For the first time in two months Peyton Sawyer woke up to an empty house. It was a little past 10 and she had expected Lucas to be there already but he wasn't. She grabbed a note form off her counter as she sat up.

-Sorry I had to check out early. I'll talk to you later...love you much- Brooke-

Peyton crumpled the letter and tossed it into a nearby trash can as she stood and walked into her bathroom. She didn't pay attention to anything while she brushed her teeth, and she had nothing to think about. She splashed cold water onto her face and let the water drip from her chin. Peyton's head snapped around as she heard the phone ring, the only sound to echo through the large house.

"Hello" she mumbled quietly.

"Hey Peyt, I'm sorry I didn't come by this morning..." Lucas began. He was interested in how she would respond, but her voice wouldn't do him any good because he had no way of knowing whether it was anymore than a facade.

"It's okay" her features were void of emotion but Lucas would never know that and it meant that she didn't have to pretend.

"Alright...um anyway Nathan is having a...I guess you could say gathering later on today. Are you up to going?" Lucas wished that her cam was on that way he could see her and her reactions, not that she had any.

"Yeah, okay." She said as she pulled a t-shirt and jeans down from her closet.

"So I'll pick you up in a couple of hours...around 2" he questioned.

"Yeah that sounds good." She hoped he didn't continue the conversation, because she really didn't have anything to say.

"Alright I'll see you then, I love you" She was relieved and she almost hung up the phone but quickly remembered to say goodbye.

"Okay, see you later." She said quickly before hanging up the phone. Lucas heard the click on the other line and shook his head sadly. He now knew that Brooke was right, she hadn't gotten better and she still didn't love him.

"So she's gunna be there?" Lucas nodded his head as he turned and looked at Brooke, who was sitting on the edge do his bed.

"I really hope this works" He said dejectedly as he took a seat next to the brunette.

"So do I" She suddenly found interest in the floor as she thought about what was about to play out that evening and the past that was about to be dug up. Years of working to keep things quiet was about to unravel in a matter of hours, possibly seconds. Brooke knew she wasn't ready for any of that but she continued to remind herself that it was all for Peyton.

"So are you ready for this?" Lucas turned his neck to stare at Brooke and he caught the tears building behind her eyes when she stared back at him.

"I'll never be ready for this...but I think its time things came out in the open. It will probably help both me and Peyton and it will also help you guys understand a few things. At least I hope so..." Brooke looked down at the floor again and then stood. "I guess I'll see you at Nathan's..." Brooke sighed and walked out the back door without a second glance.

"God...I hope I'm ready for this" Lucas closed his eyes and fell back onto his bed with his hands over his face. None of them knew what was going to happen that night. And nobody but Brooke and Peyton knew the things that were going to be exposed.

"Okay, so are you ready for this Brooke" Nathan asked as he sat on the couch next to Haley.

"Look I just want you guys to know that a lot of stuff is probably gunna come out tonight and I'm pre-apologizing if any of it offends or hurts anyone. They all looked to the door as it swung open to reveal a nervous Lucas. Peyton followed him into the apartment. A foreign feeling flowed through her as she watched everyone's eyes set on her and all she wanted to do was turn around and run but Lucas grabbed her hand and smiled at her before guiding her inside. They walked to the unoccupied couch next to Brooke and Charlie and Peyton could feel them all watching her, but she kept her eyes on the ground.

"Hey Peyt...I'm sorry I had to cut out so early this morning" Brooke said trying to break the already lingering tension in the room.

"It's fine" the blonde responded quietly. Lucas sat in the chair and gently pulled Peyton onto his lap. For the first time Peyton looks at the brunette and she can see the worry and guilt that has settled over her features. A far too common urge quickly grows inside the blonde as she watched all the nervous faces. "I have to go to the bathroom" She said as she took one last glance around the room. She attempted to stand but Lucas's grasp around her waist tightened as he pulled her further into his body.

"No you don't" he whispered, unable to keep the doubt out of his mind. He didn't think he was ready for any of this but he wanted to do what was best. He wasn't sure if that was the best option though as he looked at frightened Peyton's face.

"Yes I do" He pulls her down again as she tried to stand for the second time. She gets ready for another attempt but stops when Brooke speaks.

