Chapter 38 "Normal"

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Michaela sat in front of her vanity, her face unreadable, even to herself as her own eyes looked back at her. She felt the draft from the doorway, and Sully's tired form appeared in her mirror, his worried eyes seeking comfort in the reflection.

He walked up behind her, his eyes fast on hers. Michaela immediately dropped her powder puff and lifted her hands above her head, reaching for him as he came to her. When their hands touch, she pulled him down to her so he circled around her body, covering her.

"Oh Sully," Michaela whispered as he seemed to inhale her. "Are you ready for this?"

"I've never been more terrified in my life." Sully sighed into her copper locks. "But I've never seen her so happy."

"You did the right thing." Michaela felt Sully's hands slip from her body as he moved to sit beside her on her settee. He put his hands over hers and looked into her trusting eyes.

"Michaela… Ya need to know. I just saw Cloud Dancin'…" Sully's jaw tightened and he looked away from her, shaking his head dejectedly.

"Sully…? What is it? What aren't you telling me?" Michaela reached for Sully's hand as he got up from the settee and began pacing around the room.

He stopped in front of their bedroom window and looked out into twilight. "I never thought I would say somethin' like this."

He was scaring her now. Michaela turned back around, looking down at her vanity table. "Sully—"

"But when I saw her lookin' at me like that. Katie ain't asked me for nothin', Michaela. And I feel… I feel like I haven't given her nothin'. I couldn't say no," Sully's voice was low and quiet, full of lost time and regret.

"That's not true, Sully. You love her," Michaela said strongly, straining the veins in her throat as she lifted her head and peered into the mirror, watching him through the glass. He stopped and looked at her, sensing her tension. This time softly, "You love her. What's this about?"

Through glass they peered at each other, through glass they knew each other better than most people who had never spent a day apart. They were used to barriers. Sully took a deep breath and peered into the mirror. "No Harm is considered a fugitive by the U.S. Army. If they find out where he is, they'll kill him."

The glass could have shattered, and it would not have made a sound in their contained silence. But they could not ignore the soft knocking at the door, or the shy, hopeful voice that called for them, "Papa? Mama? C-can I come in for a minute?"

Sully closed his eyes and cleared his throat, leaving Michaela in the looking glass. Michaela straightened her back, put her hands in her lap, and tried to find her smile.

"Come in, Kates," Sully called out, his voice dissonant as he searched for normalcy.

But when Katie opened the door, their veiled emotions completely failed them both. She was wearing a snow white dress with a bright blue sash in the middle. Her blonde hair cascaded around her shoulders, half-up, half-down in a thousand ringlets.

Katie's bright smile made Michaela's eyes burn. She twirled in a small, self-conscious circle and looked straight into her mother's eyes. "Do you like it, Mama?"

Michaela couldn't speak. She simply smiled as her little girl continued twirling around the room.

"Abby made it. Can you believe it? She does not have patience enough to make a medicine wheel with me, but nevertheless, she surely makes the most beautiful dresses in the whole world!" Katie stopped twirling in front of Sully as her spinning made her slightly dizzy. "Pa?"

Sully sighed and looked at Michaela, knowing they couldn't let this go on, despite how happy she was. Sully took her hand in his and smiled softly. "Ya look beautiful, Katie. And any young man is lucky to escort you to the Sweetheart's Dance."

"But," Katie said evenly, her eyes meeting her father's directly, her girlish smile suddenly fading, quickly replaced by the serious, stoic expression that had masked her face since she was a child. Sully sighed and pulled her over to the edge of the bed. He sat down, and though she was far too big, she sat on his right knee and quietly curled her head into the crook of his shoulder.

"Listen to me, Katie. I know how that heart of yours works. Ya get ya mind set on someone and there's no goin' back for ya. It's all or nothin'."

"How'd you know that?" Katie popped her head up and peered into his eyes.

"Cause that's how I feel about your ma." Sully looked across the distance of the room towards Michaela.

Michaela saw Katie's confusion and spoke up, "And we see how much you care about No Harm, sweetheart."

Sully looked at Michaela, framed in glass. "We understand what it's like to be separated—"

"We weren't just separated. I didn't know if he was alive. Do you know how m-many—" Her voice broke off and a blank stare crossed over Katie's blue eyes. Michaela looked at Sully and he quickly hugged her, bringing Katie back from her inner nightmares.

"I know, Katie. I know. And all we want for ya now is to be happy and safe. That's what's most important to me and your ma."

