A very, very long chapter. And the two greatest characters that never made it to actual timeline alive sniff And, yes, that is who you think at the end.

Come What May
Limit Break

Nemu had thought that being vice-captain and having strict rules in place would make things easier. She wasn't avoiding Ikkaku, exactly. She just… it was almost… nerve wracking, really. The thought of seeing him made her fear that something would happen and Mayuri-sama would find out and…

But then she became vice-captain. And she found out that she'd see the other divisions' vice-captains for monthly meetings. That on it's own wasn't so bad until she found out that the 11th division's 3rd seat sat in on the meetings.

"Of course." Said the 8th vice-captain, Ise. "Kusajishi-fukutaicho is still a bit too young to fully understand her job as vice-captain. And until she has matured enough, the job will fall to the 3rd seat."

She wasn't avoiding him. Not exactly. But Mayuri-sama would be upset if she didn't return straight after a meeting so she'd always have to hurry back after they were dismissed. And Ikkaku would always be caught up by one of the other vice-captains in some playful argument or being dragged off for a drink. He didn't have time for her either, she reasoned.

It was best for both of them, really.

Until the time when he managed to get a seat next to her. He plopped down, crossed his arms across his chest and glared straight ahead. Throughout the entire meeting he paid her little- if any –attention. It was the first time Nemu hadn't been able to focus on the meeting. And when she tried to leave directly after, he snagged her wrist.

"Why are you ignorin' me?" He said quietly, still seated. Nemu couldn't look at him, bangs bowed before her face. "What'd I do this time?"

"…." She turned her head away. "Why do you think you did something?"

"Because I always manage to fuck somethin' up around you." He gave her wrist a sharp tug, just enough to unbalance her slightly, but she caught herself and she was caught in his eyes. "Tell me." He said so deeply his voice was a soft rumble she felt through his hand. "Tell me what I did and I'll tell you I'm sorry."

Slowly, almost afraid of what she'd do if she touched him again, Nemu pulled his hand from her wrist, trying to forget the hewn roughness of his hands that had kept her safe and had comforted her.

He snatched her fingertips. "Nemu-"

"Don't." She said softly, but he still quieted immediately. "It's…" She couldn't think of what to say to that lost, weak look in his eyes that she hated so much. "Please let me go."

Nemu didn't expect him to hear her, barely even whispering. Expected even less for his hand to slide away from hers. She hurried out of the room, and her hand felt too cold, too soft around the one she held to her chest.

Not having yet gotten up, Ikkaku slid down in his seat until his head rested on the back of the chair and he was glaring at the ceiling. "Dammit…" He probably would've spent the remainder of the day there grinding his teeth except that someone else got in the way.

"Yo, Ikkakun!"

His eye twitched. "Kaien-san." Ikkaku said carefully. "If you don't mind, I kinda wanna stew over here."

"Sure, no problem." But the dark haired man pushed him to the edge of the seat, giving himself barely enough room to sit on the other edge. He propped his elbows on the table and grinned at Ikkaku. "So." Kaien said slowly. "You and Nemu-"

Ikkaku cut him off with a snarl. "Stop right there."

"Stop what?"

"That thought." He snapped, standing abruptly. "We're not like that, okay? I just… She-"

"You're trying to be friendly but she keeps trying to distance herself and you don't know why. But you know she's not as cold as that and you know she likes your company but it's like she can't stand having you around anymore even though you know that's not true." Kaien smirked between his knuckles. "Is that it?"

Ikkaku deflated. "Yeah… somethin' like that."

"Ya know," here Kaien stood up and started herding Ikkaku out of the room, "I think I know the perfect solution for you. If Ikkakun needs tips on how to deal with women, I think I may know the perfect person for him to talk to."

He couldn't help that hopeful note in his voice. "….Really?" Then he scowled. "And would ya knock it off with the stupid nickname?"

The perfect person, as it turned out to be, was Kaien's wife. Ikkaku felt out of place not only on a noble's estate, but sitting unattended across a table from a very powerful, very influential vice-captain's (who, and Ikkaku was too proud to admit this, he respected very much) rather attractive wife.

