In Search of Lost Time

by julesgriffith

An alternate reality of Michaela and Sully, if time had not been on their side.

2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Rose's prayer is an Irish funeral prayer written by Henry Scott Holland.

Chapter 10

January 2, 1863

"That woman is completely insane," Jake Slicker stood on the porch of his barbershop, watching Michaela and little Abagail load their wagon with supplies.

Hank chuckled gruffly and puffed on his cigar. "Rather amusin', if you ask me."

"I can't wait to see what Loren is gonna have to say bout all this. No way is he gonna let Dr. Mike take that little girl 'cross the country," Jake said knowingly.

Sure enough, Loren Bray came storming out of the General Store, barreling down the street towards Dr. Quinn. "What do you think you're doin'?" he bellowed, as he scooped up Abagail in his arms. "Ya not takin' this child 'cross the bridge, let alone all the way to Boston! Have ya lost your mind?"

Michaela put her medical bag down and tried to remain calm although she felt anything but stoic. "My father is sick, Loren. I have to go to him."

"You've hardly mentioned ya father in all these years I've known ya! And now ya want me to risk my only granddaughter's life just because ya havin' a fit of guilt? It doesn't work that way, Dr. Mike! If ya care so much about him, ya should have never left Boston!"

"You know nothing about me and my father, Loren. Nothing." Michaela fired back. Every emotion she had been withholding came out as she cried, "He is my heart. He let me be who I wanted to be. I can't let him down again. I can't."

Loren and Michaela locked eyes for a moment, and for a split second, Loren remembered the day he said no to Abagail, the day he shut her out of his home and heart. He grimaced at the memory. There was nothing he could do about it now. But this woman. This woman standing in front of him, raising his granddaughter, taking his daughter's place without asking, she was his chance. If only he could trust her.

"Alright. Go. But…" Loren waned, "Would ya just let Abagail stay here with me?"

Michaela sighed. She knew it would be a dangerous trip. Loren was probably right. She wasn't thinking. The thought of leaving Abagail made her sick. Michaela had broken so many promises in her life, but this one she couldn't. She couldn't lose Abagail.

Suddenly Abagail pulled on Loren's wrinkled face. "But I wanna go with Mama."

Loren frowned at Abagail. She was as impetuous as her mother, and his heart ached as saw his daughter's expression in the little girl. "You do, huh?" Abagail nodded in response, curling her fingers around Loren's graying hair. "I can't fight both of you. Will ya at least take someone with ya, Dr. Mike?"

Michaela swallowed. She genuinely liked Loren, despite his stubbornness, and she didn't want to lie to him. "Once we get to St. Louis, I'll wire my sister and ask her husband to meet us halfway."

"Dr. Mike…" Loren shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Loren, but what man is willing to go with us who isn't already fighting in the war?"

"I'll go!" Loren stood tall.

"And who would take care of the store? Brian?"

"He does know where everything is." Michaela rolled her eyes at him.

The truth was, Loren didn't know. The town's survival depended on the few men who were left, and time's were hard everywhere. He glanced towards Jake and Hank on the porch. Jake had refused to go anywhere near the war. He didn't trust Hank for a second around Dr. Mike and his granddaughter. Horace couldn't leave the telegraph office. The Reverend was long gone, possibly the army, but Loren was skeptical about that. Colorado Springs was left with nothing but women, children, and men who couldn't fight, or refused to.

When Loren couldn't give her an answer, Michaela took Abagail from his arms. "You see? I have to do this myself. I promise you, Loren. I won't let anything happen to her."

Michaela put Abagail on her own two feet. "We have to hurry, Miss Sully."

That was it, Loren realized, as he heard the child's pet name. He would have to act fast. Lord knows he didn't want to do this, but it was the only way.

Rose O'Brien combed her auburn hair as she waited for David in the cold Virginia barracks. Waiting. That's all she seemed to be doing these days. She hated this war. She hated what it had done to her.

And when she thought of David and his past… what he wouldn't say.

This world was such a dark place. Nothing was right.

"I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well. Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost. One brief moment and all will be as it was before." Rose smiled wistfully and put her brush down. She held up a cracked hand mirror, the only possession she had left from her mother, and really looked at herself. A bruise ran the length from her ear to her mouth.

"What are you doing?" David opened the tent, catching her off guard.

"Lookin'. How did things go with General Burnside?" David sighed, and moved closer to her.

"It looks like he's going to be replaced afterall." His shoulders slumped, and he slowly buried his face between his legs.

Rose watched his body start to shake. She hesitantly touched his shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"I keep seeing their faces. I keep seeing them. I keep seeing her face…" He cried into his hands.

"Who's face? Your fiancée? She's fine. She's no where near here—"

"No…not her. You don't understand. Michaela doesn't know. She doesn't have any idea. I've killed so many… so many."

"You were defending your country, Davy."

"But not when it mattered most." Rose frowned, not understanding what he meant. Something was troubling him deeply, something the fighting and the war had stirred in him. She didn't know why, but she knew she had to figure out what it was.

Loren rode past Willow creek, until he hit the crossroads. Since he lost Maude, he never went beyond the main road, and he never thought he would see the day when he would go near this place.

But he couldn't think about the past. He couldn't think about his hatred. He had to protect his grandchild.

He only hoped he could find Sully in time to stop Michaela and Abagail.

Abagail watched her mother's legs as they shook mercilessly back and forth in the wagon. She didn't know if this was such a good idea anymore.

"Mama?"

"Yes, sweetheart." Michaela answered, keeping her eyes on the road ahead.

"Are ya ok?"

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

Abagail gripped the side of the wagon as the road got bumpier. "Ya shakin' da whole wagon."

"Oh," Michaela laughed nervously. "Mama hasn't been home in a while. That's all."

"Ya scared?" Abagail whispered, her eyes wide and concerned.

Michaela turned to her little girl and exhaled. "My father is very sick. And I love him very much."

Abagail contemplated her mother's words. "Like I wuv you?"

"Just like that." Michaela kissed the tip of her nose, feeling a little better.

As they ascended a ridge, Bongo suddenly stopped moving. "Mama? Mama!" Abagail screamed as they began rolling backwards. "What's happenin'?"

"I don't know. Maybe he's spooked." Michaela tried to remain calm as Bongo kept stepping backwards. Just as quickly as the wagon started rolling, it stopped again.

The reigns tightened in Michaela's hands and the wagon moved forward quickly as if someone were pulling it.

Bongo stopped again at the top of the ridge. "Who's there?" Michaela called out.

"I said who's there!"

Slowly, a man stepped out from behind the horse, his head down and his arms wrapped around his chest. "Help me. Ya gotta help me."

He fell to his knees and curled over. Michaela quickly jumped out of the wagon and ran to him. She turned him over and could feel blood coming through his shirt. "Miss Sully, bring me my medical bag!"

"I'm comin'! I'm comin'!" Abagail slid down the wheel of the wagon and ran to her mother's side. "What ya need?"

"The scissors. We need to cut his shirt open. He's bleeding heavily." Abagail dug in the medical bag and pulled out the scissors. Michaela began to cut open his shirt, and the man hollered out in pain as she pulled the fabric away from his body.

"Oh my God," Michaela whispered as she looked at the lacerations on his back. "He's been whipped."

"We'll clean the wounds and then we'll have to wrap it." Abagail silently pulled out the gauze and watched as her mother worked. The man suddenly began to moan, and Abagail moved up to his side, taking his hand in hers.

"It's gonna be k. Mama's takin' good care of ya," she whispered soothingly. Michaela tied the last bandage around his wounds and moved beside Abagail.

"Sir? Can you hear me?"

"Yes m'am," he barely got out.

"You're going to be alright. But we need to take you home. Is…is that alright?"

"Can't go home. Don't have a home nomore. Can't…can't do it. They'll hang me."

