Chapter 36
He crumbled into himself like a small child, and Lina felt and instant pull to him as mournful, unforgiving cries resounded throughout the hollow space in the library. All her life she had kept at a distance from people, not allowing touch or any real human interaction. But now she was standing, walking around the table without a thought to herself or her self-conscious scars. She reached out and smoothed away the fallen blonde locks from his face, and when he lifted his eyes, those beautiful, pained eyes, she could see the frozen, scared little boy, no longer the man he had become.
She had seen eyes like that before, terrified eyes, eyes that were begging for relief, for help, for salvation. And she hadn't been able to do anything. Lina swallowed and leaned forward, pressing her lips against his forehead, hoping to give him some kind of comfort, some kind of release.
But when his arms circled around her waist with such ferocity and need, she could barely breathe as she felt him shatter against her. She was not equipped or ready for this. She pushed at his shoulders, trying to ease out of his grasp.
He didn't know the power of holding her in such a way, nor could he, just as she didn't know or understand the weight of his sadness. He couldn't hear her or feel her resistance. She gasped for air as her lungs closed off from the outside world, and she jerked away from him in a frightened rage, "Don't touch me!"
Stephen snapped back, shocked at her sudden outburst. The air staled around them as they stared at each other, both breathing heavily. Embarrassment quickly overtook Lina, and she turned from him, running back towards the front desk.
Before she could escape, Stephen called out, "I'm sorry. I didn't know."
She stopped, her back rigged, quivering slightly as she stood in place. "It's my fault. That was selfish of me. You're in pain and I—"
"So are you," Stephen whispered, his voice gentle, masking his own emotion. He walked across the room and stood behind her. "I can listen. It's one of my strong suits."
Lina turned around and smiled sadly. "No. My problems are long past. I should be listening to you."
"I'm not sure there's anythin' to be done." Stephen turned, looking back towards the mountain of books that sat open at his table.
"Maybe not. But I can listen," Lina exhaled and stood shoulder to shoulder with him.
"Are ya sure?" He asked meeting her strange, beautiful eyes that she constantly veiled. They were like Katie's, but different. The brightness was hidden… almost like faded lilacs.
She blushed slightly, color running from her cheek to her ear. "Yes. Nothing like that will happen again. I want to help you."
Stephen frowned, not knowing whether to accept her offer or go with his innate nature, and help this stranger. Before he could change his mind, she walked back to the table and sat down.
"Please," she said, "Tell me."
Perhaps she was right. He had been carrying this weight alone for so long. Perhaps he should share it. And perhaps in sharing his life, he could persuade her to share hers. He walked back slowly to the table and sat down across from her.
"To understand what happened… ya need to understand my sisters… They weren't just Abby and Katie… They were Abagail…Miss Sully…White Eyes… Katherine… Lightening Woman… Ho'otseoo'e. I've never met two women so different yet so completely connected…"
September 28, 1863
"Ya tummy's all bumpy, Mama!" Abagail giggled as she stretched across her swelled belly. They cuddled together in a pile of extra blankets and animal skins that Sully had brought in to make her more comfortable during the last months of her pregnancy. Abby suddenly popped her head up and looked at Michaela questioningly. "Who will ouw baby look like?"
Michaela grinned at her little girl. Abby was nearly jumping out of her skin with anticipation for the new baby. "Well, she'll look a little bit like your papa and a little bit like me… and if she looks anything like you, I'll have the two most beautiful daughters in the whole world."
Abby smiled, but her face was soon thoughtful again. "Is it gonna huwt?"
Michaela wrapped her arms securely around Abby and smiled reassuringly. "It may hurt for a little while, but the pain ends once the baby comes."
"That's scawy." Abagail's eyes were wide as she curled into Michaela's neck. "Was…was my angwel mama scawed?"
"I don't know, Abby. She was asleep when you were born." Michaela could feel the little girl's chest rising and falling heavily. She lifted the little girl's chin and looked in her giant, sensitive brown eyes. "Are you all right, sweetheart?"
"Will…will ya be wif me when I have a baby?" Michaela didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Abby couldn't even pronounce her R's correctly. The thought of her having a baby and growing up… Michaela couldn't bear it. But Abby persisted, "Will ya, Mama?"
Michaela sighed, giving in, "I promise. I'll be with you every second."
Abby grinned at Michaela and nuzzled her nose. Michaela leaned forward and kissed the tip of her nose. As she shifted, a sharp, shooting pain ran down her spine to the center of her being. She grimaced and pulled back from Abby. The little girl immediately took her mother's hands.
