Chapter 40 "Go"

1893

"Oh," Lina pulled her hand away from Stephen's abruptly, fast tears coming to her eyes. As she stood, she spun around, masking her emotion as quickly as she could. But Stephen had learned to read backs and hidden faces. He stood, following her.

"I've upset you."

"No, no. I just… I didn't have a family like that when I was growing up. You were lucky."

Stephen smiled for the memories. "I know."

Lina looked around the towering columns of books, all dreams and fantasies to her. "I can't imagine loving someone my entire life like Abagail and Brian. Or simply knowing like Katie and No Harm. And your parents… I don't have the words. Have you ever been touched like that?"

Stephen looked at the mountain of books scattered across his table. He picked up one of them and fumbled through the pages. "Finding love has fallen to the wayside of my research and work. When I was younger, I spent all my time studyin' so I could go to college sooner, get my medical degree faster. I have another year before I begin my residency. But still… It's not fast enough. Ya see, the truth is, I'm useless." He threw the book back into the pile, its pages flying everywhere.

Lina shook her head, tracing the end of their mahogany table. "You're not useless. Even if you can't help who you want, you might help someone else someday."

Stephen watched the pattern she made with her small, delicate hands. "Like you?"

She stopped moving and nodded self-consciously, "Yes. You've help me tonight."

Stephen placed his hand over hers briefly. "I hope love finds you one day, Lina March."

"That's a beautiful dream, but no one will ever love me." When he released her hand, she turned her back to him, and began meandering about the room. He followed from a distance, sensing her need for isolation.

"Why not?" He asked, standing on the opposite side of a table than her.

Lina studied him carefully for a moment. No one had ever asked her such personal questions. No one had ever cared to. She only knew the strange stares of cold nurses and hurried doctors. But Stephen didn't look like those doctors. There was compassion in his eyes. She looked down, a nervous laugh filling her words, "You have more patience than I think you realize…Boo."

He closed his eyes as he heard his childhood nickname, remembering the last time he had heard it. He shook his head, feeling the pain just as acutely as when he was ten years old. "Immunity, I suppose. You spend most of your life waiting. You either drown in it, or you learn how to float standing."

Lina began to circle another table, moving farther away from him. "It's the same with hiding. You learn how to breathe an inch out of water hoping no one will see you kicking to stay alive."

Stephen followed her, moving closer. "And if they see you?"

Lina laughed sadly, continuing her walk. "They'll pretend they had never stopped to notice."

"I wouldn't." Lina stopped and stared at him, watching as he followed her to the table beside the doorway.

"Then you are one among thousands." Slowly, Lina lifted her hands to the high neck of her dress. She didn't take her eyes away from Stephen as she began to unbutton the tight choke hold of the black collar. The iridescent skin of her face faded away as she opened the front part of her blouse, revealing charred, reddened skin, that didn't match the rest of her body. She forced herself to hold her blouse open as Stephen looked at her damaged flesh.

Stephen met Lina's eyes, gauging her. As soon as they locked eyes, Lina quickly covered herself, pulling the collar tight again. Stephen stepped closer to her and without hesitation, he reached out and lifted her chin. "It's scar tissue, isn't it?"

"I was born ill…a sick child…and now this…" Stephen nodded, a stark silence falling between them. "If this is too much, you should go."

Colorado Springs— November 5, 1883

Abby cursed the Indian summer as she made her way to the clinic. She was uncomfortable, moody, and her feet… her feet were so swollen she couldn't even wear boots anymore. She needed Michaela now.

As she pushed then door open, she was greeted by her mother and Stephen, who were busy cleaning the medical instruments together.

"Hiya Abby!" Stephen looked up, dangling a tongue suppressor over a bowl of carbolic acid. But when he saw the expression on Abagail's face, he immediately dropped the instrument back in the bowl. "Geez, you look awful, Abs!"

Abby glared at Stephen, not knowing whether to laugh or cry at his bluntness. "If I didn't love you…"

"Alright you two!" Michaela finished washing and drying her hands and quickly held out her arms for Abagail. Abagail's shoulders collapsed, and she gratefully met her mother halfway across the room. Abagail dropped her head on Michaela's shoulder and broke into a fit of sobs. Michaela smiled indulgently and rocked her gently as Stephen watched her convulsing back with a shocked expression. "It's alright. I'm here! You just let it all out. It's not much longer, Miss Sully."

