubted his affection, or moreover her own worth perhaps.
"Of course I want you" Spike told her firmly, the look in his eyes reinforcing his words, "I never wanted anything more"
With no more words to say and a silent agreement passing between them in that moment, he kissed her again and carefully manoeuvred them both further onto the bed where they lie together, hands and lips exploring each others bodies as their clothes slipped away and they both finally found out what it meant to truly make love.
It was past two in the morning when Spike opened his eyes, at least that was what the unfamiliar red digits of the clock told him. This wasn't his bed, he realised as she moved beneath the covers, also taking in the fact he was naked. A second later his mind was flooded with thoughts and feelings and beautiful memories of what had happened here. Him and Buffy, that was what had happened, love had happened, and in the most glorious way possible they had shown each other how deeply they felt. He frowned when he realised he'd gone to sleep beside her and yet had woken up alone.
Sitting up in the bed, he saw her across the room, standing by the window in all her naked glory. He took a moment to take in her beauty before getting out of bed and going over to her.
"Buffy?" he said softly, hoping not to startle her, "Oh luv, you're shivering" he noticed, reaching for the blanket and wrapping it around her shoulders. She smiled gratefully, swallowing hard before she spoke.
"I'm not cold" she admitted as he she faced him and his arms went around her, "Spike, I..." she didn't know how to say what she meant and her eyes went to the floor. She felt so mixed up, and almost unworthy of the love she knew he had for her. Nothing had ever felt as good as what they'd shared, but then nothing had ever been this scary either.
"What is it, pet?" Spike needed to know, trying to meet her eyes but she wouldn't look at him, "Buffy, if I hurt you or..." he said, looking mortified at the very idea he might've as Buffy finally looked up at him.
"You didn't" she promised him, putting her hand to his face and forcing a smile that didn't quite work, "Of course you didn't, that's not..." she sighed, "You were just amazing" she told him and Spike turned away at that.
"Don't do that" he shook his head, "Don't patronise me"
"I'm not" Buffy assured him, almost smiling at the irony of him suddenly being the insecure one about all this, "Spike, what we did" she tried to explain, "it was like nothing I ever..." she sighed, "I guess, I had sex before but, no-one ever made love to me... until tonight" she said softly, eyes mostly on the floor until the very end of her sentence. She just didn't say things like this to people, she'd never needed to, and now she was opening her heart to this guy and as scary as it was it also felt kind of right.
They kissed just briefly before she whispered;
"I love you, William"
The wait for a reaction felt like hours passed to Buffy. Though she felt these things, trust and love for the man whose arms she was in right now, there was this tiny nagging feeling inside her that he was about to laugh, tell her it was all a big joke, that she was a good lay and all but he didn't want to be near her again. Instead he just looked stunned.
"You love me?" he checked, wondering if he'd dreamt the words he'd waited for.
"I do" she nodded, "I thought I did before and now... I never knew that being with someone could be like that, you were incredible" she said, suddenly feeling very shy and silly, but at least she knew she was able to be honest.
"And you were a goddess" Spike told her in kind, his fingers running through her hair as he held her close.
"Only cos you made me feel like one" Buffy was quick to let him know, "How did you do that?" she asked in amazement.
"Wasn't anything I did, luv" he sighed as he looked at her, wondering again how this beautiful woman could have been used and abused by so many. Who would want to hurt someone like her, he just couldn't understand at all.
"It was you, it is you" she argued, all in whispers, "All you have it do is look at me and I can't think straight" she admitted, "Right now it's taking all the concentration I have to make sentences that go in the right order" she almost laughed at herself then and that brought a smile to Spike's lips too as he tightened his grip on her, wanting to be as close as he could to her, reassuring her that this was right.
"It scares you doesn't it? Being in love?" he said, already knowing it was true, even if she didn't admit it.
"It did, for a while" she nodded, "still does a little bit, but... but it'd be worse not having this" she said as if she'd thought so before but was now completely certain.
"I love you, Buffy" Spike promised to her, "I swear to you I would never deliberately hurt you, and if I have to tell you that every day for the rest of my life in order for you to keep believing it then I will"
Buffy's eyes filled up with tears at his words and for once in her life she wasn't ashamed to cry. She was beyond happy right now as he kissed her again, standing there in the half light of the window, with only a blanket to cover their bodies.
"Think you can sleep a while now?" he asked her eventually, tiredness suddenly hitting him like a physical blow. He hadn't slept properly since they'd got back from London, he could never manage it when his mind was so full of her. Now here she was in his arms and he knew that whilst sleep might find him tonight he would not need to dream, his dreams had already come true.
"Will you hold me?" Buffy whispered shyly as they got back into the bed and Spike happily pulled her close to him again.
"For as long as you want, pet" he assured her, kissing the top of her head.
Buffy let out a contented sigh as she revelled in the love and comfort of his embrace.
"I like forever" she said softly, glancing up at him, "Is forever good for you?" she checked.
"Sounds perfect, luv" he smiled, "Just perfect"
They both closed their eyes then, with plans to let sleep claim them, though as content as he was right now, still Spike could not rest. He didn't want to miss a moment of all this, lying here with the woman of his dreams willingly in his arms. He knew it was ridiculous, that there would be many nights like this to come. After all, they were in love now and they both knew it, nothing could ever go wrong with that...
To Be Continued...