"I am happy! I am safe! I don't know what you are trying to tell me, pa," Katie said anxiously.

"I saw Cloud Dancing today. He told me what happened to No Harm. He was severely beaten in the Wyoming reservation two years ago by a highly ranked officer who was supposedly keeping the peace between warring tribes. Katie…." Sully stopped when her eyes closed. He put his hands on the side of her face until she opened her eyes. "Katherine. No Harm escaped. He's considered a fugitive."

Katie stared in her father's eyes without breathing. Finally she exhaled, "Oh."

"Katie," Michaela called her name as the girl's face whitened to the color of her dress. "Look at me, Katie. Are you alright?"

Suddenly Katie looked up, her eyes blazing like sapphires. "I have to protect him."

Michaela stood from her vanity and crossed the border to her husband and daughter. "What can we do?"

"I thought the Sweetheart's Dance was outside with the whole town, Mama?" Stephen asked as he followed her around the living room like a little puppy as she cleaned up.

"Not this year, Boo."

"Well…well… How am I supposed to meet me some lady-friends if I'm always dancin' with my sisters?" Stephen asked innocently.

"Stephen Sully! When have you ever been interested in having a…a… what did you call it?" Michaela stopped and turned around slowly.

"A lady-friend. Hank says it'll put hairs on my chest quicker." He looked down his shirt and back into his mother's eyes. "I don't got any now."

"Hank! Oh my…" Michaela put down her dusting rag and called upstairs, not taking her eyes off of Stephen. "Sully! I need you now!"

Stephen's bottom lip poked out as his papa descended the stairs, dressed in his best pants and shirt, his tie still loose. "What is it?"

"Am I in troubled?" Stephen asked, wide-eyed.

Michaela sighed and shook her head at him as she lifted him up on the dining room table. "No. You're not in trouble. But if you have questions about… certain things… You should go to your father, not someone like Hank."

Stephen looked pointedly at his father and raised his chin diplomatically. "I want some lady-friends, Papa. How do I get 'em?"

Sully's head slowly turned to look at Michaela, and then it turned just as slowly back to look at Stephen square in the eyes. "One or a whole a lot?"

"A WHOLE LOT!" Stephen spread his arms out as wide as they could go.

Sully bent down in front of him, as if he were telling Stephen a secret. "Well, the best way I know to do that, is to catch 'em by surprise."

Stephen leaned forward conspiringly. "By surprise?"

Sully nodded his head and tapped Stephen on the nose. "But ya better be careful, Stephen. One of those girls may catch ya by surprise."

"But I don't want to be caught!" Stephen hid his face in the palms of his hands.

"Then ya better hold off on all those lady-friends, Boo." Sully rubbed his son's back as Michaela watched half aghast and half amazed that his words had worked so easily. "Ya know, gettin' caught's not half bad. But it's got to be with the right girl. And ya gotta love her and respect her above all else. Ya hear me, Stephen?"

"Stephen?" Michaela asked, running her fingers through his dirty blonde hair.

"BOO!" Stephen's head popped up and he wrapped his arms and legs around Michaela, laughing hysterically, "I caught ya! I caught ya! Were ya scared? Huh, Mama? Huh?"

As Michaela's heartbeat slowed down, she returned his giant bear hug. "You are such a mess! What am I going to do with you?"

"What did he do now?" Abby asked from the top of the stairs, an annoyed expression etching the corners of her ivory face. She was wearing a soft pink dress, but its softness did not match her mood at all. She had no desire to sit at home while all of her friends… while Brian… was dancing away in town without her. Why had she said no to him? It would have been easy to blame her sister, but she couldn't do that. She wanted Katie's happiness more than she wanted her own. However, that thing over there she called her brother… now he didn't have a care in the world.

Sully laughed, tussling Stephen's hair. "Your brother thinks he's ready for girls, Abby. What do ya think about that?"

Abby smiled devilishly. This was too easy. "Come on, Boo! Ya can start with me! Let's dance!"

"Awe, Abby—"

Katie stood tentatively in front of the bedroom door. The room was supposed to be hers, but she could never bring herself to leave Abby. "No Harm? Can I come in?"

"Yes, just a—"

"I brought you some fresh water in case you wanted to—" Katie stopped in mid-stride as she saw No Harm standing in front of the window, struggling to do up the buttons of a white button down shirt.

He looked up, embarrassment filling his eyes. "I wanted to look nice for you. But my hands are clumsy."