"I don't want to do this anymore!" Abagail moaned.

"Believe me, I understand. Do you remember when I was pregnant with Boo?" Abagail's tears suddenly turned into uncontrollable laughter as she and Michaela met eyes with vivid memories.

Abby wiped her eyes and looked at Stephen through the corner of her eye. "And just look what ya got for all that misery."

"What!" Stephen looked at both of them, not understanding the joke at all. As they laughed, he huffed into the next room, muttering to himself, "Women!"

When Stephen was gone, Abagail turned back to Michaela and took her hands. "I suppose I just miss Brian. I know it's selfish, but I almost wish he wasn't doin' so well so he could be home with me right now."

Michaela nodded, squeezing her hands. "But he'll be back soon. You know… sometimes, as a woman, you have to find strength from places deep within yourself that you didn't even know existed."

Abagail sighed and looked in Michaela's eyes admiringly, "You have, haven't ya? How do ya do it?"

Michaela led her over to her desk and helped her sit down in her chair, wrapping her arms around Abby from behind. "I think about you. And your brother and sister. And your father… My family is my strength."

"And you're mine… You'll be with me every minute, right?" Abagail held on to Michaela's arms.

"Every minute. Just like you were there with me. Just like we promised."

Suddenly, the front door opened and Sully came in, carrying a passel of furs and skins over his shoulder. Immediately sensing the emotional mood in the room, he dropped the skins at the door and quickly moved to his very pregnant daughter and wife.

"Ya ok? Is the baby ok?"

Abagail waved off any alarm. "Oh, I'm fine, Pa. I'm just tired. What happened to Katie and No Harm?"

"They weren't ready to come home yet. No Harm's takin' Katie on a picnic by the creek."

"Just hold on to me," No Harm instructed as they backed up, ankle deep in the cool currents far beyond their said destination.

Katie held on to his upper arms as her feet sank in the gritty mud and slid between smooth rocks and stones. Finally, they stopped in the center of the vast stream, and Katie shook her head, not understanding. "Why did you bring me here?"

"Listen. Do you hear that?" Katie pulled close to him, her senses attune for anything around her. Suddenly, she looked directly in his eyes as she heard the pounding of the earth below them.

"It's like wild horses."

"It's a waterfall." He leaned forward and whispered, "I have a secret."

Katie raised her eyebrows. "A secret… Are you going to share?"

"Perhaps."

"Perhaps? Perhaps! What do you mean perhaps!" Katie's hands ran from his biceps to his wrists, locking his arms behind his back easily, as No Harm didn't put up much of a fight when her body pressed firmly against his.

No Harm shook his head, an adoring smile spreading across his face. "You can't wait for anything, can you, Ho'otseoo'e?"

"Yes, I can. I waited for you, didn't I?" Before No Harm had a chance to reply, Katie leaned forward and pressed her lips softly against his. Their fingers linked behind No Harm's back as he deepened the kiss, and for a moment Katie almost forgot that he had a secret.

But not for long. Just as No Harm's body relaxed fully into hers, she gripped both of his hands and linked her foot around his ankle. Without warning, she pushed him back in the rushing water. Unfortunately for Katie, No Harm gripped her hands and took her down with him.

They both coughed and choked on the water, which eventually turned into chilled laughter as Katie pushed down on his shoulders, hovering over him in the most predatory way. "Tell me! Tell me what it is!"

As she attempted to tickle him, No Harm finally stilled her, reversing her hold and gripping her hands behind her back. Their cheeks rose with color as they wrestled for control, but No Harm finally took it, pulling Katie close in his lap. They breathed heavily as they stilled, and No Harm's expression grew electric as he reached out and caressed her face.

"What is it?" Katie whispered, her teeth chattering to block the cold.

No Harm shook his head, mystified by it all. "I love you. And—"

Katie shook her head, a shy but knowing light filling her face. She bit her lip and leaned closer. She lowered her eyes as her forehead touched his. "You are not very good at keeping secrets."