She smiled at him kindly at him as her husband shuffled in the cupboards for some snacks. "So, Madarame-kun," (she had even asked if it was alright to refer to him as that, as if a noble needed to ask for permission!) "Kaien tells me you've been having some troubles with the female persuasion?" She had the same sort of the smile that Unohana-taichou did. Bright and warm and secretive and all too amused at whatever problem had revealed itself.

"Er, yeah. For the most part." He said gruffly, nodding his head as she passed a saucer of sake to him. He didn't know what it was about this woman that made him feel clumsy and completely out of his league. "We used to be friends in the academy and we got split into different division but we still talked every once in a while." Ikkaku shifted uncomfortably under her patient gaze, thinking that a grown man shouldn't be feeling like little kid. He tossed back the sake, hoping the burn of alcohol would give him focus. "We've kinda drifted apart, I guess. But every time I try to talk to her, she ignores me."

"I'm sorry to hear that." She replied, refilling the saucer with a delicate dip of her wrist.

He gave her a grin that wasn't entirely certain what it was supposed to be doing so it turned out to be a little nervous. "Yeah, so, uh…" Ikkaku cleared his throat. "Kaien-san said you might be able to suggest something. You know, to, uh, help me out. Uh…" He looked away, feeling a blush crawl from the tips of his ears and working across his cheeks. He felt like a pre-teen again- WORSE than a pre-teen because he never went through something this embarrassing before.

To make it worse, she giggled before cupping her hands over her smile. "Kaien!" She called to her husband. "He's so adorable! Where ever did you find him?" To which Ikkaku only blushed harder.

Kaien entered the room with that big, warm laughter that everyone automatically associated him with. One hand carried a platter of sweet bean buns and the other tenderly touched his wife's cheek and jaw. "Vice-captains' meetings, actually." He told her, sitting at the table and giving Ikkaku a grin. "He's been moping about and I finally decided he needed someone to knock him into action."

She turned on Ikkaku again, her expression curious. "Oh? Are you a vice-captain? Did you get promoted recently? I don't recall the name-"

"Ah, no." Kaien took her hand in his. "He's the 11th division's 3rd seat. Filling for Yachiru-chan."

"11th division? You mean he's the one-" Kaien nodded. "Then that's also-" He nodded again and she put a hand to her mouth. "Oh, Madarame-kun, I'm sorry! I've been so rude to you!"

Ikkaku jolted. "Huh? No, no you haven't! I mean…" He flailed briefly, trying to figure what was going on.

"Calm down, calm down." Kaien said, reaching out with one hand to snag Ikkaku's wrist and pushing a bun into it with the other. "She just realized what the problem was."

"Yes. I'm terribly sorry for that. I should have known."

"Er." He still looked lost on the subject. "It's okay?"

She poured out another saucer of sake, taking a small sip before she slid it in front of Kaien as he munched on a bun. "I see why you're having such troubles, though."

Deciding to chalk this up to some sort of 'married couple ESP', Ikkaku lifted his own saucer again. "Do you think you could help me out, then?"

"I think who really needs to be helped out isn't you, Madarame-kun." Kaien handed her the bun as he gulped down the sake, filling it up again as his wife nibbled daintily at the bite. Somehow they didn't seem like they were sharing, it looked more like what it would look like if one person had two bodies. The almost thoughtless way the saucer and the bun passed between the two without a glance at either each other or the objects at hand. Ikkaku couldn't help feeling like an intruder.

Kaien swished his saucer once or twice and threw it back. Before it even hit the table, his wife had filled it again and his hand came up to take the bun. Watching this Ikkaku figured the best way to keep it from messing with his head was just to keep drinking. His, too, was filled up almost immediately.

"You believe in keepin' a guy well inebriated, don't you." Ikkaku teased lightly. His grin was given back in double.

"So long as no one makes any trouble, there's no problem in being comfortable, Madarame-kun."

"You need to relax more often."

"It would help if you didn't keep tryin' to get me to buy you drinks."

Kaien's grin broadened. "Ah, but Ikkakun knows all the best bars."