Katie frowned. She had never seen him in anything but colorful shirts and tanned leather and buckskins. "You don't have to do that for me. I want you to be comfortable."

He laughed uneasily as he gave up on the buttons. "We were not from different worlds before. Now. Look at you. You're so beautiful. And I'm—"

She walked across the room to him quickly, stopping his thoughts. "It's still me. I don't care if you wear a paper bag tonight. I'll go change and wear one with you."

He put his fingers over her lips. "Shh… You are always so quick to save the day. Let me do this for you. I don't want to deny your world. You never denied mine."

She sighed and looked down at the beautiful dress, which felt so strange to her, which would feel so comfortable and normal to most girls her age. "The truth is… I've hardly stepped in mine until now."

"Then what are we waiting for?" No Harm smiled and took her hand in his.

Katie grinned shyly and bit lower lip. "Alright. Let me just help you with these."

Button by button, she slowly made her way up his shirt, until her hands were in front of his chest. "There," she said quietly, lifting her eyes to meet his. "Now we will be perfectly uncomfortable together." His hands slipped over hers, and she felt the same impulses driving through again as his night eyes darkened. She closed her eyes when her forehead hit his, sending her back into reality. "M-my family's waiting."

They lowered their hands and No Harm put an arm's length between them. He smiled sincerely. "I will wait too."

Katie blushed and lowered her eyes, taking in his full meaning. She wanted to respond, to tell him everything in her heart, but she couldn't. People were waiting. She strengthened her hold on his hand and whispered, "Come on. I want you to dance with me."

Stephen huffed as he and Abby swayed back and forth without any real beat or rhythm. He looked pointedly at his mother and father who seemed to be managing just fine without such luxuries. "Mama! This is silly without any music!"

Abby stopped mid-stride as Stephen suddenly landed on her foot. "Boo!"

"You're the one who stopped movin'!"

"Stephen's right, Ma. I miss Grandpa's harmonica. I miss—" Abby stopped herself short and looked down. Michaela and Sully looked at each other and quickly sprang into action without any words.

Sully took Abby's hand and looked straight into her big, frustrated eyes. "Ya were really countin' on that dance weren't ya, Abagail?"

She grimaced. She hated being caught. "It's selfish, I know. But I can't help but feel disappointed."

"Brian's gonna be there, ain't he?" Sully smiled knowingly.

Abby rolled her eyes and admitted, "Yes."

"So if I take ya there, he'll be able to take ya home when it's over?"

Abby put her arms on her father's shoulders and nearly jumped in the air. "Really, pa? Ya mean it!"

Sully smiled when he saw her face light up, even when her nails dug unto his shoulders. "I do. We need someone there to represent the family anyway."

"Let me go get my shawl. Thank you, pa!" As Abagail charged the stairs, Katie and No Harm finally made their way down. Katie stopped Abagail, taking her hand in hers.

"What happened, Abby?"

"Pa's takin' me to the dance! I'm gonna get to tell him, Kates," Abby whispered excitedly.

Katie kissed her sister's cheek and whispered in her ear, "I'm so happy for you. You have to—"

"I will. We'll talk about everythin' later tonight." Abby ran past them as Katie and No Harm walked hand in hand into the living room, apprehension plaguing them both. Luckily for them, they went quite unnoticed as Stephen commanded the attention of Michaela and Sully.

"Well this party's a bust!" Stephen pouted leaning on his mother's hip. "No music, no lady-friends—"

"You can dance with me, Boo," Michaela suggested as she ran her fingers through her little boy's tangled locks.

"You're a taken woman, mama," Stephen sighed. "But since Papa's leavin', I suppose I'm the man of the house now."

Michaela stifled a laugh as Stephen took her hand and led her to the center of the room. Sully smiled after them, catching Michaela's eye for a moment as Stephen held his hands out rigidly, sticking his tongue out between his teeth as he tried to concentrate on the counts to the waltz. Abagail came bounding down the stairs; her dark curls flying as she ran past her father and straight out the door. "Come on, pa!" She called behind her.

Sully shook his head and followed Abby out the door. "I'll be back in a bit, Michaela." He turned to Katie and No Harm, quiet and absorbed with each other.

"You two," Katie blushed wildly as she met her father's eyes on his way out the door. She had been so close. "Be good."

Sully could hear the music echo from the center of town as they neared the meadow. He looked at Abagail through the corner of his eye. Her face glowed with anticipation, and she didn't say a word as they crossed the bridge. He almost believed she had grown up. Abagail turned and looked at him, feeling his gaze, and smiled.

