Ashes
I suppose that it is only fitting that all that anyone will ever find of me is ashes. My life was nothing but an all-consuming flame that has burned itself out. All I have left is destruction and regret- ashes. And from the realm that I am trapped in, there is to be no second chance.
I am not, as it could be supposed, dead. I am not a ghost, though I am not truly alive, either. Even a ghost has the ability to watch over those whose lives were entwined with theirs, to retain some sense of the world they once belonged to, even if they cannot truly be part of that world. I do not have that. I have lost everything-the promised price for failure. It was a terrible promise; one made out of Greed that I now wish I never had made, but a promise all the same. So I exist, sightless, formless, in an empty world without even a glimmer of hope. I had been warned, by one much wiser than myself, that there exists a fate worse than death. I scoffed then, for I could not understand- what could possibly be worse than death? I understand what it means now, though the price I paid for that knowledge was far too high.
The complete lack of my true senses is not the worst part of this existence. That alone could drive one to insanity, but I would gladly take such a fate over mine. My sanity was lost long ago. And, for one such as I who has perpetrated such horrors as I have, a far worse punishment exists. When one has fallen, it seems, one is overcome by a blindness of sorts, and cannot not realize what one has become until it is too late. And I must live, if this existence can truly be called living, with visions from a time when I had been blind.
Before I was brought to this miserable realm, I was a veritable monster. I spared no one in my quest for power. Friends and foes alike fell by my sword and by my laws. I would have power, no matter what it took to obtain it, even if it meant making deals with certain unsavory characters or ruthlessly disposing of my opposition. To retain the remaining shreds of my sanity, I had embraced the blindness that is so often the result of following one's terrible ambitions. While the pleas of my enemies fell on deaf ears, I slept soundly at night, free from any shreds of conscience that I may have had previously- at least as long as They, those spirits of malice incarnate, did not hound me. But that blissful blindness has been torn away along with the rest of my life, leaving me nothing to block out that awful knowledge of what I have become. I have been forced to look into the mirror of my soul, and I can see for the first time just how repulsive I am.
Time after time, I relive scenes from the last few months before I left that world, images of the destruction and pain caused by my heartless Ambition, my overwhelming Greed, and my insatiable appetite for Revenge. I watch again, from outside myself, as I coldly dispose of enemies who have raised the white flag of surrender, who are unarmed, or who are otherwise unable to defend themselves. I try to turn away from these visions of violence, revolted by my own behavior, by my own thoughts, but I find once again that I cannot. These wisps of memory, of regret, are all I have-there truly is nowhere I can hide. So I am forced back into the darkest regions of my own mind, to watch anew within myself horrors that I could not have even imagined before I fell.
I watch myself as I stand outside the village, commanding my army. The buildings have already been mostly ruined. Villagers crouch behind debris, hoping to hide themselves from my troops. I cringe as I hear myself give the order- burn everything. I can only watch, helpless, as houses go up in flames, while that monster- myself! -laughs at the scene, until nothing is left but ashes. My warriors ask what to do- I order them to destroy anything that remains. I can only watch; I cannot change anything, and I cannot remove my own complicity in these horrors.
How can I ever have done that! Is there any way I can I change anything! I cannot... I cannot set anything right. I cannot escape this fate, and even if I could return to that other world, I would be unable to right any of my wrongs. I have fallen too far; there is no return for me, or for those who were unfortunate enough to get caught in the wake of my destruction.
My memories now turn to him, one of the few brave enough to stand against me. Even at the edge of the Citadel, unarmed and barely able to hold himself up, he defies me, refusing me a victory. I step on the one hand that holds him to the Citadel, hoping to force him to let go. He is too heroic for that, though; he will not give me the pleasure of defeating him by such petty games. His last words seem out of place- he is helpless, and he knows he will not survive, but his words are hopeful. "There is always hope. It may be hard to see, and you may have to fight for it, but no matter what happens... no matter what happens..." I step back, wondering what he means, removing myself for a moment, unconsciously, as the cause of his demise. In that same moment, he lets go of the side. I cringe as I hear my shriek of rage, and know that the only anger I have is towards him for not giving me a true victory. But his words seem to resonate with me now, in this hopeless world in which I am trapped- "there is always hope." Can there be hope here? It is impossible... but there is always hope! Hope to make things right, hope to redeem myself, hope to live again. But I have to fight for it... I must escape this realm!
I can see a light. It is quite far off, but it is a light, and it is a wonderful sight after being in darkness for so long. I am not blind- I can see that light. I have form- my arms are starting to feel tired. I try to move them, and realize that they are chained to a pillar of stone, a pillar that I could not feel before. Despite the fact that my situation is still mostly hopeless, the hope that had awakened in me grows stronger still. As long as I am real, as long as I am truly alive, there is hope for escape! I peer into the distance, trying to get a better view of the light. It is fitting, that light of hope in my darkened world. I will have the chance to redeem myself!
The light grows brighter, as the bearer of that light moves closer to me. The light is as bright as the rays of the sun, both as beautiful and as deadly, shining forth from a sword. The sword is carried by... him. How can he be alive? He fell off of the Citadel... and I was responsible... Was he nothing more than a ghost returned to finish his worldly affairs? Had he returned simply to ensure that I would not? Would he come bearing the justice that the sword is a symbol of, or would he give the hope of redemption symbolized by that shining light? I look to him, unable to speak- what could I say to him after everything that had happened?
He recognizes me, with a gasp of horror and a look of disgust on his face. He raises his blazing sword, the symbol both of redemption and justice, preparing to bring it down on me. All I can do is watch as he makes his decision about my fate. Scenes from my past sprint through my mind, though they are more pleasant this time, images from that past before I had fallen. He holds the sword steady for a moment, as if he can see into my mind, as if he can see the good in me that had been lost when they arrived. His face is blank. Suddenly, he brings the sword down in one rapid movement.
I remain for a second, mouth wide. He had not brought his sword down upon me, but upon my chains. I am free to seek my redemption. The darkness of that world in which I existed slowly fades away, though he does not. He remains momentarily, partially translucent in the sunlight, and smiles for the first time. There is always hope, Kass. But I must go, before my sister forgets that, he says cheerfully as he vanishes. Perhaps he was no ghost- how can a ghost give hope to his sister? And if he is alive, perhaps my wrongs can be righted!
I am no longer strong, not as I was before I fell. I can hardly stand, and walking is painful. But physical wounds can heal, and a broken soul can seek redemption. I am now able to make things right, to fix what I had so carelessly broken. It will be difficult, I know, but not impossible. I will return, and I will repay. Like the phoenix of legend, I have been restored to life. And with the second chance I have been given, I can truly rise again from ashes.
The End