Disclaimer: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! I don't own them…
12/28/2010
I should have never done it. I should have scowled at her smiles and snarl at her kind words. But she makes me so weak I couldn't help but allow my luxury of loving her. Haruno Sakura. I guess in the back of my mind I always knew that it wouldn't last, she was meant to heal, and I to kill. We clashed in every way. Four months into our relationship we scrounged enough money to buy an apartment together. That's when things changed. It was subtle at first, she increased her time she spent out with her friends instead of here with me, or how she would glance at a passing man once in a while. I asked if there was something I could do to keep her interested. She told me I was being paranoid. I suppose I was, I'll always be when it comes to her. I noticed how her attention would drift off when we were talking or how she would stay out late and come back late into the night, when she thought I would be asleep. She forgot that I never sleep. I masked my worries with a stoic face, but inside I was a mess she was drifting away and I couldn't catch her. I thought about fallowing her one night. I chose to do it. Running silently across the rooftops I fallowed her car pace by pace. She pulled into a bar and restraint, her blonde friend, Ino was her name, and the shy one Hinata greeted her with hugs. I gazed through the windows of the bar and watched every move she made. My muscles would tense every time a man that was so "good looking" passed. Or when she let her gaze lingers a little longer on the eyes of their waiter. It wasn't until 11:00 p.m. did they say their good byes to each other and disperses. I guess fate was against me that night, when she so happened to gaze at the moon only to see my dark clad formed she knew it was me. I can tell by the way she pursed her lips together and slammed her car door. Racing to our apartment I ran as fast as I could. I wasn't fast enough. We argued that night, it was far worse than our normal bickering. When she threw one my scrolls at me in her rage, I lost it. Raising my hand, I back handed her far too hard. I winced at the sickening sharp sound it made when it connected with her cheek. I tried to ignore the stinging in the back of my hand as I watched her collapse on the floor at my feet. I was furious. At my self. How could I do that to the only one I let into my heart. Yet as sorry as I was I couldn't bring myself to pick up her now unconscious form. Instead I stepped over her and went to the bed. Slid into the cotton sheets and drifted off. I awoke to the sound of muffled cursing and crying. I turned to the pillow beside, expecting her to be there snuggling into my side, when I knew she wasn't. All that remained there was a broken pictures frame. The picture of us when we first moved in was snarled up and sliced to ribbons. Then it hit me she was leaving. I skulked into the living room where I herd other men movers hefting the last of her things into her car. She jumped when I asked what she was doing. She just glared at me. It was the coldest I'd seen her. I wanted to yell stop! I'm the one that's supposed to be angry and cold. You are warm, sunny, and ever happy, my sanity. She hissed at me "I'm going to stay at Naruto's house for a while… I won't abuse charges…I have more restrained than that." I clenched my teeth so hard that the inside of my cheek started to bleed. I stomped towards her and she froze. She looked at me in terror as I placed my hands around her neck. But I couldn't squeeze her face made me ashamed of my own pathetic life. So instead I let her go muttering "bitch" as I went back to my room that we once shared. I saw her car drive away. And that was the last time I saw her. At first I was indifferent; I acted as if she was never in my life. It wasn't until I saw the article a year later in the news paper. It was tilted 'Konoha's strongest new AnBu member weds Konoha's best medic a match made perfect.' I shredded it and flushed it down the toilet. I started to miss her after that day. At first just a little, like the way the house always smelled like cherries, or the way I could hear her humming in the kitchen while making me dinner. Soon I couldn't eat much then I couldn't eat anything at all that she had once made…it made me sick with loneliness. I started to carefully glue all the pictures she had torn together placing them in new frames. I became very ill often talking to her when she wasn't there. I would have been dead if she had not stopped by one Christmas night to hand me a wedding invitation. I was as thin and pale as death. The last thing I remember was waking in a treatment center. I'll be able to leave in 4 years now, but I dread to return to the apartment it kills me to be by anything that reminds me of her. But I can't thank the doctors enough when they convinced her to send me letters and cards to help my sanity issues. Sometimes when she had nothing to write she'd just send a slip of paper that said Gaara and a few squirts of her favorite perfume. It was enough for me, just so I know she's still out there beyond these walls. Under my bed I still keep that picture the last one she tore, of when we first moved into the apartment. I admit it now, I loved her, and she left me. It killed me but I'm better now. I knew I wouldn't last that our days were numbered. But at least I could die knowing that she had forgiven me. 3 days prior to this entry, I committed suicide by lethal dose. I love you Sakura.