Slowly, slower than she had ever moved in her life, Katie opened her mouth completely to him, and the cold was soon replaced by their mutual warmth, as he held her close, lifting her into his arms and taking her back towards the solid support of the earth.

"So we'll see you two at home for dinner?" Sully asked as he was halfway out the door.

"Of course," Michaela answered, planting a simple kiss on his cheek. "Go on. Abby could use some time with her pa right now."

"I love you," he whispered, planting a full kiss on her lips.

Michaela shook her head amusedly, releasing him. "I love you too. Now go or you'll never leave."

Sully narrowed his eyes at her, and before she could protest, he grabbed her lips once more before escaping out the door. Michaela turned around, shaking her head and catching the absorbing eyes of her son.

"Papa sure does like kissin' ya."

"You'll like kissing one day too, Boo." Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, and Stephen began to laugh.

"I bet it's Papa comin' to get one more kiss!"

"Oh you do, huh?" Michaela laughed at him as she opened the door. But Stephen's face dropped, and she quickly turned around to see a decorated officer with a hard expression on his face. Michaela collected herself and asked politely, "May I help you, sir?"

"Yes m'am. Are you Dr. Quinn?"

"Yes, I am."

He took two steps into the clinic, standing close to Michaela, taking over her space. "My name is Major Joel Elliot, and I understand that you and Byron Sully and your daughter Katie spent several years living with the Cheyenne Indians at the Colorado Springs reservation."

Michaela backed up. Stephen, immediately sensing her tension, came to her and stood beside her protectively. "Yes sir, we did. But that was nearly eighteen…nineteen years ago."

The Major's eyes roamed over her, as if he could see straight through her. "I see. You left your daughter there, didn't you, when you went to jail from December 1, 1864 to September 30, 1873?"

Michaela swallowed and planted her feet firmly on the hard wood floor. "Excuse me? How do you know so much about our life?"

The Major coughed and smiled tersely. "Perhaps I should make myself clearer. I am investigating the whereabouts of a fugitive Indian that goes by the name No Harm Comes To Him. From what we have gathered, he has come back to Colorado Springs. Have you seen him or had any association with him, Dr. Quinn?"

"No, I have not, Major."

"Are you sure?" Michaela kept her focus with the harsh eyes of the Major, and when she did not break, he quickly moved to Stephen, shocking the little boy with his sharp-tongued question, "What about you, young man?"

"No, sir. I ain't seen No Harm," Stephen copied his mother as best he could.

The Major stared long and hard at the boy. As he kept his eyes on Stephen, he asked Michaela, "Can you tell me where your daughter is right now, Dr. Quinn?"

"She went home with her father," Michaela answered evenly.

"Then you won't mind what if we make a trip out to your homestead this evening, will you, Dr. Quinn?" Major Elliot grinned slowly as he waited for Michaela's answer.

Michaela mirrored his smile, knowing darkness could never see darkness. "No. Of course not. Just let me get my things together, and we'll go."

Katie and No Harm tumbled into the grassy bank, finding warmth in each other's arms as he showered kiss after kiss upon her incandescent face. They had felt passion for each other, but they had never experienced it like this. The air was thick, and their bodies were heavy in it as it became difficult to breathe. When No Harm felt her gasp in his mouth, he quickly lifted his face above hers, worry overwhelming him. "Are you alright?"

Katie nodded slowly, but then lowered her eyes, shaking her head. "I-I do not know what we are doing."

He pushed back her matted hair, locking his arms around her face like a crown. "If I knew, I would tell you."

"It just feels…" She sighed, placing her hand over his hand, unable to finish her thoughts.

"I don't want to move from here. I don't want to go anywhere," he exhaled, his heartbeat so strong he could hardly hear anything else.

"Exactly."

"Maybe I should speak to your father about this," he said decisively.

"What? You cannot tell Papa that w-we—we—" Katie stuttered, suddenly alarmed by No Harm's idea of a romantic notion.

No Harm frowned, his logic his own. "Of course not. I just want to ask permission, that is all."

"Permission for what?" Katie asked, too caught up in the moment to catch his meaning.

"To marry you. What else?"

