AN: Well, I'm back. And yesterday was my mommy's cake day, so I figure I might as well update this story (birthday in family…birthday in story…clever, right? Or not…).

Uh…Standard disclaimer apply here! Although if I owned this show, there would be more Bakura and more Malik. Much more.

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Last chapter:

Just as I was coming up with wonderfully wicked ways to torture Hikari-mine, a single thought flitted through my head. Pharaoh. The fucking Pharaoh was going to be invited. Fuck. No.

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I ran out my door (missing running into it by a whole centimeter) and downstairs to the kitchen where the phone was.

As I skidded around the corner, I found myself cursing having a separate body…again. You wouldn't believe how hard it was to try to stop someone by simply thinking at them. And I was so used to being able to do that, what with sharing the same body and all but no, Yugi had to go and wish for separate bodies for the fucking Pharaoh. And that stupid thing thought it would be really funny to fuck with my life and granted me the same wonderful act of kindness.

Anyway, I was running around the house in boxers trying to find that stupid Hikari of mine when the doorbell rang. I growled low in my throat, stalked toward the door before proceeding to rip it open so fast that it almost came off its hinges.

"What the fuck do you want, Marik?" I snarled at the poor, bewildered Egyptian. Now, if I had been in a better mood, I'm sure I would have been on the ground laughing hysterically due to the face he was making. But seeing as how I was less than pleased with the knowledge that the Ra-damned Pharaoh was going to be over here, mocking me on my birthday which really wasn't my birthday, I settled for glaring at Marik.

"One more piece of clothing, Thief, and you'll be in your birthday suit," a smug voiced floated over the still-dazed teen before an insanely spiked head popped up.

"Malik," I sneered at him, "what a surprise to see you here with your Hikari."

"At least I'm not running around in my boxers," Malik smirked. I opened my mouth to retort when I was shoved aside by Hikari-mine.

"Marik-kun!" Hikari-mine was bursting with so much joy it was sickening.

"Ryou-kun!" Marik moved forward to embrace Ryou who then led Marik into the house, leaving me with Malik. In my boxers.

Malik's grin grew even wider as he was the realization of the implications of standing in a wide-open door in boxers flit across my face. "Shiny green dollar signs?" he smirked, obviously getting great pleasure in my discomfort.

I looked down, mortified. I was wearing my black boxers with said dollar signs with my pale thighs peaking out from the dark fabric. I spun around and walked away, giving Malik the one-fingered salute. His mocking laughter followed my as I walked back to my room.

Knives. I needed my knives. My beautiful, sharp, pointy objects that were just a hop, skip and a jump away. I walked (yes, walked. The King of Thieves does NOT skip. Ever.) over to my knife collection shoved under my bed. After pulling it out, I started throwing said knives at my conveniently-placed targets in my room, all with a maniacal grin plastered on my face.

The door suddenly decided to bang open, efficiently scaring the shit out of me. And what does the Great and All-Powerful Me do when surprised?

Hikari-mine was standing as still as he possibly could with one of my sharper knives about a millimeter away from his face. A few snowy white strands fell to the ground, but it seemed as if he didn't notice. Hmm. I think I killed him with shock. I smirked to myself. I just totally smote him. Inside, I was jumping up and down like a fucking cheerleader, pom-poms included. Outside, I calmly sauntered over to my wide-eyed, blood-drained, just-had-a-sharp-object-thrown-at-my-head-so-I'm-fucking-terrified Hikari-mine and poked him in the forehead.

"Oi!" He didn't answer. "Hikari-mine!" Still no answer. "Fucking-A, Ryou, I didn't hit you! I've done worse!" Ah hah! A blink!

I crossed my arms, wanting to desperately pull my knife from the door frame, but it looked like he was about to say something so I waited patiently. Not to mention it was really funny to see Hikari-mine stand there, mouth opening and closing with no sound coming out. He almost looked like Jou after a verbal beat down, courtesy of Kaiba.

"What is it?" I growled…again.

That seemed to snap him out of it! He smiled that strange smile of his and, ever so cheerfully, proclaimed, "Yugi and the gang are here! They arrived shortly after Marik-kun!" His smile faded a little as he pouted in thought. "Mou, what's Malik-san talking about with you and boxers and birthday suits? Yami-Yugi seems to think it's pretty funny and he keeps asking for more stories about you." He brightened up a bit. "Do you think he wants to become friends with you!"

I was standing there in a silent rage. That no-good SOB was telling fucking embarrassing stories. Fuck that.

I whirled back into my room, threw on a pair of jeans and stormed out of my room, slamming the door behind me, missing Hikari-mine of course. I was going to kill Malik. And then kill the Pharaoh. And enjoy it immensely. Hell, it's my "birthday." I might as well get my fucking wish.

I stormed into the living room, stopping in the doorway and pounded my fist on the frame, shaking the room a bit.

"MALIK! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE NOW!"