Title: Explicit Orders (Part 2 of 3!)
Rating: K.
Pairing: Underlying Sam/Jack
Category: Humour, in the sense that it is not at all serious! Less about laugh-out-loud punchlines, more about an absurd obsession. I apologise in advance for some of the more bizarre moments in this part…
Feedback: Thank you all so much for reviewing! The feedback I got for Part 1 really spurred me into writing Part 2. Tell me what you think of Part 2 and you'll get Part 3 before long!
Notes: I realise Jack was kinda scary in the last part, but it was for the sake of the story. Creative license is a wonderful thing. Of course, I don't usually take advantage of characters this way, but I thank all of you who can suspend your disbelief for the sake of stupidity...
Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine (belonging to Gekko Corp. and such) and the obsession with team night is totally made up. I love my imagination.
"…1900 hours, then. And Carter?"
"Sir?"
He surveyed her with a twinkling sentiment of mystery in his eye; she blinked back at him as he smiled coyly.
"Bring cake."
Sam Carter smiled deviously as she prodded the precious blue substance in front of her and watched it wobble. It gleamed in the drab lighting, brightening up the whole table as it danced. It reminded her of the Stargate: the event horizon, fluctuating with such astronomic unpredictability. Yet somehow both maintained a certain grace, a certain charm. They promised exotic experiences worth any risk and that was the excitement. She gazed at the stuff, wondering at its flexible molecular structure, the atoms that governed its shape and colour and flavour…
It was amazing how blue jello never failed to distract her.
Sam's smile faded as she attempted to remember what she had been trying to distract herself from in the first place, because quite clearly it had worked a little too well. She glanced at the tempting cake on the table beyond her bowl and remembered Colonel O'Neill's look.
That look. She hated that look. It was a look that he only ever gave her when he knew she would never figure out the joke, never catch on to whatever private moment he was having. It was a look of absolute victory. Sam pulled a face and prodded her jello again, this time out of frustration rather than fascination. The spoon toppled a section of the jello into a battle with gravity; gravity won and half of the brightly-coloured, gelatine-based dessert promptly flopped onto the table with a depressing kind of splat.
She'd seen that look before: he'd been using it a lot lately. She had given up questioning it now. It had made its unwelcome debut over a year ago, in the briefing room and then again over breakfast in the commissary. Both times they were aimed specifically at her. They were always aimed specifically at her. It was unnerving and for some reason entirely embarrassing.
Sam scooped some jello up on her spoon and frowned at it. It wobbled its sympathy and she offered her thanks by eating it.
"Hey Sam. Nice cake."
She looked up to see a friendly face beaming across the table at her.
"Thanks." She returned Daniel's smile, deciding now would be a good time to stop attempting non-verbal communication with her dessert. "I hope you like chocolate gateau."
"Oh, it's chocolate?" He eyed the elaborate cake with distinct disappointment. "I was hoping it was coffee." She chuckled at him, shaking her head as he sat down. "Jack'll love it, though," Daniel assured. "Enjoying your jello?"
Sam's attention returned to her half-eaten dessert and she considered it carefully. "I'd enjoy it a whole lot more if I wasn't defying orders by eating it," she admitted. "It feels like I've been sitting here all evening waiting for this cake to be delivered."
"You had it delivered? Wow."
"Yeah. I thought we'd better make an effort to get back into the Colonel's good books. Unfortunately I'm supposed to be working on a report for General Hammond and I dread to think what he's going to say when he finds out it isn't finished yet." She took a mouthful of her dessert and brightened instantly. "Still, there's always jello."
Teal'c appeared in the doorway, an ominous look darkening his brow. He surveyed them both then stated: "O'Neill has instructed me to ensure your presence at this evening's team night."
"I still don't get this obsession of his," Daniel sighed; he shook his head then rose to his feet. Sam quickly consumed the remainder of her precious jello (or at least what remained in the bowl), then lifted up her cake with care. The three of them trooped out of the commissary and down the corridors towards their team's recreation room, where the Colonel awaited.
"Ah, Teal'c, Daniel." Jack smiled and swivelled on his heel towards Sam. "Carter," he added with a mysterious smile. His gaze dropped to the plate in her hands – "Cake!" – and a moment later he had seized it.
"Yes, sir," Sam answered, "I ordered it in from that local bakery you like."
He gave no sign to suggest he was listening; he had already put a knife to the gateau and was busy measuring himself the perfect slice. The rest of SG-1 settled themselves in their usual chairs: Teal'c on the straight-backed wooden chair beside Jack's recliner, Sam and Daniel on the sofa opposite.
"So Jack," Daniel began, "care to elaborate a little more about the reasons behind the Code?"
"Sure, Daniel," Jack smiled pleasantly. The archaeologist blinked and smiled nervously back. "It's quite simple, really. Team night is something special. An occurrence with unexplained cosmic significance. A phenomenon, if you will. Now, don't ask me how, but our little time of relaxation directly relates to any mission that may occur the following day. Carter," he added in an off-hand kind of way, "have some cake."
"No, thank you, sir," Sam replied courteously, "I've just had a bowl of jello, I don't need–"
"Carter - cake! That's an order."
Sam looked at Daniel; Daniel shrugged. Sam looked at Teal'c; Teal'c raised an eyebrow curiously.
Jack gestured to the cake impatiently. Sam leaned forward to take the leanest slice she could manage but Jack was having none of it: covering her hand with his own to control the thickness of the slice, he increased her portion threefold.
"Er," said Daniel. Jack looked across at him innocently and waited for him to continue. "Why do you keep encouraging Sam to eat cake?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, Daniel," Jack responded, "did you want some?"
