A/N: This is Gillard's feelings as he watches Raynen slowly die. Based on a short scene in The Light of Eidon by Karen Hancock. Enjoy and review!

Madness
Alyssa H.

I see it.

Your dark brown eyes—brave, fiery, soft—dart away from me. I did not think you could ever be afraid, but you are. You speak to me; you try to say nothing is wrong. But I can see your eyes. I can see them clearly now. I see what blinds you.

My brother, what happened?

I should be glad that you cannot hold the throne forever, but I am not. I smiled when your children died. I pretended to be pleased when you had troubles. I laughed with my friends when you made mistakes. I never meant it. I buried myself in drink and pleasure to hide from the prince challenging you. The one I should know but do not.

I am sorry…

So sorry…

I know you knew I admired you. I know you knew I would do anything for you. But you were too busy for me when I was younger, and now you do not know me anymore. Do you remember when you caught me with our other brother? You admonished me for hurting him when he was my elder, and for a whole week I tried not to do it again. But you continued to ignore me after that, so I went back to beating him. I hoped, somewhere, that you would notice me, and this was the only way I knew to catch your attention. Perhaps I wanted from you what our father never gave us properly.

I remember the day Father was missing. I remember when you collapsed in my room sobbing and shivering. You took ill, and I was always with you, as was your captain friend. You cried to your friend, though, and not to me. You never told me what you saw that day. We never told each other a lot of things.

Is that why your eyes startle me so?

You were my hero. Now you are nothing. How could you condemn yourself?

Now I watch you slowly…

Slowly…

Slowly waste away.

If I were a strong man I would kill you to end this. But I am not strong, so I hide in my pleasure and my drinks, laughing at your ruin and sobbing in my empty room.

My dream of the throne is spoiled as you crumple into a twisted mockery of yourself. I wish a thousand times that you would come to me as yourself, that your eyes would be clear and bright again. I do not want to rule anymore if it means you must waste away in mad agony.

I do not want this. Do you understand?

Ray.

Ray, listen.

I'm sorry.