Ikkaku made a face at the name and downed the saucer. When they made to refill it, he just put up a hand. "No thanks. You keep lettin' me drink and I'll be crashin' here, tonight."

"If you insist." She moved the sake bottle back and Kaien took it from her and put it by his own elbow. "But as I was saying before, I don't believe you are the one who has wronged."

"What do you mean?" He tossed the bun in his hand, finally taking a bite out of it. "Mm! These are good!"

"Aren't they?" Kaien grinned. "My younger siblings send them out to me whenever we're too busy to go see them. They're the best you can get."

"What you should do is keep trying to reach out to her. She is, after all, your friend, is she not? But don't try to pressure her into a decision, she's been placed in a hard situation. What she needs, I believe, is some outside help."

Ikkaku's brow crinkled, mouth full of sweet bean paste.

"A third party." Kaien explained, holding up his own bun as his wife took another bite from it. "I could talk to her, try to nudge her in a direction where she could make an unbiased decision."

She nodded, taking another small sip of sake. "It will have to be in a place where she won't fear repercussions, though. If she thinks that any sort of talk or interaction not on a strictly business level will be observed, she'll close up." But she smiled warmly across the table and told Ikkaku, "I can take care of that part, at least."

He ogled at them. "You two would be willing to help me out?"

"Of course!"

"It's no trouble at all. After all, Aizen-taichou is often inquiring about the 12th division's research. I'm certain requesting Kurotsuchi-fukutaichou's presence would not appear too suspicious."

"Then I'll just whisk her off to a place where she can feel safe and at ease and try to convince her to make her choice. No problem."

For a moment, Ikkaku's jaw worked soundlessly. Then his entire face lit up with an almost disbelieving smile. "You-You would? Really? Th-Thank you!" He put both hands on the table and touched his forehead to it. "I- Just, thank you!"

Kaien laughed again and his wife's lighter, softer laughter made it sound even warmer, more complete. "Aw, stop that." Kaien chided. "You'll just owe me a drink, later."

"Screw that!" Ikkaku said, jumping to his feet. "I'll owe you 'til you pass out!" He bowed once because it was like there was only one full person there. "Thank you, again!"

Kaien's voice followed him out the main house. "I'll be holding you to that, Ikkakun!"

The entire trip back to the 11th division, Ikkaku's steps were light and his grin broad upon his face. He couldn't help thinking things were really going to start going his way.

And in the back of his head he thought, even though it seemed a little cheesy, how much Lord and Lady Shiba seemed so little like a married couple and how strange it would be from now on whenever he'd see Kaien without his wife around.

The month was going by fast and every time he came across Nemu, Ikkaku made it a point to either grin at her or give her a wave. At first, Nemu had looked away quickly, almost like his actions were a signal for danger. But, as the month progressed, she eventually went so far as to even smile slightly back.

The times that he had, though, Kaien would try to drop by to give an update. "Maa!" He flopped on the floor where Ikkaku was trying to puzzle out some of the reports left to him. "That girl really is a piece of work, I'll tell you that."

"Hm." He was only giving Kaien a half-ear. There were supply requests to tend to and trying to figure out what they needed, what they wanted and how much funding they had for anything always twisted his brain around.

"I think she's starting to get it, though." The dark haired shinigami rolled onto his elbows. "She's more open with my wife, though. I guess I should've figured that. But she's starting to open up a bit more to me, too."

"Hm."

Kaien raised an eyebrow at the responsiveness. "She does actually talk about you a lot, you know. Not really 'Ikkaku this' or 'Ikkaku that' but she gets that look sometimes like she's remembering something precious."

"Hm."

"Like she wishes what she was remembering was still with her."

"How do you know that she's remembering something I did?" Ikkaku said, just short of snapping. He knew Kaien meant well and it really was an important matter to him but these damned reports needed to be done by morning.

"Ah, you really were paying attention!"

Ikkaku put his brush down, turned and GLARED.

