A/N : You guys do know that I'm doing you a favour, right? If no bad stuff ever happened, the good stuff wouldn't seem half so special now would it? Okay so some of you aren't buying that excuse, and I know at least one person has given up on this fic, but hey, I'm entertaining the masses it seems, and you can't please all of the people all of the time. Thanx muchly to those who reviewed the previous chapter; kargrif, spuffy-monica, Ember91, Spuffy2008, Lifes-Slayer, sPIKEaNDmE, Moluvsnumber17, KelleyTheSelfToastablePopTart, SpuffyChiclet, spiked-gurl, wicked-angel-413, kim, souled-angel, Sandra, Jessica, Spikez-babe91, Munkierieckl, bella-lover, Inuyasha-xcgirl, Decaf Love, casey, Baby Girl Geller-Green, Brunettepet, Ape18, and spuffygrl. Here's the next one!
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 23 - The Space Between
"Hey B, you listenin'?" Faith asked with a frown as she shoved the girl next to her who seemed to be hypnotised by the view beyond the cab window.
"Sorry, what?" Buffy asked as she turned and glanced at her cousin, "Did you say something?"
"Damn, B! What is on your mind, girl?" Faith wanted to know.
"Whatever it is, I got ways I can get rid of it for you" Angel told the blonde who knew from the look on his face precisely what he had in mind.
"It's nothing" Buffy shook her head and painted a grin on her face, "I'm fine, I'll just be glad to get out of here, get back home where I belong" she smiled, crying still on the inside and at the same time telling herself what an idiot she was for feeling this way.
Spike had disappeared without a trace from Giles House, the only sign he'd been in his room recently was the smashed mirror that had been fully intact not an hour ago. He wasn't in any of the places he would usually go, not even the attic room that he'd called his sanctuary when he'd first shown it to Buffy. She'd looked everywhere, hoping to at least say a proper goodbye before she left him behind, but the longer the search went on, the more angry she got at him for running away. Despite the fact she was doing a worse version of the same thing, Buffy couldn't help but loathe the fact Spike had put distance between them.
Clearly he didn't love her like he said he did. Though he looked a little hurt when she'd kissed Angel, he hadn't fought for her or anything, just let her go. Princes and knights in fairytales always fought for their princesses and the love they had for them. It had felt like a fairytale last night, making love with Spike and waking up this morning in his arms, feeling so alive and adored and everything she'd always wanted to feel and never thought she really would.
Now it seemed the fairytale was over, no happy ever after for Buffy and the man she thought she loved. As much as she'd convinced herself Spike didn't love her, she'd also spent her time convincing herself she didn't ever love him. She wanted him and it was more difficult for her to have him, so it made her desire for him increase. When they spent the night together maybe that had been why it was so spectacular, because it was something she'd been forced to wait for. There was no reason to suppose that they'd ever really been in love, she wouldn't be leaving if she loved him and he wouldn't be letting her do it if he truly loved her.
Staying here, letting Faith and Angel walk out of her life and knowing she'd never see them again scared Buffy just too much. She had to go with them, they were her family to all intents and purposes these days, and as much as Giles and Spike and the others could pretend they knew her, they had no idea who the real Buffy Summers was, even the blonde herself wasn't sure anymore.
"So like I was saying'" Faith said as Buffy tuned back in to the conversation from her deep thoughts, "When I called the airport from the fricken mansion back there, they said no more spaces on flights to LA til tomorrow evening, seems we got some time to kill" she grinned shooting Angel a suggestive look that Buffy noticed all too plainly.
"You got a place to go?" she asked, "I mean, hotel rooms or whatever?"
"We got one" Faith shrugged, "Seemed stupid wastin' money on three rooms when we can all crash together, and save the rest of the cash for the better things in life" she smiled as she lounged in her seat and propped her feet up next to Angel on the other side of the cab.
Buffy glanced between her cousin and the man opposite, all the pieces finally clicking into place. There was more to this than just Faith bringing Angel as a surprise for her, she'd brought him for a playmate too, someone to share the lonely nights with. As much as she liked, maybe loved in a way, her cousin, Buffy did not appreciate knowing that a guy who was practically her boyfriend had been banging Faith while she was away.
"You okay, baby?" Angel asked the blonde as she looked at him strangely.