"I can't do this again Peyt, I'm not gunna sit back and watch you hurt yourself." Brooke looked longingly at her best friend who held a mostly blank expression with only freight in her eyes.

"Brooke I'm fine, really, there is nothing for you to worry about." Peyton kept her voice at an even tone in order to seem more believable.

"Stop lying." Brooke had a slight edge in her voice and it was coming form her frustration and worry. Peyton looked at the brunette with a blank stare. "I saw the razor, and I saw the blood. You can deny it all you want but we all know what's going on and we all want you to stop." Brooke waited for a response she knew she wasn't going to get. Peyton just looked towards the carpeted floor. She wanted to defend herself but she didn't have anything to say. She wanted to leave and go home to her bathroom, but Lucas's grip was firm around her slender waist.

"Peyton why are you doing this?" Nathan's concerned voice broke through Peyton's thoughts and she gazed up at him. She didn't have a reason and she therefore didn't have an answer. She wasn't in the mood to try to come up with an answer because she knew that Brooke wouldn't believe her so she just stayed quiet.

"Peyton you can't hold onto everything" She could hear Haley's gentle voice and for some reason it bothered her. She tried to make the feeling go away but as Haley continued talking her aggravation only grew. "Some things from the past are supposed to stay there." Haley looked over at the blonde but Peyton's gaze remained on the floor.

Peyton could feel Lucas's grip loosen around her waist and she decided to steal the opportunity to break away. Before she could get to her feet Lucas had pulled her back down and tightened his grasp. Peyton sighed and felt tears burn her eyes but they wouldn't fall. She didn't want to be in that room anymore and she didn't want everyone staring at her. "Haley's right." Lucas broke through her thoughts. "You've gotta let it go"

For the first time in two months Peyton felt her blood run warm through her veins, but it wasn't pleasant. Peyton stood to her feet only to have Lucas yank her down again. "LET GO OF ME!" she screamed as she stood again and this time she broke free of Luke's grasp. He was too shocked to pull her back down and when she spun on her heel to glare at him the thought of grabbing her arm vanished from his mind. "What do you want me to do? Do you all want me to talk about everything? You want me to be open and discuss my feelings?" Peyton bent her head back before turning to a shocked Brooke. "I know what you want Bo...you want me to talk about my mom because I never have and you think it'll make everything all better."

"I never said that" Brooke mumbled but she knew that part of her was hoping for that. Peyton glared at the brunette and even thought she wanted to stop talking and run away she couldn't.

"You want me to talk about it Brooke. You want me to tell you what's on my mind and why it bother's me so much, why I can't get over it? I was supposed to be in that car, is that what you've waited to hear all these years..." Peyton wanted nothing more then to take those words back but there was nothing she could do.

"Peyton don't say that..." Haley whispered as she held back tears.

"No you don't get it. I was actually supposed to be in that car with her. I was supposed to go to her meeting with her and I was mad so I didn't go. I was supposed to be in the car, I was supposed to be in the accident." Peyton's voice stayed even. She wanted to scream at everyone but she couldn't anymore, either way they all knew she was angry. Peyton shook her head and started towards the front door but Brooke grabbed her arm. The gesture only made the blonde more frustrated and she turned to glare at the brunette.

"Peyton don't go. Stop running away. I know everything is bothering you and I know that the miscarriage didn't make things better but you can't keep that all inside Peyt." Tears began to fall slowly from Brooke's eyes as she pleaded with her best friend. Watching the pain cascade over Brooke's face only enraged Peyton more. She was mad because Brooke could cry and she couldn't, Brooke could feel things. Peyton tore her arm out of the brunette's grasp and let it fall to her side.

"Miscarriages, not miscarriage. I miscarried twice alright. Two times! I think I'm entitled to feel what ever the fuck I wanna feel right so just back off." By the time Peyton realized what she had said it was too late, they had all heard the words and they were all shocked.

"What did you just say..." Nathan said, feeling the need for her to repeat it because he hoped his mind was playing tricks on him.

"Nothing...I didn't say anything..." Peyton turned and walked to the door again but this time it was Nathan who grabbed her arm.

"No you didn't say nothing. In fact you said something pretty damn far form nothing Peyton. Why didn't anyone know you had a miscarriage? When the hell you had the other miscarriage?" Nathan didn't have a clue how to react to any of the things he was hearing, it was all too much. But that wasn't the problem, all he could think about was how hard things must have been for Peyton.