The other man put his hands up and chuckled. "No, no, I'm being serious here. Seriously." He rolled onto his back again. "She does remember you a lot. We can tell because we mention you and she gets this warm look in her eyes. It's different than when we talk about someone else. See, she actually speaks about Urahara-taichou quite a bit. But she remembers you. You're the only one that she gets that look for."

Ikkaku looked at the brush, knowing he should pick it up but unable to gather the will, watching it unseeingly.

"It's a wonderful thing, being important to someone you care about."

Finally he wrenched the brush off the table and hunched back over the reports. "If I'm so important," and under any other circumstances he'd smack himself for the whining, "then why does she barely acknowledge me?"

Kaien huffed, joviality fallen from his face. "…That's the part that we're working on. Kurotsuchi-taichou isn't the easiest person to get around without looking too suspicious. It's even harder trying to convince her that he isn't the end all, be all. You should know that."

"….Yeah."

Abruptly, Kaien sat up and patted Ikkaku's shoulder. "But don't worry!" He grinned brightly. "Just a little longer and we'll get some sense talked into her, I promise!"

He looked up at he vice-captain and smiled slowly. "Thanks, Kaien-san. I really do appreciate this."

"I know." And he twisted and stretched, his back popping. "I wouldn't do this for someone who wouldn't." He tossed a grin over his shoulder. "See you 'round, Ikkakun!"

"Aw, come on!" Ikkaku scowled at the finger poking at the back of his head. "It's my birthday! I treated you on YOUR birthday!"

"Forget it." He tried to lengthen his strides but that poking finger managed to keep up with him.

"Please? Oh, pretty, pretty please?" A hand was tugging at the back of his haori. "Please, I beseech thee, oh great and powerful and wondrous Madarame-sama! Treat me tonight!"

"Forget it." Those hands jerked at his haori. Hard. Nearly pulling it off his shoulder. "Ow- dammit, woman!"

Rangiku scowled right back at him. "You owe me! I bought you drinks all night on your birthday!"

"Yeah, that's because that was a GIFT. I'm not supposed to be obligated to get you anything! And you weren't the only person treatin' me- you only bought me, like, three drinks! And on top of that," Ikkaku jabbed a finger at the mass of other vice-captains grouped nearby, "who the hell said I was gonna buy drinks for EVERYONE?"

Hisagi narrowed his eyes. "You're the one that tricked everyone out of their money at the dice game last week. You've got the money so obviously you're gonna be the one paying."

"First off," Ikkaku held up a finger, "if you're not cheatin', you're not tryin' hard enough. Secondly," he held up another finger, "you're the ones that got too smashed to tell what you fuckin' rolled."

"Still doesn't change the fact that we're broke and you have all our money." Iba piped up from somewhere near the back. But Ikkaku snorted, readjusting his uniform.

"Too bad for you guys."

"Calm down, everyone. Just calm down." The crowd split for Kaien, giving everyone an easy smile and placating wave. "I'll take care of it, don't worry." Before anyone had a chance to speak, he had Ikkaku by the shoulders, leading him a little bit away.

"I ain't payin' for everyone all damn night, Kaien-san." He growled out. "Not even you can change my mind on that."

"Aw, c'mon. Just the first round."

"No."

"But if you don't," Kaien drawled out, watching Ikkaku visibly prepare himself for whatever came next, "then Kurotsuchi-fukutaichou won't come."

He turned sharply. "What?"

Kaien nodded widely. "Oh, yes. Matsumoto invited all the vice-captains to come. It took her the entire meeting but she decided to join us." And then said deliberately, "On her own."

"On… On her…"

"Yup."

Ikkaku looked away, then looked back at Kaien. "Do you think…?"

"One more night." He told the bald shinigami earnestly. "I'll talk to her more tonight and I SWEAR, she will be ready to make her own decision."

He never thought he'd see anyone go from fully annoyed to absolutely anxious that quickly in his life. "She…" Ikkaku took a few deep breathes, not entirely certain why his heart was suddenly pounding in his ears like that. But then he looked over at the waiting vice-captains that waved cheerily (and glared pointedly) and his look soured.

"….okay, fine." Then said loud enough for everyone to hear. "BUT ONLY ONE ROUND!"