As they neared the clinic, Sully stopped the wagon and looked at Abby. He kissed her on the forehead. "I am so proud of ya."

Abby grinned and laced her arm through his. "Would you care to escort me to the dance, sir?"

"I'd be most happy, Miss Sully," Sully whispered and helped Abagail off the wagon. And they proceeded to walk arm and arm together towards the music.

Whereas at the Sully home, they danced in silence, except for Stephen, who was completely fed up with the lack of music.

"Why can't we go to the dance again?" Stephen asked as he leaned his head on Michaela's stomach.

"You know why, Stephen," Michaela answered matter-of-factly, her gaze rising to No Harm and Katie, who didn't seem to notice the lack of music or words or even that anyone else was in the room. And suddenly, as she watched her daughter's eyes light with love, her heart flooded and she felt the most powerful feeling, a pain so deep she didn't even realize it was there. She missed Sully. She… "But mama!"

Stephen's voice broke Katie and No Harm out of their trance, and No Harm turned to Stephen and bent down, a smile stretching across his bronzed face. "Have you ever seen a Cheyenne flute, Little Boo?"

"'Course! Katie makes them all the time!" No Harm turned around and found Katie, a blush running down both sides of her cheek. Michaela raised her eyebrows and deftly slipped out unto the porch.

"You do?" He asked as she nodded quietly. Stephen pulled on No Harm's arm, demanding his attention back.

"How come you called me Little Boo?"

"It is your Cheyenne name. I hear you are a trickster." The front door shut and Michaela returned with the flute that Katie had been working on earlier that afternoon. Katie's eyes widened as Michaela held the carefully crafted instrument out to her.

"Oh! Play something for us, Katie! Ya never do!" Stephen clapped his hands excitedly.

"I-I'm out of practice. Maybe you should play." She passed the flute to No Harm.

No Harm held the flute in his hands and looked at her for a long moment. "No. But I will play with you."

No Harm walked to his travel bag hanging by the door and lifted a large wooden flute out of it. Michaela silently took Stephen's hand and led him to the chair where he promptly jumped in her lap. He snuggled under her chin as No Harm walked to the front of the fire place, holding the second flute out for Katie.

"Play with me."

Katie shook her head nervously, the painful past holding her back. "I haven't—"

No Harm stepped closer to her and put the flute in her hand. He smiled reassuringly. "Play with me."

Michaela watched them silently. She could feel her heart beating like wild drums in her ears.

Katie pressed the flute to her mouth and closed her eyes. No Harm followed her. The first chords were played in perfect harmony. Michaela closed her eyes. They found harmony immediately, but the drums grew louder, and Michaela was running, running, running towards something…someone, and she held out her hand, and she was so close, she was almost there—

She felt two small hands on the sides of her face, and she opened her eyes. Stephen was staring at her. "Why are ya cryin', Mama?"

Michaela shook her head, not knowing exactly why as the duet played on.

The music swelled as couples danced in circles around the dance floor. They laughed and spun as Sully led Abagail to the edge of the dance floor. Abby stood on her tippy-toes, peering over the faces she knew and loved. Robert E and Grace waved hello from the edge of the dance floor, bright smiles on their faces. Her Grandpa blew her a kiss from the stage platform, and Miss Olive was in a serious conversation with the Reverend and hadn't even noticed her yet. Relief washed over her when she saw Matthew dancing with his wife, Ingrid. The rest of the Coopers had to be here somewhere. Suddenly Charlotte put a hand on Sully's back and laughed, giving him a welcoming kiss on the cheek. "Sully! I was wonderin' where you all were!"

"It's just me and Abby tonight, Charlotte."

Charlotte put her hand on his arm, immediately concerned. "Is everything alright?"

Sully smiled easily, jumping past her questions. "It's fine. Just fine. But I do need to get back to Michaela. I was thinkin' that Brian could take Abby home for me?"

Charlotte turned to Abby who was peering into the crowd. "Oh…Oh my… Abby, sweetheart… Brian thought ya didn't want to go to the dance. Maybe there was some misunderstandin'… I—"

Sully grabbed Charlotte's arm and looked her in the eyes, "What are ya trying to say, Charlotte?"

Suddenly Jake's voice rang out loud and true, "Head couple, promenade down the line for the Sweetheart's reel!"