"Oh. Well…" Katie sat up quickly, her face turning a thousand shades of red as modesty and embarrassment ran the length of her body. She sat up quickly and folded her hands in her lap primly. "Shouldn't you ask me first, No Harm?"

He pulled up beside her and leaned his head on her shoulder. He whispered, "I was going to, but you thought you knew all my secrets."

Suddenly, Katie turned and jumped back in his lap. "Where? When? How? Will we have two weddings like my parents?"

No Harm shook his head at the speed of her questions. "I thought you wanted me to ask you first?"

Katie paused. "I do."

No Harm dropped his head, defeated. "I cannot follow you."

"Then we are even." Katie leaned forward, touching his forehead. "Ask me, and I will say yes."

No Harm pulled her close, letting his lips hover just above hers. He traced her lips with his own, and he whispered into her mouth three times, "Tsevestoemose? Tsevestoemose? Tsevestoemose?"

Before she closed her mouth over his, she whispered only once, "Tsevestoemose."

"Thanks for letting me stay over tonight, Pa," Abagail looped her arm through his as they made their way up the homestead steps. "My place is just a little lonesome right now while Brian's away."

"Ya know you're always welcome, Abby." Sully pushed the front door open and led her inside. "Have ya heard from Brian lately?"

Abby nodded quickly, a bright smile spreading across her face. Too bright. "Sure. He sends me a telegram everyday."

Sully met Abagail's eyes, not saying a word. Over time, her smile descended and she turned away from him, sitting in the white arm chair. "Please don't look at me like that, Pa."

Sully sighed and sat on the ottoman in front of her. He took both of her hands in his. "If ya want him to come home, Abby, then ya should tell him."

Abby shook her head, certainty on her face. "I can't do that, Pa. The articles that he's publishing in the Colorado Magazine are too important. He's gettin' the facts straight. I'll never forget the look on Mama's face when he wrote the piece on Chivington. We don't just know now, Pa—the whole world knows."

Sully nodded, taking in her resilient disposition. "He's a good man, Abby. I just don't want you to suffer for it."

"I'm fine, Pa. Honest, I am." Abagail's eyes suddenly widened with wonderment as she placed her hand over her round belly. She giggled once and looked in her father's eyes as tears suddenly sprung to them.

"What is it?" Sully asked, as her face seemed to play through a mirage of emotions.

4

She placed his hand over the swell, and their eyes met. "Can you feel that?" she whispered. "Can you feel that?"

Sully met his daughter's eyes and nodded, surprised laughter escaping his lips. "She sure is kickin' away."

"She?" Abagail questioned, her lips curling in amusement. "How do ya know?"

Sully looked down, taking his hand away from her belly. He shrugged as he moved towards the fire, tending to it. "Because your mother looked exactly like you do when she was carryin' ya."

"Oh," Abagail whispered, wrapping her arms around her stomach protectively. Silence fell between them as Sully added another log to the fire. Once he was done, he turned back around, taking a deep breath. Abagail smiled, giving him full permission to change the subject.

Sully clapped his hands and leaned against the mantle. "So Miss Sully, have ya thought about any names yet?"

"Brian and I haven't had a chance to discuss it yet. Another story, and so on. Ya know how distractions are."

"Yeah, I do. Your mother and I didn't…" Sully stopped, realizing his slip again. "I'm sorry, Abby—"

Abby shook her head, fortifying herself as her hand made small circles around her baby. "No. It's alright, Pa. You can tell me."

"Well, we didn't talk about a name for ya. Abagail always said… She always said that when she saw ya, she would know your name. So we didn't plan anythin'. And then she was gone so fast. And I was so lost. And you would have been lost if Michaela hadn't loved ya enough for both of us. She came and found me, asked me for your name, but I couldn't say what was in my heart. So she gave ya what was in hers."

Abagail nodded, so many questions still resounding in her mind. But she only asked one tonight, "Can you tell me now, Pa? You don't have to hide your heart from me."

"Hanna. She's the goddess of life." Abagail's lips wavered as she listened to his low, faraway voice whisper the name reverently, affectionately.

"Hanna… It's a beautiful name. I would have loved it." Abagail stood slowly from the chair and walked across the room to her father. She put her hand over his and whispered, "If this baby is a girl, I would like to call her that, if ya don't mind."

