"Let her go" The brunette repeated as Lucas turned and looked in on the woman he had grown to love more with each passing day. He looked at Brooke and as much as it hurt him he knew she was right. "Whatever's supposed to happen will happen. She's miserable Luke, she's trapped in her own body and their nothing she can do about it. If she really isn't ready to go, if it isn't her time, she'll find her way back to you." Brooke gave a genuine smile before her eyes focused on Nathan. He understood too and she could see it in his eyes.
"I want her to be happy" Lucas said simply as he continued to watch the doctors hover of Peyton lifeless body. "But I can't let her go, I'm not ready to. I love her Brooke and I get what you're saying and I want to let her go but I can't. I'm being selfish and I don't care, I need her Brooke, I really need her." The tears fell harder then before as he looked down at the brunette.
"You don't have to" The both looked at Nathan who had a smile playing on his lip. "She heard you bro, and she's not ready to leave" Lucas turned around to find the monitor revealing that Peyton's heart was beating again.
"I hate those doctors" Brooke muttered under her breath causing the two brothers to look at her in shock. She looked up and glared at them. "They shouldn't have brought her back."
"What?" Nathan looked down at the brunette in disbelief. "That's a hell of a thing to say about your BEST friend Brooke."
"You don't know what it's been like to watch her suffer for the past 8 years. It's not fair to her. No one should have to go through that, especially not Peyton. What the hell has she done to anyone? Okay she played with your heart Luke, and she stabbed me in the back, but guess we're both over that so why is she still suffering. She shouldn't have to suffer." Brooke dropped her head between her knees and cried. "She doesn't deserve this. Things aren't gunna magically get easier for her, eight years of pure hell is enough, God its too much for one person to take. They didn't help her in there by bringing her back. All they did was open up the door for her to feel more pain and I don't want that for her. If I could take all the damn torment from her I would but I can't. I can't help her, I want to and try to but nothing will ever help her." Brooke hugged her knees as she broke down into more tears.
Lucas turned and looked into the room. "I love you, so I'm letting you go" he whispered as he placed his hands on the glass and gave one last look into the room before turning and walking down the hall. Nathan looked back and forth between the three people around him, until he focused on Peyton. As far as he was concerned Peyton had come back and Brooke had even said herself that if Peyton wasn't ready to go she would find her way back and she had found her way back. He couldn't understand why Lucas was just given up. Just a minute ago he had said he couldn't let her and now that she was gunna be okay he was letting go. None of it made any sense to the younger Scott.
Lucas walked outside the doors and let the warm air surround him. He had taken in everything Brooke said and her words only continued to ring through her head. He had been in pain for the past month and he already wanted to burry him self in a deep dark hole where no one could find him. Peyton had been in pain for eight years and to top it off she had lost not only her son but her mother. He couldn't imagine what that had to be like for her and for the first time he really understood how she managed to shut herself down. He understood why her walls never came down. There was normal pain and then there was the pain you feel when you lose someone you love. When Lucas lost his son he had shut down himself, he didn't want to deal with any of it. The pain he felt everyday was unbearable and he could only wish that he was like Peyton, the he didn't feel any of it. But he couldn't make any of it go away like Peyton had and he couldn't figure it out until now, until he realized jut how much pain she was in.
"Luke, I've been looking for you" the blonde looked up to find Haley walking over to him. He hadn't realized that he left the hospital and was now walking around the block.
"Hey Hales what's up." Lucas asked still not really paying attention. All eh could think about was Peyton being happy. He was willing to do anything to make her happy, even if that meant letting her go.
"I need to get my mind off things and I wanted to know if you wanted to have one of our traditional movie nights." Haley said with forced cheeriness. She didn't want to think about Nathan, she didn't want to cry over him and that was all she had been doing.
"I can't Hales. I have to stay with Peyton, she needs me." Lucas said as he began to turn around and head back to the hospital. Peyton had come back to him and he wanted to be there. Him abandoning her would only bring more pain and he wasn't trying to do that.
"Well apparently she needed Nathan this morning" the brunette said bluntly in a harsh tone. "Luke, Peyton is taking advantage of this whole thing. I know she couldn't feel before but she can now and she's playing everyone. She went after Nathan, she toyed with him and as far as I'm concerned that means she's not innocent as everyone thinks she is." Lucas looked down at his friend and soon was stuck on her words. He couldn't think straight, his whole day had been one bad things after another. He was hurt that Peyton intentionally cheated on him, she knew what she was doing when she kissed Nathan. He wanted to be mad at her for it but he couldn't be when she was laying in a hospital bed fighting for her life. That's when it hit him. He didn't even know why she was in the hospital, and he didn't know why Nathan was the one who brought her there. The more he thought about it the more Haley's words burned him.