"So fucking stingy."

"Except for Iba who gets nothing!"

"You bastard!"

Nemu didn't, surprisingly enough, feel all that awkward with the rest of the vice-captains in a bar. Ise-san and Kotetsu-san had sat with her for the few hours they were there and they chatted amicably. Afterward, a couple of the other vice-captains would come and talk to her for a bit. The two cups of sake she nursed during the night rested warmly in her and she smiled at them. She tried not to laugh when Iba had flushed at her smile and promptly wandered off, mumbling something about sharp-tongued idiots being so slow and stupid about everything.

Ikkaku had attempted to talk to her on several occasions. Half the time he was either interrupted or dragged off by one of the others- or to be pleaded by Matsumoto for another drink. The other half he didn't seem to be able to bring himself to actually say anything, just gave her an uneasy sort of grin and make small talk.

But, somehow, she found even that a little endearing. Shiba-san was right, she figured, he really did worry about her, always making sure she was doing well, that she was comfortable. Nemu made a note to herself to make one of those intricate origami flowers Shiba-san seemed to like so much.

'Like a firework,' she remembered the other woman saying. 'Kaien and his family are so talented with them. When they explode they're like little petals of flowers against the night sky. Have you seen them?'

Nemu never had. But she had heard all about them from Ikkaku once, long ago. Remembered how he said with that boundless, wide-grinned way he had that he'd take her to the next festival and he'd show her the best place to watch the fireworks go off.

"Yo!" A body plopped down beside her, breaking her out of her thoughts. "You enjoying yourself?"

Nemu nodded. "Yes, Kaien-san."

"Pft! That's not an order!" He held a drink to his lips. "Got something on your mind, let me know."

"Of course."

They sat quietly in the revelry of their comrades until Kaien jerked Nemu out of her thoughts. "You're giving him a hard time, you know."

"I-I'm sorry?"

"Ikkakun."

Nemu pushed her untouched cup away. "What do you mean?"

In reply she received a surprised look. "You mean you haven't noticed? That guy's all over you. He does whatever he thinks you'd like, he'd break himself for you and you push him away. That poor bastard." He said with a chuckle. "That's a persistent one, though. Gotta give credit to a guy with that much heart."

"Why do you think that?"

Kaien gave her a sideways grin. " 'Cause I'm also a man in love. I'm just lucky enough to be married to mine, though."

And Nemu blushed, gaze inadvertently sliding to Ikkaku, draped on one side by a cackling and drunk Hisagi, an equally sloshed Rangiku on the other.

"It must suck for him, though." Kaien continued. "He's the kind of guy that would rather keep getting denied by Kurotsuchi-taichou just because he can hate that guy. Instead it's you that keeps on rejecting him and it's breaking his heart."

She looked down at her hands, the comfort she generally found weaving her fingers together didn't seem as forthcoming this time. "…it's for the best."

"It's for the best only if you believe in it. But then you smile at him and that gives him hope. You keep looking for him and he knows this because he WANTS you to look at him." Kaien pushed a finger against Nemu's forehead. "You need to get your signals straight. This is driving everyone up the wall."

Nemu put a hand to her head, her demeanor completely unraveled at the sudden poke. "…" Her wide eyes flashed in the lights and Kaien could understand why Ikkaku needed her. "But… it's best if he just-"

He poked her again. "Let Ikkakun do what's best for Ikkakun. He's the kind of guy that probably didn't grow up with much of a family, if any. He probably grew up wanting someone to help him and look out for him and probably resents the fact no one did, even if he knows that hardship made him what he is. Then you come into the picture and your only family treats you like garbage. He needs someone to protect and you need someone to keep you from getting walked all over. That's how he thinks, I'll bet you."

Kaien drained his cup and propped his chin on his knuckles, elbow on a knee. "Think about what you need. What you really need and not what other people tell you. Then think about what he can give you. If he can fulfill that, it's well worth the trouble. Trust me on that." Then, just as abruptly as he sat down, Kaien got to his feet, ruffling Nemu's hair. "Maa! Just think about it, 'kay? I'm still too sober to leave." And he bounded back to the others, tackling Iba to a bottle of sake.