"It was almost a year ago, a little while after I started going out with Rick. I t was the first time he put me in the hospital. When I woke up the doctor told me that I was fine but I had lost the baby. I didn't even know I was pregnant and I guess he could tell from the look on my face. I was 3 months along and it probably took me all of 3 minutes to lose it." Peyton kept her eyes on the ground avoiding Luke's gaze at all cost. They had let their emotions get the best of them one night and ended up in Peyton's bedroom, but Peyton never thought that she was pregnant.

"Excuse me..." Lucas stood from the chair and brushed past Peyton before walking out the door. Peyton looked up in time to see the door close. That was when she first felt it, her heart breaking. The look on his face caused guilt to flood her veins but there was nothing she could do. She never wanted anyone to know about that, especially not Lucas and especially not after her second miscarriage.

Everyone stayed quiet for the next ten minutes because no one knew what to say. The was the last thing any of them expected to hear and they all hoped everything was nothing more than a dream. The silence was broken as the front door slowly opened and closed, but Peyton didn't dare look up. She soon felt warm arms around her and her head rested on his shoulder. Lucas laid his hand on her curls while his other hand stayed wrapped around her back, pulling her as close to him as possible. "I'm so sorry" he whispered as the tears dripped onto her shirt. "You never should've had to do that alone."

"You didn't know" Peyton responded dully. Comforting Lucas was something she knew how to do anymore. Cutting as the only way she knew how to make her pain go away and as soon as that thought entered her head she had the urge to run to the bathroom once again.

"But I still wish I could have been there." Lucas took a step back and looked down into Peyton's blank face. Although she felt the emotion it wasn't strong enough to make her facial expressions change. Brooke looked at the two blondes and as shocked as she was she still had only one question lingering through her mind. It was something she hoped she wouldn't have to worry about because it was just something else to worry about. She wanted to know the answer even if the time wasn't exactly appropriate because there really wasn't ever going to be an appropriate time. After about 5 minutes had passed Brooke forced herself to break the silence.

"Lucas, did she eat yesterday?" Brooke's voice was quiet and she spoke quickly hoping to get it over with. Lucas looked at her strangely as did everyone else, except Peyton, who knew why the question was asked.

"No, why?" Lucas looked back and forth between the two girls but neither of them spoke. Brooke took a deep breath and prepared herself to continue what had been started.

"I'm fine Brooke." Peyton began and she was about to continue but the brunette cut her off.

"This is what you call fine... I know you Peyt and I know what you're doing." Brooke knew she didn't have to say anymore because Peyton understood and everyone else would in due time. Peyton couldn't believe that Brooke was bringing this up, it was something that had always kept secret and now everyone was going to know. She didn't have a way out of it though and she knew that they were all going to find out so she didn't bother trying to hide it and she let her anger take over.

"So what if I don't eat and you do. You just throw it all up anyway." Peyton raised her eyebrow at Brooke who stood there shocked. The shame that briefly lingered over her face was replaced by anger.

"I was bulimic are you happy?" Brooke spat harshly as she rolled her eyes and shook her head. She got ready to leave the room but stopped as Peyton's voice once again echoed through the room.

"No!" Brooke spun around and looked at Peyton in confusion. "You wanna tell everyone my business you can tell them yours too and therefore you forgot to mention that you're a drunk just like you dad." The thought of Brooke's dad sent chills down Peyton's spine but she shoved the feeling away as best she could.

"I am NOTHING like my father" Brooke said defiantly as she stepped closed to the blonde. She was hopping with everything she had that Peyton would let the sore subject go but deep down she knew it was time for things to come out.

"No, you go after people older than you who consent, he took advantage of 12 year olds." Peyton could feel her blood run warm through her veins as the anger radiated through her, but the blonde had never felt so cold. That was one memory that she like in the past and that she hoped would stay there and she hated herself for bringing it back up.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry and guess what...I'm sorry again." Tears fell hard form Brooke's eyes as she stood frozen in her place. "It wasn't just you and you know that. He did it to me too, he did it when you were there and he did it when you weren't. I didn't tell him too and there was nothing I could do Peyton. Nothing is gunna go back and change it no matter how much I wish it would. But it wasn't my fault! Don't' ever compare me to my father because I am nothing like him and I never will be." Brooke still couldn't move even after she finished speaking. She just wanted to disappear as she watched everyone's eyes shift form her to Peyton and then back again.