"Hales I still love her though" He couldn't help it, no matter what he did or what she did he would always love her, nothing would ever change how he felt about her.
"Were best friends and nothing can ever come between us, no one will ever know you like I do" she leaned up and kissed him gently. Without thinking about it he kissed her back, but he pulled away seconds later. She wasn't Peyton, she didn't taste the way Peyton did and she make him feel the way Peyton did. She just wasn't Peyton Sawyer, no one would ever be Peyton except for Peyton.
"Haley I'm sorry, Peyton needs me" Lucas turned and walked back into the hospital parking lot leaving Haley with tears in her eyes.
"Luke, I thought you were going to see Peyton" Haley questioned in a weak voice as she watched him walk towards the emergency entrance to the hospital.
"I am going to see…" That was when her realized Haley knew even less about the situation then he did. "Hales…Peyton is in the hospital, she had to be rushed to the emergency room." Lucas said as he watched the shocked look cascade over Haley's face.
"Why" Haley asked her voice even smaller. She now felt guilty about what she said about Peyton and about kissing Lucas. She had felt so lonely and her heart had been broken. She was always able to depend on Lucas and he always made her feel safe. She wanted comfort and she wanted to believe that everything would be okay but Lucas wasn't looking for the same kind of comfort she was and she felt lonelier then ever.
"That's what I have to figure out." Lucas said quietly as he turned and walked towards the ER again. He could here the click of Haley's heels behind him before the automatic doors opened. The brunette was soon by his side and they entered the hospital together.
"Sir you were here for Miss. Sawyer right" The nurse asked as he passed by her desk. The two stopped walking and turned to look at her, suddenly scared as he realized Nathan and Brooke weren't where he left them.
"Yes." He answered nervously.
"She's been moved to 214." The nurse informed them before looking back down at her work. Lucas mumbled a thank you before leaving for the elevator.
"Luke she'll be fine, they moved her out of ER which means that she's okay." Haley said with a forced smile as she looked at her best friend's tense form.
"I don't' even know why she was brought here Haley. Brooke just told me we had to go to the hospital because Peyton was here. What if being stable means nothing? I don't have a damn clue what's going on" Lucas leaned over and pushed the button for the elevator and to his relief the doors opened immediately, and they walked in. The ride up was short but the tension between the two made it seem like forever.
Nathan sat in a chair by Peyton's bed trying to think of something to say. The doctor had told him that she might be able to hear them but there was no guarantee. He took a deep breath and reached for the blonde's hand. He shuddered when he felt how cold she was. He looked up at her face and felt a tear slide down his cheek. Her skin was pale with a blue tint which matched her lips and her veins were visible. Brooke hadn't been able to donate blood but Nathan did, in fact, he had snuck and given blood twice. He gave Peyton's hand a light squeeze as he inhaled deeply again.
"Hey you, I'm beginning to think you like it here." He forced a nervous laugh before he continued. "Pey…I guess I'm sorry, but to be honest I don't know. Everything is just a mess right now. This morning…I should have stopped it from happening and I guess I don't want you to feel like any of this was your fault because it wasn't." Nathan ran his thumb over the bandage on her wrists as he shook his head. "Why would you do this Pey, Brooke tried explaining but I just don't get what pushed you so far. I remember the first day of middle school. You used to be more energetic then Brooke. All you did was smile and laugh all day, but you were never an air head. God...Pey you used to look on the bright side of everything, you were miss optimistic. We weren't close but I still noticed when you changed, I think everyone did. It was the middle of the year and you and Brooke were out for a week and when you came back you just never smiled anymore. Somewhere down the line I think everyone but Brooke forgot what you used to be like, even me. I keep thinking about what you used to be like and I know you would have never done this and that's why I don't understand it."
Nathan rested his forehead on their entangled hands as more tears escaped his eyes. He couldn't understand anything that was going on, it all just seemed surreal to him. "You know Pey, I never understood how Lucas and Haley could be so close and tell each other they loved each other and mean it. I didn't understand how they could say that and love other people, how they could be so close but not have anything going on between them. I get it now though. I love you when we were going out and I really hope you knew and still know that. I love Haley that way now but I still care about you. Over the last year though I started falling in love with you again but it wasn't the same way I felt before. I didn't wanna just sleep with you or hold you in my arms for the hell of it like I do with Hales. I wanted to hold you in my arms when you cried though, and I got this urge to tell you everything was gunna be alright. I wanted to beat the living shit out of Rick for even thinking about touching you. I guess I started acting like a big brother to you Pey. That's the only way to really explain how I felt when it came to you because I don't even really understand it. But I just know that sometime before you and Lucas got together I started feeling this way. You've become my little sis and you're not getting rid of me.