Nemu spent the rest of the night reflecting in her own cup. How wonderful it was to smile again, she thought to herself. How wonderful it must be to have someone to share everything you are with.

Nemu pondered what it would be like to give someone part of you forever and thought that must be the most wonderful thing of all.

It was a week later that news came about the death of the beloved Lady Shiba. A day later her death was joined by her husband's.

The Shiba family refused to come to the funeral or the wake and just asked for the body of their sister to join her with their brother. Ukitake-taichou spent a week with them and when he returned he was even sicklier than before. His face was pale and gaunt and his coughing increased. The death of his vice-captain seemed to suck the very life out of him.

Nemu had read the circumstances surrounding Kaien's death and had recounted them to her father. He gave a little distracted snort and told her, when she asked to attend the wake, that he didn't care what she did.

This was the man, Nemu thought as Kyouraku-taichou eulogized for Ukitake-taichou who was too unwell to attend, that had been so kind to her. To her and everyone. There wasn't any one person Kaien didn't greet with a smile. Even her own father- that everyone else regarded with some form of distaste –he would honestly wish well when they crossed paths.

This was the man that did everything unconditionally. He laughed loudly and smiled brightly. He ate like he was starving, drank like it was a celebration and spoke of all his friends with the same warm tenderness that he spoke of his siblings. Everyone in the world was a friend to Kaien-san and the only ones he treated better than his friends were his family, and the only ones he held in even higher regards than that was his sister and brother and wife.

This was the man who had convinced Nemu that nothing in the world mattered so much as being with those you loved in every way possible. This was the man that made Nemu yearn for the ability to hold someone as tightly as he held his family.

This was the man that died the moment he heard his wife was killed. This was the man that was killed through his rage.

Nemu wasn't a brave woman. She didn't see herself as strong or courageous or unfettered or anything she thought of either Shibas. Losing two friends tore at her, the thought of losing someone even closer made her heart break into tiny, glittering pieces. She didn't know if she were strong enough to live without that little part she'd give to her most important. She didn't know if she was brave enough to die twice in the name of her love.

And perhaps it was selfish but Nemu didn't want to force her love to die twice in her name.

When the crowd rose and began lining up to offer their respects to the two black-ribboned paintings, Nemu slipped through the gaps and toward the entrance of the great hall. Her footsteps were light and quick in the falling evening, the stones and flowers in the vast garden seemed to glow in the moon. A small wooden bridge arched over the trickle of water, splashing in a series of tiny falls through the grass.

"Nemu."

Her heart was suddenly pounding.

"You okay?"

Nemu bit her lip, placing a hand on the railing to keep it from trembling. "Yes?"

She could hear Ikkaku's frown. "You just gonna leave without-"

"Please." Her voice was a little too loud in the silence. "Please, stop."

"Stop what?"

"You're always- always doing- when…" Nemu put a hand against her mouth, biting into her lip or her palm, she didn't really notice which. "Please, just stop."

The soft gravel crunched under his feet. "Stop what?" His voice was a little sharper and Nemu wondered if his heart was beating just as fast as hers. "What am I doing wrong? What do you need?"

"I…"

"Tell me what you need, Nemu. I'll do it. Do I need to apologize? Do you need my help?" She could feel his breath warm across the pale arch of her neck.

"I need…"

"Tell me, Nemu. It doesn't matter what. I'll do whatever you ask."

"Please…"

"Nemu, I-"

"STOP!"

And suddenly Nemu was halfway over the bridge and Ikkaku looked up at her, surprised. Her face felt hot and her throat was tight. "Please, just stop. I can't care about you the way you want me to. I… There's just too many reasons, I just… I can't." She realized distantly that she was crying, her voice ragged and her body shaking.

Ikkaku reached out, everything from his proximity to his scent to his expression made her want to collapse, to curl up and let him protect her from the world for the rest of her life. She jerked her body backward.