"You'll have to journey with us then. We're going someplace safe."

"Thank ya." Michaela nodded and wiped his brow.

"We'll stop here tonight until you get your strength back." The man nodded and Abagail patted his cheek, as if that would help to take away his scars.

"What's ya name?" she asked curiously.

The man closed his eyes and grimaced. "My name be Robert E."

Loren's heart raced as he stepped off his horse. All he could say, over and over again, was say Sully's name. Sweat gathered at the base of his neck, and he could feel his shirt sticking to him. The Indians only stared at him and led him silently through the woods. Why had he done this? He wanted to turn around. He wanted to yell at every single one of them, ask them why they took Maude away, for what reason? But his fear kept him silent.

Then he saw him. Sully sat on the edge of the ravine, starring out into space. His hair was much longer than it was before, and he now wore buckskins instead of trousers. Sully's expression did not change when he turned around. He was lost.

Loren didn't wait. "Your time is up, Sully. Your daughter needs you now."

Sully shook his head and asked evenly, "How is she?"

"Beautiful. Smart. She just turned three years old, Sully. And I never would have thought it, but Dr. Mike is a good mother to her. Well, most of the time. She's got it in her head that she can make it all the way across the country by herself during a war."

Sully suddenly became alert. "What?"

"She and your daughter left this morning in a wagon on their way to St. Louis. She's tryin' to get to Boston to see her father. But she's going to get herself killed, Sully."

"Why did ya let them go?"

"Because of Abby." Loren said quietly, shocked that he was actually admitting it to Sully. "But it didn't matter what I said anyway, she was gonna go. But now that I'm thinkin' better on it, it just seems downright crazy! Sully, ya have to stop her."

Sully exhaled. God, he wasn't ready for this. He had dreamed about it for so long. Going back, seeing her, seeing them, but he never thought it would really happen. "Loren, there's no way I would ever try to stop Dr. Mike."

He got up and walked back towards the camp. "What? Ya not going to do anythin'? Ya going to let your only child get mangled in the war by some deserter soldier? Unbelievable. Ya didn't deserve Abagail and ya certainly don't deserve ya child."

Sully watched Loren march off into the woods. Sully rubbed the scars on his arm as his horse, Emo'onahe, slowly walked up beside him.

"Where are ya fum, Robert E?" Abagail asked him another question, as they sat around the campfire, somewhere between the borders of Colorado and Kansas.

"Nowhere that's worth talkin' bout, Miss," he answered quietly, as he did all her questions. Michaela watched him. She couldn't imagine all the pain he must have gone through; the visible pain that she could see and touch with her own two hands was vivid enough. She wondered if Robert E would ever be willing to talk about his past, or if he would just like it to be forgotten.

But she knew now, no matter how she tried to forget her past, it would always be there waiting for her. She was heading straight for it.

"Mama?" Abagail was standing up in front of her, legs crossed. "I gotta go."

"Want me to take you?" She asked, putting down her bowl.

"No, I'm a big girl." Michaela eyed her warily, but nodded her head.

"Alright, but don't go too far. Only to the hole we made, alright?" Abagail nodded happily and skipped off a little ways into the woods.

"Ya got quiet a handful with her, Doctor," Robert E smiled and turned on his side. "Something tells me she's gonna lead us all the way to Boston."

After Abagail quickly did her business, she began to go back to the campsite, but rethought her plans as she began to hear sounds coming from beneath an oak tree. She ran to the hole and dropped on her hands and knees to peer inside. "Bunny wabbits!" she exclaimed. All thoughts of returning back to camp were immediately forgotten.

"She should have been back by now," Michaela said five minutes later. "I'm going to look for her."

As Abagail played with the newborn rabbits, she didn't hear anyone walk up behind her. Only when the dark shadow covered her cove did she turn around to see the stranger looking down upon her.

"Who are you?" she whispered, dropping the rabbit from her hands.

Chapter 11

The stranger knelt down in front of Abagail and picked up the forgotten rabbit. He caressed the soft fur of the animal, not taking his eyes off of the little girl. He reached out and brushed a ringlet away that always fell in her eyes. Smiling was foreign to him now; but he knew he was when her frightened expression softened, and she smiled in return.

"Ya like rabbits, huh?" he asked.

"Wuv 'em!" she answered enthusiastically.

"I like 'em too." He smiled and held out the rabbit for her to pet.

"Who are you?" she asked again.

"Miss Sully!" Michaela's voice called from the distance. "Answer me, Miss Sully!"

The stranger looked towards the direction of the voice and frowned slightly. "Is that what Dr. Mike calls you?"

"Yeah, but my name is Ab'gail." She turned away from him and screamed back to Michaela. "Ova heh, Mama!"

When she turned back around, the stranger was gone. "Hey! Where ya go?"

Michaela quickly came into sight, and she ran to Abagail, scooping her up in her arms. "Where have you been, Miss Sully? You scared me to death!"

"I found some wabbits, Mama. Can I keep one? Peas?" Abagail leaned her forehead against Michaela's, as she tried to get her way.

Michaela sighed. The child could make most men walk on water, but she had her limits. "Sweetheart, I think the rabbits would be happier in their natural habitat, don't you?" When Abagail began pouting, Michaela justified, "We can come visit them anytime you like. But we can't keep them, alright? Now it's dark, and Robert E needs our attention. So let's get back to camp."

"Mama, wait. I met a man."

"You what?"

"He knew who ya were. He asked me bout my name." Michaela frowned at Abagail's serious expression. She often told imaginative stories, so Michaela didn't know what to believe. "He likes wabbits too."

"Oh he does?" Michaela smiled wryly at her little imp. "And I bet he wouldn't mind if you had one, right?"

"Nope!" Abagail shook her head and displayed a big toothy grin. Michaela rolled her eyes and began walking back towards the camp. "Hey! What bout da wabbits!"

Abagail looked back towards the tree, and there was the stranger, holding one of the rabbits. He put his hand to his lips, silencing her. Abagail giggled and buried her head in Michaela's neck.

"What are you laughing about, you silly goose?" Michaela stopped and asked.

"Nuttin…Abso-lutely nuttin!" Abagail's eyes twinkled as the stranger disappeared again.

In the middle of the night, he got up from his perch in the bushes and crept into the camp. The man he had heard Michaela call Robert E slept a drugged sleep across the campfire from Michaela and Abagail. He walked soundlessly to where they were and knelt down beside them. Abagail had completely knocked her blankets off, and one of her arms and legs had been thrown over Michaela. He gently took her arm and leg off of Michaela and pulled the blankets back over her. He didn't try to smooth away her ringlets this time. He liked her wild curls.

Suddenly Michaela shifted and wrapped a protective arm around Abagail, bringing her close to her heart. He had been right. She was a great mother.

Impulsively, he leaned over and kissed her cheek. "God, I'm sorry."

He quickly got up and left, returning to his watch post in the trees, where he could protect them from a distance.

Michaela stirred again, and her dreams began as she murmured, "Sully…"

"Eziekial! Caleb! Where you be?" Robert E ran into the dark shack. He had news, such news. Abe Lincoln was going to sign the Emancipation Proclamation any day now, and they would all be free. He and his sons could go look for their mother, and they could finally be a real family. Finally. "Sons! Answer me!"

"They gone, Robert E… They all gone." Alice May answered sorrowfully from the doorway.

He turned around, shock and venom in his eyes. This was too much. First his wife, and now his sons? "Mista Jameson sold them out. He's sellin' everyone out with young blood."

"No! You are lyin'! My sons are here! Eziekial! Caleb! Boys!"

"They ain't here, Robert E, they gone, I tell ya, they all gone…"

"Robert E? You're dreaming, Robert E." Michaela leaned over him, as she tried to wake him up.