It might not be the same but I love you Pey and I always will." Nathan kissed her cold hands before leaning back in the chair, their fingers still entangled.
"I love you Pey and I always will" Haley and Lucas stopped walking and Haley stood in front of Peyton's door with her mouth slightly open. She couldn't believe what she just heard the younger Scott brother say. Lucas was also shocked as he looked at Nathan holding Peyton's hand. He was supposed to be doing that and saying those things, not his brother. He was torn form his thought as Haley's voice rang through his head.
"You lying cheating asshole. I can't believe you and to think I actually thought about forgiving you. I figured this was just a hard time for everyone and things just happened out of confusion or something but apparently you enjoyed all of it and your quite content with Peyton. You apparently don't need me Nathan so I don't need you." Haley spun around on her heel and walked briskly down the hall.
"Haley wait, what the hell did I do?" Nathan questioned as he set Peyton's hand down and walked towards the door.
"She heard what you said to Peyton, we both did." Lucas said bitterly as he looked at his younger brother.
"So why are you two so angry about it." He asked not understanding anything. He waited for Lucas to respond hoping he would be able to figure out what he did and how to make it up to Haley.
"You told Peyton you loved her, what the hell do you expect us to feel. Supposedly you love Haley but you love Peyton now too. No shit she's pissed, I am too."
"So she can love you but I can't love Peyton, what kind of shit is that. If that's what you two are so damn pissed about then you're a bunch of damn hypocrites." Nathan was getting angry and frustrated. There was too much going on for him to deal with anything else.
"I don't love Haley like that. I love her like a sister. It's…" Lucas was cut off by the younger Scott.
"Did I not say I loved Peyton as a sister? Damn it Lucas I said she became my little sister and all, what the hell are you pissed off about?" Nathan watched the slightly guilty expression that flashed on his brother's face. "You didn't here any of that did you. All you heard was me say that I loved Peyton and you jumped to fucking conclusions. Nice, real nice." Nathan shoved past his brother and went after Haley.
Lucas watched as Nathan turned the corner before he walked slowly into Peyton's room. He felt his stomach not when he saw how pale she was. He sat in the now unoccupied chair and reached for Peyton's hand. The tears ran quickly down his cheeks as he realized what had happened and why she was in the hospital. He ran his hand over the bandage just as Nathan had earlier. He tired to think of something but there was nothing. He just wanted Peyton out of the hospital. "I love you Peyt" He forced a smiled as he leaned over and kissed her forehead. He couldn't believe how cold she was. He looked back down at her wrist before letting go of her hand. They had tied her arm down to the bed so she couldn't move and he was determined to get it off. He tired to tear the bandage but he couldn't, it was too thick and too tight.
"Sir you can't do that" a nurse said as she walked quickly into the room.
"Oh really…just watch me" Lucas spat as he turned back towards Peyton and started fumbling with the bandage again.
"If you don't stop I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Those bandages are for her own safety and they must stay on." The woman replied slightly aggravated.
"No. The bandages on her wrist are for her own safety. These bandages are so you people can treat her like a damn animal. Where the hell is she gunna go. You think I'm gunna sit here and watch her cut herself. Am I going to sit in the chair and applaud her while she slits her wrist. Think again lady, now take the damn things off her." Lucas turned and glared at the nurse, who only glared back at him.
"Sir I'm going to have to call security if you don't stop"
"GO AHEAD AND CALL FUCKING SECURITY. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. EITHER WAY THE BANDAGES ARE COMING OFF, YOUR GUNNA DO IT OR I'M GUNNA DO IT BUT ITS GUNNA GET DONE. WHERE THE HELL IS SHE GOING, SHES NOT EVEN AWAKE…SHES NOT SLEEPING EITEHR SHES UNCONSICOUS GOD DAMNIT. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THE DAMN THINGS IF SHES NOT CAPABLE OF MOVING!" Lucas waited for the nurse to answer him but instead she walked over to the phone and started to dial.
"Maria put the phone down." The both looked towards the door to find a man standing in the doorway. "Mr. Scott I presume. I'm Dr. Patterson." The man commented as he walked further into the room.
"Your Peyton's doctor?" Lucas questioned as he looked behind him.
"Yes I am. Maria go get me a pair of scissors please." He watched as the nurse reluctantly walked out of the room. "Hospital policy is a little bizarre sometimes, I'm sorry about this. Its just that suicide attempts are not taken lightly, but if she is being monitored at all times there is no reason for brace." The nurse soon returned and cut the cuff from around her forearm.
"Thank you" Lucas muttered before the nurse left. He sat down in the chair again and rubbed her arm where the cuff had been.