"Stop it, stop it, please." Nemu dragged her sleeves over her cheeks, the material rough and painful. "I can't- it won't- please… Please, don't ask that of me. Don't…"

Ikkaku's hand dropped to his side and his jaw clenched, face washed pale under the stars. "Is that… Is that your decision? Is that going to be the choice you stand by?"

She bit back a hiccup and nodded. "…Yes."

For a long moment Ikkaku stayed silent, glaring at the wooden planks because he couldn't bring himself to glare at Nemu. "…All right." And it sounded like a fight to say those words, like his breath was clawing its way forcefully from his throat. "If that's your choice." He inclined his head slightly to her. "Good night, Kurotsuchi-fukutaichou."

"Ikkaku." She whispered brokenly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He turned away sharply. "Here, I'm the only one that should be sorry." Quick, measured steps took him down the path opposite the bridge and Nemu watched him until the dark and pale of his silhouette was lost in the garden.

In the night he seethed, cursing himself for being so stupid, being so naïve, for thinking things would turn out okay even though he already knew things rarely ever did.

"Idiot," Ikkaku muttered to himself, "fucking idiot." It took him several more steps before he realized someone else was there with him.

"Ah." He blinked at the newcomer. "Kuchiki-taichou." Ikkaku stepped to the side of the path. "The wake is still going on." He said with an incline of his head. The captain gave a curt gesture of acknowledgement as they passed each other.

He squelched the urge to tense and glare at the captain. He didn't know much about him but that he took the nobleman act to unprecedented levels. It took every holier-than-thou asshole Ikkaku had known growing up and rolling them into one, magnifying that snooty attitude tenfold. He didn't know if Renji had picked up on the same vibe, but the redhead barely hid the intent in his gaze whenever Kuchiki-taichou passed by. At least, Ikkaku took miniscule comfort in that, here he wasn't alone.

With a heavy sigh Ikkaku continued down the path, sticking his hands under his belt, lost in thought until he came upon a lone figure standing in the middle of the walkway.

He blinked down at her, a young shinigami with haunted eyes. "Hey." He said quietly, but she jerked back in surprise. "What're you doin' here?" Ikkaku peered down at her and she flinched. "You look like you want to go to the wake. Why don't you?"

She clenched her hands together, looking like some caged animal. "I-I can't…"

"How come? It's open to everyone that wants to pay their respects."

But she bit her lip and looked away. "I can't because… because I was the one-"

"Stop." She obliged out of surprise, looking up to see Ikkaku giving her a disapproving glare. "Just stop right there, okay? I don't know what you're blamin' yourself about and it doesn't really matter, got it? Did he tell you it was your fault?"

"….no."

"Does he blame you for whatever you did?"

"No."

He prodded her forehead with a finger. "Then stop it. If you think you did him wrong, but he says you didn't then you DIDN'T. Stop beatin' yourself over it. Feel guilty for what he says you've done wrong, not for stuff you think you did."

She gave a little sniff. "Kaien-dono and Ukitake-taichou… They blame themselves for it. They wanted my forgiveness for putting me through that."

Ikkaku's eyes softened and he sighed, giving her head a little pat. "They don't want you to forgive them. They want you to forgive yourself. And that's the hardest thing to do."

"If anyone else knew what I've done, they wouldn't forgive me, either."

"Hey." Broken eyes peered at him with a pain that wrenched at his heart. "Nobody likes to see a pretty girl look sad." Ikkaku told her quietly. "If you held any sort of respect for Kaien, don't ruin his memory by moping around like this. He hated seeing anyone sad. Even more when people were sad over him. Don't dishonor him like that. Smile," he bumped her chin lightly, "that was always Kaien's favorite part of a person."

There was a distant memory in her eyes and her smile was watery. Ikkaku didn't know if the tears she spilt were of pain or release but she told him in a voice that held some gratitude, "Thank you."

Giving her a passing pat on the shoulder, Ikkaku walked on, tucking his hands in his belt again. He wished that it were always that easy to bring even a small piece of happiness back to someone. But not everyone wanted help, or happiness or saving…

For the first time in his life, Ikkaku thought maybe he should just give up.