"My…my boys…" Robert E cried. "I can't find 'em."

"What happened?" Michaela asked nervously.

"They was sold just as we was about to be free. I don't where. My...master… didn't want to let me go. So I put up a fight."

"And you were whipped." Michaela wiped the sweat off of his forehead. She would never understand or forgive such monstrosity.

"But I escaped, I did. And I am goin' to find my family," Robert E said resolutely. Robert E turned to Dr. Mike. "I need to warn ya, Dr. Quinn. A warrant is out for my arrest. It may not be safe for ya to travel with me."

Michaela looked him squarely in the eyes. "You have waged a terrible war. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you again. We will get you to safety. No one ever should be made a prisoner to someone else."

Michaela smiled at him and went back to her own blankets, contemplating her own words. What a hypocrite she was. She lied down, disgusted with herself.

September 1858

Dr. Josef Quinn led his daughter and Dr. Lewis through the hospital to the children's ward. His expression was unreadable. Michaela was quite anxious, as her father had warned her of the delicacy of this case but had given her absolutely no details. Josef opened the door gingerly and smiled at a tiny, frail girl lying in the bed.

"Good morning, Caroline." The child, with blond limp hair and sickly pale skin, looked up to her visitors.

"Hello, Dr. Quinn," she said weakly.

He smiled back warmly, and began to introduce his associates. "This is Dr. David Lewis, and this is my daughter, Dr. Michaela Quinn." Josef leaned in closer, with a twinkle in his eye, "But you can call her Dr. Mike like me."

Caroline giggled and smiled at Dr. Mike, liking her already. "Well, because we want you to feel comfortable, we thought we'd let Dr. Mike examine you. Would you like that?"

Caroline smiled and held out her hand for Michaela. Michaela always wanted to find a cure, but a child made her want to do her best as a doctor.

David muttered under his breath, "If you will excuse me." His face had turned a grayish-white color that no one had seemed to notice as he quickly ran out of the room.

Michaela began the physical examination, suddenly realizing why her father didn't want to speak of the case in detail. Caroline had syphilis.

Rose was alone again. David was deeply loved by the officers and had acquired much clout in the army. She wasn't surprised. That man was like a chameleon. Charming one minute, brooding and depressed the next. Luckily he was smart enough not to show the other side to his superior officers.

She folded his shirts, placing them beside his backpack. His backpack. She had always been curious as to what men carried. She looked towards the entrance of the tent, and when she knew that no one was coming, she began to go through it.

There were typical army supplies, which she quickly discarded, but then she suddenly came to several pieces of paper and photographs. She went straight for the pictures, saving the letters for later.

The first one she found was a still of an absolutely beautiful woman—elegant and refined with coiffed hair. Rose looked at the back of the picture. Dr. Michaela Quinn 1858. "My goodness. How in the world did he get her?" She felt completely inadequate, but nevertheless, she kept flipping through the pictures.

She found his parents, pictures of brothers and sisters, but she stopped cold on another picture. She turned to the back, but there was no name written. She turned the picture over and peered closely at it.

The young woman in the photograph didn't smile. Her eyes didn't focus on the camera. They looked just to the left of it. Her hair seemed to be blond in the black and white photograph, and her face was unadorned.

Before she could put the pictures away, the tent flap flew open. David had returned. Rose met his eyes and swallowed. He saw the pictures in her hands, and his eyes went black. "What did you do?"

Rose covered the bruise on the side of her face. "I just want to know who ya are."

David grabbed the pictures from her. "No one can know that. Get out."

Rose quickly left the tent. Perhaps it was time to move on to another fella. She was getting way too attached. She thought he was going to hit her like the others sometimes did, but he didn't. She couldn't help but wonder… Who was that woman?

After making a soft pallet for Robert E in the back of the wagon, they were on their way again in the morning. Abagail was trying her hardest to make Robert E smile, and Michaela sighed at her daughter's valiant efforts. She didn't want to tell Abagail that there was nothing she could do to make him smile, short of finding his family.

They came out quickly, so quickly that they didn't even frighten the horse. Suddenly they were surrounded by five Dog soldiers, with cold, hard looks on their faces.

Abagail stopped talking in mid-sentence, and Michaela froze in her seat.

"We mean no harm," Michaela spoke out. "We are only trying to get home."

Two of the Indians looked at each other, and one nodded. "What can you give us? Our people are hungry."

Michaela's stomach tightened. "We have very little food. Just enough to get to St. Louis."

"We will take it," a Dog soldier with two red circles around his eyes answered. "What else?"

"I don't have anything else." Michaela pulled Abagail closer to her.

"The girl." Before Michaela could react, a dog soldier with yellow slashes across his face grabbed Abagail from the wagon.

Michaela tried to tighten her grip, but she was grabbed from behind and pulled off the wagon.

Painfully, Robert E moved as fast as he could, jumping on the other Indians as he began to wrestle them to the ground.

Like a flash, the tomahawk spun through the air, hitting the one with yellow slashes in the leg, making him drop Abagail to the ground.

"Run Abagail!" Sully called to her from behind the bushes. Abagail saw the stranger and ran to where he had been. She ducked behind the bushes and watched as the stranger began to fight off all of the Indians with Robert E. She quickly noticed the stranger's tomahawk lying on the ground, so she began to move from her safe place.

The last Indian standing held Michaela around the waist and neck. He pulled out a sharp blade and positioned the knife next to her Adam's apple. "I take her and the supplies."

Sully glared at the brave, judging him. "Let her go. Fight for it like a hetane."

"You are Cheyenne. Your people are weak. I do not fight for what I already have."

Abagail quickly moved from behind the wagon with the heavy tomahawk in her hands.

"Hey! Ova heh!"

As the Indian turned and looked, Sully saw his chance. He grabbed the arm that held the knife and twisted it behind his back, forcing the brave to drop it. Michaela ran out of the Indian's arms as Sully picked up the knife and pointed it at him. "Now. You leave. Do not bother my family again."

Michaela breathed deeply as she watched the Indians leave, bruised and battered. For the first time since he arrived, she and Sully made eye contact.

She didn't know what to say to him. What could she say to him? The last time they had seen each other… she thought she would never see him again. And now?

But the tension between Michaela and Sully soon broke by a bewildered little girl carrying a tomahawk. Her eyes were full and confused. She looked at Sully, and then at Michaela, and then back to Sully again. "Family?" she whispered.

Chapter 12

Abagail's eyes didn't leave Sully's as she waited for an explanation. Unknowingly, she gripped the tomahawk harder as Sully and Michaela stepped closer to her. "Mama, who is he?" she asked in a small voice.

Michaela took a deep breath, knowing only the truth would suffice. "He's Sully, sweetheart. He's your pa."

Abagail's eyes widened in disbelief, her brow furrowed as she looked at the stranger in front of her. Her pa. Mr. Sully.

"But…but Mr. Sully's not weal!" She protested as she remembered her nightly stories about princes and fairies and Mr. and Mrs. Sully.

"I'm real Abagail." Sully knelt down in front of her. "I'm so sorry I haven't been here for ya. I always thought about ya. How ya were. What ya were up to."

"But ya nevah came to see me." Abagail curled her hand around her back and began to suck her thumb. Michaela watched her movements and cringed inside. Abagail hadn't sucked her thumb in over a year.

"I'm sorry, Abagail. I wasn't ready to be a good pa to ya after ya ma died." Abagail immediately put her hands over her ears, blocking his words out.

"My mama's heh!" She began to cry. "She's not dead!"

"Abagail—" Sully tried to reach out to her, but she jerked away from him.

"No!" she screamed and ran away, behind a large rock not to far away. To Abagail, it was the best hiding spot in the world.

Robert E stepped up and looked between Sully and Michaela. "Look, why don't I try to explain things. Maybe I can help her understand."

