Welcome all to my first ever second chapter. If for some reason you still think I own anything and am worth suing, I'm sorry you're obviously crazy. If, however, you send me twenty bucks, I will see the error of my ways and proclaim you sane.
"Tonks!" Kingsley Shacklebolt called across the Auror's Office as he strode toward her. He didn't shout; Kingsley Shacklebolt never shouted. The mere sound of his voice was enough to command the attention of a stadium full of people.
Tonks turned and flashed a giant smile, "Wotcher Kingsley. What's the word?" she said with an easy informality that would have been insulting from anyone else.
Kingsley looked uncomfortable, and Tonks was surprised. She had always thought nothing bothered Kingsley. He was like a duck; the problems rolled right off his back like water. He had a constitution of steel. He was a steel duck. A steel duck that sank to the bottom of the pond and walked around frightening fish...
Kingsley had caught up with Tonks, who was now staring at the air by his left ear with her mouth hanging open. "But how would it breathe?" she muttered.
Kingsley sighed; this was a fairly regular occurrence with Tonks. He had asked her once where her mind went when it wandered. Tonks had responded with an elaborate and nonsensical monologue regarding books and whether or not they had feelings. She had thought they must have feelings and therefore regarded annotating older volumes as cruel. 'Wouldn't it hurt if someone came along and stapled commentaries and illustrations and footnotes all over you?' she had said. Since then Kingsley had stopped asking her what she was thinking.
"Tonks." He said sharply.
"Oh! Yes! Sorry." she said as she left the world of underwater poultry and returned to the here and now.
"It's about this Lupin chap..." he began, and then trailed off because he suddenly realized that talking with Tonks about this probably wasn't the best choice.
"What about Remus?" Tonks asked curiously.
"Well," Kingsley started again, "It's just that...you know...well honestly I always thought he was gay."
Arthur Weasley looked up from his latest Muggle purchase, a Slinky. Someone was laughing very very loudly. Sounds like Tonks, he though absently. Then he returned to his Slinky and made it 'walk' down a stack of books set up like stairs on his desk.
"I need a cup of tea." said Remus's mouth.
Does everyone think I'm gay! He screamed inside his head.
Snape had called him gay once, when they were still in school. Sirius had punched him in the nose and told him no one called Remus a fairy except him. And Sirius had called him a fairy almost every other day, so had James and Peter. But had they meant it?
Remus drank his tea shakily; he held the teacup with his pinkie stuck out. He set his cup down with a clatter and about half the tea sloshed over the side of the cup.
"Oh dear, silly me, making such a mess." said Remus as he mopped up the tea with a napkin. Then he stopped.
"Merlin," he muttered and thumped his head down on the table. Right into the half-cleaned tea puddle. "Maybe I am gay."
Down in some dark, seedy corner of the world several Death Eaters gathered to plot.
"I heard the Tonks mudblood is marrying the werewolf," said one.
"Really?" Said another, whose voice behind his mask sounded suspiciously like a former Potions teacher, "I'd always assumed Lupin was gay."
"You must be wrong!" said a third, "Remus is more of a fey than the Queen of the fairies!"
"...What the hell are you talking about Wormtail?" the second speaker drawled.
Wormtail cringed visibly, "I just meant he's gayer than a hairdresser named Sergio."
"I have a hairdresser named Sergio..."said the fourth member of the assembly.
"Shut up Cissa."
In case anyone's wondering this is a great epic in three parts, this being the second of those parts. The third should be up in a day or two.
A happy belated Thanksgiving to everyone in the States. If your elsewhere, a happy belated November 24th! Let the singing of the politically correct winter holiday carols commence!