As if Abagail were watching in slow motion, Brian appeared at the head of the line, hand in hand with a girl in a soft blue dress. Her golden hair was in tamed, stylized ringlets, and her eyes were bright blue, and she didn't take her eyes off of Brian. And he didn't take his eyes off of her.

Before Abagail could ask any questions, she ripped away from Sully and Charlotte, picked up her skirts, and ran off down the road. Charlotte looked at Sully apologetically, not knowing what to do, and Sully quickly took after his daughter.

The sudden commotion startled several people on the dance floor, and when Brian turned around, he found his mother's eyes, staring at him in bewilderment.

As Sully crossed the bridge, his eyes scanned the meadow, looking for any sign of Abagail. Finally, in the distance, he saw her raven hair blowing in the wind, wild and curly. She was in the cemetery. And he knew exactly where she was.

He walked slowly through the gate, going to the small stone grave, that bared her mother's name; her name. Abagail sat in front of it, in the patchy grass, her head on her chest as she cried. He put a soft hand on her back, and she suddenly inhaled, forcing her tears back.

"Her name is Sarah Sheehan," Abagail said in a shaky but controlled voice. "She was the smartest girl in school. Her hand was always up first. And she was so good at piano… her ma sent her to this music conservatory in Denver on this special scholarship. I've always admired her. I know Brian has too. She can do all these amazin' things I can't. She's perfect."

Sully sighed, "Nobody's perfect, Abby."

"But some women… are special. Different than others, aren't they?" Abagail closed her eyes and bit her lip, struggling to ask her next question. Softly, she whispered, "When did ya first start lovin' Mama…Michaela?"

Sully pulled back from his daughter, trying to look away, but his eyes stopped on the gravestone in front of him. "Abby…"

She grabbed his hand, not letting him retreat. "I need to understand, Pa. I know… Brian loves me. Sometimes I know what he's thinkin' before he even says it. He'd do anythin' in the world for me. He always has. But if she's the one, am I selfish to keep him for myself? Am I wrong?"

Sully could feel Abagail's gravestone mocking him as he tried to answer the question, "You're courtin', Abby. It's not selfish at all. There are certain expectations that come with that. On both ya parts. It's his duty to stand by ya and—"

Abby shook her head vehemently. "I don't want him to stay with me out of duty or honor! I don't want to live like that! That ain't livin'!"

"No it ain't." Sully took her chin in his hands and forced her to look at him, "But have ya asked him, Abby? Have ya asked him how he feels about this Sarah?"

"What did my mother ask you?" Abagail fired back, "Did she? Did she ask ya, Pa?"

Sully looked away, remembering every breath her frail body had taken when she did. "She asked."

"And what did ya say?"

Sully paused and lifted his face to the Heavens. "I told her I… liked Michaela. She said… share ya world with her, but save ya heart for me."

Abagail watched her father's torn face. She knew he didn't want to talk about it. That he kept it buried. But she had to know. "How long have ya loved her?"

When he met her eyes, Abagail felt as though she had torn his chest open. "Do ya really want me to say?"

Abagail threw her arms around her father's neck, finally understanding him. "It's ok… It's ok… I love her too. I've always loved her… But I carry around this woman's name who I never knew, that I want to know, that I'm never goin' to know. And ya never about talk her. Mama tried to when I was little, but I wouldn't listen. But ya don't say anything about her. I don't know why, but I just need know that you loved her."

Sully sat back and held Abby's hand. His throat was tight with faded memories, but slowly, he began to speak, "Ya know she was sick. But she wasn't sick when we first met. She had a fiery streak in her that I think ya got in abundance. We could sit together and not say a word to each other and it would be alright. She wanted lots of fine things that neither of us could ever afford—but she called the homestead I built for her a castle. "Our castle," she would say. She was always pretendin' and actin'. She loved to put on a show—especially with ya grandpa. And she wanted to be a mother more than anythin'. She couldn't wait to hold ya. She loved us. She loved me more than I deserved."

Sully pushed back a loose curl that had fallen in her eyes. Abagail hugged him again and whispered, "You loved her."

"Yes, Abby. I loved her." He cradled her head and whispered in her ear. "I love you, Abby."

"I love you too, Papa," Abby responded, leaning her head on his shoulder. "She knows, ya know. For some reason… I can feel it."

Suddenly the gate of the cemetery creaked. Abagail's head turned towards the sound, and she swallowed. She didn't want to let go of her father's hand, but she knew he had been right. She had to ask.