"Mr. Scott…"
"Lucas" the blonde corrected the man before he could continue.
"Alright, Lucas…I read over Peyton's medical history and it says that she had a miscarriage a couple of months ago and that she emotionally shut down a short time after." Dr. Patterson looked at Lucas as he awaited a response.
"That's right and to answer the question I know is coming yes she's started feeling again." Lucas was a bit agitated. He didn't want to talk to any doctors. He just wanted to sit by Peyton's side and hold her hand until she woke up.
"Lucas I know this is tiresome but I have to ask the questions. I'm sorry but if I can just get this done I'll be out of your way." He looked down at the blonde and continued after Luke nodded his head. "Do you know what would have caused her to want to end her life"
"She started feeling again and it was too much to handle" Lucas didn't know if that was true but it sounded good and he figured it would get the doctor to leave sooner.
"Last question, has she ever tried to commit suicide before?" The doctor watched as Lucas cringed slightly and he knew the answer. "Why isn't it in her history?"
"Because she was never brought into the hospital, it was years ago." Lucas looked down at the floor as he spoke. He didn't want to talk to anyone at the moment and he definitely didn't want to talk about Peyton trying to end her life.
"Alright, I'll leave you guys alone now and I'll be back to check on things later." Dr. Patterson nodded at Lucas before walking out the door and closing it behind him. Lucas pulled Peyton's cold hand towards him and kissed it gently before resting his head on her knuckles. The blonde inhaled deeply as he listened to the constant steady beeping in the background. Tears fell silently from his eyes as he rocked back and forth. As the door creaked open he couldn't manage to life his head at first but he slowly turned his neck.
"Brooke, where did you go" Lucas asked as the brunette closed the door behind her and leaned against the wood.
"I walked around the halls for a bit, I couldn't come in here." She forced a smile as she looked over at her best friend's body lying helplessly on the bed.
"She should be fine" Lucas reassured her as he watched tears pour from her red eyes and slide down her puffy cheeks.
"No she won't, not for a long time, if ever." Brooke dropped her neck to the side as she wore the same forced smile. She bit her bottom lip and laid her hands over her nose. The tears fell harder as her shoulders hunched forward and shook. Brooke toyed with her hands as she held them near her chest. "Lucas I just want her to be okay, I want her to be happy. I don't want her to be in pain anymore. I just don't want her to hate me." Brooke's voice cracked as she spoke to the blonde in front of her.
"Brooke she's not gunna hate you. I don't think Peyton could ever hate you" Lucas informed her but she only cried harder.
"I'm so happy Lucas; I don't think I've ever felt this happy. But at the same time I've never been this upset, I've never felt this guilty." The brunette toyed with her bottom lip again.
"Why are you happy Brooke, I don't see anything to be happy about." He inquired. He didn't know how she could be happy with everything that was going on, it was just another thing that didn't make any sense to him at the moment.
"Lucas last week I found out I was pregnant. You're the first person I've told. I was going to tell Peyton this morning but then all this stuff happened with her and Nathan and then this. Everything has just been a mess all day. I'm happy to be pregnant, I don't know why but I just am. But how is Peyton gunna be able to stand being around me. I don't wanna lose my best friend again but I don't want her to have to watch me have get her wish."
"Brooke you can't feel bad about this. You should be happy that you're pregnant and I think your gunna make a great mom. Peyton won't hate you because of this trust me. It might be hard for her sometimes but she'll be happy Brooke. You know she wouldn't want you thinking like that. She'd want you to go tell Charlie and then go out and celebrate. Congratulations Brooke, this isn't something to keep you down and make you depressed and guilty. Its something to make you happy so don't feel bad about it." Lucas gave a genuine smile in the brunette direction and was glad to see that she returned the gesture.
"So I'm gunna be an auntie" Lucas turned to find a semi smiling Peyton looking back at him and Brooke. He leaned down and kissed her gently before burying his face into her neck.
"Yea you are" Brooke said as she walked slowly towards the bed. As Lucas sat up the brunette bent down and wrapped her arms around her friend as best she could.
"I think you were given instructions. They told you to do something along the lines of telling Charlie." The blonde looked back at the smiling brunette and did her best to smile but she couldn't find the energy. She had never felt that weak before as she watched Brooke nod her head and smile once more before slowly leaving the room. "Hey" she said quietly as the room door shut.
"Hey you." Lucas smiled down at her as he spoke. He was thrilled that she had woken up so soon. "How are you feeling?" he asked quietly.
"Cold" she answered with a slight laugh. Lucas just smiled before standing up and pulling the blanket down so that he could climb into the small bed with her. He pulled the cover back over their bodies and wrapped his arm around her slender waist. The two laid like that for the next hour before they both fell asleep.