"Sure" she smiled sexily as she got up from her seat. Knocking Faith's feet away she sat down beside Angel, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him into a hungry kiss that took him somewhat by surprise. Still, he wasn't about to say no and had soon pulled his girl onto his lap, his hands sliding inside her clothing, and parts of him rising to the occasion as they naturally do. That seemed to sober Buffy up immensley from her sudden bout of jealous passion and she was back across the cab in no time.
"What happened?" Angel gasped for air, looking a little surprised that his arms and his lap were suddenly empty.
"Nothing much" Buffy smirked, "Nothing big" she stressed her words a certain way, looking at Faith who busted up laughing as she got the joke. Inside a part of Buffy was cursing herself for being so crude and misbehaving in such a way, but loud and outspoken was just the way she was and if she wanted to kiss Angel that way why the hell shouldn't she? It wasn't as if she was cheating on Spike, he didn't want her anymore, he'd had his way with her and that was that, no more to it.
If she kept telling herself she was better off with her friends heading back for LA, Buffy hoped she might eventually believe it, that it would in time become true. The other option, letting her heart rule her head and running back to Giles House in the vain hopes the love between herself and William Rayne had been real, that was just too scary to contemplate.
It was dark and quiet in the woods beyond Giles House. It was one place William hardly ever went and was sure he'd never been with Buffy. It was perfect therefore since she'd never find him there, even if she bothered to look which somehow he doubted very much. He was also glad that no-one else should look for him here, and therefore not see him crying like a baby.
What a fool he was to believe a girl like Buffy would love him, that she was even capable of such an emotion, and yet she'd looked so sincere when she'd said it. Though he had no frame of reference of course, he was almost certain it was impossible to fake the look in her eyes, the way her body reacted when they made love, but clearly he'd been mistaken. She was an expert in the bedroom, she'd told him honestly enough before. Clearly pretending to be in love came as simply as acting like she enjoyed each and every tumble, even when it was less pleasant as sometimes it doubtless was.
William sat on an old tree stump in the woods for hours thinking about everything, crying at intervals and laughing painfully at others as he realised what a true idiot he must be to have been fooled by this woman. He'd changed for her, done everything he could to win her affections. She'd laughed when he told her he loved her, only to almost beg his forgiveness afterwards, until they finally realised their feelings for each other were too strong for them to hide. On his part everything he'd appeared to feel for her had been real, but it seemed for Buffy it had been all a game, if her passionate kissing and groping with that sod Angel was anything to go by.
"Bloody stupid git" William cursed himself, looking and sounding more like his Spike persona the more angry he got with himself. He got to his feet and paced up and down, kicking fallen branches out of his way and yelling at some invisible entity apparently.
"Been so bloody stupid, I have, let her get to me!" he yelled, "Let her change me, make me this.. whatever it is I've become and then leave me!" he shook his head, stopping his pacing as he fought further tears, determined to be strong.
"Don't need the bloody likes of her, do just fine without her..." his voice trailed away as he thought of the girl and how she had dealt with pain, frustration, guilt, and jealously. Violence and passion overtook her, burned up all that surplus emotion till she felt better for it. In an insane moment Spike decided what he was going to do and strode out of the woods back towards the house.
"Y'know for a while there I thought you'd changed bein' here in England" Faith shook her head before downing another shot sized bottle from the mini bar, "But when you pulled that stunt in the car, that rocked man. That was the B we know and missed" she laughed and Buffy did the same. Her cousin had one of the those loud and infectious laughs that you just couldn't resist joining in with.
"Angel needs keeping in check is all" the blonde shrugged, speaking of the man who was currently in the shower, "He thinks just cos he's been screwing you so easily he can have me every time he snaps his fingers" she said almost nastily as she too downed a drink.
"You got a problem with it?" the brunette asked her with a look.
"You and Angel?" Buffy scoffed, "Knock yourself out" she told her cousin, "It's not like he's anything special, he's just better than a lot I've had" she explained, mentally adding that Spike was the very best she'd ever had in more ways than one, and way more special than Angel or any other man on the planet.
"He's a guy, B" Faith reminded her, "Ain't none of 'em special enough to bust up a friendship over, or a cousin-ship, whatever the hell it is we got" she laughed as she clinked another bottle with the one in Buffy's hand and they downed them together.