Sully nodded, lost for words, as he pulled his daughter into his arms. Yet somehow, he felt a release, as he finally let the secrets of his heart go.

The front door flew open and Stephen came running in, his sea eyes swimming as he found his father and sister. His eyes locked on Abagail's, and he quickly ran to her, wrapping his arms around waist, completely overly affection. "Katie!" he exclaimed, lifting his face to meet her eyes. "An officer wants to talk to ya, Katie… about an Indian named No Harm."

Abby frowned, completely thrown off guard until Major Elliot and Michaela entered the house with two armed officers following them. Sully wrapped a protective arm around Abby as the Major walked quickly across the room, looking directly in Abby's eyes.

He glared at her and said Katie's name with harsh uncertainty as he looked at Abby, "Katherine Sully?"

"Yes," Abby said, lowering her lashes as she felt the deep scrutiny of the officer. If this man knew Katie at all, they had no chance. She and Katie looked almost nothing alike, except for their fair complexions.

"Do you know who I am?" He asked, an old growl in his voice.

Abagail exhaled, knowing that he wouldn't ask her if they had seen each other recently. "No sir."

The Major bellowed, "No sir? Looks like you acquired some manners after living with those savages."

Abagail's dark eyes flashed and her head popped up, "They aren't savages, you—"

"Who are you and what do you want?" Sully cut Abagail off, pressing his fingers tightly into her shoulder.

Major Elliot smirked, ignoring Sully's first question. "I am looking for No Harm. Do you know where he is?"

Abagail looked at her mother, but Michaela remained stoic, merely holding a steady gaze with her. Abby looked back to the Major, and said clearly, "I haven't seen him since I was a little girl."

The Major observed her, and soon his gaze when down to her protruding abdomen. He frowned, moving closer to her. "You're pregnant."

Abagail tried to control her breathing as she answered shortly, "Yes."

In a slow, disgusting drawl, the Major asked, "Who's the father?"

Abagail glared at the officer, growing angrier by the second. She held up her hand, showing him her gold wedding ban. "My husband."

Before Abagail could retract her hand, the Major grabbed it in a hard lock. Sully quickly pulled out his tomahawk, but Major Elliot already had his gun pulled on Abagail. "I will not hesitate to shoot your daughter, Mr. Sully. So I suggest you let me do my job."

The guns at the door were directed straight at Sully's head, and he knew there was nothing to be done. Abagail grimaced in pain as the Major pressed into her palm, and he proceeded to slip the gold ban off of her finger.

Michaela racked her brain, trying to remember what Brian had engraved on Abagail's wedding ring.

The Major frowned and looked at the lettering, muttering slowly as he read the words, "To my Miss Sully, Always, B."

He quickly shoved the ring back on her finger and turned around, signaling to his men. "Let's go."

Abagail exhaled and closed her eyes, and Sully nodded cautiously to Michaela. Stephen wrapped his arms around Abagail's waist, sincerely hugging her.

But as the door opened, as the soldiers were about to go, the exuberant laughter of a young couple in love was coming, and there was nothing to be done to stop it. Alarm and panic flashed around the room, and the soldiers didn't wait. They were out the door. Sully and Michaela quickly followed them, and coming, coming, faster than anything to be done, Katie and No Harm were walking hand in hand, oblivious to where they were going, only looking in each other's eyes.

"There's that bastard," Major Elliot whispered under his breath as he cocked his gun.

"Asêta'xêstse!" Sully screamed, breaking Katie and No Harm out of their dream world.

And Katie saw the Major. Her entire body froze, and it was like she was five years old again, forced to run away from her home, her family, and the people she loved. Three gunshots fired, and they turned away, as she heard her mother's scream and inhaled the hot blaze of gun smoke around her.

"GO!" Michaela's scream filled the night air.

But a promise was made, a promise she had forgotten. Their hands struggled and loosened, and her body couldn't move as she lost his hand. She fell to the ground, tripping over her wet dress and when she looked up, he was gone.

"NO HARM!" Katie screamed into the twilight. "WAIT FOR ME! WAIT FOR ME! DON'T GO! DON'T GO, NO HARM!"