"Thank you, Robert E," Michaela tried to smile, but she had no idea how they would ever work this out. Sully had called them his family, but the truth was, at that moment, they were anything but a family.

Michaela walked a piece away from the wagon in the center of the clearing. She didn't even ask Sully to follow her. She knew he would.

She stopped in front of a large oak, unable to face him. She wrapped her arms around her body, as if it would control her emotions and not let him see what she was feeling right now. She was stunned he was here.

"Why now, Sully?"

Sully watched her, not knowing how much he should really tell her. "Loren told me what ya were doin'. I wanted to make sure ya got there in one piece."

Michaela shook her head, not believing him. "It's been three years, Sully. This isn't the first time I've done something dangerous."

Sully should have known she would see right through him. "I know."

"You know? How?"

"I've always made sure you and Abagail were safe, even if ya couldn't see me." Michaela turned around and looked at him.

She softened slightly, dropping her arms from their defensive pose. "When?"

Sully looked up to the sky, a thousand memories running through his head. "Remember when Abagail was just learnin' to walk, and ya took her out to the meadow?"

Michaela knew the exact day he was talking about. "Everyone was flying kites—"

Sully stepped closer to her, his blue eyes sparkling. "And Abagail kept tryin' to run and catch them—"

Michaela laughed, "And she kept falling—"

"But you, ya kept pickin' her right back up." He smiled genuinely, without thinking, caught up in the memory with her and whispered, "Emo'onahe."

And then another memory came rushing back for Michaela—the night they danced together in the boarding house. She could feel herself blushing, and the sharp look in his eye told her he remembered the same evening, so long ago.

"What else?"

"Everything, Michaela. How you protected the church when the Reverend left, how you read and rocked Abagail every night before bed, how you handled the measles epidemic, how you took care of Loren after…" Both Michaela and Sully looked away from each other. The guilt, although not as biting as it was before, still stung deeply.

Michaela turned back to him, the natural intimacy gone, and a safe distance between them now. "What are we going to do about Miss Sully?"

"It's goin' to take time for her to trust me. Maybe… maybe I should go with ya to Boston? Stay with her a while?" Michaela shook to the very core of her being at the thought of spending so much time with him.

"Are you sure? Leaving…leaving would only devastate her again." Michaela looked down, her throat holding her heart.

Sully stepped forward and lifted her chin, sensing she meant more than just Abagail. "Again?"

Michaela suddenly felt a chill run down her body, as she realized what she was doing. She wasn't free. She had made promises long ago. Out of fear, out of protection, out of necessity, and some misguided search for salvation, she had given up her choice, her life to a man she didn't love. So different from man standing before her.

She stepped back, breaking away from his touch. "I love her very much. I'm the only parent she knows, Sully. And if you're going to do this, you have to be a father to her."

Sully nodded, feeling the tension radiating from her body. "I won't let you down, I promise Michaela."

October 1858

It was nearly midnight, and the children's hall was silent, except for Michaela and her father, walking arm and arm together at the end of the day. Michaela yawned and rested her head on Josef's shoulder.

"Long day?" he asked in his comforting, rich voice.

"I spent most of it with Caroline. Her eyesight is deteriorating rapidly. I don't know what else to do. I feel the mercury treatments may have been too late." Josef looked at his daughter's furrowed brow and hugged her closer to him.

"You will help her, Michaela. I have faith in you. You are a good doctor."

"Am I?"

Josef stopped and turned to her. "Do you really doubt yourself so much?"

"There's just so much we don't know. Sometimes I feel helpless when I don't know an immediate cure. I'm supposed to know the answer and be able to help people."

"Oh my girl. We are doctors. We are not God. The answers will come in time."

"Perhaps you're right. I've been reading about a Mr. William Earl who has come up with an anti-detersive essence that seems to affect an immediate cure. How do you feel about these radical claims? Should I take them seriously?"

"Mike, there are drugs to be trusted, and there are methods not to be trusted. Until it is tested by medical professionals, do not do anything irrational. I simply don't feel comfortable using untested drugs on a child. Promise me you won't."

Josef's expression was impassive, and Michaela didn't dare to argue with him. "I promise, father." She would simply have to continue using the mercury treatments until she came across a method that was safe and effective.

"Nice hole you got goin' there," Robert E observed as Abagail shoveled dirt out of the ground with a stick. "Mind if I dig with ya?"

Abagail silently produced a stick for him and continued beating away at the earth.

"This must be real confusin' for ya. Ya know… I understand how ya pa feels… My wife was taken away from me, and nobody asked me if it be alright. And I had trouble… being there for my boys. They didn't have a real pa around, even if my body was there."

Abagail stopped digging and looked at him. "You were sad?"

Robert E nodded, his eyes looking out in the distance, remembering. "Real sad. And lost. It took losin' them for me to find them again."

"You lost ya sons?" Abagail dropped the stick and moved to sit closer to Robert E, shyly sliding her arm through his.

"I did." He lowered his head and took her tiny hand in his. "I finally answered all of your questions, didn't I?"

"What do I say to 'em?" She asked thoughtfully.

Robert E smiled and squeezed her hand. "You don't have to say anythin'. You just be yourself."

After Abagail and Robert E returned, they wordlessly loaded the wagon. Abagail glared at Sully as he moved beside Michaela on the front seat.

"Mama!" She huffed indignantly. "Dat's my seat!"

Sully began to get up, but Michaela pushed down on his leg, forcing him to stay put. "Well, you can sit up here with us, if you want to," Michaela offered.

"Ya can sit in my lap," Sully murmured hopefully, not sure if he was right to suggest such a thing to such an irate three year old.

Abagail hated sitting in the back, always had. But riding up front with him? She didn't know what was worse. Finally, she huffed, giving up. "K. But I'm a big girl. Ya don't haveta hold me."

Michaela watched from the corner of her eye as Abagail sat down on Sully's lap. Sully subtlety held on to a piece of her skirt so she wouldn't lose her balance. He caught Michaela's eye and smiled cautiously. Somehow they would make this ok.

As dusk began to settle into the golden plains of Kansas, Abagail curled into Sully's chest, sleeping in the nook of his arm as he held her. Michaela couldn't help but steal glances at them. They seemed so natural together. Well, at least when Miss Sully wasn't talking.

In the horizon, lightening lit the sky as Bongo neighed and resisted going any further.

Sully looked up to the sky, observing the clouds. "We better take cover fast, Michaela."

"Where?" She asked, looking around at the massive stretch of corn fields ahead. "There are no trees."

"We'll use the wagon for protection. Unhitch the horse, and I'll see what I can do."

The sky broke just as Sully and Michaela finished turning the wagon into a make-shift lean-to. "Get in there!" he called to her, the thunder forcing him to raise his voice. "I don't want ya to get sick."

"I'm helping you finish. You could get sick just as easily as I could," she answered pointedly, and Sully quickly remembered how annoyingly stubborn she could be sometimes.

"Fine! Let's stop dawdlin' then and finish!"

"Fine!" Michaela and Sully kept muttering back and forth to each other as they finally put the last layer of grass covering over the wagon.

A tired, annoyed voice came from inside the wagon, "Mama, will ya two stop fightin' and get in heh?"

"Oh, the sensible one has spoken." Sully twisted his mouth and brushed past a soaking wet Michaela.

Space was tight under the wagon. Too tight. Michaela began to shiver as the wetness penetrated through her clothes, touching her skin. Sully wasn't any better off, as his chest began to palpitate rapidly. Abagail passed them the dry blankets, which they quickly wrapped around themselves.

She bit her lip nervously as she watched them shake. "Are ya gonna be k?"

"We'll be fine, Miss Sully. Now you try and get some sleep. I love you." Abagail leaned over and gave Michaela a big kiss on the lips.