"I'm a little lost here" Charlie said, breaking his silence for the first time that night. Brooke and Peyton just looked at him but neither one was willing to speak at first but Peyton soon forced herself to speak about things she had buried away long ago.

"A year after my mom died her dad started spending a lot more time around the house and he also started drinking a lot, especially at night. One night he was in the living room sitting in one of the arm chairs and Brooke and I went in there to watch TV. He told us it was alright but only if we sat on his lap. We both laughed and agreed because it was something we used to do when we were younger. Well about an hour later he put his hand on my leg and started asking me how I was doing and he said that he was really sorry about my mom and that if I needed anything I could ask him. I didn't think anything of it but when he didn't take his hand off I started feeling uncomfortable. It got worse when he stared running his hand up and down my leg and each time her would move higher up. Then he just stopped and said it was time we went to bed. I told Brooke about it and she said that he had done that to her a few nights ago and she felt weird too. He kept doing it over the next month to both of us, but he started rubbing our backs and stroking our hair."

"Then one day he just stopped staying home and he would be gone weeks at a time." Brooke said quietly. It was a sore topic for both girls but it was something that felt good to get out. Everyone stayed quite for a long time and Lucas wrapped Peyton tightly in his arm while Charlie did the same for Brooke. The only difference was that Brooke was crying while Peyton just stood there getting lost in unpleasant and unwanted memories. The two best friends avoided eye contact and just remained looking at the floor. It was Haley who broke the uneasy silence.

"Is that when you started cutting" Haley looked at the blonde as she waited for an answer. She didn't really want to ask the question but she hated sitting in silence like that and it was all she could think of to ask.

"No and I don't know why I started so don't ask" the blonde retorted bitterly. She didn't mean to come off that way but she didn't know how to respond to anything anymore.

"Peyton how could you not know why you started..." Brooke said quietly and when she caught the disbelieving look on Peyton's face she regretted asking.

"You tell me Brooke...best friends to the end...we did EVERYTHING together, remember." Brooke closed her eyes and shocked her head in a mix of anger and guilt. She was tired of being open now and she ready to burry everything again, but things just seemed to keep coming out.

"You even did my boyfriend" Brooke had let her anger get the better of her and she wanted to take the cruel words back.

"And you did mine" Brooke looked over at the blonde in shock and confusion.

"What are you talking about" she asked as she raised an eyebrow.

"Summer camp before sophomore year...what you two thought I didn't know" Peyton looked from Brooke to Nathan and they both held the same guilty expression. "I knew the minute we walked into school. I saw the looks you tow gave each other and after I heard the snickers from everyone around me when Nathan and I walked down the hall I out two and two together and got backstabbing cheaters." Peyton had never told anyone she knew about Brooke and Nathan and therefore this was the first time she was lashing out at them. She didn't know that she was so angry about it until now and she felt better now that she had let it all out.

Brooke didn't say anything because she knew here wasn't anything to say, and the same terms applied for Nathan. "So you got pissed off at me and Peyton for going behind your back and you had done the same thing" Lucas inquired as he turned to face the ashamed brunette. Brooke didn't look up at him. She just held her head low as she let the tears fall to the carpet.

SO NOW FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY BROOKE. YOU'RE JUST GOING TO STAND THERE WITH YOUR HEAD DOWN BECAUSE YOU GOT CUAGHT. YOU THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER FIND OUT, THAT YOU COULD JUST WALK ALL OVER ME AND I WOULD NEVER KNOW ABOUT THE SHIT YOU DO BEHIND MY BACK. NO ONE'S PERFECT BROOKE AND EVEYRONE MAKES MISTAKES BUT YOU'RE JSTU A HYPOCIRTE." Peyton rolled her eyes and tore away form Lucas's light hold. She walked out the front door and let it slam behind her.

"Lucas don't go after her yet. Leave her alone for a little while" Brooke looked up at the blonde as he held his hand on the door.

"Why should I leave her alone" Lucas asked as he tried to come up with a reason for not going after her.