"Er, no, I just…"
"All the more for me then!" And he cut himself the biggest slice Daniel had seen any man consume in one go. "Now, for this evening's team night…"
"Wait a minute, Colonel." Sam hadn't realised before, but Daniel was right. She cast her mind back over the previous week to reveal a number of encounters with her CO, each conjuring up that smile of his, each involving cake.
"Yes, Carter?"
He turned his head to look at her. She used all her resolve not to blink. "I think Daniel has a point." She hesitated before she took the risk in adding: "To be frank, sir, you've been acting a little strange lately–"
"Nonsense, Carter," Jack responded airily. "Now as I was saying, for this evening's team night…"
"O'Neill." It was Teal'c's turn to interrupt. "I wish for the concept behind the Team Night Code to be explained once again."
Jack rolled his eyes. "Teal'c, didn't you have any Jaffa rules or codes of practice?"
"We did, O'Neill… but none of them involved dessert."
"Forget the dessert!" Jack exclaimed. Sam had a strong sense, as she gazed down at her enormous wedge of gateau, that his direction wasn't intended for her. "It's not about the dessert – not much, anyway. Just being here as a team is important. Not being at my house is important."
Daniel was beginning to understand the principle of it, even if he did have to resist the urge to fall about laughing at the absurdity. "Don't the Jaffa have superstitions, Teal'c? Things they believe they have to do before every battle to make sure they're kept safe?"
Teal'c raised his chin. "No."
"Pfft!" said Jack. "Liar. I bet it's something really embarrassing like, like… performing a stupid dance in women's underwear or something."
His teasing grin turned into disbelief as Teal'c's eyes skimmed guiltily across the ceiling. They all stared at him.
"Okaaay," said Daniel after a deep breath, "so, team night…"
"No, wait, I want to hear more about this weird Jaffa cross-dressing." Jack, who had apparently now forgotten about his own plans for the evening, was studying Teal'c intently. "You don't still do it, do ya T?"
"I do not, O'Neill," Teal'c asserted; "now let us never again speak of this matter."
An uncomfortable silence settled.
"So," said Sam, "team night…"
That turned out to be a mistake: it drew Jack's attention back to her and he observed incredulously, "Carter, you haven't even touched your cake!"
"Um, sorry sir…" She took a hasty bite. Satisfied, Jack turned to Daniel.
"Now, I do believe you wanted me to explain a little further? Give some more examples about our all-important little gatherings?"
"Yes," confirmed Daniel, rather bravely in Sam's opinion. "I mean I understand the principles behind it, I do, but why team night? Why not… why not tying your left shoelace before your right or always taking a lucky mascot?"
"Daniel, Daniel," Jack replied, shaking his head at the archaeologist's naïvety in such matters, "that kind of thing's for solo missions, or missions where you rely on yourself more than the other guy. When it's a team like us, we depend on each other, so we depend on team night to keep those bonds together."
"Right," said Daniel, slowly. "Makes sense… I suppose."
"So, Colonel," Sam ventured, "you explained points four and five of the Code, but what about having guests or doing work?"
"That's you doing work, Carter, we must be specific."
She had to smile at that. "Yes sir, but what's the significance?"
"You want to know?"
"Yes sir."
"You really want to know?"
"Yes I do, Colonel, that's why I asked."
"Are you sure?"
"Colonel."
"Alright, alright," Jack sighed. "Every time you bring work to team night we end up finding something massively scientific on our next mission. We get waylaid, I get bored, you start spouting technobabble and my head explodes."
"I have never witnessed such an explosion, O'Neill," Teal'c remarked. "Many times you have endured Major Carter's explanations yet your head remains intact."
"Okay, so I was exaggerating, but trust me, that's what it feels like! Ergo, no work at team night!"
Teal'c answered again: "I fail to see what relation the alien entity Urgo has to this situation."
Jack ignored that. "As for guests…" His gaze shifted pointedly to Daniel.
"What?" the poor man asked. Jack's response enunciated his discontent.
"Rothman."
"But I only invited Robert once!" Daniel protested. "He was having trouble settling in; I thought he could do with some encouragement."
"I thought it was a nice gesture," Sam added, "if a little awkward."
"And I'm not disagreeing with that," Jack told them graciously. "I know you had good intentions, Daniel, but I am convinced that he was entirely responsible for the chronic sneezing virus we all contracted on P3X-whatever-it-was. If it hadn't been for Junior, Teal'c would have been in sneezing fits along with us and we'd never have got back to the Gate."
"Oh, come on, Jack…"
"And Carter, as much as I count good ol' Doc Fraiser as one of our most valued friends, she has the worst effect on our health at times."
"Sir?"
"I know you wanted her to have a little fun but team night is strictly off-limits to that woman from now on."
"Oh, but Colonel, it wasn't that bad…"
"There were syringes growing like cacti on that planet!"
It was a good point. In fact, Sam reflected, Janet had found it hilarious that the SGC's primary team had made a hasty retreat from a bunch of self-aware, rather pointy plants. They had flinched at the sight of needles for weeks after that.
Jack shook himself to recover his composure. Then he looked round at them all with a sober expression and said, "Do we all understand the necessity for the Code now?"
Daniel mumbled, "Yeah…" whilst Sam answered with the more dutiful assurance of, "Yes sir." Jack's gaze shifted to Teal'c. Slowly, he nodded.
"I have just one more question, sir," Sam said; Jack raised his eyebrows curiously.
"Yeah, Carter?"
"Sir, what's with all the cake?"
And there it was again, that glittering smile. "Well, truth be told, I am still experimenting with the effects of cake. I'm not quite sure what it does yet, you see." His eyes told her otherwise and, looking down at her massive slice of gateau, Sam frowned.
"So," said Jack, with an unnerving dollop of smugness, "team night…"
A/N: Haha, hm, what did you think? Hope you enjoyed it. Part 3 soon, forCarter and cake...