"Wuv ya too." She looked at Sully with deliberation, and quickly leaned in, barely brushing her lips against his cheek. "'night, Mr. Sully."

She turned over on her back before she could give him a chance to react. But as she closed her eyes tightly, she felt a kiss just a quickly plant itself right on her cheek. "'night, Abagail."

When Sully heard Michaela's teeth chattering he turned to her, at his end. "What now, doctor?"

Michaela knew exactly what they needed to do. All logic and common sense told her to get out of the wet clothes. It was logical. Medical. A proven fact. But why did it feel so…? "We'll get sick if we stay in these wet clothes." Michaela's voice cracked nervously.

"Oh." Sully nodded, looking down. "I'll hold up my blanket for you."

"Thank you…Close your eyes please." He did as she asked but could help glance at the pile of discarded clothes that she was collecting. He knew what a woman's body looked like, but he couldn't imagine hers. He had never really tried to until this moment, when the reality was only behind a blanket. Yes, she was a beautiful woman, but her spirit touched him in ways that no other person had. And every time he realized this, he knew he had betrayed Abby with his heart.

"Alright," she answered, still shivering. He lowered his blanket to see her firmly wrapped in another. He swallowed and gave her his blanket.

"Don't peek," he said cheekily, trying to lighten the mood. He quickly took his shirt and buckskins off, and grabbed the blanket from her.

He began to rock back and forth, still chilled. Her matted hair rested on the crest of her exposed shoulders; and he watched her, the unstoppable guilt paralyzing him. He needed to change the subject, get their minds off the cold. Get his mind off her.

All of a sudden, a soft snoring sound came from Abagail, and both Sully and Michaela chuckled softly as she slept with her mouth open.

"She always does that when she sleeps on her back," Michaela said affectionately.

"Boy, she's stubborn." He eyed Michaela conspicuously.

"She likes to do things her own way."

Sully huffed. "I can relate to that. Well, it's a good thing you gave Robert E laudanum. You and I may never get any sleep." He turned to Michaela, his curiosity getting the better of him. "How come ya don't call her Abagail?"

Michaela shivered violently, embarrassment and cold hitting every nerve in her body. "Of course I do."

"No ya don't. I've only heard ya call her Miss Sully." Michaela looked down.

"It's just a nickname, Sully." Sully nodded, gathering the blanket closer to him as the wind picked up outside.

"I just thought it was nice…how ya honored Abby that way. But now ya won't call her by her name."

Michaela nodded, realizing what he said was true. "I try…it's just…"

"I'm not the only one, huh?" He whispered, his body convulsing with chills.

"Sully," Michaela whispered, touching his shoulder. "You're still shivering."

"So are you. What now, doctor?"

Michaela took a deep breath. "Body heat."

For him, his prison was guilt.

For her, her prison was escaping.

But those chains seemed insignificant in the western winter air. Sully held out his hand for hers and pulled her into his arms. She went slowly, letting her hand run up his chilled arm, giving him her heat. His hands ran up and down her back, trying to bring warmth to her icy body. They molded together, skin and blankets creating friction and heat. He took one of her hands in his, blowing hot air into her palm. She returned the gesture, returning the feeling to a numbed soul. As her breathing slowed, his massages became more tender and gentle. He closed his eyes as she slightly parted his blanket and nestled her head against his chest. He could feel her breath on his skin. Being this close to her was too much now that the chill had subsided. Without thinking of the consequences, he pulled her in and placed a soft kiss on her exposed shoulder.

"Sully!" She pulled away from him immediately. The rain raged down around the wagon, and Sully sank back into himself, reality as loud as thunder.

"I'm sorry—I—" Michaela saw what he was doing, retreating, back into his guilt, and pulled him back towards her.

"No," she whispered, making him look at her in the eyes. "I know." She exhaled and admitted, barely audible above the rain, "I feel it too."

Slowly, she eased closer to him. Unsure of what she was about to do, Sully held his breath. Her lips pressed tenderly against the pulse of his neck.

She pulled away, tears in her eyes. Everything she wanted was right here, in this moment. And she couldn't have it.

"There's something I have to tell you, Sully."

Chapter 13

"What is it, Michaela?" Sully touched the sides of her face as she closed her eyes in self-recrimination. "Ya can tell me anythin'."

"I'm… I'm not the woman you think I am."

"I don't understand."

"Everything you said this morning…the things you saw when you were gone…that's not really me, Sully. I'm just pretending to be a great doctor, mother and woman." Her head dropped, and she buried it in the crook of his neck. "I'm…terrified of failing again. Of failing Abagail."

"Michaela…what could ya have done that ya would think I would ever doubt ya?"

Michaela looked out to the stormy sky and whispered, "I killed someone."

October 28, 1858

"Mom-ma! I want my mah—" Caroline's jaw tightened as Dr. Quinn pulled her back. She convulsed rapidly in Michaela's arms, drool falling from her mouth as the seizure continued.

"I need that morphine now!" Dr. Mike screamed at the attending nurse, who had been standing idly by, watching the child suffer, instead of helping Michaela calm her.

Caroline suddenly pulled on Michaela's hair, her blind eyes glazed with hysteria. "Don't take her away from me—don't take momma away from—"

Michaela was jolted by the girl's strength and violence.

"I'm right here, sweetheart," Michaela lied to the child, settling her jerking head against her chest. "They haven't taken me anywhere."

"Momma?" She loosened her fingers from Michaela's hair and slid them to her face. Caroline's body calmed, her jaw finally relaxing, releasing the inside of her bloody cheek.

"That's right, Momma's here," Michaela assured her. The nurse reentered, and to her surprise, David was right behind her.

"Allow me," David said hoarsely. He administered the shot into her arm quickly as Michaela held her still. "That's a good girl."

David held his arms out for the child. Normally David steered away from the children's ward. Michaela reluctantly gave him the girl and watched as he cradled her head and gently laid her back down in the bed. As he pulled the covers to her chin, Caroline latched onto his hand, and he hesitantly took it in his.

Michaela glanced at David, but his eyes were on Caroline. She had never seen him like this. When they worked together, David was always so detached from the patient—brilliant, but detached. She turned back to Caroline, and they sat silently together until her breathing told of a deep sleep.

"What are you doing for her?" he asked.

"The mercury didn't work. I'm at a loss, David." Michaela shook her head dejectedly.

"There isn't anything else?" He pressed.

"There are some new supplements available, but they haven't been tested yet. My father feels it would be too dangerous to experiment on a child." Michaela sat back in the chair, thinking. "If only we knew who her parents were, then maybe we could get permission—"

"You won't find them," David said quickly.

"How did you know that?"

David stood up from the bed, suddenly enraged. "You can find these things out, Michaela. Not all orphans come from no name guttersnipes—"

Michaela's eyes widened. She had never seen him lose his temper before. "I didn't mean to imply that, David."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you." He exhaled, trying to force the tension away. "The father is deceased and the mother…"

"What?"

David walked to the window at the other end of the room and looked out. "She's in an asylum."

"An asylum? David—"

He turned back to her, fervor and certainty in his voice, "You are a good doctor. You can do this."

"What does that matter if there's no answer?" Michaela covered her face with her hands.

"Maybe there is," David said hopefully.

Michaela stood up. She had made her choice. "I'm going to go find her mother."

David's eyes went to Caroline's sleeping form. "Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Yes, I do." David turned his back to her.

"Alright then." David said softly.

"Did ya find her mother?" Sully questioned.

"I can hardly describe what it was like. She couldn't speak to me. Her face was blank, impassive." Michaela closed her eyes at the memory. The mother was so like Caroline; it was jarring.

"So what did ya do?"

Michaela looked at Sully, wondering if he would be able to understand, wondering if he would judge her. He was so quiet now. She couldn't read him, so she simply continued her story, "That night I went back to the hospital. She—she had broken out with a new fever. I gave her quinine, but I wanted to do more. I knew we were trying everything."