"Mama? Ya OK, Mama?" Abagail panicked as Michaela arched her back and closed her eyes, unable to answer her. "Mama!"
Michaela let out a long, agonizing scream. Abagail's eyes filled with tears as she held her mother's hands, not knowing what to do for her. Michaela finally opened her eyes, breathing heavily. "G-go find Snowbird, Abby. And tell them to send for Sully…and Cloud Dancing…"
"Mama…?" Abby's voice shook, frightened. "I don't wanna leave ya 'lone!"
"I'm fine, baby… Just go… We need help now!" When Abagail disappeared into the outside world, Michaela leaned back into the blankets, feeling the warm dampness pool all around her. It was a strange time to be alone. She hadn't told Abby, but she was frightened. She didn't know if she could handle much more of the pain. What if Sully didn't get back on time? She closed her eyes and breathed as everything around her tightened like a twisted, mangled knot, pulling her body slowly apart.
When she didn't think she could stand another moment of pain, the flap of the teepee flew open and Abagail returned with Snowbird.
"You are right, White Eyes," Snowbird kneeled in front of Michaela and lifted her knees, splitting open the end of her dress. "The baby is coming fast. It will not wait."
"But Sully—" Michaela sighed, anxiety and distress clear on her face as another contraction began.
"He has been sent for, Medicine Woman. But this baby will not wait." Snowbird turned to Abagail, who watched her mother in cold shock. "I need you to go sit with your mother and hold her hand. Do you hear me, White Eyes?"
Abby jumped a little when Snowbird raised her voice. She quickly nodded and went to Michaela. During the next thirty minutes, Abby sat behind Michaela and supported her mother as the contractions became closer and closer. The day would turn into a mirage of faded images for her, but she would never forget the closeness she felt with her mother as they held hands and began to push her little sister into the world.
Just as the head was beginning to crown, the flap flew open and Sully rushed into the teepee, falling down beside Michaela. Her eyes met his as he smoothed the sweaty hair out of her face. She couldn't even smile at him, as the staggering pains ripped through her, and she wailed, leaning back into Abagail's shoulder, that was supporting Michaela's weight and pressure despite her shocked state.
Snowbird let out a tangled laugh as she looked up to Sully's questioning eyes. "Sully! Come see! Your baby is coming."
Sully went to Snowbird and was astounded. Snowbird smiled at Sully. She whispered hurriedly. "Have the blanket ready."
Michaela let out a final scream, and two tiny shoulders, with curled arms and elbows and knotted hands, with bent knees slid into the world like lightening. Sully had never seen anything like it. His hands shook as he waited to receive the baby, and he watched as Michaela fell back against Abagail. He shook his head as he looked at his daughter holding his wife. In that moment, she did not look like a four year old. It was like looking at a ghost; she was the image of her real mother holding Michaela.
Snowbird quickly cut the umbilical cord before placing the tiny baby into Sully's waiting hands, bringing him back to the present.
"It's a girl!" Snowbird shouted, smiling brightly towards Abagail and Michaela.
Abagail wrapped her arms tightly around Michaela as they both shook with joy and laughter together. Finally, Michaela looked up and saw Sully holding the baby securely in his arms with a worried frown on his face. His eyes didn't move away from the baby's face.
"Sully?" Michaela asked, holding out her arms for the baby as he held the child silently.
"Sully!" She asked again when he didn't respond.
Sully shook his head and didn't speak for a moment. Finally when he did, his voice could barely be heard. "She's—she's real quiet, Michaela."
"Let me see her now!" Michaela nearly screamed as panic swept over her. She took the tiny girl in her arms. She was absolutely perfect, but her eyes were shut and she didn't make a sound, not one cry. Michaela unwrapped her from the blanket. She lifted the back of her neck and opened her mouth, searching for any matter she might be choking on. Once her mouth was cleared, she turned her upside down and slapped her on the back. Once. Twice. Three times.
Abagail stood up and slid her hand into her papa's as she watched her mother work on her little sister. The baby still made no sound. Four times. Fives times. Six. Seven. Eight. Michaela's efforts were almost becoming frenzied and hysterical as the baby did not respond. Nine. Ten. Eleven. Twelve. Tears began to well in her eyes, and she couldn't see what she was doing anymore. This wasn't just a patient; it was her baby.
When there was no response, Sully let go of Abagail's hand and knelt down beside Michaela, wrapping his arms around her and the baby, stilling her hands. She was about to break, and he couldn't stand it. "Michaela…it's ok…"
"No!" Abagail screamed, tears running down her cheeks. She held out her arms demandingly. "I wanna see her! Lemme see her!"
