Thank you, all my lovely reviewers! This Chapter is in Ankh-Morpork, and the next will again be in Hogwarts. See a pattern? I normally will not respond to reviewers because it is too much effort, but o-Vana-o0 wrote such a long and lovely review, I feel obliged to respond.
It actually isn't the most complimentary review I've ever gotten, but that is a good thing! I know that I'm not the best writer evere, and I have no problem admitting it. Anyone who wishes to give me bad feedback, so long as it is not too obscene and obeys the laws of common grammer and capitalization, I will be happy. So anyways, the reason Ichose these characters wasbecause, simply,they are the ones I know best.It is time I make a confession, I suppose. Please hold on to your seats lest you die from shock. I have not read all of the Discworld novels. I am working on it, of that you may be assured, but there are a lot, and I only have so much time on my hands. This is my reasoning for all whom are out of character. I have done my best to fix Charlie Weasley's dragon experience in this chapter. Even Granny Weatherwax would be a little confused and disoriented by the change in Universes. In the next chapter, the girl who screamed may very well find herself a toad when she meets Granny in the halls. As for Vetinari, he is, again, disoriented from the Universe switch. I took that scene almost directly from Men at Arms, and this isn't nescessarily at any given time in the Discworld plotline. I decided that Lupin gave him all the information he needed in Chapter One. I also think that Vetinari puts great trust in Vimes, and doesn't realize how dangerous Voldemort is. You must remember, the worst wizards he knows are the ones from the UU, which are not at all dangerous. Granny knew because Mordor is about 3 miles south of Hogwarts. I'm the author, I get to decide, and that's what I say! And I'm sorry about bringing the poor little hobbits into this. I was joking with my friend about that, and I had an idea that was too good to miss! They are only in it for a short scene, don't worry.
Chapter 3- Ankh-Morpork
Drumknott finished making Vetinari's tea and walked up to the Oblong Office. He opened the door. "Sir I have your-" He stopped. He had no idea who this strange man in deep violet robes and a tall hat was, nor why he was in Vetinari's office. "Excuse me, sir, but who are you?" The man turned around. Now Drumknott could see he had a long white beard, down past his waist.
"I am Albus Dumbledore. Haven't you heard of me? I'm the headmaster at Hogwarts. Er, I think I made a mistake in my apparating, and now I don't know where I am." the old man said.
"No, never heard of you, or Hogwarts. We're in Ankh-Morpork," Drumknott said, "What happened to Vetinari?"
"Who's Vetinari?" Dumbledore asked, "Where is Ankh-Morpork?"
"How have you not heard of Ankh-Morpork? Or Verinari?"
"How can you not have heard of Hogwarts? It's the most famous Wizarding School in the world!"
Drumknott released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Oh, you're a wizard" he said, "that explains everything. Is Hogwarts another name for the Unseen University? Er, you seem to have misplaced your staff."
"Never heard of the Unseen University, and I don't have a staff. Just a wand. I think you'd better explain more about this Vetinari character. Er, you are a wizard, right? Not a muggle?"
"I'm not a wizard! And I most certainly am not a muggle! Whatever that is."
"A squib?"
"Never! I am ashamed you'd even ask."
"Er, you haven't heard of either of those have you?"
"Well, no," Drumknott said, sullenly.
"Well, you are a muggle, or non-magical person, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. Tell me about…wherever we are."
"This is going to take a long time."
Several hours passed while Drumknott explained every detail he could think of that had to do with anything Discworld. Finally he finished.
"Interesting. So no one but you and me know that this Patrician of yours is missing. You wouldn't happen to have any…hair or whatnot from Vetinari? Nail clippings would work too, but I'd rather not have to resort to that."
"Yes, it is well known that that Fernaz the Freaky, God of Fetishes has been known to" Drumknott paused, "misuse hair left around by people. I don't care normally, and he is rather a minor God, but still, I'd rather he didn't, I mean this is the Patrician we're talking about."
"Wonderful! May I have some?" noticing Drumknott's terrified expression, he continued, "don't worry, I'm not going to 'misuse it,' I'm just going to use it to make a potion that will disguise me as the Vetinari. It would be better, I gather, that no one knows he's missing from what you say. I will just disguise myself as Lord Vetinari, and run the city until this whole mess clears up."
"My gods, you're brilliant!" said Drumknott, after thinking this over for a minute, "But- are you sure you can successfully handle Ankh-Morpork?"