"You gave her those untested drugs, didn't ya?" Sully whispered.

Michaela nodded, unable to make eye contact with him. "It was in direct defiance of my father's wishes. When I came to the hospital the next morning, Caroline was dead."

"What did your father say?"

A few moments past. Michaela didn't want to cry. "He didn't say anything. That was the worst part, Sully. But every other doctor in the hospital, men who had avoided the case, came down on both me and my father. I could hardly look my father in the eye. It changed everything between us. To spare father I quit working at the hospital. Eventually I stopped working with him all together, because he was losing patients. He protested. He protested everything, but I couldn't do that to him. So David…" Sully's arms tightened as she mentioned his name. "David was the only one to stand by me, and I ended up depending on him…maybe too much."

Sully nodded. He had known something wasn't right between them, now he was sure of it. "Do ya still depend on him?"

Michaela shook her head slowly. "Things changed when we came to Colorado Springs… He changed."

Sully took her hand and leaned as close to her as he possibly dared. "Do ya love him?"

Michaela ground her teeth, angry at herself. "It doesn't matter. I'm still engaged to him."

Sully made her look at him. "It does matter. Engagements are broken everyday. Ya heart is your own. It's time for you to take it back, Michaela. Do ya love him?"

His face was so close, and she could do nothing but tell him the truth. "No."

"Ok." Sully exhaled, relief washing over him, pushing him to make his next statement. "I don't believe ya killed that child, Michaela."

Michaela's mouth dropped. "But I'm the one who gave her the medicine—"

"Medicine that has never been tested, am I right?"

"Yes."

"Michaela, ya need to think. Could anyone else have given her something? Who all was involved with this case?"

Michaela thought for a moment. "Just me and my father—and David that last day I told you about."

David. Sully didn't like or trust the man, but he wanted to be careful with his accusations. "Ya said David was actin' different that day, Michaela."

Michaela narrowed her eyes at Sully. "What are you suggesting, Sully?"

Sully never thought he would tell her this, but it was time she new exactly what kind of man David was. "The night Abagail was born, and I gave you permission to cut—David said somethin' to me."

Michaela looked in Sully's eyes. She knew she didn't want to hear it. She swallowed. "What did he say?"

"He said 'maybe your scalpel would slip'…" Sully couldn't finish the thought as Michaela pulled away from him, disgusted. Her stomach lurched at the insinuation, and she quickly got up from the warmth and safety of the wagon and ran out into the freezing rain.

Sully jumped up, dropping his blanket as he chased after her.

Michaela fell to her knees a little ways from the wagon, her head circled over her body as she vomited. In trying to escape her past, she had tied herself to it. David's words rang in her ears as she remembered all the times he had taken care of her, supported her, and now after everything, for him to say something so vile and inhumane?

Sully's hands were on her shoulders, pulling her hair away from her face, but all she could feel was the bile in her throat, running through her body. One hand moved to the center of her back, rubbing her as she let go of everything. Finally she stopped. Her body began to collapse, but Sully pulled her back against him and picked her up in his arms. She clung tightly to Sully's chest, her eyes unseeing, horrified by what she had learned.

He quickly carried her back to the wagon, the rain showering his nude skin, chilling him to the bone. He briefly looked at Abagail and Robert E, who had remained asleep despite the disturbance. Abagail had rolled over a bit, and she was nestled into Robert E's side.

Sully quickly grabbed his blanket, and went to Michaela. He didn't know what to do for her. She was broken. She finally looked at him in the darkness, shaking in her wet blanket. "Sully… I didn't… I would have never hurt Abby. You have to know that."

Sully lied down beside her. "I know that. I told ya I trusted ya, and I meant that. I only told ya that because I wanted ya to see David clearly. I know we ain't got any proof, but we're going to figure this all out. I promise."

"But why would he do something like that? It doesn't make any sense, Sully." Michaela shook her head, a million thoughts running through her mind.

"I don't know. We're not gonna figure it out tonight. But as soon as we get to Boston, I'm going to help ya clear your name."

Michaela threw her arms around Sully's neck, hugging him. "Thank you, Sully." Sully held her to him, the wet blanket cold against his skin. Michaela pulled back quickly and turned, suddenly sneezing. "Oh, I shouldn't have run out in the rain."

"We shouldn't do lots of things. I shouldn't have stayed away so long." He brushed a drop of water away from her forehead. "Share my blanket?"

"Sully…" Michaela blushed profusely, her consciousness returning, thankful the mask of night was on her face.

"It's what the Cheyenne do."

"The Cheyenne have clothes on, Sully."

"These are extreme circumstances, Michaela." Sully ran his hands up and down her wet blanket, holding her shoulders.

"I'm…I'm fine," she stammered.

"Ya not fine. Look. I won't touch ya. I won't even look at ya for the rest of the night. Stop bein' so stubborn."

"I'm not stubborn! Just…keep your back turned." Sully did as she asked. He could hear her moving behind him, and slowly, lifting the blanket.

Michaela froze as she saw the outline of his back. Defined. Masculine. Maybe she was better off dying from hypothermia. Just as she was about to let her eyes wonder lower, Sully coughed.

"What are ya doin'?"

"Nothing." Michaela quickly crawled underneath the blanket, pulling it all the way up to her chin. She had never been this close to a man before. Despite her innate modesty, she couldn't stop the anxious excitement she felt. She was both scared and curious at the same time. Sleep was out of the question. "Sully?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you." Michaela reached out and touched his upper back lightly. Letting her fingers linger longer than she intended, it gave Sully a chance to reach over his shoulder, and put his hand over hers.

"Ya welcome." When she didn't pull her hand away, Sully laced his fingers with hers. Slowly, so not to frighten her, he brought her hand around his back, and placed their joined hands over his heart.

Like the feelings building up inside her, she didn't recognize them, or really understand what they meant. So she whispered the only thing that could express it, "Emo'onahe."

Sully smiled knowingly in the darkness, squeezed her hand, and whispered back, "Nemehotâtse, Emo'onahe."

The storm continued on through the night, yet Sully and Michaela finally found peace.

Chapter 14

Her neck was stiff and the sun was shining in her eyes. Abagail huffed at the morning. She peeked through her right eyelid at Robert E. He was so funny, snoring away. She really liked him. When she rolled over to her other side, her left eye popped open in surprise.

She blinked again, shocked at the picture in front of her.

"Oh my GOODNESS!"

Mama and Mr. Sully were fast asleep—unabashedly in each other's arms. Abagail turned around and began poking Robert E in the gut.

"Robert E! Hey! Robert E!" She whispered loudly. "Wake up!"

Robert E came to quickly, shaking his head back and forth as if someone had poured water on top of him. "What is it, Abagail?"

"Look!" Abagail pointed to Michaela and Sully. When Robert E did, he quickly looked away, embarrassed to witness such an intimate moment between a man and a woman.

"Oh…Abagail. I think we best let ya ma and pa have their privacy when they wake up." Robert E swiftly hurried Abagail out of the protection of the wagon and took her hand in his.

"But what happened to der clothes?" Abagail asked innocently, looking up at him.

"They got 'em wet, remember? They just didn't want to catch cold." Robert E said reasonably, although as a worldly man he knew there was much more going on than just keeping warm between those two.

Michaela had never felt so warm or protected in her life. She didn't know at one point she fell asleep, but wake slowly pushed the dreams away. The soft bed she lay upon slowly began to take form, until the hard muscles of his chest, torso, abs, and thighs pressed firmly against hers.

Sully had been awake for the past ten minutes. He hadn't dared to move and was now eternally grateful to Robert E for taking Abagail for a walk. He didn't know how to wake Michaela up in this compromising position. He didn't want to embarrass or scare her—not after everything they had said to each other last night. He wanted her to know that he respected her. He had no idea how they got like this, but he couldn't help admit how wonderful her body felt pressed against his.