"Because she needs at least a little while to herself so that she can sort through some things. She got mad Lucas, she got really really mad and that means she's starting to feel again" Brooke let a small smile play on her lips as she realized that at least one beneficial thing had come out of the evening. Lucas threw his head back and let his hand drop from the door knob as he walked over to the couch he was in before. He let himself feel back into the soft cushions and he prepared himself to go against his heart and wait patiently at Nathan's for the next half hour.

Peyton leaned against her front door as it closed behind her. She took a deep breath but it didn't help her frustration at all. She ran her fingers through her curls before pushing off the door and heading up to her room. Her foot steps seemed to echo in the emptiness of her large house as she ascended her stairs. As she walked into her room she headed straight towards her bed and let her body collapse into the sheets. She was confused and lonely. They all knew about her past now, they knew her secrets and she wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel about that. She rolled over and gazed at the bare ceiling as she continued to feel the tears build behind her eyes, but they still refused to fall.

Peyton titled her head to the side and caught sight of the picture on her desk. It was the one Brooke had taken of her and Lucas at the park. She lifted herself from the bed and walked over to the framed picture. She held it tightly in her hands and stared at the image of Lucas wrapping her tightly in his arms. She remembered how good it felt to be in his arms but she also remembered feeling like something was missing. She set the picture down on the desk as she walked into her bathroom. She had forgotten why she came home but looking at the picture made her remember. It made her long for that sense of comfort that only one thing could provide for her.

Peyton anxiously flung her medicine cabinet door open only to find a note from Brooke saying that everything was gone. Peyton could feel her stomach knot and her breaths grow short as she slammed the cabinet closed. She hurriedly opened the drawers under the sink but there was nothing sharp enough to pierce her skin. She scanned through her art bad but all that was left was her brushes and paints. Brooke had even taken her pencils away, she had gotten rid of everything. The blonde walked back into her room and was about to leave until she spotted another picture. This one was of Lucas kissing her stomach and her crying, but smiling. That was one time when everything was perfect in her life. As Peyton continued to stare at the picture she wished she could get that feeling of completeness back. She picked the picture up as she continued to look at it. She closed her eyes as memories flooded her mind. Her eyes quickly opened as her heart rate increased and she felt happy. The feeling was amazing as he radiated though her body. She wanted to be in Lucas's arms and feel him against her but the feeling was suddenly gone within seconds.

Peyton screamed as she closed her eye's and felt her throat continue to constrict and the tears burned her eyes. She threw the picture against the wall and spun on her heel to walk out the door and go find a razor. She needed to feel something, she wanted security and she didn't know any other way to achieve the sensation. She stopped however when she heard the frame fall to the floor, but more specifically the glass that shattered and fell to the floor as well. The blonde turned back around and looked down at the ground and she took in all the broken pieces of sharp glass. She stepped back into the room and bent down towards the floor. She reached for the nearest piece and gripped it tightly in her hands. She examined the glass briefly before pressing it against her wrist.

"Don't do it." Peyton snapped her neck around to see Lucas standing in her doorway with a pleading look on his face. He walked over to her and placed his hand over hers as he bent down. "Please don't do it Peyton." He whispered as he slipped the glass from between her fingers. He hated seeing Peyton that miserable and confused and even more, he hated not being able to do anything about it. Peyton interrupted his thoughts as she tried to reach for the glass that he had taken away from her. She didn't care if he saw her anymore, she just wanted to cut. Lucas dropped the glass on the floor and grabbed her wrists before she could reach for another piece.

"GET OFF OF ME!" she screamed as she tired to tear her hands away but his grip was too strong. She continued trying until she just gave up, and he held her hands between their chests. Peyton looked up into his blue eyes as her body began to tremble. She bent her head to the side slightly but her eyes stayed on Lucas. She couldn't see anything because of the water that now blurred her vision. Peyton just wanted to cry but she still couldn't. Lucas closed his eyes as he wrapped her tightly in his arms and ran his hands through her hair. Peyton closed her eyes as she snaked her hands under his arms and latched onto his shoulders. Her head found comfort on his chest and Lucas only held her tighter. Peyton kept her eyes hut tightly and when she finally opened them she could taste the salt on her lips. Lucas could feel the moisture seeping through his shirt and soon he was shedding his own tears. Two blondes rocked back and forth in the center of the room, both in tears as they held each other.