Dumbledore looked at him. "I've run a school. With adolescents. I can tell you quite certainly, no silly little city can be harder to handle than adolescents."
Drumknott shuddered, remembering a certain summer a few years ago he had spent with his 13 year old niece. "Fair enough, good luck, sir!"
-------------------------------------------
"What's the new man's name?" asked a girl (who's name was either Emma or Sara).
"No idea," said another girl (who's name was Sara or Emma).
"Um, Person? Please wake up!" said Emma or Sara.
"He's not waking up, I'll call someone from the Doctor's Guild!"
"No way he'll make it then! They'll hit him with a club and charge us for it!"
Just then, Charlie Weasley groaned and started to wake up, saving him from instant Death by Doctor.
"Oh look, he's waking up!" said Sara or Emma.
"Wha…where am I?" Charlie said groggily, "What happened?"
"You were blasted by a dragon when it exploded," said Emma, unless she was a Sara, "Why didn't you get behind the blast plates?"
"Blast plates?" Charlie said, utterly dumbfounded, "Wait a minute, why did the dragon explode? What's this slime on me?
"Oh, that's dragon innards," said Sara, who may actually have been Emma, "Of course the dragon exploded, you bent down, it considered you a threat, and it exploded on you! Don't you know anything about dragons?"
"I know plenty about dragons, thank you!" said Charlie, "I work with them in Bulgaria! Only, they're a lot bigger and don't explode usually."
"Bulgaria? What's that?" asked Sara or Emma and Emma or Sara.
Charlie stared at them before asking, "Where exactly am I? Who are you?"
"We're Sara and Emma," said Sara and Emma, completely failing to which one was whom, "you, obviously, are in Ankh-Morpork."
"Ankh-Morpork?" Charlie asked, bewildered, "Oh bugger!" Ignoring the shriek as innocent Emma and Sara's ears were tainted, he tried to apparate home. He landed in the middle of a grand house in front of a very surprised looking Wilikins. "This isn't the Burrow, or my flat in Bulgaria!" he said, bewildered.
"That's very true, sir," said Wilikins, subtly rearranging his grip on the carving knife he had been using to carve a steak into a better grip for stabbing intruders, "Who exactly are you? I'd guess a wizard. I know Mister Vimes has told you that he wants no part of magic in police, right?"
"Look, I have no bloody idea what you're talking about, but yes, I am a wizard, I have only met Mister Vimes for a good 30 seconds, and I am completely lost, and I my only possible conclusion is that I am in an entirely different universe somehow or another, and that doesn't really seem possible!" Charlie ranted. He had faced the Hungarian Horntail more times than he could count, and never had he flinched (except the first time, but that doesn't count), but that didn't make it any easier to face the fact that he was horribly and completely cut off from everything he knew. But wait! That wasn't quite true! Weren't Harry, Hermione, and Ron in that library with him?
He turned to Wilikins, "Please help me, do you have an owl?" Charlie looked down at himself, "Er, I'd also like a change of clothes, if you don't mind, I seem to have dragon innards all over me."
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Ron, Harry, and Hermione carried the petrified thief into the watch house. A beautiful woman with a beard was sitting at the front desk.
"Hello, I'm Cherry Littlebottom, how may I help you?" Ron stamped on Harry's foot, he was goggling.
"Oh, er, right," Harry stammered, "Um, hi, I'm Harry, and this is Ron and Hermione. This man over here attacked us, is this the place to bring him?"
"Why, yes, just give him to Corporal Shoe over there," she pointed over to a decaying figure, "Reg!" Reg Shoe turned and walked over to him.
Harry gave a scream and brought out his wand, "Inferious! Don't worry guys, Dumbledore showed me this spell that gets rid of them!"
"What are you talking about?" asked Cheery, "Why would you want to get rid of Reg? He's a valued member of the City Watch."
"Does the City Watch work for Voldemort? Why do you have Inferi in your Watch?" Ron asked.
"What's an Inferius?" Reg asked.
"Harry," Hermione said, "I don't think that's an inferi. I read that they can't talk."
Ron started to grin a little, "Let's do as Snape suggested," he ambled over to Reg. "Excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul?"
"No, I don't think so, I'm a zombie. I got shot by a bunch of arrows, and I just didn't die."
"Harry, lay off. This may be a solid ghost, or something," Ron said. He walked over to Reg, "Sorry about my friend, he's a bit crazy," Harry glared at Ron, who winked back, "he's working hard to save the wizarding world from Voldemort."