When he heard her steady breathing catch in her throat, he immediately shut his eyes again.

Michaela turned her head slowly to look at his face, praying to God he was still asleep. Michaela stopped holding her breath when she saw that his eyes were closed. He looked so peaceful, as a small smile played on his lips.

"Are you awake?" she whispered nervously, making sure. Sully, hearing the tremble in her voice, didn't answer her. Michaela looked over to see a missing Abagail and Robert E, so she slowly disengaged herself from his body, the warmth abandoning her as she slipped out from under the blanket and quickly reached for her camisole and pantaloons. After dressing faster than she ever had in her life, Michaela quickly ran out in the field to look for Robert E and Abagail. At least that's what she told herself.

As soon as she was gone, Sully opened his eyes, rolled over, and growled into his hands with restrained need, "Michaela."

"What are ya doin'?" Rose had been avoiding David for the last couple of days, but now she found herself standing inside his tent, watching him stuff his backpack with all of his possessions.

David's hair had grown longer and his eyes were blood shot with pain. "I'm leaving, Rose. I can't do this anymore."

Her eyes widened in shock. "Ya desertin'?"

His laughter was unhinged. "I suppose that's what they call it."

She stepped forward, grabbing his arm. "David, they hang deserters—"

He pushed her off of him. "I'll risk it."

She shook her head, heated confusion in her voice. "What for!"

He looked out at nothing, lost. "Someone needs me."

"Catch me, Robert E!" Abagail giggled as she ran back towards the loaded wagon. Robert E huffed behind her, completely out of breath. Michaela slowly trailed behind them, smiling at the workout that Miss Sully was giving Robert E.

Sully turned around and smiled at the pair. Despite his failing as a father, his little girl seemed genuinely happy. "Wagon's ready," he called to them. Hopefully they could make good time today and make it to St. Louis by tomorrow afternoon. Sully caught Michaela's eye as she followed them. He smiled timidly, and she looked down, her cheeks turning a bright pink.

Before Sully could decide what to do about Michaela, Abagail came bounding into his leg. "I win! I win!" she called back to Robert E triumphantly.

Sully chuckled and bent down to her level, scooping her in his arms. "Congratulations, babygirl."

Abagail shook her head at him. "Big girl." He had so much to learn.

They were making great time, and the trip was relatively uneventful for the rest of the day. That was the problem. At least in Abagail's mind. Mama and Mr. Sully weren't talking. At all. Robert E had answered every question Abagail could possibly have, and silence just didn't suit Miss Sully.

Abagail slid off of Sully's lap and scooted in the small space in between her parents. She looped one arm through Sully's and one arm through Michael's and took a deep breath.

"Where do babies come fwom?" she asked loudly, breaking Michaela and Sully out of their mutually consumed dazes.

"What!" Michaela and Sully said simultaneously. Michaela was so shocked she pulled on the reigns and stopped Bongo and Emo'onahe in their tracks. Abagail repeated the question, which instigated a low rumble of laughter from the back of the wagon.

"Isn't she a little young to be askin' stuff like that?" Sully whispered over her head to Michaela.

Before Michaela could respond, Abagail taped his leg and whispered harshly, "Big girl!"

"Ok…" Michaela shook the reigns, as she tried to find the right words. "Well, when… uh…"

"A man and a woman—" Sully pitched in, adjusting in the seat, totally unprepared for this subject matter.

"A husband and a wife—" Michaela corrected, glaring at him, "love each other very much—"

"That love is so powerful that it makes a baby." Michaela grinned at his explanation. She knew it might work on most three year olds, but not Abagail.

Abagail frowned. "But how come ya deliver all dose babies, Mama? How do they get in da tummies?"

Robert E was crying at this point. He had answered a lot of questions, but none of them had been like this.

"Well…" Sully began, scratching his head. "The man and the woman hold each other real close and—"

Abagail's eyes sparked in recognition. "Like you and mama did this mornin'?"

Sully's face turned crimson red, and he quickly looked to Michaela who looked positively mortified. Abagail, not seeing anything wrong with what she said, simply asked again, "Well?"

Robert E, suddenly feeling terrible for the two of them, jumped in and said, "Hey kiddo. It ain't like that. They was cold, remember? And sometimes you hold someone when ya really cold too."

"Oh…" Abagail nodded at Robert E. She looked back and forth between her mama and Mr. Sully. They both looked kind of upset. What did she say? She bit her lip and slowly let go of their arms. "I think I go sit in da back with Robert E for a while."

Janaury 8, 1863—The Battle of Springfield

After they reached Jefferson City, the trip became anything but uneventful. Confederate brigades blocked the city, and the only way around them was to bypass it, traveling south, closer to the war zone of Springfield.

"Do ya hear that?" Sully pulled up on the reigns.

"It sounds like thunder." Michaela gripped the edge of the wagon.

Sully shook his head, knowing the difference. "No, it's gunfire. We ain't goin' this way. I ain't riskin' ya lives like that. We'll just have to deal with the Rebels."

Michaela grabbed the reigns from him. "Sully—what about Robert E?"

"We'll hide 'em. Don't worry, Michaela. We're gonna get there. All of us."

At midnight, two Confederate officers stood watch at the blockade between Jefferson City and Washington. Sully slowly drove the wagon closer. Michaela looked at him with watery eyes. God, she hoped this worked. Their lives depended on it.

The soldier halted the wagon and looked hard at them.

"Where are ya headin'?" the soldier asked.

"St. Louis," Sully answered solemnly, thickening his drawl.

"Mind if we inspect the back of ya wagon?" the soldier asked, looking back at the supplies and the sheets covering it.

"If ya feel ya must," Michaela tearfully mimicked Sully's Southern drawl.

The soldier lifted the part of the blanket that wasn't covered with supplies. "Oh dear God!" he exclaimed.

Abagail was lying perfectly still, with her eyes and mouth wide open. The officer looked closer at the little girl, but she still didn't move a muscle. He took off his hat, and looked apologetically at Sully and Michaela.

"Why I'm so sorry." Sully and Michaela nodded.

"The influenza," Michaela conceded quietly. Upon hearing that, the officer backed away quickly, and covered Abagail again.

"Well, why don't you folks hurry on then. My prayers are with ya." Sully and Michaela graciously nodded and drove off into the darkness.

After they were a good distance away from the blockade, the blanket came flying off and Abagail popped up. "How'd I do!"

"Hey!" Robert E exclaimed from underneath all the supplies. "Get me out and then get yo praise!"

Abagail giggled and began digging Robert E out from underneath all the rubble.

Sully shook his head and looked over to Michaela. Her lips were trembling and silent tears were coming down her face. "Hey, ya don't have to cry anymore. We got through."

"I know. She just…reminded me of Abby for a moment. Being theatrical like that. I almost believed her."

Sully reached across and touched her hand. "She's fine, Michaela. You don't have to worry about Abagail so much."

Abagail burst forward, in between them. "That was fun! Let's do it again."

Sully, Michaela and Robert E laughed. Michaela wiped the annoying tears away and brought Abagail into her lap. It was going to be alright. They would drive through the night and hit St. Louis tomorrow. Soon she would be in Boston with her father. Soon her life would be different. Soon.

Chapter 15

St. Louis, Missouri—January 9, 1863

In the early morning, with Sully holding the reigns behind her, Abagail drove into the outskirts of St. Louis. Michaela, who had been awake all night, had reluctantly nodded off on Sully's shoulder.

Abagail glanced beside her, looking at her mother's tired face. "Poor Mama."

"Keep your eyes on the reigns, Abby," Sully instructed, despite his loose grip on them with his other hand.