Abby thrust out her hands and Sully looked in her eyes. Michaela was exhausted and hysterical from trying to revive the baby, and he knew better than to deny his daughter in this moment.
He took the still baby from Michaela arms, gently holding her entire body in the palms of his hands, and placed her in her big sister's arms.
Abagail peered at her peaceful face. They were wrong. Their baby was just sleepy. She smiled softly as she saw the soft blonde fuzz on her little head. She nuzzled her forehead and kissed it. Ever so softly, she began to hum the lullaby Michaela sang to her every night before she went to sleep.
Michaela lifted her head and found Sully's hand as they watched Abagail sing to their silent baby.
As a gust of wind blew through the valley of the Cheyenne village, a little girl's song could be heard, and the Cheyenne stopped and waited. Cloud Dancing stood outside of the teepee, listening, to the sweet sound grow, and he knew that the spirits were there, watching them, and he knew that hope was not yet lost.
When the wind died down, a silence broke over the village, and Cloud Dancing closed his eyes, simply listening to the song. But White Eyes' song was broken by the sharp cry of an infant's first breath.
Snowbird opened the flap of the teepee and ran out into Cloud Dancing's arms. "The baby breathes. She is alive!"
Inside the teepee, Abagail smiled broadly at her parents as if nothing had happened. She walked back in front of Michaela and Sully and kneeled in front of them, placing the baby back in her mother's arms. "She just wasn't weddy to wake up yet, dat's all."
The baby peered up at them with deep blue eyes, moving back and forth as she tried to find her focus. Her little arms flailed out as she cried, and she immediately latched on to her papa's finger.
Michaela's eyes searched over every inch of their baby girl, but there was nothing wrong with her, she was absolutely perfect, and her color was growing stronger every second. Michaela looked up and found Sully's eyes. "She's…she's—"
"I know… I thought—" Sully didn't finish the thought as he pressed his lips against Michaela's damp forehead.
Abby leaned over the baby girl and whispered something unintelligible to her. She paused for a second, as if she were waiting for a reply, and then looked at her mama and papa. "Da baby wants to be called Kathwine."
"Katherine?" Sully and Michaela looked at each other contemplating the name. When Sully saw the smile form in the corners of Michaela's mouth, he turned back to Abby and nodded, holding his arm out for her. "That sounds perfect, Abby."
"I know," Abby said confidently. Grown-ups were so silly sometimes. "But… can we call her Katie? It's easieh to say."
Sully laughed and pulled Abagail into his lap as Michaela and Katie leaned against his chest for support. He had all of his girls here. They were all safe, happy, and by some miracle, alive.
1893
"It must have been difficult for the girls to be separated all those years," Lina observed, leaning forward on the table.
"It was for all of them, but after David cleared my mother of all charges, thanks to the girls, we had some happy years." Stephen smiled, a sly grin Lina hadn't seen before coming to the corners of his mouth.
1880—Colorado Springs
"Stephen!" Abagail ran down the stairs of the homestead, her hair half up, half down in a mess of ringlets. "Where are ya, you little—!"
Michaela looked up from a stew she was attempting to make before the Sweetheart's Dance that night. It was not going well at all. Her salt and pepper shaker had mysteriously vanished.
"What is it, Abby?" Michaela stilled the fire and left the stove. She shook her head when she saw her daughter's appearance. For some reason, Abagail often looked her best when she was a mess, and in that moment, she was absolutely beautiful in her half-dressed state.
"I can't find my silver barrette that Grandma gave me! And you know how Stephen likes to meddle in my things, so where is he? Where is he!" Michaela raised her eyebrows at her outraged daughter.
"Abagail Sully! You are acting like a petulant child. Now come sit down and tell me what's really going on. I've never known you to get upset over material possessions." Michaela put her hands on Abby's flustered back and led her to the dining room table.
Abby collapsed unceremoniously in a chair and looked helplessly at her mother. "No. You're right. You're always right. I hate that."
Michaela shook her head and put her hand over Abby's. "I'm not always right, I just know you inside and out."
Abby bit her lip and looked down guiltily. "It's…it's about the dance."
Michaela nodded knowingly. "I figured as much. Are you having regrets?"
Abby nodded and put her face in her hands. "I don't know why I couldn't say yes."
Michaela sighed and began running her hands through Abby's hair. "I thought things were going well between you and Brian. When did that change?"
Abby grimaced and moaned, obviously not wanting to tell Michaela the truth. "When he told me he… he…"
"When he told you he loved you," Michaela helped her out.
Abby turned around and hid her face in Michaela's neck. "Yes. Now everything's all messed up."