"Shame we drank so much" Faith said suddenly looking down at the pile of bottles on the bed, "Could've had an enlightening round of Truth or Drink with Angel" she smirked as she thought about it.
Her words made Buffy thoughtful too, but again it was Spike that filled her mind. They'd played that game, and she'd confessed things to him that she'd never told anyone else as he'd done the same. She didn't realise but the first part of her thought she had spoken aloud and Faith now wanted to know more.
"You get anything interestin' outta him?" she asked and Buffy looked at her a moment before she shook her head.
"Nothing good" she shrugged, lying easily, "He was fun but... y'know"
"Only good for one thing" Faith sighed, "Was he good?" she wanted to know as she clambered off the bed to fetch more alcohol.
"He was... It was..." she stumbled over what she meant to say, momentarily considering confiding her true feelings in her cousin but backing out at the last moment when the brunette looked at her strangely, "It was just a ride" Buffy shrugged, "Nothing to get excited about"
"Uh-huh" was all Faith said, but there was something about her expression that made Buffy look away. Could her cousin read minds suddenly, could she see that she was lying outright not just to her but maybe even to herself?
"Anyone wants the shower I'm done" Angel announced as he walked back into the room, stark naked and dripping wet. The small towel in his hand he used to get some of the moisture out of his hair and Faith looked on, admiring the view. Buffy did the same, though in her head she was just comparing every aspect of his body with Spike's own.
'Stop it, stop it now!' she snapped inside her head, 'Spike means nothing more than Angel or any other guy...'
She had her eyes closed as the voices in her head battled it out and it startled her somewhat when she felt Angel's lips land on hers, his fingers sliding into her hair as he kissed her til she was breathless.
"What do you say we call it a night already, baby?" he smirked as he pulled away.
"I dunno, Angel" she squirmed away from him and glanced at Faith who just shrugged.
"Hey don't mind me" she told them, "You want some time I can clear out"
"Oh come on, Faithie" Angel grinned as he grabbed her wrist when she tried to walk by him to the door, "Where's your sense of adventure?" he asked her, "There's plenty to go around" he told her with a truly dirty look. Buffy's stomach turned over when the two of them looked at her expectantly and she realised what they meant. Maybe before the idea wouldn't have shocked and repulsed her so much, but now, after what she'd shared with Spike...
"What do you say, B?" Faith asked her with a smirk, "Feel like sharin' the fun?"
"No" she said sharply, shaking her head, "No, if you two wanna... that's fine, I'll go" she said, quickly making for the door and out into the hall before Faith or Angel could stop her.
"England has definitely changed her" Angel frowned, before suddenly throwing Faith onto the bed and joining her there.
"So then I said 'Screw you, loser! You can't treat me that way' and he was all like 'I can do what I want, I'm a guy' so I was like 'Well, if you can do it I can too, cos I'm a strong woman, and I'm beautiful, and I'm just... better!'" Harmony, a ditzy and very annoying blonde, continued to re-enact her latest fight with her boyfriend to a rather inebriated Spike, who was finding that the more he drank, the more Harmony looked like Buffy and the less irritating her squeaky voice became.
"I agree, luv" he told her, not really sure what she'd been talking about, "Wholeheartedly with whatever you just said" he smirked.
"It's so great to find a guy who understands me" Harmony gushed, "There should be more guys like you, Spikey" she grinned, a little drunk herself it seemed as she got up from her bar stool and almost fell over her own feet.
"Where you goin'?" Spike slurred a little as he grabbed hold of her by the waist and pulled her close to him, "Thought we were talkin'"
"We were, I mean, we are" Harmony agreed, "I just, have to go to the bathroom" she told him in a whisper.
Without thinking Spike took advantage of her closeness to pull her into a passionate kiss that left her even more dizzy than when it had begun.
"Wow" the girl gasped when he finally let her go, "You're so good at that"
"Plenty were that came from, pet" he told her with a look as his hands slid down her body.
"I'm counting on it" Harmony giggled, as she leaned in to his him again, "I won't be long" she whispered as she walked away at last, headed for the bathroom.
"Better not be, luv" Spike called behind her, "I get bored easily"
"You really are an insufferable idiot" he suddenly heard behind him and almost knocked himself off his stool as he turned to see who was there.