"Ya like her doncha, Mr. Sully," Abagail stated matter-of-factly.

"Yeah I do," he answered simply, his arm gently around Michaela.

"How come…how come ya not marriwed?" All the other kids' ma's and pa's were married. Why weren't hers?

There were a thousand reasons why they weren't. Only one reason made any sense though. "Because the time ain't been right."

Abagail considered his answer and asked, "Because my angel mama?"

Sully wondered if Abagail would ever really understand who her real mother was. No matter how well Michaela had explained it, Abby had simply become a story to the little girl. So Sully answered simply, "Yeah, and other grown-up reasons."

"I think she likes ya too." Abagail scrunched her face, contemplatively. "Well, I thought she did. At home, she talked bout ya all de time, but she gets vewy quiet and red a lot with ya 'round." Sully shook his head, blushing himself. His child needed a censor label.

All of a sudden, cannon fire shot across the sky from Benton Barracks, a Union camp and hospital base. Shocked, Abagail released the reigns and covered her ears. Losing tension in the reigns, the spooked horses began to speed up, wobbling the wheels of the wagon.

Michaela and Robert E immediately woke up. Sully tried to regain control of the horses, but the front right wheel began to crack, and before he could warn them, the wagon came crashing down.

Michaela rolled over quickly. Luckily, she landed on dirt, and after sitting up slowly, she knew she would be alright, short of a few cuts and minor bruises.

Robert E got up next to her, the wind knocked out of him. "Are you ok?" she asked hurriedly.

"Nothin' that I can't live with." He bent over, trying to catch his breath.

"Sully! Abagail!" Michaela screamed out.

There was no answer at first, but after a moment, Abagail's cries made it over the slope of grass. "Mr. Sully? Wake up, Mr. Sully!"

Michaela ran to her voice, where Abagail was hovering over an unconscious Sully. The little girl was shaking him, trying to revive him. Michaela dropped down to her knees. "No, sweetheart. We don't want to shake him like that. He might have had a concussion."

"NO!" Abagail cried. Robert E walked up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders.

"Sully," Michaela said forcefully, running her fingers through his hair, finding a nasty swelling on the back of his head. She put her ear to his nose and mouth. "He's breathing. It's shallow, but he's breathing."

Michaela smoothed his hair back and brought his head into her arms. "Wake up, Sully. Come on, you can do it."

"What happens if he don't wake up right away?" Robert E asked urgently.

Michaela didn't look away from Sully. "We'll need to get him to a hospital. He could have a severe brain injury or worse."

Abagail's eyes widened in horror, and she wiggled out of Robert E's grasp, falling down next to Sully. "No! Wake up, Papa! Papa! Papa! Wake up!"

Michaela's throat tightened as she watched her little girl. Sully's little girl. Their little girl. She only hoped that Sully would be able to hear her, and even more so, hear those words.

When Sully didn't move, Michaela gestured to Robert E. "Alright, we'll have to carry him to the Barracks."

As Robert E moved around to his other side, Sully began to moan. "Ab-gail—"

Abagail stepped forward as Michaela cradled him in her arms. "Papa!"

"That's it, Sully. Listen to Miss Sully's voice, and come back to us." Michaela kissed his cheek, forgetting momentarily that Robert E and Abagail were there. Sully gradually opened his eyes, first seeing Michaela, then he swiftly found Abagail, who had a small smile growing on her face.

"I heard ya," he whispered, his voice shaking slightly.

Abagail stepped forward and whispered in his ear cheekily, not one to be caught being sentimental. "Don't we gotta train to catch, Papa?"

They certainly did.

By the time they reached the train station on foot, everyone was exhausted, especially Sully. Michaela feared that he had suffered from a concussion, so she had to keep him awake and stimulated. This was going to be a long night.

After Michaela tended to everyone's cuts and scrapes, Abagail curled in a corner of the train compartment and passed out. Robert E, who had offered earlier to stay awake with Sully, had dozed off alongside Abagail.

"What traitors," Sully shook his head and watched as Michaela organized all of her ointments. As she rolled up one of her sleeves, a nasty scratch lined the length of her arm. Sully instantly reached for it.

"Michaela," he examined the wound, concerned.

"It's nothing, Sully." She tried to take her arm back, but he wouldn't let her.

"Hey, ya helped me. Now let me help ya." Michaela looked in his eyes. Trust. That's exactly what he was asking of her. To trust him. She had been so blind before, and now, when she was with a man that she truly felt she could trust, giving it to him was all the more difficult.

He took the salve that she had rubbed on his scrapes and put some on his fingers. His touch was feather light. She didn't dare to look at him, for she knew he would see her heart racing in every vein in her body.

"There," he said huskily, sleep in his voice. "Now I can rest easier."

Michaela jumped forward and took his face in her hands. "Sully, you can't sleep. Look at me. Let me see your eyes."

His pupils were dilated. She needed to get him on his feet. "Put your arms around me, Sully. Let's go for a walk."

They walked to the very end of the train, walking past corridors of Union soldiers. The war was inescapable. Michaela caught their eyes, and she couldn't help but wonder if the next pair would be David. She hadn't heard from him in fives months. And after hearing what he told Sully, she hoped she never would.

Sully bent forward, leaning against the railing. "I'm so tired, Michaela."

"I know," she put her hand on his back, rubbing it. "It's just for a few more hours, Sully."

He turned his head, sighing. "Talk to me."

She smoothed his hair down, letting the loose locks run between her fingers. "About what?"

He closed his eyes, smiled, and opened them again. "Anything."

Michaela stepped back and leaned against the wall of the train. She looked out to the retreating tracks, remembering. "When I was a little girl, just about Abagail's age, I didn't understand why my father was never there to tuck me in at night. It was always my mother. So one night, after dinner, I didn't go straight to bed. Instead, I followed my father to the hospital. And when my father came to the front steps of the hospital, he stopped. He didn't even turn around and he said, 'Well, aren't you coming in?'"

Sully grinned, imagining Michaela as a little girl. "You were a doctor even then."

"I mostly watched, but eventually my father let me help with bandaging and dispensing medication."

"And the rest is history."

Michaela's smile faded, replaced by haunted anxiety. She nodded, turning away from him. "Yes."

Sully reached out and touched her arm. "Hey, ya gonna be fine."

Michaela crossed her arms over her chest. "Sully, I've been living with what I did for years. It's my father. He's sick, and I'm so afraid we're not going to get there in time."

Sully stepped closer, standing behind her and whispered in her ear, "Even if we don't, I know he loves you."

Michaela could feel his breath on her hair and neck. "How do you know that?"

"Because he didn't want to let you go when you left. I know how that feels." Michaela turned around, meeting those crystal blue eyes, waiting for her. The same eyes that had told her to leave three years ago. The same eyes that were asking her to come closer now. Sully watched her intently, but slowly leaned his head against the wall, his eyes beginning to shutter.

Michaela, seeing that sleep was about to overpower him, took his head in her hands, slapping him a little. "Wake up."

Sully opened his eyes but closed them again just as quickly. "No, Sully!" Michaela gripped his cheeks firmly and brought his lips down to hers.

Sully's senses immediately kicked in, and he brought his hands up to her face, returning her kiss soundly, his lips moving between hers, until she tentatively opened her mouth to him. Michaela held onto Sully, her body beginning to shake as their kisses grew more urgent. They pulled away at the same moment, needing to separate, needing air.

"I'm awake," Sully breathed hoarsely. Michaela swallowed, touching her swollen lips.

"Perhaps we should go check on Abagail?" She suggested breathlessly.

Unable to speak anymore, he followed her back into the cabin. He needed to sit down.

Richmond, Virginia-- train station

He stepped up to the ticket booth, dressed in tattered clothes.

"Where will you be traveling today, sir?"

David pulled out two crisp bills and placed it on the counter. "Boston."