Cheery suddenly looked grave, "Oh, you're Wizards, Mister Vimes won't want you here. He doesn't like Wizards messing around in the watch."
"Vimes isn't here, we're kind of lost. I think he's where we are supposed to be, and it's all very confusing, and it has a lot to do with magic gone wrong. It's very confusing, but please let us stay here, I think it's where we're supposed to do something." Harry said.
Cheery looked skeptical, but before she could say anything, something ran in. It was vaguely humanoid, but smelled nasty, and had skin that was not so much spotted as spot.
"What is that?" Ron whispered to Hermione.
"Ron! It's a person! I think. Don't be rude!" She responded.
"I'm human!" the thing said, "I got papers!" It thrust a grimy bit of paper at the trio.
I, after hearing evidence from a number of experts, including Mrs. Slipdry the midwife, certify that the balance of probability is that the bearer of this document, C. W. St. John Nobbs, is a human being.
Signed, Lord Vetinari.
"Allow me to introduce you to Corporal Nobbs, known mainly as Nobby," Cheery said.
"Er, hello, Nobby," said Hermione. It, no, he grinned.
"I'm Ron, this is Harry and Hermione," Ron said.
Harry was still looking at the note, "Who's this Vetinari bloke?"
"The Patrician," Cheery said, failing completely to explain herself more fully, "What is it, Nobby?"
"Somethin's come out of the University and is killing people," said Nobby, his eyes grew wide, "without a license!"
"No license, you say?" said Cheery, "That is bad," she turned to Harry, Ron, and Hermione, "You three are wizards, even if one of you is a girl, why don't you three head down to the Unseen University and figure out what this is all about?"
"What's that?" asked Ron, "and how are we supposed to find it if we can't see it?"
"You really are new to Ankh-Morpork," Cheery said, "Nobby, it seems you are due for your break, take your hands out of Hermione's pockets, it is rude to steal, and you know it," Hermione turned around and saw Nobby guiltily withdrawing his hands. "Before you go, can you get Detritus for me?" Nobby nodded and dashed away.
A few minutes later, a large boulder walked into the watch house, "Ah, Detritus," Cheery said, "Can you take these three to the Unseen University?"
"Ok," said the boulder, who was apparently called Detritus, "Who are dese?"
"Hermione, Harry, and Ron, meet Detritus the troll."
"Hi," said Hermione awkwardly.
"Come along!" Detritus said, and led them out of the Watch House.
--------------------------------
All of the Guild Leaders were in the Oblong office for the planned meeting with the Patrician, but things were not going as planned.
For one thing, although this man was no doubt Lord Vetinari, he was somehow less intimidating, more jolly, and gave the impression of being a deranged owl, instead of his usual predatory flamingo impression.
And he was going on about "Guild Unity."
"Now, Lord Downey, Mrs. Palm, I want your Guilds to put aside your differences, and get along." Vetinari was saying.
"Sir, I assure you, the Guild of Assassins has nothing against the Guild of Seamstresses," Lord Downey said.
"Nor we against the Guild of Assassins," Mrs. Palm added, "They are some of our most frequent customers."
"Tear a lot of clothes, do they?" asked Vetinari, all of the guild leaders laughed. Vetinari looked slightly confused, but he recovered quickly. "Anyways, we are coming into very dark times, dark times indeed."
"What?" asked Lord Downey, "Times are no darker than they were yesterday, and less dark than last night!"
"It is a figure of speech, my dear Lord Downey!" Vetinari sang, "It means that the future is going to be hard and we must work together to pull through!"
Lord Downey did not believe anyone had ever called him "my dear" ever, especially the Patrician.
"Life doesn't seem any harder than it usually does," Mr. Slant said.
"Well, keep it in mind," Vetinari said, "and now, please, I'm sure you all are very busy, don't let me detain you!"
They were the right words, but they didn't hold the normal tone. Instead of making them feel as if they were likely to be killed if they let themselves be detained, it sounded as if the Patrician really and truly did not wish to detain them. The guild leaders left, feeling bewildered and hoping they'd wake up the next day and find out it was a dream.
I don't like this one as much as the others. It has its good points though. It is un-beta'd, as were the other chapters, because I don't have a beta. If anyone wants to beta me, tell me and I'll be glad to return the favor. Reviews are as always appreciated!
TO BE CONTINUED!