"Wesley?" he frowned, "What the soddin' hell are you doin' here?"
"Looking for you, you pillock" the other young man snapped back as he got hold of Spike by the arm and got him to his feet, "We're going back to the house"
"Bugger off!" the bleached blond protested, shrugging him off, "On a promise I am, mate. Not leavin' here with you and looking like a right poofter when I've got me a right goer lined up"
"William, for God sakes we both know why you're doing this" Wes sighed, "And if you weren't so bloody drunk you'd realise as I do that you'll regret it in the morning, or possibly sooner"
Spike just snorted and reached for his drink across the bar, downing the remains in one and ordering a refill.
"She is not Buffy" Wes said making Spike tense up, "She is not her and she never will be, and I cannot believe you're about to use that girl, just to make yourself feel better, which it most probably wouldn't anyway"
"What do you know!" Spike yelled as he spun round to face him, "Me and Buffy, you don't know what we had... what I thought we had..." he said, looking to be in so much pain. Wes felt bad for him really, but he knew copious amounts of alcohol and rough sex with random blondes was not going to improve the situation for Spike, not in the long run.
"I know" Wes sympathised, "I can't imagine how much pain I would feel if Willow were to leave me as Buffy has done to you" he shook his head, "but this is not the way to solve the problem. Spike might not know that" he said, stressing his name, "But William does, he has more sense than this"
Spike laughed painfully, almost maniacally as he sank back down on the stool once again, tears springing from his eyes.
"Nothing's ever gonna help is it?" he groaned, "Nothing's gonna take this pain away, what that stupid bint's done to me! Made me feel like... and then with that git... and back to America..." he mumbled half sentences as Wes got him to his feet and forcibly moved him towards the door, in a desperate hurry to leave the club before Harmony reappeared and tempted William away from good sense once again.
Spike didn't notice he'd been moving till the fresh air hit him like a smack in the face, making his head swim.
"Oh God" he groaned and Wes just managed to get out of the firing line before his friend was spectacularly sick, "Oh bloody hell" he said afterwards, "I think I'm dying"
"Doubtful" Wes sighed, "Just very drunk, and very hurt I should imagine. Probably best we get you home. Giles is having a panic and poor Willow refused to go to bed till I found you and brought you home"
"You're a lucky bloke, Wes" Spike told him as he scrambled to his feet, wobbling a great deal as he did so, "Red's a decent sort, loves you, wouldn't ever hop the country with some poncy git..."
"Buffy has not left the country" Wes chipped in. He hadn't planned to tell Spike that, at least not until the morning when he was sober, but he just couldn't bear to hear him going on and on, "I overhead her cousin, Faith, on the telephone before they left the House" he explained, "There are no flights until tomorrow evening"
"Doesn't matter" Spike shrugged as Wes helped him into the back of the car, "She doesn't love me like I thought. Might as well be an ocean between us" he said sadly as the car door was shut with a thud, making his stomach lurch. He felt like hell, and how could that ever improve, now Buffy was out of his life?
Buffy wiped tears from her face as she sat at the bar in the hotel lobby. It was a pretty fancy place, Faith could afford it with Mommy and Daddy's platinum cards to spend on, and besides they only had the one room for a couple of nights.
"You okay, Miss?" the kindly looking man behind the bar asked her.
"I'm fine" she snapped more harshly than she knew she should've. A moment later, she heard the barman say to another to be careful how they spoke to her, because he reckoned he was having man trouble.
She laughed painfully at that. Buffy had man trouble from Day One, always treating them badly, and letting them do the same to her. Just when she thought she'd found something different, better, special, she realised she must've been wrong. Spike couldn't have loved her how she thought, and the understanding she thought she had with Angel seemed to mean nothing anymore.
Buffy was alone in the world, even in company she felt that way, and she pretty much always had, ever since her parents passed away. The only time she had felt truly content was in the company of Spike. Talking to him, spending time, being in his arms, sharing his bed. All those times she'd felt like she really belonged, that she was loved and wanted, and in no way alone. Now she knew she'd been a fool for letting herself feel such things, for imagining that kind of heaven could last long. Right now, she felt like hell, and how could that ever improve, now Spike was out of her life?
To Be Continued...