Michaela squeezed Abby's shoulders. "Well, you certainly look beautiful. Once we find your barrette and pin the rest of your hair up, it won't seem so messy. You just need to find Brian and tell him how you feel."
"TOOT TOOT!" Stephen belted from under the kitchen table. "Special delivery for Ab'gail Sully and Mama Quinn! One time offer only!"
Michaela pulled out one of the kitchen chairs as Stephen pushed his wooden train set out from under the table that suspiciously carried Michaela's salt and pepper shakers as well as Abagail's silver barrette.
Stephen held out his hands and stared daringly into Michaela and Abagail's astonished eyes. "That'll be 25 cents each please!"
Abagail's nostrils flared and she pushed herself up from the table, ready to pounce him. "Oh, I'm gonna get you, you little sneak!"
"Nuh uh!" Stephen backed up smugly towards the door. "I know things about you now, Abby!"
"Why you—"
"Ab'gail's in love! Ab'gail's in love!" Before Michaela could stop them Abagail was chasing Stephen around the table. Just as Sully opened the door, Abagail and Stephen burst past him and began running down the steps and around the house.
"What in the world was that all about?" Sully asked as he threw his trappings down on the floor of the homestead. Michaela shook her head and went to Sully, wrapping her arms around his waist in hopeless amusement.
"Well, unfortunately for Abby, Stephen is on to her, and she's not too happy about that." Sully chuckled and shook his head. He wasn't sure he wanted to know all of the details of his daughter's daily drama.
"Where's Katie?" Sully asked they stepped through the doorway onto the porch. Michaela nodded towards the end of the porch, where she was sitting in the corner, carving another flute.
"She ain't gettin' dressed for the dance?" Sully frowned. Katie never complained, but she also never quite seemed truly happy, and that's all he wanted for his little girl.
Michaela sighed, watching their quiet daughter. "I always make her a dress, but she never wants to go. I don't want to force her. That just seems…"
"I know," Sully whispered, finished her thoughts.
Suddenly Stephen came bounding back around from the other side of the house. His eyes were wild with laughter as he shrieked with unfettered delight, "Save me, Katie, save me!"
Michaela smiled at her little boy and tucked her head under Sully's chin. "How'd we get so lucky?" she whispered.
Katie looked up from her work and met her little brother's eyes. She grinned at him and dropped her flute. Without warning, she stood up and jumped over the railing of the porch, flying through the air, until she landed on her feet in front of Stephen, catching him in her arms. Abagail was right behind him, and they tumbled together in a heap on the ground. Abagail's dress was completely ruined, but she didn't care as she took a hold of Stephen and met Katie's eyes with a conspiring grin. They both began to tickle their little brother mercilessly, kicking up mud and dust and dirt, until they were all covered from head to toe.
Just as exhaustion set in, Katie pulled away and looked up towards a rider in the distance. She couldn't make out who it was, but it wasn't one of the townsfolk. She stood up slowly as an eerie feeling crept over her entire body, as the rider turned into a man, who turned into a distinct member of the Cheyenne tribe from the colors of his war paints and feathers.
Stephen and Abby stopped wrestling, and Abby brought him closer to her in her lap. Michaela and Sully stepped down from the porch as the Indian got closer. Sully didn't take his eyes off of Katie.
The Indian had raven black hair that he kept long down his back. His face was covered with black and white striped paint across his forehead and eyes, but they were tender, despite the fierce paint, and the toned muscles of his body. His chest moved up and down rapidly, and he kept his eyes locked on Katie. He held tight to his reins, not knowing whether he was in a dream or not. Cloud Dancing had said she lived here, but could this beautiful, tall creature really be his Ho'otseoo'e? He couldn't tell. She was covered in mud. She took a step closer to him, her eyes narrowed and then opened wide, revealing sapphires.
3
The reins dropped from his hands when he saw her eyes. He knew it was her.
"Katie?" He whispered, his voice deep and foreign to her.
"I am Katie," she answered, her body suddenly shaking from head to toe as he dismounted from his horse and walked straight to her, offering his hands.
She looked at him curiously, as he held his hands out for her. She felt her family's eyes watching her, but suddenly his eyes were the only eyes she could see, and they were back at Washita, and she couldn't find him, and she was screaming for him, but he wouldn't answer, he wasn't there, he wasn't anywhere…
Sully gripped Michaela's hand when they heard Katie's voice break out in a sob. Katie hardly ever cried, and somehow in that moment, Sully knew he had lost his little girl.
"Oh my God," she breathed before taking his hands in hers, "No Harm…" His masked forehead pressed against hers, and before she knew what was happening, they were kissing.